All comics by GlendaJo

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by GlendaJo
10-21-13
Sometimes it's best to keep your opinions to yourself and Elvis the Balancing Dog should know better.
I think you might be in the wrong place.
I think you're right. Any suggestions?
Click your heels together three times and say, "There's no place like home."
Okay.
I didn't see that coming.
Them's the breaks, matie.

 

by GlendaJo
10-21-13
Elvis the Balancing Dog does not suffer fools gladly.
If you don't stop annoying me, I'm going to have to call my co-worker.
If you don't stop annoying me, I'm going to have to call my co-worker.
I'm not kidding. I don't want to do it, but if you can't conduct yourself in a professional manner, you will give me no choice.
I'm not kidding. I don't want to do it, but if you can't conduct yourself in a professional manner, you will give me no choice.
Hi, Tina. Wanna go to lunch with me?
(crunch, squish) Sure thing, Elvis. For some reason, I'm in the mood for seafood. Let's roll.

 

by GlendaJo
10-21-13
Do you ever wonder why so many people think clowns are creepy?
What are you talking about? People love clowns!
aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh! Mommmmeeeeeeee!
Uh...
Okay! So ONE person thinks clowns are creepy.

 

by GlendaJo
10-21-13
And now for your listening pleasure, Elvis will sing a Beatles' song, while balancing on a colorful inflated ball.
If I fell in love with you, would you promise to be true, and help meeee understand, 'cause I've been in love before, and I've found that love was more than just holding hands.
....So I hope you see that I would love to love you , and that she will cry when she learns we are two, if I fell in love with you. G'nite.
Elvis has left the building.

 

by GlendaJo
10-22-13
Can you roll all the way to the end of the hallway and back without falling off your colorful inflated ball?
Yes.
Are you going to?
Well, that depends. Are you going to puncture my colorful inflated ball with your Sword of Vengeance, if I don't?
No.
Well, in that case, do you wanna go have lunch instead? Joe's is having an all-you-can-eat crab fest till ten tonight.

 

by GlendaJo
10-22-13
Elvis the Balancing Dog is quite the connoisseur of both "Knock-knock" jokes and "Blonde" jokes.
Hi, Athena, do you know any good "Blonde" jokes?
What's a blonde joke, Elvis?
I'm here looking for wisdom and insight and such like.
I shall try to help you.
For two years you've been searching for a good "Blonde" joke. So, what'cha got, Athena?
Miss Teen USA South Carolina, 2007.

 

by GlendaJo
10-23-13
Every time I see you, you are just standing on a ball. Can you do anything else?
Yes.
Okay, do you do anything to better the planet?
Yes.
Well, are you going to tell me what it is?
No.

 

by GlendaJo
10-23-13
Hey, LeBleu, what brings you down here to the storage office?
Boss sent me down to look for some file he lost. You know how that goes.
I hear you. You're lookin' sharp today. New hair gel or something?
Thanks, Elvis, but I'm still using Suave products. They're cheap, but they work okay.
Maybe it's my new pants. I have them custom-made. Costs more, but I'm saving money on the Suave stuff, so, you know...
Right. Makes sense to me. So, anyway, I'll let you get back to work.

 

by GlendaJo
10-23-13
Why do people keep telling us we should go back to the circus? I've never even been to a circus.
It's dogma.
Why would you want to protest the circus parade? Children of all ages love the circus!
That's because they don't know the truth about the "training" methods and the living conditions of the animals in the circus. And furthermore...and also...and if...and then...and why...
I'm sad for the circus elephants. Taking a walk by the lake on the way to lunch makes me feel better.
It doesn't help them, but I saw a flyer from Angie's and we can get a crabcake sandwich and a Jumbo soft drink for $7.50!

