All comics by TMCG

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by TMCG
4-19-04
David, David and David vs Goliath
Ladies, gentlemen, and our millions of viewers around the world. We are broadcasting from Hobart Tasmania, and it is time for our main event.
Good Evening, Robert.
Good Evening, Julie. I have to tell you I sure am excited about this match up!
Ooh! It's time for the weigh in.
In the red corner, from Glenorchy Tasmania, weighing in at 600 pounds: Larry, Jim, and Steve, three unemployed builders, each armed with a pair of scissors.
And in the blue corner, from Mozambique Africa and fighting out of the Melbourne zoo, weighing in also at 600 pounds, we have Coco the Gorilla, armed with claudia schiffer.

 

by TMCG
4-19-04
Well, I don't know about you Julie, but I've been waiting for this one. The boys from the Centrelink camp certainly have been making a mark for themselves.
Yes, but you just can't help but love Coco, with his 5 and 0 record here in the Cube.
Coco really does make an impression, and the longer this fight goes on I really think its going to go his way.
And now, here's Big John Macarthy, to get things started.
Are you ready? Are you ready? Then you get it on while I get the fuck out of this cage!

 

by TMCG
4-19-04
Well, its underway and OH MY GOD, COCO JUST TOOK A SWING AT JOHN!!!
Well, that is a surprise, we haven't seen that since Paul "the Nutbuster" Smithers stabbed the referee in the first 3 minutes of that fight back in PFC 1- The DeathArena!
Yes, since then the rules were changed, so referees can do their job outside of the cage, by bouncing on the trampoline floor, either out the door, or the hatch on the top.
Yes Rob, some would say that these rule changes have lessened our sport, but I disagree, I really appreciate the way that things are being done.
Yes Julie, so do I, and I really think our fans have started to as well.
Yes Rob, so do I.

 

by TMCG
4-19-04
Now as you can see here, we have the traditional feeling out process, best seen in any of our great 3 on 1 primate match ups.
This is the technique known as the 'scatter', first introduced by the Gracie brothers.
That of course, was after they were forced to leave the UFC following that unfortunate "training accident".
But perhaps we will also see its counter, the splatter, first pioneered by Jojo the Orangutan against the Gracies, may God rest their souls.
In fact I think I saw Renzie earlier tonight, the only survivor of the final bout from PFC 1.
Oh, yes, there he is in the wheelchair in the aisle near the fourth row.

 

by TMCG
4-20-04
And here we go, I think that's Steve? has just jumped onto Coco's back, and Larry has come from the side and struck with the scissors.
But Coco moved aside, and Claudia has taken that shot STRAIGHT INTO HER LEG!!! Ooh, that's gotta hurt, and look at that, Jim has come from the other side and taken a shot at Coco...
BUT HE'S HIT STEVE, and now all HELL's breaking loose! I can't believe it!
I'm sure glad they changed the "weapon noise rule", so that as we can see Claudia has the gaffa tape over her mouth, to keep the noise level down.
Yes, she would really be screaming now as Coco uses the repeated overhead smash and brings her down on the wounded Steve, causing him to bounce nearly 5 feet in the air!
OUCH! You have to be wondering about the other two, they appear to be regrouping in the corner to regain their breaths!

 

by TMCG
4-20-04
See Julie, this was what I was talking about earlier, because as the fight goes on it will be the gorilla who has the advantage.
All Coco has to do is pick them off one at a time, while the Centrelink boys need to strike fast, using the trampoline to their advantage, and hit the Gorilla where it hurts.
It seems now Coco has finished with Steve, and he has discarded the limp Claudia schiffer to the side.
This seems to be a common flaw with the primate's combat style, none of the gorillas seem to be able to get the hang of using weapons effectively, here in the cube.
Ooh! Larry has tried to bounce over Coco, but Coco has just reached up and grabbed his ankle, and then lunged for Jim, and now he has them both in that great bear-hug type hold!
The Gorillas seem to be SO good at! Yes, I think this one's pretty much over, I really doubt that these two are going to be able to get out of this one.

 

by TMCG
4-20-04
Oh, yes, that's it, Larry is trying to tap out and submit, understandable desperation really, as his eyeball has just popped clear out of his head!
Jim, also in trouble, is turning BLUE, as we see the handlers from the Melbourne Zoo getting ready to tranquilize Coco, just as soon as the 2 men are finished off!
Well there, we have it Julie, Coco wins his sixth fight, and for the second time will be crowned the PFC's, "Champion, of the Cube".
Such a superb show of superior athleticism, it's no wonder that Coco, is number 1.
He truly is the people's champion.
So stay with us folks, we will have the highlights just after this message from our sponsor, and finish off with an interview Coco's trainer.

 

by TMCG
6-02-04
Now you shee that glash over there?
Yep.
Now some would say that it'sh half empty! But not me! I'm an optimisht and I shay it'sh half full!
No they wouldn't.
What do you mean, "No they wouldn't"?
I mean- no they wouldn't.

 

by TMCG
6-02-04
Yes they would. But not me! I'm an optimisht and I shay it'sh half full!
I'd say it was closer to three quarters myself.
Three quarters?!? It doesn't matter how much's in it, it'sh about how you see it.
Well you see it as half, I see it as three quarters.
No! You're not listening, some would shay that it'sh half empty...
A quarter empty.

 

by TMCG
6-02-04
Alright, some would shay that it's a quarter empty, I say... I say that it'sh a quarter FULL!
That doesn't make sense.
What do you mean it doesn't make sense?!?
Well it can't be a quarter empty and a quarter full, that only makes half a glass.
ARGH! You're not listening! Now, some would shay, right, that it's a quarter empty, right?
Yep.

 

by TMCG
6-02-04
But not me, right?
Yep.
I look on the bright side of things, right?
Hang on, I'll go and tip some out.
...
Hey, look at this, it's empty. There's just a line painted around the glass.

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