Sadly, Johann knows he'll never achieve his dream of becoming the world's preeminent retarded clarinetist.

I can still remember vividly how HAPPY I was with my clarinet. Oh, 5 seconds ago me, where have you gone?

This kid blows.

The demon on his other shoulder is playing an a sousaphone.  Oh, and did I fail to mention they're both demons?

Billy wanted to be a drummer in the band, but that faggoty little voice in the back of his head kept saying, "Choose the clarinet, fatboy" over and over...

He's across midfield, to the 40, the 30, he's going to go all the way.  Oh wait!  The Stanford Band is coming onto the field.  They're crawling up his cerebellum!  They're eating his brain as we speak, and he collapses to the ground at the 7 yard line.  Oh my god, what a tragedy!

Shitty band photos can cause brain tumors later in life...

"If only the stupid electric guitar had never been invented, the clarinet would have been huge."

This is my clarinet. There are many others like it, but this one is mine. My clarinet is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. Without me, my clarinet is useless. Without my clarinet, I am useless..."

Kaufman : The Wonder Years

Gingers have dreams too.

Theodore's CAT scan confirmed that he was suffering from the strongest, oddest, and least warranted case of chronic narcisissm the doctors had ever seen.

One day I shall trade in this clarinet for a lightsaber and become

STAR WARS KID !!!!!!!!!!

I marched out onto that field a boy.  I marched back in a man, broken down by horror.

Behind the Music -

the rest of the woodwind section

This is what happens when you mess with time travel, people.

as this X-ray shows, Sven usually thought of his twin while masturbating

Shortly before he killed 67 people, Darren realized there was no good angel on his left shoulder.

The cartoons had lied again.

"How different my life could have been," thought Timmy as he awaited electrocution.