"Jesus Christ! The end of the world is here and I'm not dressed yet!"

Oh my Lord... I never should've taught that kid on the all-cabbage diet how to light his farts.

It was then that Dan, after a life-long commitment to dental hygiene, tossed out his toothbrush and raced to the fridge to suck down one last chocolate eclair.

"Two weeks later when his teeth started falling out, Fred realised not only had he wasted hot afternoons in the dentists all those years, but that moving to the Korean DMZ, with Bush still in the White House, had not been the wisest decision he'd ever made..."

"At least the day hasn't been a TOTAL waste," thought the cup of water.

The Hitchhiker's Guide - Redux

"...nooooooooooooooooo, I was supposed to see Legally Blonde 2 today!"

"Oh, yes! Now I don't have to see Legally Blond II today!"

It was then that Dave thought, "What a crappy way to die. Masturbating while brushing my teeth."

-It was then than Akheem realized he was supposed to flee the country BEFORE the bomb went off.

-George finally found the cure for his nearly 30 years of chronic constipation.

"Dat's a SPICY meat-a-ball!"