Forum archives » General Discussion » Ye Gods

gabe_billings
April 3, 2001 3:04 AM

I thought you all could appreciate this. Following is a resume my uncle received from someone seeking employment, which my cousin took and typed verbatim. All the spelling mistakes are as they were on the original. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

John Doe
1234 S. XXX St.
Englewood, CO
80110-XXXX
D.O.B. X/XX/62
S.S # XXX-XX-XXXX
Phone # XXX-1239

Hi! I would like a full-tim job position with your company for
long term employment. I am a good worker. I am honest. I am not a liar
or a thief. I am available to start immediately. I learn easily and
quickly & do not pretend to be a "know it all". I am looking for any job
position you have available. I am a High School graduate, B+ average, a
graduate of a variety of other schooling-machine technology, hydraulic
schools and many small engine & construction equipment schools & classes.
I have a variety of job skills which may be beneficial to being
hired by your company. I have skills in customer service, sales, phone
sales, service manager, parts manager, Driver, machining, janitorial,
construction, remodeling, plumbing, hydraulics, electrical, etc.. I am a
very good mechanic specializing in rental equipment, construction
equipment, welding and fabrication. I have been a mechanic/welder mostly
from age 16 to 32 as a small equipment mechanic, electric power tools,
pumps, generators, air compressors, jackhammers, chainsaws etc., Loader
mechanice-skidsteers, loaders, Bulldozers, Backhoes, track machines, etc.,
High reach mechanic-scirssor lifts, telescoping boom lifts, up & over
lifts, Bucket trucks, etc.. Field service mechanic working on most every
type of rental equipment at jobsites, etc. I have spent many many years
running my own business doing contract fabrication, welding,
repair-manufacturing manlift baskets, hitches, trailers, repair loader &
backhoe & trackhoe buckets-welding in new cutting edges, sides, bottoms,
wear strips, shanks, etc., welding in new pinholes on dump trucks, loaders,
hydraulics, buckets, etc., manufacturing cab gaurds for Pickups & Semi
trucks, this only begins to describe the vast amount of equipment I have
repaired & manufactured. All work was done with Quality & customer
satisfaction always!
You are welcome to call my past work history for references. I
have always had a positive attitude, quality work, hard work & treated
customers nicely & with respect. I have no criminal background & guilty of
nothing. I have worked for South Suburban Golf course Resturant, Time
Rental, Taylor Rental, AAA Fence Co., Lakewood Equipment Co., Lutheran
Medical Center, All Quip Rental, Center Rental (Now RSC), Bronco Hi-Lift,
Denver East Machinery, Denner Equipment (Ditch Witch of the Rockies),
Johnson Kitchens, Braley Sand & Gravel, Stand-by Personnel, O'Fallon
Plumbing. Upon contact tell me exactly what they said & I'll tell you
about their crimes & criminal activity. Anyone attempting to call you
about me is a worthless career criminal who belongs in a federal prison for
their crimes!
I am THE victim of remote telstimulation radiowave implants. My
worthless former parents & brothers were & are toolazy to earn a living &
receive lucrative slaries as career criminals. Noel & Ned Benson & their
other implant transmitter operators are perverted homosexuals who are
guilty of human experimentation, over 200 attempted murders by torture &
other means, over 1000 extreme rape tortures, Gang Rape, Homosexual Rape,
thousands of armed Robberies by torture, robbery, Burglaries, Medical
Malpractice, Slavery, extortion, false incarceration, false arrest,
torture, kidnapping, hostage holding, terrorism, organized crime,
extortion, drug dealing, prostitution, Pedophilia and child molestation,
embezzlement, grand theft, Auto theft, vandalism, Sabotage, harassment &
intimidation, forgery, fraud-this only begins to list their crimes!
Everything I say is true, verifiable & easily proveable in the United
States supreme court with True Justice.
I am looking for any job position you have available. I have no
means to continue my career in welding & equipment repair. Everything I
owen was stolen by the most extreme torture & extortion any human being has
ever gone through! Everything was stolen (by torture), home toolboxes,
hand tools (large amounts), rollaway cabinets, 6ft Gang boxes, Grinders,
chopsaws, chainfalls, towchains, air compressors, oxugen acetylene welders,
LN-7 wirefeeder, Lincoln DC-250 welder-$300000, weld and power $200000,
Lincoln 600 amp pipeliner welder & trailer, other welders, exothermic
torch, fork lift, trailers, semi-trailers, semi-truck, cars, trucks,
liftgates, 40'semi-trailer of hardware & tools, awning, hoses, extension
cords, bandsaw, 4 safes, 2 bulldozers, furniture, ball mille, steel,
propane bottles, air tools, this just BEGINS this list! This is what the
State of Colorado's dope dealing, career criminal Pigs & their "medical"
community do!
My Latest job was at Phillips 66 at Arapahoe Rd & University Upon
being released from the implant transmitter operators extortion torture
facilities I was forced to have only one job choice-there. I emptied
trash, stocked shelves & coller, clean etc.. Every person who "worked" at
Phillips 66 was hired first by transmitter operators then placed at
Phillips for extortion. All employees have fack sicknesses, illnesses,
"use medications" (Placebos) & other lies. Customers are paid & or told to
be liars for further extortion, Ambulances are paid to hand around in
parking lot for extortion & intimidation. Arapahoe County career criminal
Pigs are used for further intimidation. Drug addicts are paid to hang
around my car. ANY attempt to work elsewhere or work fulltime would result
in extreme torture, Passing out, dizziness, electric shock torture to
brain, migraine headaches, extreme vomitting, backaches, etc.. I was able
to finally get fired after two years of being forced to only work there (in
poverty). Any application to anywhere else would result in the little dope
dealin "slave owners" (as they choose to call themselves) to tell other
companies not to hire me. This only beings to tell this true Story!
I obviously have no desire or intent to work with liars, thieves,
"drug addicts", "Drunks", etc.. Anyone contacting you about me will want
you to lie for them-Do Not! Any of their "Stories" they want to tell you
but do not want you to tell me are lies, fabrications, psychologically
deranged rationalizations & excuses for their actions! If you cannot see
in their transmitter room you are being told lies, if you cannot verify the
story with me you are being told lies. People who drive 700 miles to
remove my mail obviously lie to Washinton, D.C., Geroge Bush, Bill Clinton,
etc..
I hope you will hire me. I am sure you will find me asset to your
company! Please call me!

