All comics by Penguin_Lad

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by Penguin_Lad
10-27-03
Jesus meets his end
Gonna finish you off! I love nails!
Holy Christ, get it over with
What do I do again
Hey, over here! Big head!
HEAD! NAILS!
STOP LAUGHING DAD, I CAN HEAR YOU.

 

by Penguin_Lad
10-27-03
A beautiful day in the park..
Why hello there girly
Hello mister!
You are very pretty. Can you dance for me girly?
Sure mister, here I go!
Unn yea...you little bit...GNNNN!
Is your leg itchy mister?

 

by Penguin_Lad
10-27-03
No really, I'm gonna bein in that new Duke Nukem game.
Time for a slightly biting comment about the game and the industry in general I think. And Microsoft.
There's no need to be like that, ya wierdo. Bye.
I have to say fuck right about now...it's what I do.
I won't speak in this frame, for comic effect

 

by Penguin_Lad
10-27-03
So anyway, I'm in the second hand shop...
Oh fuck, not this joke again...
Hey come back!
Sorry got to hop
I'M 'ARMLESS YOU KNOW.

 

by Penguin_Lad
10-27-03
Look I like you Frank, you just aren't my type...
One date won't hurt will it! I promise not to decompose on it.
I'm not sure you quite understand, has no one ever told you about witches?
I know you like to ride that stick like a horny little...
For fucks sake...we are all lesbians, get it! Do you think I'd form a coven for chat and coffee?
So when you said you loved pussy...

 

by Penguin_Lad
10-27-03
Bloop bloop wibble flurrrrp!
May I rip out his eyes and use them to form part of a delicious buffet, Master?
Schloop, schloop, maana me krickkkk!
I do not fear you fish face, I will crush you like a cockle!
Flurggle fee, craaaackaaa meshi mon mon ferebo!
Salt water, WHERE?

 

by Penguin_Lad
10-27-03
Ok take a letter - Dear Timmy, as you are a reprehensible little c...
WHAT! Come on Santa you can't write back like that...
HOW MANY TIMES? You call me MR CLAUS you worthless piece of puke!
Hey ok chill Mr Claus, go away to that happy place, remember it?
Fuck your happy place! Now, do you want to clean out the Reindeers naked again boy? Dear Timmy...
Childhood dreams my ass

 

by Penguin_Lad
10-27-03
Later in the factory...
How's the new Robot line coming along Barry...WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?
The new gift boxes, as you ordered Mr Claus!
I said ORANGE you pointy eared fuckwit. That's yellow! You know what this means...
I'm sorry Mr Claus please don't send me out there...
You too?
Yea, let's start looking for organs.

 

by Penguin_Lad
10-27-03
During a slack period
So where does Santa go on Holiday?
No one is sure, but he always comes back tanned!
Bali? Cali? Where?
Rumour has it Haiti!
...hahahahah...and then he shit himself! I've still got pictures, you wanna see?
You are a fucking nasty piece of work Santa

 

by Penguin_Lad
10-27-03
Now who's the daddy?
...you are Santa...
IT'S MR CLAUS TO YOU, WORM!? WHO'S day is it?
...your day, all yours...
LIGHTS! You just don't sound sincere Jesus. Another thousand years ought to do it though...
...nooooo...

 

by Penguin_Lad
10-28-03
A chance encounter for the Clergyman...
Why hello there!
Bless you my child
Can you haylp me father?
Speak, and I will solve your Ills if I can. Blessed be the Lord.
Inside the man...
I have unpure thoughts about you father...
TAKE IT ALL OFF AND KNEEL TO ME! NOW I MAKE BABIES!

 

by Penguin_Lad
10-28-03
On the corner of Appleton Street
Wooooooooooooahhhhh, my loooovvveee...
Looks its £15 for a topless hand shandy, ok?
My darrrling...I hungerrrrr for youurrrr touch!
Think of the money, think of the money...
Heh, they fall for it everytime...
Okay look. I'll suck you off, spit it onto my chest, call you daddy, and then dance like a monkey...all for £15!

