David just moved into a nice hotel.  He was quietly reading a book on the couch when suddenly he heard a knock at the door.  He got up, and opened the door.  There, he saw a man.  "I'm terribly sorry, sir.  I thought this was my room.  My mistake." said the man.  David closed the door and continued reading.  About 2 minutes later, he called the front desk.  "Sir?  There is a robber here in the hotel."  David was sure the that man he saw was a robber.

Your job is to figure out how David knew the man was a robber.  It's actually not that hard.  If no one gets it in a while I will post the answer.  Thank you.

The black mask and the bag with 'swag' on it would give it away, surely?

Here is another joke:  There's this beautiful young lady who just moved into the 4th floor of an appartment.  The 3 people who live below her are a basketball player, a college student, and a blind man.  One day the lady is taking a shower, when she hears a knock at the door.  She quickly gets out of the shower and looks through the peep whole to see who it is.  It's the basketball player.  She quickly puts on her bathrobe.  She opens the door.  "Congratulate me!"  he said, "I just won a basketball game!"  So she congratulates him.  The next day she's taking another shower, and she hears another knock at the door.  The quickly gets out of the shower and looks through the peep whole to see who it is.  It's the college student.  She quickly puts on her bathrobe.  She opens the door.  "Congratulate me!" he said, "I just graduated from college!"  So she congratulates him.  The next day, she's taking another and she hears a knock on the door.  She gets out of the shower and looks through the peep whole to see who it is.  It's the blind man.  Since he's blind, and can't see, she doesn't put on her bathrobe.  She opens the door, "Congratulate me!"  the blind man says, "I can see!"

 I think this one is pretty good!

No that's wrong, lima.  But good guess!   You do have a pont there.  But I guess he was just a regular looking guy.  No masks or bags.

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Coolio_cat wrote:
words words words words She opens the door, "Congratulate me!" the blind man says, "I can see!" words words words

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And here was me expecting the punchline to be "Nice tits, where do you want the blind?" but hey.

As for the riddle, I'm assuming he's heard the guy knock on other doors in the hotel, which would also account for the two minute wait.

Once again, lima, no.  Do you want me to just tell you the answer?

PS  please do not right anything sick or cuss.  I don't like it and it would kinda make me feel bad.  I hope I didn't make you angry.  It's just I don't feel very comphortable with it.

Its cool, i'm about as angry as a newt in high heels. (That isn't very angry at all, by the way, newts are known fetishists).

I have various ill-wrought ideas for a possible soloution, ranging from David being a janitor and/or the robber's accomplice, to the Hotel being in Glasgow (in which case theres a one in three chance of anyone being a theif) to the idea that our David can see through walls. Alas, they're all the sort of tripe into which my amaretto-addled brain is wont to delve at 1.30am, so I'll have to give in for now. Feel free to post the answer, tis up to you.

God I'm flowery when I'm tired.

Wow........those are very......I guess well thought ideas....how old are you?  Or at leats what grade are you in???

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Coolio_cat wrote:
Wow........those are very......I guess well thought ideas....how old are you? Or at leats what grade are you in???

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Twenty three. Third.

You mean third year of college???  Not 3rd grade......I hope......

PS I am A LOOOOOOOOOT younger than you.

lima, check your PM.  I sent you something.  But you already answered it....so you don't need to answer it again.

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Coolio_cat wrote:

You mean third year of college??? Not 3rd grade......I hope......

PS I am A LOOOOOOOOOT younger than you.

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I'd guessed that, but then I wasn't trying to come on to you, so I'm fine with that. I've left college actually, I was just trying to be funny by insinuating that I was in third grade, which probably didn't work, but hey what can jesus christ WE'RE VEERING OFF TOPIC, AAAAARRRRGH

*jumps under bus*

You're kinda funny!  The third grade thing actually was funny.  I would tell you how old I am, but........I'm too young.......which is probably why I don't like cuss words. 

I will tell you this, though:  My age somewhere in between 10-15

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Coolio_cat wrote:

I will tell you this, though: My age somewhere in between 10-15

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Let me guess... behind the hyphen?

I'm going to guess it's because he heard the same knocking a couple more times over the course of two minutes, given that he was "reading quietly" this doesn't seem to be a foregone conclusion.

By the by, I'm probably not going to be interacting too much in any Coolio_cat threads in the future. It's not that I swear, I'm just allergic to censorship. I'll also warn Coolio_cat in advance not to read my comics, which have some swearing in them, but a whole lot of gross subject matter.

