All comics by Cobb

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by Cobb
1-14-03
i got my sat scores back.
me too. whadja get?
1100, plus 500 frequent flyer miles, coupons for 20% off dominoes pizza, free starbucks latte for 1 semester and a full year's subscription to harper's magazine.
damn! all i got was a 1100. it's not fair.
obviously, you didn't check 'female'.
still!

 

by Cobb
1-14-03
my dad just went to the persian gulf.
my dad just got arrested.
he'll be back soon.
he'll be back soon.

 

by Cobb
1-14-03
who do you think could win in a fight? harry potter or frodo baggins?
harry potter of course.
but frodo baggins has the ring of power. all he has to do...
WARMONGER!
made you say it!
damn. i've got to stop reading atrios.

 

by Cobb
1-15-03
there are unexploded bombs everywhere in my country and children are maimed every day.
i can't get into an ivy league law school because i'm white!
http://www.unaids.org/hivaidsinfo/statistics/MAP/
i had really good grades!
i was sold into prostitution.
i was going to change the world!

 

by Cobb
1-15-03
The Role Model Speaks
stay in school. stay off drugs. obey the law.
you've got to make the right connections if you want that bling bling!
yeah but look at you, you're a disgusting pimp.
i'll have you know that i am a pharmaceutical lobbyist.
oh sorry. could you introduce me to bill frist?

 

by Cobb
1-15-03
A Former Wall Street Resident Speaks
first harvey pitt,
klutz!
then paul o'neill.
they didn't understand you.
i'm going into seclusion.
but you'll come back after iraq, right?

 

by Cobb
1-15-03
Carter
Clinton
Bush

 

by Cobb
1-15-03
lott's a stinkin' racist!
oh yeah well byrd was an evil klansman!
your racist is worse than my racist! republicans are lousy on race!
ha! we're the party of lincoln! democrats invented jim crow!
do you think they can see us over here in the third panel?
hey, i feel ya. there are no voting booths in my neighborhood either.

 

by Cobb
1-16-03
i'm here to file an amicus brief on behalf of the president.
race discrimination is wrong. affirmative action is wrong. quotas must be stopped.
mlk said so. i can't pay attention to the color of your skin.
why is he talking to me?

 

by Cobb
1-16-03
..Somewhere in DC on the way to the Supreme Court..
look, we got rid of trent lott, sorta. we've got condi rice.
yes?
we've got colin powell. everybody loves colin powell.
and?
how about a tax break? got any high yeild bonds?
how about a job?

 

by Cobb
1-16-03
ya know all republicans aren't white male racists. some of us really care.
i know. my dad's a republican.
gotcha!
so... so you're dad's a white man?
no, but he plays one on television.

 

by Cobb
1-16-03
hey! that's great. your dad's a republican and he's black too. wait lemme guess.. clarence pendleton?
nope.
shelby steele? john mcwhorter? alan keyes? clarence thomas? thomas sowell? armstrong williams?.. er a, jc watts?.. uhm..
nope.
wait. don't tell me. i should know this..
he'd be really good at $10,000 pyramid.

 

by Cobb
1-16-03
look, i'm sorry. i had no idea that there were more than a few black republicans.
that's ok.
but, you know, we share the same american values and that's what's important.
of course.
yeah, well i gotta to go and kill this whining black racial spoils system quota thing. see ya.
don't be a stranger.

 

by Cobb
1-21-03
i've decided not to support the war.
so you finally admit that violence isn't the solution?
not exactly, i..
worrying about the international coalition?
well, actually it's because i can't get past the first level of my 'medal of honor' xbox game.
oh yeah. that *is* really hard.

 

by Cobb
1-21-03
i heard you got cold feet.
well, if i can't beat the xbox game, maybe a lot of real soldiers are going to die.
duh. their are game cheats. i beat all the levels.
even in 'tom clancy's splinter cell?'
of course. i'll hook you up to the spy network, so you can be a real patriot again.
cool! do you think i could pilot a predator?

 

by Cobb
1-21-03
so you're supporting the war again?
well, with superior technology *and* critical intelligence, it's winnable.
but a lot of people right here in america don't have jobs. it's the economy, remember?
look, saddam's a madman, everybody knows that.
i heard they're even laying off computer game programmers.
you guys really don't want me to sleep, do you?

 

by Cobb
1-21-03
i heard...
don't interrupt me, i'm blasting aliens.
i heard...
i said, i'm blasting aliens!
i heard...
are you still here? i'm blasting aliens. just go away!

