All comics by Qman

Profile

 

by Qman
1-22-04
Dude, I need a job...
No shit, Sherlock...
I wonder why MSN fired me, anyway?
Well, it COULD be cuz you called your boss an assmunch...
I guess I'll go apply at AOL...
Dude, you have to smarter than a cabbage to work at AOL...

 

by Qman
1-22-04
Hello Misty!
Hiya Guy!
You know I think you're really cute, right?
Yeah...I do ^_^
So....wanna go out sometime?
AGGGGHHHH! MEN!!!!

 

by Qman
1-22-04
Somewhere at AOL...
Dude - I can't believe we landed jobs at AOL!!!
Yeah! How cool is that??? I can't wait to see what this server does...
How long have we been in here, anyway?
Oh, I don't know...a while - maybe an hour or two, why?
Does it seem odd to you that they locked the door when they left?
Not nearly as odd as the pile of bones in the corner...

 

by Qman
3-10-04
Meanwhile, in the IT room...
Mike, can I have admin rights on my machine?
What for?
Well, I want to download stuff and play with it, but I dont want to try these programs on my HOME PC...
So, you're asking me to compromise network security, expose our customer database to hackers, AND make it possible for you to do LESS work?
Well, no...I just want to see what the Snow White screensaver is like...it sounds cool!
I think you're missing the point here...

 

by Qman
4-03-04
Dude, how come you're lagging so bad?
Just keep quiet...dont answer him...
Cripes, bro - Im getting timeouts now when I ping you!
Must...keep....quiet...
There we go! Response from eMachine78331...WTF??? You bought an eMachine???
Busted....

 

by Qman
4-03-04
Hey, welcome to XYZ Corp - Im Mike, the IT guy...
Hi, umm...my name is Donna...I'll be working in customer service...
Oh God...not customer service...
So, what kind of computers do you use here? Emachines or Packard Bell?
Ok lady, first of all, lets clean up the language a little, ok?
Sorry...you must be one of those Commodore 64 nerds, huh?

 

by Qman
4-03-04
So begins the war...
Hey Steve...have you seen Mike anywhere? Something's wrong with my computer...
You do realize that I also work on computers around here, right?
Umm, yeah, but you're not very...how do I put this...
Customer oriented? User friendly? Spit it out man!
Well...the last time you fixed my computer, you threatened to send me to the tenth level of hell...
Hey, YOU were the one who installed Bonzi Buddy...not me...

 

by Qman
4-03-04
So, like, you're the IT guy, right?
I'm one of them, yeah...why, do you need work done on your computer?
Well, no...not exactly...I just...umm...
You just...need your email configured? A proxy setting tweaked? Perhaps your default gateway is wrong???
Actually, I just think that computer geeks are sexy...especially long haired ones...
MIKE!!! A little help here...looks like we have another "geek groupie..."

 

by Qman
4-03-04
Let me get this straight - there's a girl who works here who is a "geek groupie"?
Yeah, she just about had her way with me right here in the server room!
Hmm...and why didnt you take her up on it?
Dude, I have MORALS...its UNETHICAL...its just WRONG!
Translation: You're STILL waiting for your mail order Viagra to come in, aren't you?
Hey, YOU try performing in a server room whose average temperature is 32 degrees...ever hear of "shrinkage"?

 

by Qman
4-03-04
Hey dude. Wanna go shooting this weekend?
Umm, sure. I dont have anything planned...
What happened to your EverQuest tournament? Wasnt that this weekend?
Umm...yeah...it was...but I can always do that...umm...later....
They're making you go to EQ-aholics Anonymous again, aren't they?
...yeah...again...

 

by Qman
4-03-04
Umm, hey...my name is Steve, and uh...Im an EQ-aholic...
...crickets chirping...
Isn't this where everyone is supposed to clap and welcome me to the group and stuff??
Dude, you're the only one here!

 

by Qman
4-03-04
Dude, I just found my next ex-wife!!
Again?? Who is it this time? The gal in accounting? The new customer service girl?
No no no dude...you don't understand...this it's different!!!
Ok - I give up...who is this vixen that has ensnared your heart?
SHAKIRA!!! Dude, she is young, hot and rich...plus she's got a nice belly!
Yeah, and I just KNOW that she is looking for a middle-aged, balding, slightly overweight, pale geek...its a match made in heaven

 

by Qman
4-03-04
At long last, the truth comes out...
Hey buddy, something I can help you with?
I think you know why I'm here, my son...
Uhh, listen..if this is one of those weird, preist-meets-altar boy fetish clubs, count me out...
No...I am here to collect on a promise you made not so long ago...
Wait...you don't mean...
That's right...come now, did you really think you could pass that MCP test on your own? God is waiting out front in his H2...

