All comics by Milez72

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by Milez72
8-29-07
After a bad night...
You're looking really depressed.
The council took my tree.
Huh. Can't relate. But, if it helps, I once lost everything I had.
Really? How so?
The council chopped my tree down.
You're not all there are you?

 

by Milez72
8-29-07
God, he's going to mention Phil Collins again.
Dude, Phil Collins is awesome.
I have to think of something that isn't going to get him started.
Must relate anything back to Phil Collins.
KEVIN BACON!






Dammit.
Was in Balto with Phil Collins!

Way too easy.

 

by Milez72
8-29-07
I have the strangest feeling that I'm being watched.
Me too.
Like someone is staring right into my soul.
I know.
Can we stop the staring contest now?
No. I'm about to win.

 

by Milez72
8-29-07
Sometime later...
Ok, my eyes are breaking up. They need water.
Well, just close them then.
I hate you.
Shows what you'll do to win, huh?

 

by Milez72
8-29-07
You know. You look really odd today.
Wrong side of the bed.
You mean tree?
You need a new real estate agent.

 

No, I will not activate your powers.
by Milez72, 8-29-07

 

At least my addiction won't kill me.
Sucker, he doesn't know of second hand smoke...go the herbivore!
by Milez72, 8-29-07

 

by Milez72
9-01-07
When life gives you lemons...
...um...you make lemonade?
Right. So if life gives you gators...
...you make gatorade?
...dude, Letterman is losing his touch.
I'll say. Powerade is much better.

 

by Milez72
9-02-07
What happened to you?
It's a long story.
...so?
Kindergarten?
They're rather ravenous today.

 

by Milez72
9-02-07
Ok, kids. You scared Mr. Rowlin off, so I must ask. Be kind to your new teacher.
Get bent!
He'll be here in a minute then it's nap time.
You suck!
One day, there was a man called Freddy Kruger...
Ooh, I think I've heard this one.

 

by Milez72
9-02-07
That story wasn't scary.
What do you want me to tell you then?
Something a little more real life?
Ok. One day, a man named Jason Voorhees...
Yawn.

 

by Milez72
9-02-07
...and as Jason was turned around...
This is so boring! You suck!
Well, it made enough movies!
Those movies are way too old. Something to scare today's generation please!
...so as the rack turned his arms...
Those movies are just becoming painographies...

 

by Milez72
9-02-07
What's a painography?
Where all the studios are just trying to see how much blood they can fit in to make you cringe.
And horror slashers are just overdone to try to draw an adverse recation from the viewing public.
I think you've got a little to much Ebert in you. Where do you get this stuff?

 

by Milez72
9-02-07
I'm thinking your parents let you little kids watch way too much.
Hey, you ever played Postal II?
Give me those scissors.

 

by Milez72
9-02-07
So then I said, 'You are so going to hell!'
What'd he say?
Aw, he was all like, 'NO I'M NOT!'
And I kept going, "Look, TOBOR, dude. It just ain't natural."
So that's when he made the mention of the Discovery Channel?

 

by Milez72
9-02-07
"'Bye, Grandma! 'Bye, Grandad! Don't cry - we'll be back to visit some other time!"
"Start the car! For the love of God, START THAT CAR!"

 

by Milez72
9-02-07
"Boy, Grandma's TV Screen is TINY!"
"How the fuck am I supposed to play Nintendo on THAT thing?"
"Fucking hell, skate if off, boy."

 

by Milez72
9-02-07
"Come in! Mommy's right here in the bath tub!"
"Bitch, get out of there! You know it's fetish-fulfillment day! Now on the bed!"

 

by Milez72
9-02-07
Ok, are the small magnifingy-thing glasses whatever in place, near all the condoms?
Yes, sir.
So that men lacking in confidence will be even more determined to by our 'enlargement program'. Soon they will shout...
Conspiracy!
Sorry, Sir. I have some problems...down there at the moment.

 

by Milez72
9-03-07
Where on earth is the bench?
I dunno. I saw it being taken by guys in yellow vests.
Yeah, they had "City Council" written on the back.
After a akward pause...
What you say !!
[Sigh] All your base are belong to us !!

 

by Milez72
9-03-07
The meeting finally finished and everyone started to leave...
...so the project never was going to go ahead...
Man, my balls are itchy. Hey, look, some gum.
...but none of the one-note characters that day suspected...
...all I said was we should expect a little fallout from it...
And we're prepard for it Chuck.
...the untimely arrival of Mr.Sticks-His-Dick-in-Your-Ass-When-You're-Looking-the-Other-Direction.
...one out of five...it'll do.

 

by Milez72
9-03-07
Sanderson talked about the wrong things. He was soon visited by TOBOR.
TOBOR HEARS YOU SPREADING LIES! PREPARE YOUR FLESHY CORNHOLE!
Have you heard of Cornholio?
WHO'S THAT?
Only someone so fearsome, so terri--
TOBOR DOES NOT CARE. TOBOR WILL DEAL WITH 'CORNHOLIO' ANOTHER TIME. TOBOR CORNHOLE YOU NOW! RAAAR!

 

by Milez72
9-03-07
So may I ask why you were dry humping the fence, whilst covered in camoflage body paint?
...Well...you see...I was trying to make sure that no matter what the threat, the security stopped it. Well done officer.
Shit, he's not buying it.
TOBOR has a new cellmate.

