All comics by Bluebexq

Profile

 

by Bluebexq
12-06-01
This is Jane
Hi
See Jane run, see Jane jump. Give Jane a clap
I can run fast
Oops, poor Jane
Oh bugger...

 

by Bluebexq
1-16-02
Just before dawn...
James... roll over you're snoring...
mmm-hmmmm *snore...*
No, I really mean it. Roll over, you're snoring
Ok.... *snore*
For crying out loud, just roll over you bastard!
Wu...Hu..? What? What did I do wrong?

 

by Bluebexq
1-16-02
3am
[singing] Is it morning yet? Is it morning yet? [/singing]
[singing] Let me check... nup, still dark outside [/singing]
4am
[singing] Is it morning yet? I think it might almost be morning now... please let it be morning [/singing]
[singing] Ok, I'll check again for you. Still doesn't appear to be quite morning, but we are getting close [/singing]
5am
[singing] Hey, its morning finally. Now I can go to sleep [/singing]
Oh crap... My wife is going to kill me...

 

by Bluebexq
3-16-02
...carry the 9, multiply by "x" and divide by "y". That's how the rotor turbines generate gravitons
psst... what the fuck is he talking about?

 

by Bluebexq
3-16-02
..and your mother woke up with chest pains so I took her to hospital.
Oh, that's terrible. Is she ok?
Well, they have kept her in overnight and are running a barrage of tests on her...
So, she's not in any immediate danger?
That's a relief...
What a waste of time. If I went to hospital every time I had chest pains, I wouldn't be dead.

 

by Bluebexq
4-05-02
Ask Jeeves
What can I help you find?
Hey!
...oh shit
You seem to be treading on my gig, can I help you with a) fucking off or b) getting the shit kicked out of you?

 

by Bluebexq
4-26-02
Ok, one of the key ingredients in Anzac biscuits is Golden Syrup...
Golden Syrup, I hope that isn't what I think it is...
I've got a jar of it here, its says...
Oh my...
Eeww

 

by Bluebexq
4-27-02
Lingerie Department
Look, here is one in your size, I think
Well, pick it up and have a closer look, and tell me what the price is.
Ah, no. I'm in this department, which is more than most blokes would do. I am not touching the merchandise.
You really think that everyone will think you are a big pervy?
Well....

 

by Bluebexq
4-27-02
Hey, look what Bruce gave us for our engagement present.
New saucepans, that's great.
What are those little green dots for on the lids?
Oh, they are heat senstitive. They let you know when the lid is too hot to touch.
Really? That is so cool.
No, I just made it up.

 

by Bluebexq
5-09-02
Ok... now I must remember to return that call...
I know, I'll write it on my list of 'things to do'
Of course the problem with that is that the first thing on my list of 'things to do' is to write the list

 

by Bluebexq
6-22-02
...and now I'd like to introduce our next comedian, Pi Nhut
Isn't it funny how... ARGH!!!!!!!!
..coming up on spontaneously combusting comedians....
I can't believe that I pay for this shit.

 

by Bluebexq
6-22-02
Are you feeling constipated, tired or run down?
Oh yes... yes....
..then you should try Nu-Clear. Guaranteed to clean you out and give you a good night sleep.
Oh yes... yes
Just send your life's savings to Mad Scientist Incorporated...
Where's my cheque-book?

 

by Bluebexq
6-22-02
Hmmm, I don't know if it is supposed to look like that.
Hey, honey, can you take a look at this?
Eeww... I really don't want to know.

 

by Bluebexq
6-23-02
Ah... Ah...
Just a little bit more...
Do you really think that a plunger is going to help?
We'll have to wait and see.
*SQUELSH*
Erh... what was that?
You don't want to know.

 

by Bluebexq
6-23-02
Now, you just lie there while I examine you.
Hmmm... so apart from these acid burns, have you had anything else unusual happen to you?
Well, I was constipated so I tried the Mad Scientist's "stuff-up-your-ass powder."
Ah, well that would explain these radiation burns.
No, they'd be from my Chernobyl brand dildo.

 

by Bluebexq
6-23-02
Ooh... Ah...
Just a moment, we're almost in...
Umm.... I kinda feel....
Great... the toilet is that way.
Oh my God! What a relief.
Errr.. no the toilet is THAT way. Nurse! Mop!