 

by Cobb
1-24-03
are you still in predator flight training?
yeah, you still reading liberal blogs?
yeah. i get better info this way.
no way. i get military intelligence.
so i suppose you've heard about chirac and schroder backing out over iraq?
aha! so *that's* why i get to shoot the guys in 'old europe' now.

 

by Cobb
1-24-03
you look depressed.
the subsidy check is late.
does that mean..
i'm afraid so.
but your hands are so cold!
yeah well i'm lactose intolerant! didja ever consider that?

 

by Cobb
1-25-03
my aunt is depressed.
she's 41 and still rents. her husband spends all day on the computer if he's home at all, the kids space out on videogames. she's trapped in suburban life without the benefit of owning property.
yeah, but is there milk in the fridge?
why am i talking to a cat?
we don't have middleclass priorities.

 

by Cobb
1-25-03
..and they gather together to sit..
..in front of the simplex audio visual device, i know
they periodically jump up and shout..
..and spill food and beverages mindlessly. i've been to this planet before.
so you'll take the bucs and 6?
hell no, i'm just watching for the commercials.

 

by Cobb
1-26-03
is too.
is not.
no way.
way.
you knew this cartoon was inevitable.
yeah well i don't draw the characters around here.

 

by Cobb
1-27-03
so you're actually in support of the war on iraq.
of course, i'm a devout shiite muslim. saddam is a..what's the term?
evil bastard?
well, yes but he's just too.. secular. yes secular. he represses our religion.
oh man, pat robertson would love you, dude.
i don't think you understand...

 

by Cobb
1-27-03
so you came to america for religious freedom, that's great!
yes, that is correct, just before the war of george bush, the elder.
how did you make it?
oh, there are networks of muslims in america who quietly fund such..
now wait a minute..
oh shit.

 

by Cobb
1-27-03
you know, we bloggers know the deal about you.
hey, stow it. i'm just doing my patriotic duty to support my country.
we're very observant, and we're patriotic too.
you're just whining powerless weenies!
so who was that iraqi muslim you were talking to yesterday?
no wait, it wasn't like that..

 

by Cobb
1-27-03
uh, who are you supposed to be?
some kind of movie slasher wannabe?
unovic
you're kidding me, right?

 

by Cobb
1-27-03
unovic? you're not kidding?
no kidding.
i thought you were supposed to be in iraq inspecting.
been there, done that.
and what's with the mask?
i used to be unscom. you would too.

 

by Cobb
1-27-03
so lemme get this straight. you're a u.n. inspector.
..was..
you quit?
aziz blew my cover.
what'd you say your name was?
did i?, er um.. clouseau!

 

by Cobb
1-28-03
this is insane! the world is waiting for you to find a smoking gun in iraq and you...
i was..er reassigned. that's really all you need to know.
wait a minute, you're cia aren't you?
no comment.
hey! look behind you! is that your ass or a hole in the ground?
civilians. always expecting us to connect the dots.

 

by Cobb
1-29-03
so you think it's easy being an intelligence agent?
you knew the job was dangerous..
you have no idea.
so tell me.
you know i can't!
i'm going to go shampoo my cat now.

 

by Cobb
2-03-03
The Avian Reaction
i'm shocked!
i don't see why you're so sympathetic. i mean they hunt you down for fun.
i mean what kind of person would say such a thing??!!
i only really care about animals.
you've got to be the most insensitive person i've ever met!
god doesn't make mistakes honey.

 

by Cobb
2-03-03
The Alien Reaction
you realize that k. is really pissed off at you.
hey, i've got plausible deniability. they can't pin it on me.
this is not like a typical abduction and anus probing.
hey, that reminds me. wanna go next week?
c'mon this is serious. those were intelligent, heroic humans.
oh. like you can tell the difference.

 

by Cobb
2-03-03
The Mammilian Response
i'm really worried. this could be it for manned spaceflight.
but, they've got computers, remote sensing and virtual reality.
i don't know, rabbit. nasa headhunters have been paging me since saturday afternoon.
look on the bright side, you could be getting paid again.
by the way, how's the cosmetics business?
wanna see my third testicle?

 

by Cobb
2-03-03
i hope you've learned a valuable lesson. technology is not foolproof.
it wasn't the technology. they just overworked the safety staff.
so you can't possibly still consider piloting a predator in the gulf.
i finished predator training. i'm flying other kinds of vehicles now.
you're pathetic.
what're the gps coordinates for your house?