 

by Qman
4-03-04
What NOT to do on a date...
So did you have a good time tonight on our date?
Think of something nice to say...
I can honestly say, I've never played "pull my finger" on a first date before...
Yeah, I am the man, aren't I? Wanna come in? My parents are out of town this weekend...
Wait...he's 28 and still living with his parents? God, kill me now...

 

by Qman
4-03-04
At the Avatar Retirement Home....
Hey, long time no see!!!
Yeah, how long has it been?
Too long...I wonder, why doesn't anyone ever use MS Comic Chat anymore?
Probably because there were no nude avatars...if only Bill could have bought the rights to Lara Croft, we might still have jobs...
Heh...heh...Lara Croft...
I'll just leave you alone with your...thoughts... *ick*

 

by Qman
4-04-04
What the hell are you doing here?
Well, I've been following the story here, and it looks like you could use some help with the ladies...
Let me get this straight...Im supposed to take dating tips from a paperclip?
You obviously need SOME sort of help, buddy...
I think I would better off taking advice from Bonzi Buddy...
You shouldn't have gone there dude...

 

by Qman
4-04-04
Never piss off Clippy...
Whatever dude...listen, why dont you go annoy someone else for a while. I really don't need your help...
Suit yourself, buddy...just remember these three numbers: 4-1-9...
Yeah, whatever dude. Now go!
Wait...419, doesn't that have something to do with the Nigerian money scam?
You've got mail! *Subject* Please to help me smuggle money out of my country...

 

by Qman
4-05-04
Mondays suck...
Hey bro - how was your weekend?
It seemed really short for some reason...almost like I lost time somewhere...
Umm, do you think it might because of the time change?
Nah, I think it has something to do with playing EQ for 36 hours straight.
You know, they have support groups to help addicts like yourself...
I'm not an addict! I can quit any time!

 

by Qman
4-05-04
Whoa! Dude, what happened to the server room? It's so...clean!
I got tired of the clutter and disorganization, so I did a little spring cleaning.
Well, that's all well and good, but where did all of our servers go?
I noticed that they were taking up most of the room, so I threw them in the dumpster out back...
So, uh...how are we going to justify keeping our jobs if there are no servers to take care of?
Well, we could...ummm...er..oh shit...

 

by Qman
4-06-04
Somewhere in the AOL server room...
Shit, man what happened to the server room???
I set all the servers to use my thought patterns as a screen saver!
So what you're telling me is that what I am seeing is your brain waves?
Thats right! Pretty damn cool, huh?
Dude, I think you might have ADD...
I do NOT have...OOO - look at that butterfly!

 

by Qman
4-06-04
Qman starts his ADD treatment...
Ok, supposedly I take this pill and everything will be calm and normal...
Five minutes later...
. . .
Damn...where did everything go???

 

by Qman
4-07-04
News alert: Gateway closes stores...
What the hell?
The move, which had been predicted as a fallout of the company's merger with eMachines Inc., will serve as an important step toward reducing Gateway's cost structure, analysts said.
So, Gateway merged with eMachines and actually thought that they could stay in business?
Yeah, they should have seen that one coming, huh?
...wait...my computer can talk?

 

by Qman
4-07-04
Yeah, I can talk. I just never had anything to say before.
So, how long have you been able to talk?
Since the day you bought me...
So, you basically have been sitting there quietly everytime I was looking at pr0n?
What the hell did you expect me to do? Holler "Oh baby" or something?
NO!! Well...wait...maybe...

 

by Qman
4-08-04
The truth comes out...
Where would you like to go today?
Cute...very cute. Lets just load up some pr0n and get it over with, mmkay?
"We're sorry - Internet Exploder has experienced a problem and will be shut down."
Dammit - why does that always happen to me?
The truth? Bill Gates is currently in private sessions with all of the cam-sluts on this site, so no one else can get to it.
Ok, being a greedy bastard is one thing, but now he's gone too far...

