All comics by vagrancy

Profile

 

by vagrancy
12-03-08
I met a guy yesterday and his shirt said something funny.
What did it say?
It said, "I give hugs not drugs."
That's pretty clever.
He also asked for my number and wanted to know if I was free this weekend.
Maybe his shirt should've said, "I smoke cocks, not rocks."

 

by vagrancy
12-03-08
Yesterday I decided to become abstinent.
Wow. That's going to take a lot of patience and masturbation.
Yes. I even bought this fancy abstinence ring to show my dedication.
What could have possibly influenced you to become abstinent?
It's a personal choice. Kind of something I've been meaning to do for awhile.
Do I hear the Jonas Brothers playing?

 

by vagrancy
12-04-08
What are you writing down?
I'm getting back into writing poetry.
That's good. Got any topics to write about?
I have one in my head but I really want to stay away from sounding emo. It's such a cliche.
Well, what's your topic?
My ex-girlfriend.

 

by vagrancy
12-07-08
Do you know what's good?
What's good?
Smoking a cigarette after you've had sex with a girl. Do you even know what's better?
What's better?
The look on your face when I tell you it was your sister.

 

by vagrancy
12-07-08
So how did your date go last night?
It went very well.
Cool. How is she like?
She's really sweet, good taste in music, well educated, and has a secure job. But there was one thing that put her over the top...
Can you believe I once swallowed two twinkies whole at the same time?

 

by vagrancy
12-09-08
What are you doing?
I'm... online... doing things.
Oh my gosh. Are you wasting money online again?
I know I spend my money on frivolous things but this time it's money well spent.
Oh really? What is it this time?
I donated to a website called www.stripcreator.com

 

by vagrancy
12-10-08
GOD BABY. I FUCKING LOVE YOUR TITS. THEY ARE SO FUCKING ROUND AND PERKY.
I... uhh...
I FUCKING LOVE SQUEEZING AND TUGGING ON THEM. I FUCKING LOVE LICKING AND SUCKING ON THEM. SO FUCKING JUICY AND TASTY.
I wonder what his deal is...
Children, let's learn how to milk a cow!

 

by vagrancy
12-11-08
Well, marriage is such a far off topic for me.
I see. We're in our mid twenties now, I feel like it's bound to happen soon.
Oh wow. You sound serious.
I'm getting there. I adore the idea of being married.
Well, what's stopping you?
Well, I can't decide if I want to be the bride or the groom.

 

by vagrancy
12-15-08
Chino.
Chiquita.
Pendejo.
Puta.
Maricon.
Nigger.

 

by vagrancy
12-17-08
Are you using that bench?
Yeah. I'm on my last set.
Oh, sorry.
It's okay. I tend to be slow.
No. I'm sorry you can't put up any more weight than that.

 

by vagrancy
12-19-08
Minute 1:00
Minute 3:00
This thing sucks.
Minute 5:00
There are no words on it!

 

by vagrancy
12-24-08
Hey, you reek of fruity woman lotion.
Heh, heh, you know what that means...
BATH AND BODY WORKS!
BATH AND BODY WORKS!

 

by vagrancy
12-25-08
Hey.
Looks like I'm 0-2 with you on Christmas.
Huh?
Last year we broke up before Christmas and this year it's the same story.
And your point is?
My point is for the past two Christmases, I haven't been laid. And it's REALLY starting to piss me off.

 

by vagrancy
12-25-08
Here, being Santa isn't just dressing up in a red suit and yelling out, "Ho, ho, ho."
You need to portray the true holiday spirit with all that you do.
Of course.
So how do you feel about children?
They taste great.

 

by vagrancy
12-28-08
Let's go shopping. There's got to be a ton of after Christmas sales.
No thanks.
Okay, how about ice skating? Just you and me. We can have dinner right after!
I'm kind of busy right now.
Wait. Are you watching the San Diego game?
Guilty as charged!

 

by vagrancy
12-31-08
Hey man. Do you have any New Year's Resolutions?
I have a few that I want to see through in the new year.
And they are?
Stop smoking, run more, and try to make more comics on Stripcreator.
Awesome. So when are we going to see some new comics?
About late December.

 

by vagrancy
1-07-09
It looks like something is bothering you.
I can't get over my ex.
Time heals all...
She's that fat. I'd have to go around.

 

What's the number one cause of pedophilia?
Sexy children.
by vagrancy, 1-09-09

 

...and Siddhartha was so upset that he didn't even leave a tip!
That's just buddhacrous!
by vagrancy, 1-12-09

 

by vagrancy
1-12-09
How did you like my wife's cooking?
It was delicious sir. Your kitchen is very spacious and lovely sir. In fact, your whole house is marvelous sir.
Whoah! No need to be nervous around me son. I'm not over protective nor do I own any guns. Relax and put your feet up.
Okay.
So what do you like most about my daughter?
To be honest, she gives great head.

 

by vagrancy
1-16-09
Mom, I'd like for you to meet my new girlfriend.
She's invisibile.

 

by vagrancy
1-16-09
Mom, my girlfriend would like to know why you're such a bitch sometimes.
I'll go to my room.

 

by vagrancy
1-16-09
Mom, is it bad of me to try and force a threesome upon my girlfriend?
I'll go to church.

 

by vagrancy
1-16-09
Mom, I feel like we don't talk. We never spend any time together and it seems you don't care about my personal life.
What's for dinner?

 

by vagrancy
1-16-09
Mom, my girlfriend and I just broke up.
She was too skinny for me.

 

by vagrancy
1-21-09
I've dated all kinds of guys. Black and white.
And then, there's you.

 

by vagrancy
1-22-09
I love video games. It's not just a hobby, it's my life. You wouldn't believe how attractive that is to guys.
You look distressed and tired. Lucky for you I have a Rejuvenation Poition in my inventory.

 

by vagrancy
1-22-09
I normally don't date older guys but since this is my first year of college I decided to try something new.
Can you buy me booze?

 

by vagrancy
1-22-09
To be honest, I've had sex with over fifty men.
I guess my eyes are bigger than my vagina.

 

by vagrancy
1-22-09
Hot damn, I fucking love you.

 

by vagrancy
1-27-09
Hey man, did you celebrate Chinese New Year yesterday?
Nope.
I didn't either. How about we celebrate it today to make up for it.
Sure. What did you have in mind?
How about some Chinese food?
Perfect. I know a place that serves awesome flied lice.

 

by vagrancy
1-27-09
What do Chinese cats say to each other?
Mao. Mao. Mao.
Mao? Mao? Mao!

 

How do you play Chinese Jump Rope?
Same as regular jump rope. Just with your eyes squinted.
by vagrancy, 1-28-09

 

by vagrancy
2-04-09
God, how am I doing in life?
You're doing just fine my son. Can you pass the ketchup?
Satan, how am I doing in life?
Kid, you're doing just fine. Can you pass the ketchup?
Dude, how am I doing in life?
You're definitely sucking hardcore. Now pass the fucking ketchup!

 

by vagrancy
2-11-09
It's been over a month since I totally stopped smoking cigarettes.
I haven't been on any treatment, medication, or gum.
Cold turkey status.
I feel great.
I can also say the same thing about my sex life.
COLD, COLD, TURKEY.

 

by vagrancy
4-08-09
I'm hungry.
I'm HUNGRY!
I AM HUNGRY!
No you aren't. You're Joanne.

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