"I saw what your handbag was made out of you BITCH!"

"No..No..I'm not a salesman, I'm just an angry aliggator come to eat your children!"
"Alright, come it. but if you try to sell me anything I'm calling the police!"

"Damn, Anna Nicole Smith gives out her adress and here's me with no oposable thumbs."

quote:

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"Damn, Anna Nicole Smith gives out her adress and here's me with no oposable thumbs."

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-- "Harold, I said I wanted to live in a gated community!"

-- Billy's first Halloween after moving to Louisiana was also his last.

-- A little-known aspect of the new "homeland security" initiative.

"Scientists are still unsure why suburban alligators sometimes attempt to mate with doors."

"ADT? OH SHIT!"

"Hi, I'm from Jehovah's Witnesses..."

"Quick, let me in! They're a bunch of fucking animals out here!"

Falsetto voice "Avon calling."

"Alligator Who-oo?"

"Spring 95. Me. You. Toilet. Flush. PAYBACK MOTHERFUCKER!"

Real Estate Agent talking - "No, I wouldn't say there's a RAT problem."

They said this was a "French" door.

If you come home drunk again I'll not let you in...

"Uh ... candygram!"

"Hey in there! Got any more of them pit bulls?"

...and in other news, the bitter divorce between Lyle Lyle Crocodile and his wife, actress Kari Wuhrer, turned even uglier this week, as Lyle Lyle attempted to break into the mansion he once shared with Ms. Wuhrer. The actress, who was enjoying a romantic evening with new beau John Cusack when the incident occurred, has since sworn out a restraining order against the children's book star which prevents him from coming within 500 feet of her or their home. Lyle Lyle Crocodile's lawyer and fellow reptile, Robert Shapiro, said Lyle was simply distraught and attempting to work things out, and did not intend to "devour that fuck Cusack and shit him out all over the Everglades." The trial is set for next month.

Amy Lou, the pizza girl, had a special friend to deal with non-tipping customers.

"I can HEAR you in there! I saw your shoes! I saw your purse! Get the hell out here and explain to my kids why you're wearing their father!"

quote:

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-- Billy's first Halloween after moving to Louisiana was also his last.

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Hi, I'm Mindy from Girl Scout Troop 2112. This is my animal friend Killer. I know you'd like to buy some nummy Girl Scout cookies today! How many cases can I put you down for?

Voice from inside:

"They're in your grocer's freezer!!!"

Sorry, bad commercial humour.

*DING DONG*
"Hello?"
"Avon calling."
"Uh, I don't think that's safe."
"Um, candygram!"
"What? Candygrams don't exists anymore!"
"Um, Publisher's Clearing House."
"Stop lying to me!"
"Uh...Domino's Pizza"
"Mmm, pizza...aaaaaaaaaaah!"
(ya know, in loo of SNL...)

Best picture for this Forum EVER.

You impress too easily.

The lubriderm ads are getting more and more violent every year.

quote:

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You impress too easily.

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This security footage shows the latest in a growing trend of animal burglaries. This follows our earlier story of Gerry "The Ladder" Giraffe who helped a gang of chimpanzees steal from second and thrird story appartments across the south-west. The gang are still at large