All comics by biptetk

Profile

 

by biptetk
4-27-14
Look over there!
Yea?
You see those two hags?
Uh... yea!
That's us in 10 years!
Um... that's a mirror!!!

 

by biptetk
4-27-14
Kevin, would you take a bullet for me?
Probably not.
What? Why?
Because, Tristi, if I have time to jump in front of a bullet, you have time to move.
Figures!

 

by biptetk
4-28-14
Did you hear the sad news?
What? No!
The owner of the local theater passed away.
Oh! No! What time is the funeral?
2, 4:30, 7 and ten.

 

Dad, how do you know you've met the perfect woman?
She will usaully tell you!
by biptetk, 4-28-14

 

by biptetk
4-28-14
Man! Working here is like living in OZ
Why's that?
Our boss doesn't have a heart, our co-workers don't have brains,
and I don't have the courage to quit!

 

by biptetk
4-28-14
I never change the clock in my car.
And how's that working out for you?
Six months of the year, I'm an hour late.
The other six months I'm two hours late.

 

by biptetk
4-28-14
My wife done left me with our six-year-old and our three-year-old.
Well at least you got yer kids man!
They's just one prob'm.
Yea?
She went and left the six-year-old in charge.
Bummer dude!

 

by biptetk
4-28-14
I surveyed 100 women and asked them what shampoo they used when showering.
Ah, cool! What were your results?
98 of them said, "How did you get in here?"

 

by biptetk
4-28-14
I'll tell you one thing...
Yea?
If it were the other way around, I doubt I'd take in 23 old ladies.

 

by biptetk
4-28-14
And in this room is where all the magic happens!
Is that right?
That's right! I get naked and my wife does a disappearing act.

 

by biptetk
4-28-14
Good moring sir. Do you believe in God?
My wife does. She thinks I'm a god.
Oh! Really?
Oh, yea. She barely notices I exist until she wants something.

 

by biptetk
4-28-14
I always cry at weddings.
Because it's such a joyous occasion?
No, it's because I know what it's like to be married.

 

by biptetk
4-28-14
Went to my doctor yesterday.
Oh, yea? What for?
I was complaining about my athlete's foot.
What did he say?
He said, "By the looks of you, I don't think you have athlete's anything."

 

by biptetk
4-28-14
BRAINS!! BRAINS!!
BRAINS!! BRAINS!!
BRAINS!! BRAINS!!

 

by biptetk
4-28-14
BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH
BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH
BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH
How come people never get talker's block?

 

by biptetk
4-28-14
In the latest developments...
The Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man, Teddy Grahams Bear, and Count Chocula perish in a massive house fire.
S'more at eleven.

 

by biptetk
4-28-14
Hi!
Don't even think about it. I'm way out of your league.
What are you talking about?
Can't you see how beautiful I am?
Your face is fine. But, you'll have to put a bag over that personality.

 

by biptetk
4-28-14
What's up Stace?
Oh! I can't get my husband interested in me anymore.
Wear leather. A man goes crazy and weak in the knees when their wives wear leather.
Really? Why?
Because she smells like a new truck.
Oh!

 

by biptetk
4-28-14
My wife likes to run her fingers through my hair.
Ah, to be young and in love.
Doesn't your wife do that?
No. The only time my wife runs her fingers through my hair is when she cleans the shower drain.

 

If you were my husband I'd poison your coffee.
If you were my wife, I'd drink it!
by biptetk, 4-28-14

 

by biptetk
4-29-14
My wife quit speaking to me.
Why?
Well, I wouldn't open the car door for her.
What? That isn't so bad. What's her beef?
Exactly! It's not my fault. I just panicked & swam to the surface.

 

by biptetk
4-29-14
You know that "Press any key to quit" option on the computer?
Yea! What about it?
Sure is a lot easier than writing those resignation letters.
Hmm..

 

Bank of America is firing 3500 people.
I Hope they don't fire that one guy whose window is open.
by biptetk, 4-29-14

 

by biptetk
4-29-14
What are you doing?
Practicing my Karate moves. Isn't it cool to take lessons in Karate?
Sure! Karate seems like a good skill to have if you're ever attacked by a stack of boards.

 

by biptetk
4-29-14
I've got this great advertisement about toothbrushes.
Oh, yea? What does it say?
It says you should try "the toothbrush most dental professionals use"
That's gross; I'll buy my own.

 

by biptetk
4-29-14
I wish my uncle was still alive.
Why?
He used to pull quarters out of my ear and now I could really use the change.

 

by biptetk
4-29-14
So I heard plan A didn't pan out.
Yea, I'm afraid not.
Well, there's good news!
Oh, yea? What's that?
The alphabet has 25 more letters.

 

by biptetk
4-29-14
I had to borrow my wife's GPS this morning.
That's why you're ticked off?
Heck ya! All it was doing was yelling at me to slow down.

 

Children are natural mimics who act like their parents, despite every effort to teach them what not to do.
Don't...(hic) ever start drinking!!
by biptetk, 4-29-14

 

Children are natural mimics who act like their parents, despite every effort to teach them what not to do.
Don't...(hic) ever start drinking!!
by biptetk, 4-29-14

 

by biptetk
4-29-14
I let a fly into the house.
Not to worry, I'll swat it.
It was a dragonfly.
Then I shall slay it!

 

by biptetk
4-29-14
I schedule conference calls just so I can cancel them at the last minute.
Why would you do that?
Because everybody loves that guy.

 

by biptetk
5-01-14
What are you doin' this weekend?
Gonna watch me some NASCAR.
There's only one thing that would get me interested in NASCAR.
What's that?
If Hot Wheels designed the track.

 

by biptetk
5-01-14
The one thing I can always count on getting on Father's Day.
What's that?
The bills for Mother's Day.

 

by biptetk
5-01-14
I need you to be responsible for...
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Now just hold the phone here.
What seems to be the problem?
Responsible. Who wants to be responsible? Whenever anything BAD happens, it's always "Who's responsible for this?"
Um...
You don't hear that whenever something GOOD happens.

 

by biptetk
5-01-14
I was thinking I should see a psychic.
Are you in the process of finding one?
No, I figure a really good one should be calling any day now.

 

by biptetk
5-01-14
I just sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellent.
Why did't you just smoosh him?
I did something much worse. Now, he'll never have any friends.

 

For you men who think a woman's place is in the kitchen, remember... that's where the knives are kept.
by biptetk, 5-01-14

 

by biptetk
5-07-14
Dude I totally banged this chick last night.
Right on bro! Did you rock her world?
Well, she said I was pretty skilled in the art of love making.
Then why the long face dude?
She just wished I had a bigger paintbrush.
Not cool, bro. Not cool.

Showing page 1.