Spike Milligan died yesterday. Chances are this website wouldn't be here without him. Or if it was, it wouldn't be as funny.

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Pretty weak, but I had to do a strip...

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Spike Milligan can probably take responsibility for being the single strongest influence on my developing sense of humour as a young teen. I can still recite several Goon Shows in their entirety.

I have , in Mp3 Format , 27 Goon Show's , in their entire 30 minute format , including frequent Max Geldray musical accompaniments.

And im SURE the "Have an OBE" , "No Thanks , im trying to give them up" was done on Im Sorry Ill Read That Again.

Ill have to check the exact timelines on which did it first.

I've got several of the Goon Show on Audio cassette.

"You've got to go 'Oooow'..."

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and a "Knicky knocky Noo" from all of us.

"Here, take this screwdriver, these CD plates, and this cucumber."
"Cucumber?"
"You have to eat, don't you?"

"Enter Bluebottle! Springs smartly to attention, sticks left toe in rat trap." *SNAP!* "Oiihee!!"

"I talk to da trees... dat's why dey put me away..."

*sniff*

They've all gone away. :(

"Would you like a Gorilla?"
"No thanks, I'm trying to give them up"

"Why can't we strike a match?"
"Strike one and find out."
*strike... Weeeee Booooom!*
(pause)
"Any questions?"
"Yes, where are my legs?"

"State your position, B-4"
"I'm am lying on my side, with my knees under my chin."
"Why are you doing that?"
"Because I'm at home in bed."

"For hours I waited. Then SUDDENLY... Nothing happened. But it happened suddenly, mark you."

God, I love the Goons...

"As I swam ashore, I dried myself to save time."

"Oohhh, it's quite windy on these cliffs."
"What a lovely summer evening. Typical English."
"Yes, the rain is lovely and warm."
"You know, Min? I might take one of my sou' westers off!"
"You devil you!"
"Here, hold my elephant gun."
"I don't know why you brought it. You can't shoot elephants around here."
"Why not?"
"They're out of season."
"Does this mean we'll have to have pelican for dinner again!"
"I'm afraid so."
"Then I'll risk it! I'll shoot an elephant out of season!"
Narrator - "Listeners who are listening will of course realise that Minnie and Henry are talking rubbish. There are no elephants in Essex. Elephants are only found in Kent, north of a line drawn between two points, thus making it the shortest distance." *clink of coin in mug* "Thank you."
"Oh... I suppose I can't shoot an elephant then."

"Tell me, Eccles, have you ever been hit in the head with a sock full of grit?"
"No!"
*WHAM*
"In future, the answer will be 'yes!'"

"They do say... late at night... a lone grey figure trudges wearily down the road, and disappears into that house over there..."
"A ghost!?!?"
"No, it's old Tom Barrow coming home from work."

"Did you not notice, sir? Before it fell to bits, that thing rose seven feet off the ground!"
"Actually it was only five feet - two of those feet were mine."
"If you ask me sir, I think you've invented the hairyplane."
*ringing phone*
"Hello?"
"I hear you've invented the aeroplane."
"Who is this?"
"The Air Ministry."

"Plus we'll need twenty thousand pounds for a hangar."
"Twenty thousand pounds? I'd rather hang my coat on a nail."
"I think he is referring to an aeroplane hangars."
"Oh... will my aeroplane need a hangar?"
"It would lose its shape hanging on a nail."

"Here is my plan of attack."
"It looks like a nail.'
"No - it's a tack! Ha ha ha ha!"
*gunshot*

"Moriarty, put the cat out."
"Why?"
"It's on fire."

*thump thump thump*
"What's that?!?!"
"It's those noisy people in the tent upstairs! Who is that up there?"
*muffled* "I'm the famous Eccles. I've got friends in."
"Well could you take those noisy-type boots off? We're trying to get some sleep!"
*muffled* "Okay!"
*thump* ... *thump*
"Aaahhhh... good night Min."
"Good night Henry."
*thump*
"Oohh! I didn't know Eccles had three legs."
"He doesn't, he has a one-legged friend."
*thump*
"No, he has two one-legged friends."

"Don't come in! I'm in the bath!"
"What are you doing in the bath?!"
"I'm not doing anything in the bath!!!"

"I spent a pleasant afternoon washing my overcoat in the fountain."
"How dare you washing your filthy clothing in this, the loveliest fountain in Rome, thus fouling the water? You could have waited until I had finished my bath!"
"I'm sorry, I thought you were a statue."
"I have the decency, sir, not to move when I'm naked."

"Here, have a gorilla."
"Gee, thanks!"
*roaring, crashing, and Eccles crying out in pain*
"Hey! These gorillas are strong! Have one of my monkeys - they're milder."