 

by GlendaJo
10-23-13
Hey, didn't Tina the Elephant crunch and squish you last week? WTF? Son of a bitch, am I having another flash back?
No, calm down! That was my cousin, Murray. Oy, what a shmendrik. I'm Abraham. So, anyway, why are you hanging out in the bathroom?
I'm waiting for Tina to bring in our big pot so we can fill it with water for our monthly shrimp and crab boil.
"monthly shrimp and crab boil" (snork, snork) ... Hee hee hee, now I can ... Oh, holy hell! Shoo, shoo, get away!Teeeeeeennnaaa! FLASH BAAAACK!

 

by GlendaJo
10-24-13
Research indicates that my species is more intelligent than canines. Do you believe I'm more intelligent than you?
No.
Research indicates that my species is more intelligent than canines. Do you believe I'm more intelligent than you?
No.
We meet again, Elvis. So, setting aside this bullshit research, do you believe I am more intelligent than you?
Yes, yes I do!

 

by GlendaJo
10-24-13
GlendaJo say she tired for looking at us.
GlendaJo have saggy boobs and sit there with no bra under shirt ... we tired for looking at her.
We switch place, any body out there can tell? Hey, where she go? Go put on bra so we not go blind?
No, she yell "Elvis, Elvis, Elvis"...she not know Elvis die from try poop too hard. hahahaha
Uh oh, now GlendaJo cry for Elvis dead. hahahahaha
Oh, stop cry! Not Elvis Balance Dog dead! FAT Elvis dead. I not surprise other girl laugh, hahaha, at you.

 

by GlendaJo
10-24-13
Let's try something from Goldberg's. What a great menu! The sides look good, too! Might not be easy to choose.
It'll be good for us to try something new. Now, for the hard part - what to order?
I think I'll have a cup of matzo ball soup, a side of latkes, and a medium Dr. Pepper. Oh, and a crab salad sandwich.
Mmmmm, I'll have the same. Oh, and of course, I'll take the Jumbo drink.

 

by GlendaJo
10-25-13
Oh, holy hell!
Yeah, heesh a big guy when heesh got hish BIG GUN! Well, I don't need no shtinking GUN to play har ball with THISH guy
Put it on my taaaaaab!
Uh, thish shucks.

 

by GlendaJo
10-25-13
Are you a clown?
No. I'm here for a book. Duh.
Did you escape from the circus?
No. Jeez, get lost! I need to get rid of some crabs.
Section D4, third shelf from top, crab lice; Section F2, bottom shelf, crustaceans; Section A9, top three shelves, cookbooks.
Your mom doesn't take you to daycare when she goes to work, does she?

 

by GlendaJo
10-26-13
Thawing meat too quickly can change its molecular structure and render it unpalatable.
This girl don't know jack-shit about no molecular anything. She wrote it so the comic would make sense, that's all.

 

by GlendaJo
10-26-13
If you see Elvis around, tell him I'm looking for him. He was a little upset because he wasn't in a couple of GlendaJo's comics.
Too bad he upset. Only one or two comics he not in. Hmmmmm...
Five minutes later...
You hear latest news? Elvis missing. GlendaJo make him go away from comics.
Oh so bad, so sad. Elvis cry. hahaha Should tell peoples in HR he gone.
Twenty minutes later...
This cubicle for you. Do better work than last guy who here and you can stay. Otherwise, you be missing, too. hahaha

 

by GlendaJo
10-26-13
Rumors are swirling around the office, because Elvis has just pulled into the parking lot.
Show me what you got, Spot.
Grrrrrrrrrr....
I hope you are better at conflict resolution than you are at intimidation tactics, otherwise, you and I are gonna have some problems.
I believe there are non-violet solutions to every problem .... what the hell!
As Elvis rolls into view, Spot runs for cover in the next cubicle.
This is my cubicle now, Elvis!
It's gonna be tough to get your cubicle back now, Elvis! Spot is one vicious canine! Come out damned, Spot!