No.  I'm not 10 if that's what you meant.  I didn't exactly get it.  But no I am not 10.

Thanks to ZMannZilla for warning me about that.  And thanks for replying!

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ZMannZilla wrote:

I'll also warn Coolio_cat in advance not to read my comics, which have some swearing in them, but a whole lot of gross subject matter.

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He's right. Some of them have girls in them. He even says wee. Twice.

My comics are clean, save the odd nun spitroast.

More than ten eh? That narrows it down to a smaller range than before. Things certainly are cooking, despite my lack of kitchen utensils.

Yup!  More than 10!  I'm gonna haev to read some of your comics, lima.  Read some of mine.  They're not very good, but that's 'cause some of them I messed up really bad on, and some of them just suck, and I have a few spelling mistakes on some.  *tee hee*  Well, anyway, some of them might be ok.....or not......it's your opinion....not mine.....that is all.....

*ahem*  Make that, "I'm gonna HAVE to read some of....."  yeah....spelling mistake....

Hey lima.....are you a boy or a girl?

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Coolio_cat wrote:
Hey lima.....are you a boy or a girl?

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Somewhere between boy, man, and human exhasperation machine.

I was expecting all your comics to be awful, and I expected wrong. I chuckled, I gave votes of 'good', I came back to this thread and made another reply. I'm not sure which act constitutues certification, if any, but there we go.

Does David have a trampoline with which to bounce through skylights to peak at unsuspecting robbers? A couch trampoline? No?

You're so funny!  No.  He doesnt.  *giggle*  I'm glad you liked my comics.  I just now made a new one.  I like yours, too.

PS I'm new to this website, but my friend told me about it before I made an account.

He only had to knock to give himself away. If you thought a hotel room was your own, then why would you knock?

Davids no fool!

It's because he was black.

.......what?

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Rabid_Weasle wrote:

It's because he was black.

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Or Mexican.

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christopher7murphy wrote:

He only had to knock to give himself away. If you thought a hotel room was your own, then why would you knock?

Davids no fool!

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...that was the first thing I thought of. Come to think of it you're probably right.

i h8 kdz

But if a guy forgot his key, and his wife/girlfriend/boyfriend/whoever was in the room, he would have to knock on the door of his own room.  So that wouldn't be a dead giveaway.

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Coolio_cat wrote:

Once again, lima, no.  Do you want me to just tell you the answer?

PS  please do not right anything sick or cuss.  I don't like it and it would kinda make me feel bad.  I hope I didn't make you angry.  It's just I don't feel very comphortable with it.

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here's a thought: why don't you turn the obscenity filter to 'off'? (its conviently located at the top right of your screen)

this way you won't feel compelled to ask us to accomodate your aversion to 'cuss' words. who the fuck says 'cuss' anyway?

P.S. its "write" not right. you don't like 'cussing', i don't like people who can't spell.

OK, in Coolio_cat's defense, I would like to point out that, traditionally, comic strips are something that young kids tend to enjoy, so we shouldn't be surprised if kids wander in every now and then. It's not like this is a site about mixing hard liquor with amphetimines for consumption out of a crack whore's well-traveled Hershey highway. But enough about FARK.com.

On the other hand, Coolio_cat needs to learn sooner or later that asking a global community of millions to "please stop cussing" is not only pointless, but guaranteed to backfire on you.

Also, I never got a straight answer as to whether or not my solution was right - Dave did hear the same guy knocking at other doors, didn't he?

But if a guy forgot his key, and his wife/girlfriend/boyfriend/whoever was in the room, he would have to knock on the door of his own room. So that wouldn't be a dead giveaway.

That's a good point. I thought right off it was the knocking at his own door and never considered he might have had a good reason to do so. It's people like me that sent Sally Kimball to the chair!

 <i>Also, I never got a straight answer as to whether or not my solution was right - Dave did hear the same guy knocking at other doors, didn't he?</i>

That's it - the guy was his gay lover, and Dave was sending him up when he suspected him of having sex with the other guests! 

That Dave's a vicious mothercusser, but I got him cold.

David's wallet is gone.

That's my guess.

That friend she was talking about is me.  Isn't that right, Coolio_cat?

Hey, you still haven't told us the answer to the riddle.  Oh well, you can just tell me at school.

Check out my comics.  No swear words either.  Do you like them?  I don't think all of them are very good.  Which one is your favorite?