 

by Bluebexq
6-24-02
Well, it would appear our new product isn't very popular with the kiddies this year...
You mean, the realistic John Lennon and George Harrison dolls?
Yes, it would appear that children are a bit frightened by them.
But they're so realistic.
I know. I thought that the advanced technology which results in real-time decay was a brilliant idea..
Bits are falling off aren' they?

 

by Bluebexq
7-25-02
Actual IRC conversation
There is so much nice food out there. This white chocolate is great.
I know, I just can't get enough of it.
I'll never lose weight this way..
Either will I...
What to do?
Well, losing weight is for losers.

 

by Bluebexq
7-25-02
Hey, what do you think you are doing... That's a provocative pose you are in.
I thought you would like it...
Hang on, there is some lint
Oh well... he has to learn eventually...
OH MY GOD. Its string and its attached!!!

 

by Bluebexq
9-07-02
Suffering from the embarassment of having to ask for "Immodium" at a Pharmacy?
Yes, I feel that people think I need to remain immobile.
Then why not try "Sealyourbuttshut"?
Guaranteed to save you from unpleasantness.
...right.

 

by Bluebexq
9-11-02
I was born in 1975, not a spectacular year.
I was the first born, and a three year separated me from my next sister.
My family moved to Alice Springs, a remote town in Central Australia.
I spent 10 years there, doing most of my growing up.
I was a gifted child, undertaking classes above my offical grade level and then joing a program for gifted children.
Things were good...

 

by Bluebexq
9-11-02
Then we moved to Bendigo. A large country town in south eastern Australia, with a lot of old gold money.
I never really fit in. The educational environment was completely different, and if you weren't born there, then you could never fit in.
My group of friends were people who had been born outside Bendigo.

 

by Bluebexq
9-11-02
I took up fencing for sport, and found something I was innately good at, apart from being a geek.
I lost a some weight, and started going out with one of the fencers, a guy called Eric. We didn't have a lot in common.
It was at this stage of my life I discovered that life is really governed by the choices you make.

 

by Bluebexq
9-11-02
Another guy from school, who I was also in a church choir with, asked me to go out with him.
Hey, go out with me, we'll have lots more fun.
Do I stay with Eric or go out with Sean?
I decided that I should go out with Sean. I thought I knew more about him, and that we had a lot more in common.
So began a 2 year relationship based upon emotional blackmail and domination. I thought I was happy, but discovered later that I wasn't.

 

by Bluebexq
9-11-02
I started university, and discovered freedom and the internet. I began mudding and chatting to some guys from Wagga Wagga.
Sean was extremely jealous, but I had put up with enough of his shit. James came to visit from Wagga and we hit it off.
Do I stay with Sean or go out with James?
I decided to leave Sean and go out with James. It was at this stage that my relationship with my mother started going downhill rapidly.
I just don't want you to go through what I did when I was your age...

 

by Bluebexq
9-11-02
Mum and I fought and I ran away to Wagga for a week, she backed off after that. I left university after finding that Engineering wasn't for me and started looking for a job.
Agree to marry or not?
James asked me to marry him. Even though we had only been each other's presence for 11 days, I accepted.
Will you marry me?
Move to Melbourne or stay in Bendigo?
I was offered a job with_the_Department of Immigration. I took the position, and over 8 years later am still working there, happily earning a nice amount of money.

 

by Bluebexq
9-11-02
Despite various ups and downs with my mother, family life is very happy.
You should leave James. Come home and live with me.
And generally, I don't regret any of the choices I have made in my life. However, there are times when you discover that there are no good choices to make.
You discover this after you have made another choice, which you wouldn't imagine would have an impact on anything else, and which reduces your options.

 

by Bluebexq
9-11-02
Sleep in or get up?
On Sunday I woke up, and decided that I wouldn't get up at that moment and prepare for church. I thought I'd sleep in a little longer.
I slept longer than I anticipated, and was woken by the sound of car brakes and a dog screaming.
I never imagined that one choice could lead to such a catastropic event.

 

by Bluebexq
9-11-02
Its not something I blame myself for. However, it hurts that little bit more, because I know a choice I made, made a big difference.
The future?
Where do I see myself in the future?
10 years from now, working for a lot more money, with kids and James. Happy as we can possibly be.

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