All comics by uglygargoyle

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by uglygargoyle
9-14-03
mean george was always one to stereotype people
asian people are retards
hey! We coool! You amecan suck ball! Big ball!
i think gay people are dumbasses!
shut up you stupid,fat,ugly,nasty,glistening,luscious, pile of man
until that one day......
hey micheal jackson youre aa.......hmmm.....
heeeeeeeeheee heeee!

 

by uglygargoyle
9-15-03
the first day of first grade.....
Now Tyrone, what does your dad do?
Hes aa.... I think hes a dr...i mean....PLUMBER! Thats it!
Can you spell plumber?
Aa....umm...J-T-U-L-R-P-W-Q-M
Sammy, what does your dad do?
My dads a bookie! And he would bet 10 to nuthin that that black kid couldn't spell plumber.

 

by uglygargoyle
9-15-03
do you ever wonder how retards pass a grade?
Come on Katherine,just match the stamp to the box....
sashshshna.NO!Abluaba!Shananananana
Congratulations Katherine! Youre going to the Bunker Hill college for deaf and blind! They say its like a Harvard for the modern retard!
(Hiss) (hiss) shenaaaaa. abbaaf, kkkkkk. Lulbula!
Okay class, what is 5 + 4
(hiss) (hiss) shenvty five? abdddadadabA?

 

by uglygargoyle
9-15-03
Little Aisha asked too many questions...
Grandma? Whay are you old?
Because im not a fucking screw up unlike your dead, drug dealing mother!
Grandma couldnt stand her....
Grandma, do you think im ugly?
Youre the nastiest peice of shit ive ever seen. It should been legal to send you down the Mississippi river when you were young. Maybe some crackhore would love you.God knows I cant!
finally one day
Grandma why do you smoke....Hey dont push me into the fireplace! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
thank god, now I can live with wendy! maybe i can sell her ashes to some cocaine addicts! Id make a fortune!

 

by uglygargoyle
9-16-03
Dinnertime at the farm...
I dont understand why we just sit here and eat the crappy little scraps that the humans give us? WE could be ruling the humans! Atleast the united states, anyways. I mean, George bush? What a dumbass!
........................
Bush took like five months to make up his mind if we should go to war, spending atleast 5 billion dollars each day, then when we do find out his decision, it turns out he already sent the army toIraq!
.....................
And---
HEY! Roger? Shut the hell up and eat! Everyone knows George Bush is stupid, hell, I know 3 legged cows with Mad Cow Disease smarter than that stupid fuck!

 

by uglygargoyle
9-17-03
lets see whats on the newss...........
hey its the new Osama Tape! Crazy bastard, acts like hes got his own damn talk-show!
Coming up next, 400lb fatass redneck sues a bubble gum company for "dun gettin his turth durty."
Now verizon wireless has a new go anywhere talk anyplace plan...
Can you hear me now?

 

by uglygargoyle
9-17-03
In the deserts of afghanistan, a voice is heard by a taliban leader....
One texas soldier could shoot 1000 taliban men!
Retarded american! I will send 1000 of my men!
gunshots, then silence...then...
One texas soldier could shoot 10000 taliban men!
You cannot fuck with osama! ALALALALALA! Charge army!
again, gunshots, then silence...then, one of the remaining soldiers runs up a sand dune...
Sir! Its a trick! There are two of them!
...

 

by uglygargoyle
9-18-03
And so the matrix plot thickens as we have a preview of THE MATRIX 4: The crappy subtitle!
Oh oracle, what should I do? Zion or whatever the hell planet we are from is going to blow up for some particular reason!
Im not the oracle! Im some stupid asian slut that the wachowski brothers found outside. The real one is over there.
Oh oracle, please help Zio... HEy wait a minute....didnt you die while we were filming matrix reloaded?
Child I... oh wait i did..
Neo watches as the oracle is deteriorated into a pile of dust...
haha! you died! Wait, thats not funny, that was half of my salary right there! Oh well, tune in next time.
ahhhh......

