All comics by len

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by len
6-06-04
What's up, assmonkey?
I'm playing Full Spectrum Warrior. It's got these amazingly realistic animations and gritty take-no-shit characters
Yeah, so why is everybody cowering like little pussies?
Um, because I've been stuck behind this flowerbed for an hour and a half
Call me when the hooker gets here

 

by len
6-06-04
Do you have that number for dead hooker removal?
There's no such thing. Dead hookers are your problem
...
Well?
Try the 'cower-and-piss-yourself' button

 

by len
6-06-04
What happened to your little peek-a-boo game?
I got tired of the so-called gritty reality of ground combat. I mean com'n, they send in 8 guys instead of the tank and Humvee?
It needed more conscientious objecter buttons. What the fuck is this grope-in-the-dark bullshit you're playing now?
The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from ...
Ok ok, I didn't ask for the fucking entire script. By the way, the dead hooker is taking an acid bath, give it a day or two

 

by len
6-06-04
Hmmm. WTF is www.goatse.cx?
The page cannot be displayed? Uhh ... images.google.com? ...
I fucking knew it
Ahhhhhh! ALT-F4, ALT-F4!

 

by len
6-06-04
Hey 2000 called, they want their URL's back
What the fuck was that. Oh my fucking God, what the hell was that?
Yeah, Tubgirl.com is a real treat for the eyes too. I suggest making it your homepage
Everybody on the forums warned me, I shouldn't have looked. I need to vomit
Uhh, I'd avoid the bathroom if you thought goatse was rough
Seriously? What's in there? It can't be that bad.

 

by len
6-06-04
Forget the bathroom jerk, don't you have some sort of faggoty PC game to be playing?
Well I picked up Singles: Flirt Up Your Life yesterday. It's a real hoot.
... the fuck?
Hey the boobies have dynamic real-time lighting

 

by len
6-06-04
You see the point of the game is to make them do it. I installed the no-blanket patch so I can watch them actually having sex
Look at their fun level, it's through the roof!
... the fuck?
Oo oo, now they're cuddling. I wonder if that's what it's like with a real girl

 

by len
6-06-04
Have you seen a little guy with a big head around here? He owes me $50 and a new miniskirt
uh uh uh
He poured Coke and lemon juice on me and locked me in the bathroom. I thought he was being kinky
Uh yeah, he said to get into my bed over there.
The semen encrusted one with a Yu-Gi-Oh sleeping bag?
Dammit, should have installed the no blanket mod

 

by len
6-06-04
Just get into the bed, I'll be along in a sec
Ok, whoever stole my dead hooker owes me $50
[www.genmay.com] [post topic] "OMG GUYZ! I'mve gotta hookher in my bedz, what do i due?!="

 

by len
6-06-04
Oh there's my dead hooker, how did she get in here?
[www.genmay.com] [reply to Majick8b8ll] [quote="wtf is a hookher?"] "a hookher. fag. a hook her. i'have got a hookher on my Yu-Gi-Oh!"
Yo water-on-the-brain. You owe me $50.
[www.genmay.com] [reply to Ethuggity69] [quote="yer a fag"] "no yer a fag!"
She's getting dressed and leaving. I don't think she's dead anymore.
[www.genmay.com] [new topic] "thax fer nuthing fags, the hookher is gon!

 

by len
6-06-04
I'm beginning to suspect that Riddick is gay
Why's that?
Well for one there's not one chick in the game except for the one in his head
And two, there's this weird bondage thing with him and Johns. Lots of restraints and innuendo
Speaking of restraints, help me catch this hooker

 

by len
6-06-04
Just where do you think you're going?
I'm outta here, you people are too weird. Underwear boy over there is screaming and running all over his room
?
Tubgirl?
My eyes!

 

by len
6-07-04
What was all the Goddamn yelling about?
Nothing. I'm playing Thief: Deadly Shadows to take my mind off of vomiting.
Yeah, I tried out that game on the Xbox, pretty boring stuff. How does one actually attach water to an arrow anyway?
Shut up. It's better then dry heaving.
Not really ... Thief: Impossible Moist Projectiles
Leave!

 

by len
6-07-04
[RING RING] [RING RING]
[click] [Hey, we're out watching The Day After Tomorrow, so leave us a message after the beep and we'll get back to you ... ]
[ ... actually we promised nancy boy we were seeing Raising Helen because he wouldn't stop crying. He'll quiet down as soon as we buy him some JuJu Bees and spike his Coke with roofies. {beeeeeep}

 

by len
6-07-04
Com'n it wasn't that bad. Super fast killer ice is totally believable. I read all about it on moveon.org
Yeah, well why wouldn't the wolves just eat all the 18 million dead people lying around? We should have seen Mean Girls instead.
I wonder what Linday Lohan's nipplage would be like during an ice age.

 

by len
6-08-04
So why do they call you 'The Head'?
Ohhhhh.

 

by len
6-08-04
Did you ever notice that it's pretty bleak in here? I mean there's no color, no decorations or anything.
Just use your imagination, that's what I do.