 

by Cobb
2-04-03
..so now you want to be my friend?
well. it's just that our troops are going to need your support.
but you know that i can't support any war.
no, no, i just want you to pray for their deliverance.
you mean victory?
yes, over evil. you are against evil aren't you?

 

by Cobb
2-04-03
how's the campaign going?
so far so good. we're all good patriots here.
no holdouts?
well, i thought we'd actually be doing better with, you know, the military vets.
ahh, they just want more free benefits. getting soft in their old age.
maybe we could call them ex-militant socialists?

 

by Cobb
2-04-03
you've been pretty gung ho on this iraq thing.
we've got the goods on saddam. now we get rid of him once and for all.
but you know, i've been thinking about korea.
i'm way ahead of you.
oh. so what do you think?
you don't own a hyundai do you?

 

by Cobb
2-04-03
no, i don't own a hyundai. what has that got to do with north korea?
hey, as far as they're concerned it's one korea. how about a samsung?
i think the tv in the guest bedroom is, but what..
look, your folks are republicans, so i'll show you this...
an advance copy of colin powell's address to the united nations!? how..
sell them all before february 5th.

 

by Cobb
2-06-03
powell didn't say anything about north korea. so what was that document?
he only delivered the declassified script. i'm letting you in on the real deal.
who's sending you all this information anyway? i thought you were just a predator pilot trainee.
oliver north was 'just' a lt. colonel. the point is that i'm on the inside of the war efforts.
efforts? with an 's'?
hey, do you want info, or do you want to quibble?

 

by Cobb
2-06-03
why are you telling me all this? can't you get in trouble?
your dad is a republican, right?
yeah but he was indicted for insider trading. he was arrested, remember?
yeah and my dad is in the gulf as we speak. we're all in this together.
i'm not so sure i like our team.
hold on, i've got the district attorney in a chat room.

 

by Cobb
2-06-03
i think you've created a monster.
oh him? he's just using his skills to support the war efforts.
euphemistically speaking..
we'd like you to leverage your skin too.
my skin?
did i say skin? i meant skills. skills, leverage your skills.

 

by Cobb
2-06-03
look. let's keep it real. you and i know you're dad has big bucks.
he's a legitimate businessman. he was railroaded. i'm his son what else would i believe?
exactly. but you're not strictly on board with the war efforts.
look. really all i care about is getting my dad back home. well, that and money and sports and girls.
maybe we have an inside deal for you.
hello! deals are what got pops in jail.

 

by Cobb
2-06-03
..and so i have a real bad feeling about all this.
pay them no mind. they just want to use you. you're completely innocent. i say stay out of it.
but do you think they really could?
look. i must admit, they have connections. but remember what tracy chapman said. all that you have is your soul.
so they tried to tempt you too?
do i look like i need a boob job to you?

 

by Cobb
2-06-03
that's a real dilemma, but the way i see it is you have to follow your conscience.
well, half of me wants to help my dad anyway i can.
and the other half?
just wants to go to college and play soccer. how can you be so clearheaded in all this?
the blogosphere!
the blogo who?

 

by Cobb
2-06-03
i read electronic journals on the web from 'east blogistan', those are the liberals...
???
'west blogistan', the 'warbloggers' the 'fiskers', the 'idiotarians'. this is the hottest network of political information and news on the planet.
so you're telling me your conscience is online?
man, that's a brilliant insight! i've got to blog that right now. i bet i get ten trackbacks!
so when is the last time you went outside?

 

by Cobb
2-06-03
so either i support the war efforts and be a black spokesman, or my dad stays in jail facing trumped up charges.
as you know, i have come here to america for religious freedom.
yes i read that comic on january 27th.
well, if you're father is innocent, he will go free.
i just don't know. so much can go wrong.
you people whine too much. why don't you have more faith in the system?

 

by Cobb
2-06-03
first of all, you can't even spell. second of all, you have no business telling me about america.
i'm as american as you are. one man one vote. no citizen is more equal than another.
gotcha!
so.. so you..
i bet you think you're a good 'soccer' player too.

 

by Cobb
2-06-03
goddamned. #@*!!
whoa!
friggin' #%^@*!!
jeez!
what do you suppose is *his* problem?
oh, it's probably a tupac thing.

 

by Cobb
2-06-03
what a fool believes he sees
what a fool believes he sees
no wise man has the power to reason away
no wise man has the power to reason away
fuck you!
fuck you!

 

by Cobb
2-11-03
you and i have a lot in common.
we understand human nature.
you're a lying scumbag.
exactly!

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