 

by Qman
4-08-04
Email To: Bill Gates
RE: Please log off the pr0n site dude...
There - that should just about do it....
*Send*
Hee hee hee...I just owned his @$$ so bad!
*ding* Mail From: Bill Gates - Message: Not a chance, you MCSE wannabe. All your cam-sluts are belong to me.
This means war...

 

by Qman
6-09-04
The birth of Lowbrow.org
What the hell is going on dude...Lowbrow.com is down!
Yeah, the little punk that runs it is trying to convince everyone that it costs 200.00 a month to run it...
WHAT?? Great, now what am I supposed to do all day???
Taken care of, bro...guess who just bought www.lowbrow.ORG?
...Guess I have some coding to do, eh?
You're already ten minutes late getting started...

 

by Qman
6-09-04
Lowbrow.org goes live...
So how's the coding coming along for the new site?
Done. The database and scripting were cake. Ten minutes worth of work. The hard part was choosing a good banner...
Yeah? What did you go with?
Well, I had 15 different banners with different cleavage and butt shots...it was tough, but I think I picked the best one...
Umm...do the words "banner rotation script" mean anything to you?
Yeah, isnt that a script that lets you use more than...one...banner... Heh - guess I still have some coding to do....

 

by Qman
6-21-04
The boss makes an appearance...
I have a bone to pick with you, Mr IT Guy...its about our website!
You mean the one that I've been working on for three months now? The one that is going live tomorrow?
Yes, thats the one. The only problem I have with it is the color. I don't like blue. You need to rewrite it using red instead.
Wait - we spent 2 weeks coming up with that shade of blue. We voted on it. If we change it to red, it will set us back another 2 weeks! I'll have to redo the graphics, the...
Well, the launch date is tomorrow, so you better get busy - when it launches, I want to see RED!!!
I'm ALREADY seeing red, sir....

 

by Qman
6-22-04
Busy busy busy...
I have some printouts that I need scanned right away!
No problem - what format do you want them in? jpeg? pdf? gif?
Doesn't matter to me, I just want to be able to print them
Wait...you want me to scan a printout...that you already have...just so you can print them out?
Exactly - now get hopping!
Must...remain...calm...

 

by Qman
6-30-04
Qman prepares for his vacation...
Let's see...everything is documented, emergency phone numbers are printed out, backup support is on standby...why do I feel like I'm forgetting something?
Did you move your porn off the file server?
Oh shit! Thanks for the reminder!
I got your back, dude...

 

by Qman
7-28-04
Hey bro...I see www.lowbrow.org is over 1000 posts...
Yeah, and...?
Remember what you promised the users when we hit 1000?
Oh...you mean...that I would purposely shit myself?
Yeah...so are you going to?
Already did...well, just a little...

 

by Qman
7-28-04
Not another consultant...
Hey there, how can I, uh, help you?
I'm the new consultant your company hired...I wanted to talk to you about your email setup..
Sure, we have two email servers...a POP3 and a brand new Exchange server...still in the configuration stages though...
Have you ever thought of using MSN mail? Its so stable and secure!!! Especially when you install MSN Explorer!
Umm, did I mention I used to work for MSN tech support? I know all about MSN Explorer...
Oh...well, then you probably know about the security holes I wasn't going to mention...

 

by Qman
7-28-04
...sigh...
Hey, I need to switch out monitors for a few days - we need your 21 inch for a meeting tomorrow...
Well, just make sure you bring it back, after all it is MY monitor....
Umm, technically all computer hardware belongs to the company, not the individual employees...
Ok. As long as you understand that this is MY monitor...
You know, this just proves that you can't talk to some people...
Of course, you can keep the 21 inch monitor if you buy me a 17 inch flat panel - that would be even BETTER! I could see so much more on the smaller screen because it's FLAT...

 

by Qman
7-31-04
The lowbrow.org server room before Tjay linked to us...
*reload*....*reload*....
Tjay links to us...NOW...
*reload*....*reload*....
The lowbrow.org server room 3 minutes after the link was added...
WTF??? Damn...something's not right....

 

by Qman
7-20-05
It starts out innocently enough...
I have a bunch of orders going out today and the customer wants pictures of them...is this possible?
Sure it is - do they want a picture of the inventory as a whole or photos of each item as it goes out?
??? I dont understand the question - the customer just want pictures of their orders...
Do they want all of the orders put together in the picture, or do they want us to take individual pictures of EACH order?
...and ends up yet another exercise in frustration.
I still dont understand what you are saying...why can't you just answer my question????
...you first, lady....you first...

Showing page 1.