 

by uglygargoyle
9-19-03
and so we come to the mountains for some stupid reason to show part two of, the matrix 4!
little girl, dont you know what nightmare you are really in? This isnt your life! You live in a secret world created by robots!
wow. Im not going to even explain how retarded you sound.
little girl, why cant you see the lies surrounding you? Whay must your eyes be clouded ny hate?
My mommy told me not to talk to strangers. Im walking away now...wha..? Im changing.sisngrrrrrrrrahhhhh!
and so we come to the second part of the matrix 4: revenge with a revengance!
Agent Smith!Why do you always show up at the wrong time! Oh welll, looks like ill have to fight you...
The only reason i show up so abruptly is beacause otherwise the story would have thirty minutes of talking or sex in it. Now, hold still so i can poke you and turn you into me. Oh right it doesnt work

 

by uglygargoyle
9-24-03
This is a special Fox news presentation -- Geroge Bush:Insdie the mind of a gifted kindergartner
Welcome back to this Fox news special, Im some guy that they pay WAY WAY too much. On to our next question, President Bush, where do you think saddam is now?
Hmmmm......
2 hours later......
Fox news has just reported to me that you paid your way through elementary school or your drunk, so heres an easy question... Where is Iraq?
hmmmmmmm.....
Well?
Wait a damn minute! These questions are real hard. Iraq is that new cell phone company, right?

 

by uglygargoyle
9-24-03
we plow deeper into the pile of crap we call the mind of George Bush
President Bush, what do you fear the most for the future?
What am I afraid of? Im terrified of Pepperdidge farms! If they make their pretzels any bigger, I'll put the Farm on the FBI's most wanted list!
hmmm, yess.....
Kids will go colorblind from those multi colored goldfish! I've seen it happen! Its why I'm colorblind! The war is not Americas problem, its the bastards that make Goldfish!
Yess, you said you graduated from Yale?
Did I say Yale? You must have heard me wrong, I meant jail. You guys.....although, it has great learning enviornment, its like the Bunkerhill communitycollege for special kids! ButI failed there too..

 

by uglygargoyle
9-28-03
Welcome back to Ebert & Roeper! Were sorry we had to take a break, Ebert was to busy talking about food...
So, now that Im talking about popeyes chicken, lets get back to the movies!
Oh thank god!
i thought that the movie Under The tuscan sun was the most idiotic shit for shit kind of a masterpeice ive ever seen! I dont know who would give it a good review! I almost drooled soda because of it!
First of all, you always drool everything idiot! You can barely fit an m+m in you mouth without it sliding out, second of all, the only reason you hated it is because you didnt see Diane Lanes boobs!
to be continued....
hey, when i go to see a Diane Lane movie, I expect to see some jugs! And another thangggyrf... chmkl chmlk!
oh shit, your chins rolling off your face again! Dammit, this is so gross!

 

by uglygargoyle
10-05-03
Welcome back to that shitty show with the skinny homeless guy, and the fat, overweight chin sliding man!
Now, one of the timeless classics this year would definetly be Freddy vs Jason. I know its oscar worthy!
What the hell? Did your brain slide out of your mouth or something? Thats the worst movie ever!
Oh, I get it. You didnt wait the extra ten minutes after the credits to see the alternate directors cut ending!
directors cut...?
" You see Roeper, after they both kill everyone, they become best of friendsand do everything together: going for ice cream, playing on the playground. Till one day, Freddy gets hit by a 18 wheeler.
Freddy.... Freddy wake up! Freddy? Freddy! WHHHHHHHHY! Why god! He was just a helpless 5000 year old demon...

 

by uglygargoyle
10-24-03
Weve screwed over just about every country in the world, except antartiac, so now we are going to TOKYO!
Oha ma grod! I cnata berieve rere ina flench chrahtau!
Meada neitha! And prus, da Amecan guy isa notu homosexual! But he is a da fromma texas......or ras it Araska......
WE told them he had 222000000 yen! But i turns out hes a starving eskimo from Alaska with hypothermia!
ooh looka here he is a da now!
Im sad...... because... im lying to you, and they stole me from my gay eskimo tribe....
What will happen! Tune in, because this franchise wont die until 2010!
Lai Sui Bhiung, tinka i mitu geta da pracket of "CLISPY CLUNCHY SOY TOFU M&M's" rith all data mroney!!
Nrow nrow, Sukocku Sairor Mroon, youa da neuw dat you coulda onrly afforrd prain rith 222000000 yen....

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