All comics by finn34

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by finn34
2-06-01
look it's not working out. i think we should take a break. see other people. you know.
don't be mad. it's not you, it's me.
can i at least get my amy grant records back?

 

by finn34
2-06-01
Meanwhile : At the Britney Spears concert
Hey, you're Jesus! Wow! Fancy meeting you here.
Oh. Crystal. I ... uh... got lost. Yeah. I'm going... OK, Bye.
Bye, Jesus!
she knows too much...
He seemed nice.

 

by finn34
2-06-01
somebody help! my love life is out of control! i can't think of anyone to turn to!
allo! i am EL MUCHO BURRO! the conquistador of love!
anyone else?

 

by finn34
2-06-01
i won tickets for Iron Maiden! yeah!
well, i didn't really win them, but some dude was just giving them away! isn't that the coolest?
you don't have to brag about it. i got some too, you were standing right there when the guy handed them to me.

 

by finn34
2-06-01
so, have fun at your girlfriend's tonight?
how did you know i was over at her place?
well, i sort of followed you and videotaped everything
... everything?
yeah. you really oughta get that growth looked at.

 

by finn34
2-06-01
el burro mucho smells your fear...el burro mucho knows your secrets...
el burro mucho --
*sigh* needs cab fare, right?
yeah.

 

by finn34
2-06-01
take it slave! do it , you bad boy!
you grovel at my feet, you worthless sub-creature!
but , mom... do i HAVE to ?

 

by finn34
2-07-01
so, you're here to clean my pipes, eh? eh?
wink wink nudge nudge... eh?
i don't get it.

 

by finn34
3-02-01
what's this ? this is supposed to be my thesis paper!
it seems to have deleted itself and started up my Genesis emulator and started up Zero Wing...
ALL YOUR THESIS ARE BELONG TO US! YOU HAVE NO CHANCE TO SURVIVE!
that's a helluva virus.

 

by finn34
4-06-01
what's going on here ?
the concerned members of the faculty and i are burning the school newspaper in protest
really ? what'd they print that offended you so much?
well, it wasn't in the paper itself, but on a link to another site through the school newspaper's website
and what'd they say when you talked to them?
TALKED TO THEM?!

 

by finn34
4-09-01
HEY BARTENDER! SEE THAT GIRL OVER THERE?
THAT'S YOUR MAMA!!

 

by finn34
4-02-02
Hey. Come here and eat this.
No way, man. I've got my snack foods right here.
I'm just offering you food and you're refusing me?
You go ahead and eat it, I'm going to eat these.
It's not poisoned or anything...
That's what you said last time!

 

by finn34
5-04-03
i want you to take my money that i believe will earn me more and at the same time give me free stuff...
hmm... nope sorry. it says here that you're a facile worthless human being with no sense at all about money.
i want to see your manager!

 

by finn34
10-08-03
I'm dating Susan.
Susan from Accounting?
Yes. Susan from Accounting.
THE Susan from Accounting?
Look. How long is this going to take? Because I have a meeting.

 

by finn34
10-21-03
H3LL0 ALL! I'M A NEWB H3R3! THANKS FOR HAVIN ME! LET'S TALK ABOUT JAPANAIMATIONS! YEAHHH!
That's quite enough exclamation points. Also; welcome.
OMG! Hi2U! ROFLMAO!
Yes. I'm rolling on the floor as well.
I'm rolling right over to the "BANNED" button

 

by finn34
10-21-03
Are you digging the brownies?
Yeah. What's that awesome taste? It's so familiar.
That would be the 3 liters of LSD
urp!
Oh. Oh... Wow! I can see my house from here!

 

by finn34
10-24-03
This is really dumb. I've checked my e-mail ten times in the last hour and nothing.
What are you hoping to get?
At this point, I'd fucking pray for spam!

 

by finn34
10-27-03
wait for it..
wait for it.....
i am dying!!

 

by finn34
10-28-03
So. I'm making this advertising budget and the bitch comes up and says "Your market strategies aren't synergized to the overall theme"
And I'm like, "My media plan calls for over three different ads with three different messages, each tailored specifically to the groups identified in our market segmentations."
Bitch!

 

by finn34
11-05-03
hey! there's a new ______ album out!
yeah? is it any good?
well, let's just say...it sounds just like the last one!
so it sucks?
no, it sounds JUST like the last __________ album!
fuckin' a!

 

by finn34
11-05-03
hey! there's a new ___________ album out!
yeah? is it any good ?
it sounds competely different!
so, you mean it's great?
no, man, it sucks! it sounds completely different than the ____________ i love
fuckin' a!

 

by finn34
2-12-04
Happy VD!
ewww!
Happy VD!
ewww!
Happy VD!
You're gross and I love you.

 

by finn34
4-27-04
oh man. i had a great idea and now it's gone.
was it a funny idea?
i dunno. let me concentrate.
did you just fart?

 

by finn34
4-30-04
i guess i'm just a strange person in a lot of ways...
how so?
sometimes, when an artist seems too "indie" for me to listen to, i wait until they either die or break up their band. Then I buy their whole catalogue.
how does that make you different from anyone who buys a Willie Nelson record?
... Wait. Willie Nelson's not dead.
He's not?! That bastard !!

