- "I'll put twenty bucks on red X."

"As you can see, the venom of the deadly Fer de Lance is being injected directly into my pre-frontal cortex and -- yes, the colors are quite brilliant now..."

"My optician uses some unorthodox methods"

Larry would try almost anything to look like a unicorn.

What's that? What's that? Is that a bee? Help me, I think there's a bee on my face. Where'd everyone go?

"Why pay millions for plastic surgery when you can lengthen your nose with the new, all-natural Snake Schnozzler?"

The perils of back-alley Botox substitutes.

He couldn't decide which was worse, the fact that a snake had bitten him in the face or the fact that there was no denying it....he had a double chin.

"When an eel bites your eye and you think you might die, that's a Moray."

Earl learned the hard way that not all animals are good at the doggy trick of retrieving snacks from his mouth.

Pervert.

Why you should always wear your contacts when picking up something you THINK is your garden hose.

Pwned.