All comics by voidweller

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by voidweller
6-21-02
Hey! A hot chick naked!
That's my Mom! Sicko!
That canNOT be your mom.
She was young when she had me.
Whoe! A young gymnast maybe. . . I didn't know humans could do that!
AGGHHH! I shouldn't be seeing this! . . . she is hot, though.

 

by voidweller
6-21-02
Hello. We are the Mothra Twins.
Hello. We are the Mothra Twins
We shall bring about the death of the world by calling down the wrath of Mothra.
We shall bring about the death of the world by calling down the wrath of Mothra.
Told you.
Told you.

 

by voidweller
6-21-02
Hi.
Sup.
You a Demon?
Yeah. Aren't you a afraid of me?
No, not rea. . .*gasp* Holy S%#T! It's R. Kelly!
Run and hide, girl! . . . And try not to look sexy!!

 

by voidweller
6-21-02
Our Horny Heroine considers her orgasm options, when suddenly. . ..
Do I go for my battery operated buddy, my blow-up Arnold Schwartzeneger doll, or grab a drunk guy at the bar for yet another one-night stand.
I can help you.
*blink* Um, . . . the hell are you?. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . My greatest desire? How do you know what it is?
I am a magical fairy goat and I shall grant you your greatest desire.
That'll do.

 

by voidweller
6-21-02
Silly, isn't it?

 

by voidweller
6-21-02
So, before we drown, how did we get here?
How should I know?
You were steering the boat.
All I did was sail twords where some guys were selling weed.
Lemme guess, you saw a sign that said "Warning-Reef"
Yeah, it must have been missing a couple of letters.

 

by voidweller
6-21-02
I hear it's been tough since the zoo closed down.
Yeah. The funding from the city jus dried up.
What happened to the animals, do you think?
They probobly had to adapt to thier new enviroment.
Same time next week, Trumpy?

 

by voidweller
6-21-02
Hey, baby! Let's get it on! Sucky, Sucky. Me luv you long time!
What!
Right! Just because I'm Asian, I'm supposed to be some sort of f*^k doll for your white male urgesat f?! Wh#$king century are you from? A caveman would look like a f$#king GOD next to you!
Twenty bucks?
No kissing and you wear a condom.

 

by voidweller
6-21-02
So a Seraphim, a Gregori, and an Imp walk into a bar, . . .
You suck!
Who said that!? I SHALL BRING THE SORROW of DEATH UPON, . . .
oh. . .
That's what I thought, punk.

 

by voidweller
6-21-02
I AM THE ALMIGHTY FLAME OF GO,. . .Tom?
I AM THE ALMIGHTY FLAME OF GO,. . .Larry?
Gabe gave us the same address didn't he? Damn, I hate that. Look, the mortal we were supposed to inspire awe in is all confused.
Screw him. He's was just gonna get martyred anyway. Let's get a beer.
Hehehehe, we're shho wassshted.
I can't fell my flames, dude! I can't feel my flames!

 

by voidweller
6-22-02
Hiya Satan! I thought Hell was gonna be bad, but it's not that bad at all, a little sweaty that's all, where's all the suffering, you must really suck at this, so let's see something, how 'bout . . .
AGGGHHHH! MY FLESH!!! MAKE IT STOP!! DEAR LORD, MAKE IT STOP!!!
You're Welcome.

 

by voidweller
6-22-02
So, let me get this strait. Dolphins are actually an advanced race of aliens that have had a colony on earth for thousands of years.
Yep.
And you're the gray skinned aliens kidnapping and doing experiments on people. Excuse me if I find this a little hard to believe.
This coming from a dragon.
Point.
Could you hold this guy down while I probe him?

 

by voidweller
6-22-02
So, . . . why do you guys do tricks at Sea World?
Fish, of course.
Can't you guys catch your own fish?
No. We lost the hunting instinct millenia ago.
How about a fishing pole?
Oh, and that wouldn't make anyone suspicious. "Look at that cute dolphin with the flycaster, honey! They're so smart." Besides, fishing is a bitch without hands.

 

by voidweller
6-22-02
I would like to read a poem that I wrote in the depths of my self-destructive cycle. . .I had gone on a three day binge of booze and crystal meth, when I was inpired to write this. . .
. . .this testiment to the strength of the human condition. . .It is very special to me and I hope you like it. . .
Yeah. . . so on with the poem. . .
You forgot it, didn't you?

 

by voidweller
6-22-02
So, how in the HELL did we end up here!?
I'm workin' on it! Get off my back!
I am so going to eat your fins for this.
Look, we just need to get back on the highway. . .
Let's move to the desert, you said. We wont ever have to see a shark again, you said.
Shut up, and stop splashing the sand! You'll look wounded.