 

by GlendaJo
10-26-13
Handy is required to put in 10 hours a week community service. No specific community is designated.
I didn't even touch you yet.
Well, that was a bit premature!
It's been 138 years, I'd hardly call that premature, you knuckle-headed, do-gooder! Now go away so, I can enjoy this.

 

by GlendaJo
10-26-13
When he said who blows, I should have put my arm-like appendages down and yelled, "Houston Astros!"
Now I'm stuck here for God knows how long, while this idiot tries to work up some friction with air...I AM AIR COVERED WITH A SHEET, YOU DUMB ASS!
Well, at least I'll have time to make a decision.
Guess it depends on whether or not I want to sleep on the wet spot?

 

by GlendaJo
10-27-13
I suppose you think this is funny.
No, I'm just tired of your bullshit.
I was just kidding when I said you should use frozen semen so I wouldn't have to screw you.
Now, lets see - 2 x3.5-4x7/19...oh, the hell with it! I'll be back next Tuesday - you should be good and frozen by then.
Yes, dear.

 

by GlendaJo
10-27-13
One of us is definitely in the wrong place.
You in wrong place.
How you figure that?
Don't understand Pennsylvania-talk, but I belong here because I match landscape.
With that logic, I suppose I should be in a tub of blood.
As soon as we find "Vacancy" with free HBO, we take care of that for you.

 

by GlendaJo
10-27-13
Hmmmmm...
Well...........
At halftime, the Dolphins were ahead?

 

by GlendaJo
10-27-13
Do you know why I pulled you over this evening, Sir?
Holy shit! My shoes are melting.
Sir?
Whatever it was, I sure don't deserve to be cast into the fiery pit of hell!
We're not in hell, Sir. We are in Arizona and it's August 15th.
Oh. I must not be from around here.

 

by GlendaJo
10-27-13
he said "blue" something
I was talking about something blue
"blue"? that doesn't even sound like a word anymore
blue? the more I think about it, the farther away it gets
You ever get to a point in a conversation when neither of you has any idea what you were talking about? Drugs are usually involved.
"blue"
blue

 

by GlendaJo
10-27-13
Here we see Tina, enjoying her 60 minues of "freedom", frolicking among the herd of elephants in the prison recreation yard...

 

by GlendaJo
10-27-13
What 'er ya readin'?
I think it's called a "Dear John Letter".
That sucks.
Jeez-a-loo, I thought she really loved me.
We all think that till we see the empty closet. Then, we think she went on vacation. We get wise after 3 weeks, when the bank statement shows up. And you were doing 60 in a 35 mph zone.

 

by GlendaJo
10-27-13
Sunday afternoon...
I wonder what would happen if I stopped holding up this grey square.
Thirty minutes later...
But I really don't like surprises, so... *sigh*
Tuesday morning...

 

by GlendaJo
10-27-13
Oh, please try to save her. She is so important to me.
(muffled) I'll do my best.
Oh, you will never know what this means to me. Thank you so much.
(muffled) It sounds like you care about her very much.
Well, if I can't find a black cat before Sunday, I'm going to need her.

 

by GlendaJo
10-27-13
Hey, kid! Com'ere.
What?
I got this tickle in my throat.
So?
Plant remains itchy, and un-scratched. Boy walks away, shaking head slowly.
How 'bout you give me an itch?
I can't abide life forms that don't know how to properly use "itch" and "scratch".

 

by GlendaJo
10-27-13
I know why I'm standing in the middle of the road, but why are YOU here?
You know WHY you're standing here?
Well, yeah...
Huh.
Never mind. Did you bring anything to eat and drink?

 

by GlendaJo
10-27-13
Hey, I'm in a can...
...in a can.
Why did you steal my punchline?
Look, I've been stuck in here for three days...
It's a losing battle, but I keep trying to bat down anything that might stink.

 

by GlendaJo
10-28-13
I hear it's my friend Larry's birthday.
I could fly down to the place called Arid Zona and sprinkle him with happy dust!
No, you would get burned up by the heat before you even got to his house. Oh, what can I do?
I know it's old-fashioned, but you could use snail mail to send him a birthday card.
It's too late for that...so, I decided to get trashed in your honor! Happy Day, Larry!
Well, I had something else in mind, but , whatever!