 

by Milez72
9-05-07
Any are there any questions about the class?
Yeah, when Barbossa walked down the stairs in the second movie, were the looks of surprise genuine or put on by the actors?
What does that have to do with anything I've said? Have you even been paying attention?
Pirates Of The Carribean is much more interesting.
Well, pay attention, because avoiding Velociraptors could save your life.
I'm more worried about the Kracken.

 

by Milez72
9-07-07
In lighter news, a local parent was charged with genocide today, after killing dozens, and injuring hundreds more.
The man in question drove his 1987 Fiero without consideration. We now cross to Jon, with the with culprit.
Thanks, Bob. Sir, didn't it ever occur to you that you were making multiple fatalities, enough that even Satan would have said, "Holy Shit, dude, that guy is almost pushing Stalin for a bodycount!"?
Well, I heard one 'THUMP!' followed by a couple more. I thought I had a flat. So I ignored it for the time being and just kept going.
The poor local school got a great deal of schadenfreude from the ordeal, with local governments supporting them in the aftermath.
Carrying on, and a new comic strip has recieved the Russian Novel award from SparkNotes. The strip, titled 'Too Long', just kept going on, and soon enough was looking to challenge 'War & Peace'...

 

by Milez72
9-07-07
One day, in Oslo, Norway...
Just a little bit more shading on the foreground...
Ah-ha, my work of art is complete.
Who the hell just graffitied 'Insert Cock Here >>>>>' on The Scream?

 

by Milez72
9-09-07
Arthur had become so well known on Earth, that the only beings that he could meet were aliens.
Hmm, awfully strange fellow.
Because little did the aliens know, Arthur had a horrbile condition. (Apart from wearing footy shorts all the time.)
Not really worth the probe from what he's told me.
For Arthur, had a condition that caused others to give him the name, The-Guy-Who-Violently-Screams-Whilst-Raping-The-Other-Person-Ass- Regardless-Of-What-Has-Been-Said-To-Him-By-His-Doctors.
Ah...AH...AHHH!

 

by Milez72
9-13-07
Who can tell me what hideous diseases infect this horrible sexual deviant, class?
Wait a second...what have you been on boy? I know the problem!
What is it? It's like my intestines are clawing to get out!
Don't worry children, got the litle kitty. How'd you get it all the way up there anyway?
I think it chased the hamster...

 

by Milez72
9-13-07
Outside the police headquarters...
Destroy them!
You're a Kil-Bot right? What's wrong with you?
Oh, right! WHO DO THEY THINK THEY ARE! Destroy. Destroy! DESTR -- wait, I still have something in my eye.
Excellent. Wait, what did you say? You don't have eyes like that! Damn your AI!

 

by Milez72
9-14-07
Destroy them! Destroy them!
Get out of my mind you crazy ghost! Why would I want to do that?
Who said I was crazy? I'm saying because the criminals took your wife from you.
Why would I want to destroy them for THAT?!? Where's my cheque book?

 

by Milez72
9-14-07
Who can tell me what hideous diseases infect this horrible sexual deviant, class?
[BZZZ] "I'll go with AIDS and a mixture of SARS and Bird Flu."
Correct. Johnny is now in the lead with 500 points. Early on the buzzer there Johnny, nice work. Back to the questions.

 

by Milez72
9-15-07
I watched as they ignored the loud 'THUMP' noise. The ever-increasing multiple fatalites.
The guy in the Fiero laughing, after screaming, "schadenfreude THIS, Word-Of-The Day-Calander!"
I only wished I had popcorn...
[sniff]...that was beautiful.

 

by Milez72
9-16-07

 

by Milez72
9-16-07

 

by Milez72
9-16-07

 

by Milez72
9-16-07

 

by Milez72
9-16-07

 

by Milez72
9-16-07

 

by Milez72
9-27-07
Rule #1 about Clown Club is: you do not talk about clown club.
Wait - can you even talk? Hell, can you even fight?
********************SMACK*******************
[cough] A simple 'yes' would have sufficed. Ohhhh....

 

by Milez72
9-27-07
Rule #1 about Clown Club is: you do not talk about clown club.
Wait - can you even talk? Hell, can you even fight?
********************SMACK*******************
[cough] A simple 'yes' would have sufficed. Ohhhh....

 

by Milez72
9-27-07
Rule #1 about Clown Club is: you do not talk about clown club.
Rule #2: Miniture tricycles are at your own expense.
Rules #3: BAGGY PANTS! BAGGY!

 

by Milez72
9-27-07
Rule #1 about Clown Club is: you do not talk about clown club.
God, Johnson just let's anyone in nowdays! They don't even have to prove themselves!
Your telling me. First a skeleton, what next? Satan himself?
...look, I REALLY think this is the club for you!
UNNG!

 

by Milez72
3-19-08
As you can see, you're trailing in the polls.
And badly.
I see.
How? It was advocating the KKK revival for votes wasn't it?
Well. That and others.
You'll have to get the votes by buying them back. Thankfully, people have got cheap since Bush.
I see.
Mint?
Got my vote!

 

by Milez72
3-19-08
In these times of war, neglect, economic distubances we have to look at what we hold true to ourselves. What the nuclear family stands by.
That's right. Heavly enforced curfews and national security. What way to protect your citizens then by controlling their every motion?
Or, you come to Australia. It's really so much more fun.

 

..remind about side effects.
Oh. And after those months in the machine, you will experience servere lockjaw. At best.
by Milez72, 5-25-08

 

...turn your back on Harold.
...penguin walking for the next week...
by Milez72, 5-25-08

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