All comics by WOOD

 

by WOOD
6-07-07
A DAY AT WORK.
You know what... I was talking to that old bat Micheal jackson yesterday in the grocery store. He picked up a bag of nuts but they were old.
Thats Micheal.
So I asked him you sure you want old nuts I don't think that's healthy to eat.He looked at me and said no their perfectly healthy alright.
Thats Micheal.
So I looked at him and said you know they are 12 years old right and he said yeah exactly I Like them when their 12 not 18.
That is definetly Micheal.

 

by WOOD
6-07-07
A thief stuck a pistol in a man's ribs and said, "Give me your money.
The gentleman, shocked by the sudden attack, said "You cannot do this, I'm a United States Congressman!"
The thief said, "In that case, give me my money!

 

by WOOD
6-07-07
THE REAPER and John
Okay look here Jonh your dead okay D-e-d dead.
Thats not how you spell dead .
Shut up. Now you have two choices you can go to the firey pits of hell and burn forever or you can go to heaven where you will be reunited with your ex-wife.
My ex-wife I rather go to hell.
Good. I would have picked the same choice.

 

by WOOD
6-07-07
ALRIGHT LISTEN . A group of hikers were being led through the wilderness by a guide. On the third day, the hikers noticed that they had been traveling in circles.
''We're lost!'' One of the hikers complained.''And you said you were the best guide in the United States.''
''I am,'' the guide answered, '' but I think we may have wandered into Canada.''

 

by WOOD
6-07-07
ALRIGHT LISTEN. A man goes to his doctor and says, ''Doctor, Doctor, please help me! I've got a problem.'' The doctor examines the man and finds the man has a red ring around his penis.
The doctor gives him an ointment to rub on the problem area. ''It's all cleared up!'' the man reports when he returns. ''But what was that medication you gave me?......''
THE DOCOR SAYS.. ''Lipstick remover.''

 

by WOOD
6-07-07
AT THE COMIC SHOW...
ALRIGHT LISTEN. Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?
"No," said his mom, "Of course not."
Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"

 

by WOOD
6-07-07
Little Johnny hears the word bitch at school. So he goes home and asks his mom "What does bitch mean". His mom answers "Bitch means people like you and me". Then Johnny hears the word shit.
So he asks his mom what it means his mom says "Shit means food". Johnny hears fuck. Being the curious person he is he asks his mom. She says "Fuck means changing clothes". Then his mom says
"Johnny the presindent is comming so answer the door and tell him that the foods on the table and me and your dad are changing clothes up stairs". When the president comes...
LET ME GUESS JOHNNY SAYS ... Johnny says "Hi bitch, the shits on the table and my mom and dad are fucking up stairs".

 

Alright the following are no jokes at all but are really true facts. did u know thatCoca-Cola was originally green, Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.
Did u know that Hawaiian alphabet has 12 letters,Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear better,
by WOOD, 6-08-07

 

by WOOD
6-08-07
Some more true life fact are... did u know that The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.
Deally. Did u know that Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt,.
Did you know that The youngest pope was 11 years old.
No i didn't. did u know that The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.

 

by WOOD
6-08-07
okay over a period of time i will be iforming you on true actual facts. okay so did you know that
Yahoo the complex internet organism has complicated name. Word "Yahoo" is shortcut for "Yet Another Hierarchical Officious Oracle". It was coined by PhD candidates at
Stanford University: David Filo and Jerry Yang.

 

by WOOD
9-03-07
Some Where in a cave in Pakistan...
Hey Mr. Bin Laden do you want to play a game with me?
Sure, we can paly my favorite "hide and go seek". 1! 2! 3! Not it!!
Good Luck!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

by WOOD
9-03-07
One day Brad finds Michael Jackson at an arcade.
Hey Michael I loved that song you made Billy Jean.
Thanks.
Hey is it true that Billy Jean... well is it true that she was a real person?
Yeah he was.
Don't you mean she was real...?
No I mean he. Billy Jean was a man.

 

by WOOD
9-03-07
In the hall way at Stephenson high.
You know what? It would be a miracle if Osama gave himself up to U.S. forces.
Yeah that would be something huh.
It will also be a miracle if some of these teachers had degrees and could actually teach.
That would be a miracle... to bad it will never happen - well at least not in our generation.

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