 

by GlendaJo
10-28-13
Religion
The Spirit is everywhere.
It's already all organized for us!
Politics
Less government in our lives!
More help for the down-trodden!
Core Beliefs
Dog Person.
Cat Person.

 

by GlendaJo
10-29-13
Spot hears the words he has dreaded.
Elvis back. You want cubicle, you must guard - never leave. Never, ever.
Spot is regretting his decision not to add a ficus tree to his cubicle decor.
Grrrrrrrrrrrr...uh, grrrrrrrrrr...grrrr...this is MY cubicle and I will guard it! Grrrrrrrrrrr!
You have to pee, don't you?
Elvis the Balancing Dog has learned patience...obviously.
Every dog has his day, and during that day, every dog has to pee at least four times. And so, we meet.
Uh oh...

 

by GlendaJo
10-30-13
Elvis the Balancing Dog is known for his benevolence and is showing compassion for the dog who tried to steal his job while he was on vacation.
Thank you for thish lovely parting gift.
Hey, no worries! I got you a job here at the company!
What ish thish place?
Is filing room. You need big box band aids for work here. Paper cuts be many for you now.
Schit.

 

by GlendaJo
10-30-13
After discussing the "drama" in the office that occurred while Elvis was away, he and Tina get to chat about Elvis's vacation.
It's great to have you back, Elvis. Tell me about your vacation!
Well, it wasn't one of my best...
Elvis had scrimped and saved for three years, and embezzled $100,000 from his local chapter of "Let's Scrapbook!", to finance his trip into space.
Why are you throwing bowling pins at me?
You need practice. You're going to look like a fool.
"Now, on the Jupiter Deck, enjoy a magical display of juggling mastery, performed by circus professionals, Binky the Clown and Elmo the Dog!"
You better catch whatever I throw at you, Elmo!
You better stay the fuck away from me, freako. BTW, my name is ELVIS and I am an accountant, not a circus performer.

 

by GlendaJo
10-30-13
I so embarass. GlendaJo beg for follow people now.
Well, she new and maybe she not know better.
She know better. Have no pride in self. I laugh hahaha in her face.
That harsh.
No, that's not harsh. She is me and I am her and both of us are ashamed.
This strip is not funny, clever, thought-provoking, even slightly interesting...not the way to curry favor.

 

by GlendaJo
10-30-13
Finally, I'd like to perform a very special dance, taught to me many years ago, by my Grandpappy, Rufus "Wheels" Tatter.
Thank you. Don't forget to tip your waitress.

 

by GlendaJo
10-30-13
Wow! That was a hell of a crash! Am I okay? Are you a doctor? How do I look?
No, the doctor is across the street with the rest of your..., uh..., hmmm..., well, your hair is completely out of control.
What?
Your hair...yeah, I gotta say your hair is pretty messed up.
That sucks.

 

by GlendaJo
10-30-13
Hey, you think maybe I could bum a ride to WalMart?
WalMart sucks. They destroy small town businesses, they treat their employees like crap, they make millions on the backs of the little people.
But there's a really good sale on canned tuna if you buy a full case. You wouldn't believe the price!
So?
Sonofabitch.

 

by GlendaJo
10-31-13
She says she never loved me and she only said it so I would stop complaining about her cooking.
Whoa, drop da hamma!
Not so fast stickman! You stopt bitchin bout them greasy corn fritters, that soggy lasagna, an that DE-sgustin gritty clam chowder? Key-ryst, man, you some kinna saint!
I ate pink-centered chicken for that woman!
You got money? B'cause that bitch don' jus not LOVE you, she tryin to KILL yo ass!