 

by len
6-08-04
Where's The Head? We probably should keep on eye on the little psychotic.
He's fine, the doctor said it was just a phase. He'll grow out of it.
Huh?
Nevermind. Forget I said anything.
... and in Dave's room.
I fucking hate Gamecubes.

 

by len
6-08-04
You'll thank me later when you start growing a penis.
That faggoty piece of shit needed to be burned. What are missing? Link and Mario plugging the Princess in the brown hole? Hello?
[sniffle]

 

by len
6-08-04
Nancy boy is mad because I burned his Gamecube. He's lucky I didn't destroy his Xbox after I caught him playing Trivial Pursuit: Unhinged yesterday.
Quiet, some girl just ICQ'd me. I think she really digs me.
ICQ?
A/S/L?
What the fuck is this 1996?
LOL, ANAL?

 

by len
6-10-04
All this death and destruction.
Uh oh. I better get the fuck out of here.
I mean how much time in this world do we really have? Buses, airplanes or cars are just around the corner ready to hit, crash or maim you, but we still eat all our vegetables and hope for the best.
Oh fucking hell, gotta move fast. Fag ass is having another deep though.
All this death and destruction.
IT'S JUST A FUCKING HARRY POTTER GAME!

 

by len
6-11-04
and the procession goes on and on and on ..
Reagan died as he lived, a clueless imbecile with Nancy following him around like some sort of fucking 1 month old puppy.
And in his final 'fuck you' to the US, he makes the majority of you suffer so a few can enjoy a BILLION dollar funeral. Ha. Well fuck you Mr. Chimpanzee president. Fuck you indeed.
I think Dan Rather has finally lost it.
Yeah I took off my shirt, I'm fucking Dan Rather!

 

by len
6-11-04
Whatcha playing homo?
Barbie - Extreme Horsefucking.
Hawt

 

by len
6-17-04
... but first your local news.
Our top story, 400 killed in Iraq as an A10 warthog strafed the city of Baghdad. Dispersing death in short quick bursts of its 30 mm gatling rotary canon.
Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld, held a news conference minutes ago and blamed it on pilot error and that "faggot George Tenet and all his cocksuckery" ... Linda?
Thanks Chuck. Hey do you want a Gmail account? Amy Chang lets us know how typing "lollerskates" into internet forums can get you one! That's right after the break.

 

by len
6-18-04
God. Was that a video of a guy being murdered in the street?
Yeah, Anandtech forums posted this totally awesome thread about insurgents being massacred.
Hah. This guy totally slammed a liberal. Fucking commies.
That forum is like central Idaho after a gun show AND a KKK rally.
Shut up. Don't make me call the patriot hotline on you.

 

by len
6-21-04
... tick tick tick tick
No Dan, I'm not a transvestite. And no, my brother Roger and I did not create "The Matrix".
You do realize I'm former president Bill Clinton, don't you?
Um .. Dan, why did you shave your eyebrows off?

 

by len
6-22-04
IN 1969. WAR IS HAPPYNING.
THE ROBOTS ARE WINNING!
Something tells me these Japanese translators aren't quite up to snuff.
DISTRESS SIGNAL ALPHA!

 

by len
6-23-04
Hi
If you touch me, I will fucking bury you.

 

by len
6-24-04
Can I call you sometime?
You know, it's probably best if we just take a break for awhile. My cornhole is hurting pretty bad ...
*sob*
... and you know, I just need my space ... Oh no, please don't start crying. I hate it when you cry.
Well...that could've gone better.

 

by len
6-28-04
3AM: The hour hubcaps go missing
There's nothing's on, I'm going to bed.
HERPES! SMELLY VAGINA! FLACID PENIS! DECREASED FEMALE LIBIDO! MAY CAUSE ANAL BLEEDING! MICROSOFT JACKBOOTERY! DAN RATHER JACKING OFF!
Ok, maybe a couple minutes more.
phew.

 

by len
6-28-04
Old and busted
BRITTANY IS GETTING FAT!
I SAID BRITTANY IS HAVING A KID!
New hotness
NIPPLY LOHAN!
Whoa whoa whoa what now?

 

by len
6-28-04
Driv33.33r
How did Ving Rhames and Michael Madsen get suckered into this monstrosity?
I mean they've both been in blockbuster movies like ... well ... umm ... uh ...
Striptease and My Boss's Daughter?
Quiet you!

 

by len
6-29-04
That was great. You're the best I ever had!
By the way, I have anal warts, aids, herpes, syphilis, gonorrhea, munchausen by proxy, and crazy bitch syndrom.
kthnxbi!
Well...that could've gone better.

 

by len
6-29-04
Somewhere, on a ship, in the free online game Puzzle Pirates
Yar!
Yar!
Seriously what the fuck is the point of this game?
I told you, I'm an online pirate who fights other online pirates via tetris-like puzzles. You wouldn't understand.
Yar!
Yar! I be a gay lonely pirate.