 

by finn34
4-30-04
OK. Quick capsule Review of Everything Prince has ever recorded....
FUCKING GENIUS.
Proving once again that being tall does not mean you're talented.

 

by finn34
6-15-05
Hey! Did I tell you about my kid's birthday party yet?
No, but I'm sure it's banal.
Aw, man, it was sooo cool. We had cake and a pony and a magician. I think next year we're gonna go with the party clown...
Oh, yeah. Keep talking. I'm reloading my gun.
A FEW HOURS LATER
... and then little Billy threw up in the pool! We laughed and laughed and laughed.
zzzzzzzz

 

by finn34
7-13-05
Boobs are the new butts.
think about it...

 

by finn34
7-13-05
Blarghghagh! I'm drunk! ARR!
TITS ARE THE NEW ASSES!! BLARHGHGH!!
GUGHUGHAUGHUGH
Dude, your George W impression gets better every time.

 

by finn34
7-13-05
Can someone bring me a beef taco-rita? I'm starvin'
Mew?
This is not a taco.
RAWR.

 

by finn34
7-13-05
According to this e-mail, someone around here gargles cocks.
And it's not me.
BAD KITTY!!!
mew?

 

by finn34
7-13-05
I woke up with a HUGE boner.
.. and no, you can't see it.
DAMN!

 

by finn34
7-13-05
You won't believe what I found in the trash this morning!
A bum!
Can I borrow a quarter?

 

by finn34
7-13-05
At the rate things are going, by 2012 all dongs will be illegal
If having a dong is wrong, I don't wanna be right.

 

by finn34
7-29-05
i had that dream again.
the one where you're the pizza delivery man and someone tips you with a five and Lincoln starts talking to you, telling you to do things?
well, i figure, he's Honest Abe, right? he wouldn't lie to me!
even in your dreams, you're dumb.

 

by finn34
7-29-05
i've started eating a ton of Sushi lately.
you've never lived until you've eaten a Spicy Country Lobster Roll from the chest of a nude 12-year-old boy.
NAMBLA called, something about a meeting this Thursday
TAKE A MESSAGE!

 

by finn34
7-29-05
i'm fresh out of college. give me a job, please.
i've waited 4 and a half years for my big break. surely there is a position available that's jus waiting for a talented, smart individual like myself, right?
Two years later.
*sigh* Burgle Burgle. Welcome to McDonalds, Can I take your order?

 

by finn34
7-29-05
i just graduated with an Art degree.
maybe i'll get my own show at a local gallery, open my own studio and move to California where i'll live on a commune with other artists out in Azusa ...
Two months later...
... Would you like to Ubersize your Freedom Fries for just a quarter more?

 

by finn34
7-29-05
working in fast food does have its advantages.
free food for example.
my life insurance pays triple for a job-induced heart attack.

 

by finn34
7-29-05
yeah our jobs suck, but hey, it could always be worse.
oh, how's that?
we could have had our penises removed in a horrible dog grooming accident.
how IS your uncle, by the way?

 

by finn34
8-04-05
yesterday i was told that you've never lived until you've eating a PBJ out of the ass of the guy waiting in line in front of you at the CVS.
which means i've never really lived, either...

 

by finn34
8-31-05
Dude, I got a happytime cake for my birthday.
Eww. Gross. Cake is like kissing your sister!
What about your cousin?
That's pie, my friend.
Delicious pie.

 

by finn34
8-31-05
It's my birthday again and I spent it the same way I did last year.
I woke up around noon. It appears I had passed out in a gutter, clutching an empty 40oz. bottle of Olde English Malt Liquor.
It's a tradition in my family.

 

by finn34
8-31-05
I heard about this cool new game coming out...
It's called "Duke Nukem Forever"
Dude, that joke never gets old.

 

by finn34
8-31-05
The hiiills are aliiiive with the sound of drinking!
What sounds?
You know : "GHGUHUGHUG, buy me nachos, GHUHSUGHUSGHG" stuff like that.

 

by finn34
8-31-05
Someone here smells like urine.
*sniff sniff*
And the chances are good that it's me.

 

by finn34
8-31-05
I think The Moldy Peaches are musical geniuses.
The song "Who's Got The Crack?" speaks for itself, really.

 

by finn34
8-31-05
Regrets I've had a few...
... But then again, too few to mention
Then why bring it up?

 

by finn34
8-31-05
Who's got dongs?
...
...
I meant to say "What time is it?"
Yeah, right.

 

by finn34
8-31-05
Dude, I blame the current OPEC situation on UN Secretary General Kofi Anon.
You blame everything on Kofi Anon. Iran-Contra, The Nigerian Famine, Hurricane Katrina, Dandruff, World Wars 1 and 2...
... And that smug son of a bitch STILL owes me lunch.

 

by finn34
9-01-05
According to Worthington's Law, you and I are more important than Ghandi and Martin Luther King Jr combined.
Take that, Ghandi!

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