Is the answer to the riddle contained within it?  Or is it based on information we weren't given?  Because in that case it isn't a very good riddle.  It may have taken Big Stupid Gay Dave two minutes to call the front desk because he was listening to Mr. Potato Head knocking on other doors, but that's just an unsupported supposition.  And riddles in which unsupported suppositions must be made in order to solve them aren't really riddles.  I call them "bovine intestinal viruses", while others refer to them as "America's last horse-drawn milk wagons."

Dave is a mouse who lives in the security deposit box.

A talking mouse, I mean. And he was reading about how to operate a phone.

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BigFrank105 wrote:

quote:

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Rabid_Weasle wrote:

It's because he was black.

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Or Mexican.

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And the couch is made out of a little matchbox. It all fits.

Except the phone, but why would anyone put that in the security deposit box to begin with?

It was a phone made of diamonds and platinum.  You can tell that by the way the guy knocked on the door.

I haven't read the whole thread, but I'm guessing the answer is something like:  the guy wouldn't knock on his own door; he'd just go right in.  Of course, that's a bunch of crap, since maybe he went for ice without his key and was wanting the transvestite hooker he hired to let him back in his room.  Of course, s/he probably already stole his wallet and jumped out the window as soon as he left with the ice bucket.  Too bad the room was on the eighth floor.  But fortunately, s/he landed on the large pile of transvestite hooker corpses which was soft from decomposition.  (This particular hotel has a special room for guests who like to hire transvestite hookers.  You can tell that by the boxer shorts the maid's cousin was wearing.)

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to find my tweed had, greatcoat, pipe, and cocaine while I perform a violin solo for my latest transvesite hooker, who fortunately only sprained an ankle.

^^ *gives a standing ovation to not_Scyess* ^^

Well you know what people.  I'm not saying you can't cuss/curse/swear, I'm just saying please do not do it around me.  That's all.  You people.  Some people (like me and Rapidwings who is my friend at school) don't like to hear cursing.  Gosh.

PS The obscenity filter is off!!!!!!!!!!

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Coolio_cat wrote:
Well you know what people. I'm not saying you can't cuss/curse/swear, I'm just saying please do not do it around me. That's all. You people. Some people (like me and Rapidwings who is my friend at school) don't like to hear cursing. Gosh.

PS The obscenity filter is off!!!!!!!!!!

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Try turning the obscenity filter ON, not OFF. That will filter out the bad words. Hence, the term "obscenity filter".

Also, welcome to the reality of the internet - NOBODY LIKES BEING CENSORED, especially for the sake of two people who can't take the hint that MAYBE, JUST MAYBE you wandered into a section of the internet that wasn't custom made just for you. Seriously, what exactly was it that made you think you were going to be able to go into a forum full of people, who have been doing this sort of thing for years, and start telling them how they should be allowed to talk?

Unless swear words are going to put viruses on your computer, or steal money from your bank account, they are completely harmless and you should learn to deal with them in a more mature, accepting manner. Like, say, IGNORING them.

quote:

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Coolio_cat wrote:

Well you know what people. I'm not saying you can't cuss/curse/swear, I'm just saying please do not do it around me. That's all. You people. Some people (like me and Rapidwings who is my friend at school) don't like to hear cursing. Gosh.

PS The obscenity filter is off!!!!!!!!!!

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cock. shit. piss. diapers.

go suck a cock. oops. sorry.

go fellate a penis.

FuruhUrklclkjCllkdljflKalkaflkjadY;ladl;kasdlfjOljasdlkfjaU

Here's a fun riddle! *giggle* Figure it out and you win candy and unmarked white vans!

I've got a little story. Justin Wilson told it first.

The little third grader had been given a homework assignment: create a story around the vocabulary word "frugal." He didn't know what it meant, so he asked his sister. She didn't know what it meant, so they asked their dad. He didn't know what it meant, so they all asked Mom, and she said that "frugal" meant "to save." And the little boy said, "Aha! Now I can write my story!"

So the next day the little boy began his story: Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess. She was riding along in the forest and she came upon a snake. The horse was scared and threw her off, and she fell down into a deep, dark hole. She was so scared and alone, so she began calling out as loud as she could, "Frugal me! Frugal me! Won't somebody come frugal me?"

Somewhere else in the forest, a handsome prince was riding along. All of the sudden, he heard the princess calling out, "Frugal me! Frugal me!" He looked around and followed the sound of her voice to the hole. "Frugal me, frugal me!" Then he looked down the hole and saw the princess, who smiled at him. "Please, sir," she said softly, "Won't you please frugal me right here and now?"

So he jumped down in that hole and frugalled her, I guarantee.