Floss between meals.

No matter how many hapless thongs it ate, her ravenous vagina just demanded more.

They're actually shorts on a normal sized person

*clonk*  I coulda had a V-8!

later, pundits would agree the swimsuit issue had been the beginning of the end for National Geographic

Poor Steve was so starved of porongraphy, he had taken to wedgie-ing fat chicks and running to his table to and masturbating behind his bottles of fizzy drink.

"Gee, with a few sit-ups and an hour on the Lifecycle, that fat bitch there could make a good prom date," thought Steve as he feverishly masturbated behind the bottle of fizzy drinks...

Mathilda wondered, "What the hell was in my fizzy drink?" while Steve chuckled to himself.

It was white when she laid down.