All comics by tomko

 

by tomko
9-03-08
whats your favourite jackie chan movie
NONE TOO ASIAN
mines drunken master 2
NOT SEEN IT
how come
TOOOOO MUCH PORN TO GET THROUGH

 

by tomko
9-03-08
i cant finish my goreography homework
TOO BAD
can you give me help
NO
why not
TOOOOO MUCH PORN TO GET THROUGH

 

by tomko
9-03-08
after a hard day of shave sheeping i like to drink a pepsi cola
NOT ME
dont you like pepsi
I LOVE IT I JUST DONT LIKE SHAVE SHEEPING
why dont you
TOOOOO MUCH PORN TO GET THROUGH

 

by tomko
9-03-08
some times im late home from shave sheeping so i telephone my wife and tell her dont worry im just shave sheeping still
I DONT HAVE TO PHONE MY WIFE
dont you ever get home late
I DONT LEAVE THE HOUSE
why
TOOOOO MUCH PORN TO GET THROUGH

 

by tomko
9-03-08
im lost can you help me
YES YOUR ON GLENDALE ROAD
i went to the shop with my mum but now i cant find her
I CANT HELP
why
TOOOOO MUCH PORN TO GET THROUGH

 

by tomko
9-03-08
hello there
SOB SOB
whats your matter
MY SISTER DIED AND I CANT EVEN GO TO HER FUNERAL
why cant you
TOOOOO MUCH PORN TO GET THROUGH

 

by tomko
9-03-08
sorry bacon you cant have the premotion you asked for. you just dont do enough work
I DO MY BEST
youve only given me one report all month
IVE BEEN BUSY
with what
TOOOOO MUCH PORN TO GET THROUGH

 

by tomko
9-03-08
im going to have to promotion you down until you put in more effort
CAN I BE THE RECEPTIONOR
no you will sort the incoming males
I CANT DO THAT
why cant you
TOOOOO MUCH PORN TO GET THROUGH

 

by tomko
9-03-08
how was your day honey muffin
I GOT DOWN PREMOTIONED
im very disapointed well never aford a paint the house now
I DIDNT WANT TO PAINT THE HOUSE ANY WAY
why
TOOOOO MUCH PORN TO GET THROUGH

 

by tomko
9-03-08
were having sausages for dinner tonight
GREAT SUDDENLY THIS DAY ISNT SO BAD
will you peel some potatos
NO
why not
TOOOOO MUCH PORN TO GET THROUGH

 

by tomko
9-06-08
ho ho ho
HEY SANTA WHAT YOU UP DO
delivering presents
COUNT ME OUT
why
TOOOOO MUCH PORN TO GET THROUGH

 

by tomko
9-06-08
some of the boy and girls have been very bad this year so i will not give them a present
WHAT DID THEY DO BAD
arsoning and robbery
I NEVER DO THOSE
how do you manage to keep out of trubble
TOOOOO MUCH PORN TO GET THROUGH

 

by tomko
9-06-08
well goodbye bacon i have a lot of presents to deliever
WAIT SANTA BEFORE YOU GO
what
NO PRESENT FOR ME THIS YEAR
why
TOOOOO MUCH PORN TO GET THROUGH

 

by tomko
9-06-08
hi bacon whats up
AAHH A TALKING DOG
lets be friends
CANT SORRY
why
TOOOOO MUCH PORN TO GET THROUGH

 

by tomko
9-06-08
will you take me for a walk
IF YOU CAN TALK YOU SHOULD BE WALK BY YOUR SELF
i get lonely
NOT MY CONCERNE
why are you so mean
TOOOOO MUCH PORN TO GET THROUGH

 

by tomko
9-14-08
hi dave can i come in the office
no
why not
the boss is very busy
whats he doing
taking a shit

 

by tomko
9-14-08
can i go in and wait
no
why not
the boss is in a private moment
what if i take a shit too
this isn't a toilet you pervert its an office

 

by tomko
9-14-08
i just need to ask the boss if i can have tomorrow off
tomorrows saturday
i know but i told him before i would come to work
thats stupid
i know i really regret it now
well you cant go back on your commitments which is why i cant let you in the office