THANK YOU!!
John Doe

P.S.-The people I am "staying with are paid liars-full time wages-beware!
THANKYou XXX-1239

Post #4811link

ObiJo
April 3, 2001 3:49 AM

Well, that should take care of comic ideas for the next 6 months.

Post #4812link

DexX
April 3, 2001 7:54 AM

Post #4817link

Jael
April 3, 2001 8:07 AM

Gabe...thanks.
As an HR manager, I just love getting stuff like this. You'd be amazed at what people will tell you or put on paper if it thinks it will get them a job.

Post #4818link

boorite
April 3, 2001 8:30 AM

11169

Post #4820link

boorite
April 3, 2001 8:40 AM

FUCK. I forgot to say "we get transmitter."

Post #4821link

Jael
April 3, 2001 9:11 AM

11173

Post #4824link

gabe_billings
April 3, 2001 11:13 AM

11178

Post #4827link

ObiJo
April 3, 2001 4:07 PM

11184

Post #4831link

gabe_billings
April 3, 2001 5:51 PM

Sure signs that your applicant probably won't be a good match for your firm:

-He hand writes his cover letter. In blood.

-He pronounces résumé 'ree-zoom'.

-He's had well over a million dollars of equipment stolen. By extreme torture.

-He uses the phrase 'remote telstimulation radiowave implants'.

-Close family members are guilty of over 1000 extreme rape tortures.

-All personal references are worthless career criminals who belongs in a federal prison for
their crimes.

-He currently lives with paid liars (full time wages).

-He's been a mechanic/welder, mostly from age 16 to 32 as a small equipment mechanic, electric power tools, pumps, generators, air compressors, jackhammers, chainsaws etc., Loader mechanice-skidsteers, loaders, Bulldozers, Backhoes, track machines, etc., High reach mechanic-scirssor lifts, telescoping boom lifts, up & over lifts, Bucket trucks, etc... but can't operate a typewriter.

-Drug addicts are paid to hang around his car.

Post #4834link

bunnerabb
April 3, 2001 11:40 PM

What stupid, dipshit motherfucker would pay $300,000.00 for a piece of crap Lincoln Electric buzz box arc welder?

bunner

Post #4843link

gabe_billings
April 4, 2001 6:34 AM

The kind with remote telstimulation radiowave implants.

Post #4850link

boorite
April 4, 2001 8:22 AM

quote:
What stupid, dipshit motherfucker would pay $300,000.00 for a piece of crap Lincoln Electric buzz box arc welder?

bunner



No shit. I only paid $5k for my Hobart Mega-Arc 3020G, with 1600 hours on it, and that was WITH feeder, meter kit, spool gun, mig guns, the whole shooting match. What kind of pathetic mule-punting cocksucker would pay 60 times that for a glorified toaster?

(Actually, I don't know what I'm talking about. I just wanted to say "pathetic mule-punting cocksucker.")

Post #4853link

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