 

by Penguin_Lad
10-28-03
Ho hum...
We are here to show you the futility of making comics
Well said Deborah. No doubt there are spelling mistakes by now too.
Well, as the default characters in this little puppet show, I feel misrepresented by the website as a whole.
Indeed, we are either underused, or seen as an awful cliche. What can we do to change people's attitudes?
Did you see that?
Now the continuity is spoilt, and the magic is broken. Please do not look at us again, demon.

 

by Penguin_Lad
10-28-03
La di da
Oh look we return, flipped back to our rightful places!
Quite Deborah. But do you ever feel we could be MORE than this?
I can sympathise with your yearnings, but I cannot wholly comprehend your sublime undertone.
Try and move your arm.
GNNNNNNnnnnnnn
We are cursed cut outs in a tramps piss puddle. How I lament our existence.

 

by Penguin_Lad
10-28-03
Doobe do da!
Do you not feel our previous two comics have been vering on the obvious?
Another good point Deborah. I agree with your summarisation of our situation. But it is what we are for.
You mean to ponder our existence over and over? Like a fish trapped in a bowl...blank eyes staring out at those staring in?
Something like that...
Ah you mean we are here for the lazy stripper who wants to just put across some nonsensical point?
Yes.

 

by Penguin_Lad
10-28-03
Cha cha cha!
So what have we learnt from this?
Well Deborah, I've learnt a very important lesson. One which will stay with me for all time.
You have already mentioned that we are actually in our rightful place amongst the cosmos...is that it?
Not quite...
Perhaps you still believe there is more out there? By allowing yourself to fall into the trap of being comfortable with our place, it actually makes you realise there is really something missing.
You don't know my fucking name, do you bitch?

 

by Penguin_Lad
10-28-03
Santa's Grotto
Ho ho hooooo girl! Come and sit on my knee right this instant, you cute little thing!
Erm are you ok Santa?
Yes my dear. But call me Mr Claus.
Ok Mr Claus...
Actually call me Daddy. Say it...say it slow.
Erm...

 

by Penguin_Lad
10-28-03
It's Christmas Day
Happy Christmas Mr Jesus sir!
Hrur, what, whos that there?
You always seem drunk this time of year, so I thought I'd bring you something.
For me...my...birthday?
...anyway I'm sorry he went into a fit and ate the invitation to your birthday party Mr Claus.
Not to worry Barry, it was laced with laxative just in case...hahahahaha!

 

by Penguin_Lad
10-28-03
Why have you left me father? I cannot die, I am held prisoner by the psychotic Santa! WHAT DID I DO?
...
I had a word with the big fella for you. He prefers David Blaine.
*ACK*

 

by Penguin_Lad
10-28-03
Another vaction trip for Mr C...
...and would you believe that Jesus actually coughed up his own SHIT he was that upet?
You know even I'm worried. Isn't this all a bit extreme...I mean it's the son of god for Christ's sake!?
I guess maybe you've got a point...
Well you know...
So want to hear about the time I jammed peanuts under his eyelids?
Hell yeah!

 

by Penguin_Lad
10-28-03
At the Salon
Good morning sweetie! What would you like today?
Hey you aren't my normal stylist...
Yes well...I'm from out of town, an erm...Salon exchange program!
Hey cool I'd like to try something new...
Just as I suspected! Don't flinch or it will burrow deeper!
GNNNNNNNNNNN!!!

 

by Penguin_Lad
10-28-03
Some fucked up girl
Yea Manic Street Preachers yea! There old stuff is best, and I cut myself up and everything, and they are just SO good. WOO I'm just so lively and everyone likes me.
Yea yea...design for Australia...you stole the sun from my Kevin Children could be next, yea, yea! I'm so nice to everyone, I can't think of a person who doesn't like me!
Her friends
Wow she was such a bitch to that guy. He was so nice too, we should give him a call. I feel so bad for him...
Yea, sometimes I wonder if all that bravdo and front isn't just because she's a scared little girl, with a mass of insecurities and mental problems...

 

by Penguin_Lad
11-20-03
Another Concept Meeting
That's right! I'm the daddy! And I got another best selling idea!
Oh shit not again...we've been here for fourteen hours...and I can't believe he got us to play strip poker...
Ok! It's time to bring back what we all loved about the 80's! Naked women with massive tits!
God anything to shut him up...
2 years later
TO ALL CREDITORS...

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