 

by len
7-06-04
Anandtech offtopic forums again huh?
Yeah. This poll says that half of us think that whites are genetically smarter then other races.
Let me guess what you voted for ...
HAHAHA! FFMCOBALT u RULE!
That place is like stormfront.org after a monster truck rally and a free Schiltz giveaway.
USA USA USA!

 

by len
7-06-04
Wasn't there a PMS'ing girl around here or something?
It was my sister, she threatened to cut off Toby's penis and locked herself in the bathroom.
Well, she better fucking use the air freshener
This X10 pee cam is working great. Hey, where'd she go?

 

by len
7-07-04
Bill Clinton: Ace Reporter here with the only dolphin in the world working in payroll. What do you have to say for yourself Mr. Dolphin?
waaaaaaaah-aah-aah
Later that night...
*thwap thwap thwap thwap thwap*

 

by len
7-07-04
Breaking news, a robot is threatening to blow up the whitehouse. We go live with Bill Clinton: Ace Reporter. Bill?
Your kinda sexy. Wanna see my memoirs?
BEEP. BEEP. Ross Perot has sent me from 2005 to kill evil Dick Cheney. BEEP. BEEP.
... Seriously, what the fuck?

 

by len
7-07-04
The time is now ... 11:59 PM
The time is now ... 12:00 AM
Happy robot birthday!

 

by len
7-09-04
It's a robot's birthday
Beedy beedy beedy
Well if you don't want a Bath and Body Works gift certificate, you should have told me what you did want!
Beedy beedy beedy
How am I supposed to know you only go to the Body Shop?
Silly gay robots
Beedy beedy beedy
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!

 

by len
7-09-04
Beedy beedy beedy
Your words are like daggers into my oil transducer.
Beedy beedy beedy
You're leaving me for that slut Pablo C64?!
Meanwhile ... Robotron levels up into the room.
Ahhhh not Twiggy!

 

by len
7-09-04
I'm an asiangirl1, rape me!
I'm an asiangirl2, raep my bung hole ruv u long trime.
Tobor cornole, Que?
rape rape rape rape
Gravitrons, homosexual sex? HAHAHAHA
ME DOG ON BALL ROFF ROFF OH NO

 

by len
8-15-04
... then President Bush said "Get the fuck out you fucking pussies!".
Later the White House spokeman, Scott McClellan, said the president has nothing specifically against the Girl Scouts of America, but didn't care for their "attitude and questioned their patriotism".
And in olympic news, those olympic boys sure give me a hard on. I'm Dan Rather, and that's part of our world.

 

by len
8-15-04
Hello America, you're watching CBS Evening News. I'm Dan Rather.
You know, putting my tongue into another man's asshole doesn't make me a homosexual.

 

by len
9-22-04
Hello America, this is CBS Evening News- I'm Dan Rather.
In our top story we took a look at the Fox News Channel and their call for CBS to come clean about our true political intentions in light of the recent "memogate".
Earlier today on The O'Reilly Factor, Bill O'Reilly said "We must get to the bottom of this tragic offense to our national leader." He then added "Blowjob blowjob blowjob ... Clinton, Billary nazi."

 

by len
9-22-04
CBS News: With Dan Rather
Ok. I fucked up. I admit it. The memo was forged by a 12 year old neighbor kid on MS Works.
But can you blame me? That chimp of a president can't even spell 'W' right. Eating a snack almost killed him. He's the reason chlorine was invented for the preverbial gene pool. I ... [mmppfff]
... Hi, I'm your new host: Bill O'Reilly. Tonight's top story, I received an email proving Kerry flip-flopped on baby rape. Seymore Butts writes in saying ...

 

by len
10-29-04
Outrun 2: Girlfriend From Hell.
Quiet! I have to get 52 more hearts while power sliding at exactly 152 MPH or she starts beating me again.
...
In this mission, I have to drive her to the Gap in time for the 'big sale'. When I get there, I have to hold her purse and listen to how she can't possibly be a size 10.
Outrun 3: Shut It You Fucking Cunt.

 

by len
10-29-04
'Men of Valor'- man, what an ill-concieved game this is.
What, too early?
Mmhhm, cousin Jimmy fires this up during Thanksgiving, and Uncle Jack has a flashback and takes out the whole family with the electric pairing knife, screaming "fuck you you rice-paddy mother fuckers"
Uncle Jack lives with his life-partner in Modesto. He was 8 during the war.
Just the same, he's always saying "I don't trust the Orientals". I bet he'd totally flip out during a cutscene.

 

by len
10-29-04
Ooo. Take that you bitch!
Oh you're going to pay for that, you little slut.
Alright! A new outfit. Ahh, it's a bikini for Kasumi.
You're going to masterbate soon aren't you?

 

by len
11-04-04
Dan Rather here for Election Night 2004 ... Bob Schiefer, you look like shit. Leslie Stahl, that's a fucking wig isn't it?
...
Stay tuned America, there's fourteen more hours of this horseshit.

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