 

by GlendaJo
10-31-13
GlendaJo using other comic peoples to say bad words so strip be funny.
Well, are the "other peoples" doing bad things?
Almost.
I think you are just trying to stir up trouble where there is none. As usual.
Oh yeah? Well, I think you big dick face, no, LITTLE dick face, Elvis! An I think I see you fucky-sucky with Tina in file room! Uh oh...I no see you, Tina. Just making joke, hahahaha...
Aren't jokes supposed to be funny? You must have them mixed up with comic strips.

 

by GlendaJo
10-31-13
Weekly meeting.
I've been stealing copies of National Geographic from dental offices all around the Tri-State area. They're old, but a tit's a tit, am I right?
I still don't have a theme. The blank pages mock me and I have brought shame upon my family. I fight the urge to eat a dozen Krispy Kremes.
My project came to halt after I interviewed altar boys from the past 10 years. I don't know whether to go to the craft store or the police station.
I crocheted the final butterfly for my cover. Now I can start on the dragonflies! I have the perfect colors of embroidery thread ready to go.
What happens at "Let's Scrapbook", stays at "Let's Scrapbook".
Kitty and I found a magnificient button from Mother's button jar for the focal point of page 43 of "My Mother Made Me Happy, and Your's Can, Too".
My scrapbook, "Grandchildren, Not a Gift From God", is back on track. I re-created the pages my daughter found last week. Hey, where's Elvis?

 

by GlendaJo
10-31-13
Why are you so frightened, Mr. Hidden Neighbor?
Well, for one thing, it's pouring down GREEN rain! And NOW, a squirrel is talking to me. In English!
Actually it's blurry computer code, and I am a proud graduate of the Berlitz Language Program. I can switch to Spanish, no problemo.
Blurry computer code? What the hell are you... Spanish? Spanish. Oh, Kee-ryst, what is happening here?
The blurry code is a "fantasy" background for comic strips.
Oh, holy hell, I've got a bi-lingual squirrel telling me green rain is a freakin' "fantasy background". Okay, time to run naked through town square. Hat, or no hat?

 

by GlendaJo
10-31-13
1:45 PM
If I stand real still, maybe he won't notice me.
I'm blind, not deaf.
2:00 PM
I could throw a rock over there by that tree - that way he'll think I moved.
Still blind, still not deaf.
2:15 PM
So, throwing the rock over there by the fence might not work either.
Jesus Christ, I'm about to throw a rock at YOU. Chances are I'd hit you since you've been pondering in the same spot for 30 minutes.

 

by GlendaJo
10-31-13
What's your story?
(muffled) I heard you like a man with a lot of equipment.
Hmmmm....
(muffled) So, what do you think? Wanna get it on?
I'm pretty sure you can't get it off.

 

by GlendaJo
11-01-13
Enlightenment!
Contemplation.
We have found joy!
We must reflect.
New Year's Eve!
New Year's Day.

 

by GlendaJo
11-01-13
As President and Treasurer of the local chapter of "Let's Scrapbook",
Dave told me you're upset because you haven't been able to choose a theme for your scrapbook.
This is true. I have inner struggles that stand in my way.
Elvis the Balancing Dog provides guidance, keeps members dedicated
Chen, scrapbooks can be a way to EXPRESS inner struggles so you can triumph over them.
I see.
to scrapbooking, sells supplies, and collects membership fees.
I am ready to scrapbook now.
INNER struggles, Chen! INNER! Well, whatever... Right over here I have a lovely selection of do-dads and glue - sale ends today!

 

by GlendaJo
11-01-13
If I knife this little Asian girl, I'll be accused of a hate crime!
Come on Sissy Boy, I take knife, chop you up, kick pieces into street!
I know I shouldn't do this - I already have two strikes!
Two strike! I strike you twenny time and you be broken lines and blue thing, hahahaha!
But think of all the strippers I'd be saving from this annoying little bitch...
You want I strip for you, Sissy Boy? Twenny dollar. No touch. Want touch, cost more.

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