 

by tomko
9-14-08
can you call me when the boss is finished taking a shit
no
why not
hes not really taking a shit hes dead
why did you say he was taking a shit
thats what it smelled like

 

by tomko
9-14-08
if the boss is dead we should tell the bored of directions
i have a better idea
what
im going to be the new boss
thats not fair your not qualified
dont disrespect me or ill lower your pay

 

by tomko
9-14-08
if your the new boss can i have tomorow off
yes
thank you
by the way can you come in tomorrow and despose of the dead boss
okay since you did me a favor by giving me the day off
you give in too easy i'm going to fire you

 

by tomko
9-14-08
please dont fire me im sorry
ok i wont
thank you you wont regret it
but now you have to despose of both the dead boss
i thought there was only one
my cholesterole is really high

 

by tomko
9-21-08
WHAT???

 

by tomko
9-21-08
YOU ALREDY ATE MY SISTER DONT EAT ME
im a vegetarien why do you think ill eat you
BECAUSE YOUR FAT
thats not nice
I NO PLEASE DONT EAT ME

 

by tomko
9-21-08
okay i wont eat you
THANK YOU
even though you look realy tastey
THATS SEXUAL HARRASING ME
its not okay to treat the bacons of our comunity that way
im sorry

 

by tomko
9-21-08
what are you crying for bacon
A FAT MAN SEXUAL HARRASED ME
are you going to press charges
NO
why not
TOOOOO MUCH PORN TO GET THROUGH

 

by tomko
10-11-08
how did you now the victim
he was the captain of my vollyball team
where were you at the time of the murder
i was at home in the bath
which do you like more: hannah montana or high school musical
it wasnt me i swear

 

by tomko
10-11-08
i think barack obama would have a better chance of an electioning if he grows a moustache
i doo too but if barack obama grows a moustache so will john mclane and it wont matter
whats that buzzing noise?
its just a bee
THIS IS A AFFECTIVE VIBRATOR

 

by tomko
10-11-08
what are you reading
im reading how to ignore a clown
does it work?
does it work?

 

by tomko
10-11-08
hello
hey babey do you want to have sex in my car
no and i am appaled
uh hold on
what book is that
how i pick up women by george clooney

 

by tomko
11-01-08
theres a new black boy starting today and ive made a list of names your not allowed to call him
im not racist
i no but you have to be careful not to accidentally offend him.
what is the list
don't call him nigger, coon, negro, nig nog, charcoal head, browny, blacky, coloured, boy, spear chucker
this isnt apropriat language for the workplace and im going to report you

 

by tomko
11-01-08
what happened to you
i saw a black guy at the halloween party dressed as dracula
and
and i complemented him on his blacula costume
and he beat you up for it
no we laughed so hard i fell off the balcony. why did you assume he beat me up you racist

 

by tomko
11-01-08
who is your favorite movie director
norman jewison
that is racist it is a racist stereotype that all the important people in movies are jews and you made up that name for racism
no its true he directed fidler on the roof, the russians are coming, and justice for all, in the heat of the night
oh ok who is your favourite movie actor then
fred niggerdale

 

by tomko
3-04-09
I watched Little Darlings it was okay. i think tatum O'Neal is a spy form the future. she does not seam normal.
I watched My Blue Heaven it was funny by way mainly of things said out steven martin and rick moranis. after this steve martin made mostly badfilms and rick maronies made none. i dont no which is bett
I watched Springtime in a Small Town it was long and boring but good. i would rather have watched rambo 3
I watched Warriors of Heaven and Earth it wasnt cool enough as i wanted it. I wateched I watched Children of men. It were cool like photography-wise but only okay oterhwise. c;ive owen it too boring t
I watched Fearless it were cool Jet Li beat up Nathan Jones what I knew but forgot. It is history innacurate someone told me but I don't care because it were entertaining accurate.
I wathced Hot Shots! Part Deux it was funny I almost didn't get home in time to watch it. it was on late and i wanted to go to sleep wile it was on but non because it

 

by tomko
5-16-09
the rapper nwa tell storys about there hard lifes in the los angeles suburb called compton. former usa presidents george bush and george bush also lived in compton
thats because compton used to be a nice place to live. after that many negros moved in and now it is full of crime and drugs and gangs
what brings you to detention
i did a racism by accident

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