The swine flu one was very near chuckle-worthy and the last one had some good potential, but the rest just seemed over-thought. Keep trying and you'll find your style.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used porn as a fallback excuse to trick my father into thinking I wasn't playing WoW I'd have nough money to buy a plane ticket to Nigeria.
The fact that I do both with my fully erect penis grasped tightly in my hand helps with this.