 

by voidweller
6-23-02
So, will you do it?
I dunno, man. . . this is pretty sick.
Come on, Rudy! I need it! How would you feel, if you didn't have one.
All right, all right. Turn around.
Ahhhhhh. What a relief.
There y'are. An official, reindeer carved, snowman buttcrack.

 

by voidweller
6-23-02
Ohhhh yeah, move that ass baby. . .*thwap, thwap, thawap*
Ooooo, look at the size of that dorsal, mmmmm,. . .*rub, rub rub*
Oh yes! Your mine Calista, . . . *rattle, rattle, rattle*

 

by voidweller
6-23-02
So have you thought about it?
Yes, I have. And I we're close enough now.
To share that ultimate closeness? That moment that you truly realize you love someone?
Yes. Oh, yes. We've waited so long.
*phhhhht*
*phhhhhtt*

 

by voidweller
6-24-02
God, it's hot.
If it gets one degree hotter I swear I'm gonna burst into,
Oh, come on. It's not that hot.

 

by voidweller
6-24-02
I told you, I'd call the cops if you ever hit me again, Earl!
Ain't now woman o' mine talks to me that way! I'll kill you!
This is a rather poorly thought out premise isn't it.
Yeah, void must be running out of ideas. And only twenty comics in. How pathetic.

 

by voidweller
6-24-02
Hey look at these cool cherry bomb, I found.
Are you sure we can breath out here?
That's can't be a werewolf. They don't exist.
Maybe I should toss him a hot pocket.

 

by voidweller
6-25-02
But the serpent said it was cool!
Wow. Maybe you should have listened to Noah, dipsh**.
*glub, glub*
Hey Dad. Do I really have to die for thier sins? Isn't getting big bloody holes in my hands for thier sins enough?
Oh, quit whining. You

 

by voidweller
6-25-02
But the serpent said it was cool!
Wow. Maybe you should have listened to Noah. . . .Dips**t.
*glug, glug*
Hey, Dad. Do I really have to die for thier sins? Isn't it enough to get great bloddy holes in my hands for thier sins?
Oh, quit whining.

 

by voidweller
6-25-02
I've been thinking about it, Ray. And I think I'm ready.
Are you sure? We don't have to do this tonight.
No, it's time. We've waited so long. Never again will we end up so constrained and uncomfortable in the back of your Buick.
Not after we share that ultimate moment. . . the moment when a couple knows they truly love each other.
*PHHHHHHHHT* Ahhhh, I've been holding that for weeks.
*PHHHHHHHHTTT*

 

by voidweller
6-26-02
I'm having a bad trip. . .I'm having a bad trip. . .I'm having a bad trip. . .
Dude! Don, open your eyes. It's alright.
AAAAGGGGHHHHH!
What's wrong?!
It's just a bad trip. . .It's just a bad trip. . .It's just a bad trip. . .
On second thought maybe you should keep your eyes closed.

 

by voidweller
6-26-02
All hail Gozer, Gozer the Gozerian, Gozer the Derstroyer. The Traveler has come.
Choose and Perish.
NOW ALL SHALL SUFFER FOR ETERNITY!
*shudder*. . . . . . . How Evil.

 

by voidweller
6-27-02
Are you sure you're safe?
I just got tested, baby. I gotta pee first,. . .then we get crazy!
AAAAAAGGGHHHH!
Oh, hey, look at the time. . .
Alright, time to get it on!!

 

by voidweller
6-27-02
Ok, now were supposed to fight to the death, right?
Um, that's what Mr. King said. Something about a pay-per-view. The survivor gets fifty bucks!
Fifty Bucks! Your dead, buddy!
I'd attack you but I'm getting this strange feeling in my ass.
Me, too. I was trying to ignore it.
Something tells me we're both being screwed.

 

by voidweller
6-29-02
People just give you nuts? I have to put up with some flamer riding my back in this big tent to get 'em.
Yep, I just hang out by those benches and old people toss me nuts.
Mind If I join you?
Naw, plenty for everybody.
Hey, give me all your money or I'll have my friend sit on you.
I'm being mugged by a squirrel. It's time to leave New York.

 

by voidweller
6-30-02
So, I says to Margret, "If I here one more time about your bloddy curtains,. . .
Ooo, you didn't. What did she say?
Well she gets all puffy-like and starts in with, "Well, excuse me for breathin',. . ." and all that. . .
Oh, just like Margret. She just has to cause a scene. . .
Excuse me ladies, but do you know the way to. . .
Oh my God, a talking fish!!

 

by voidweller
7-08-02
Alright. You ready?
Yeah! I'm in da' hizoouse! We's 'bout to be all up in this shiznit like Chubby Cox! Let's go hop in da' hoopdie a find some fly honeys, yo.
More lessons.
What? Didn't I do it right? I put the unessesary z in the middle and everything.

 

by voidweller
7-18-02
You got your fire on my brimstone!
You got your brimstone on my fire!
That's it! I am tired of your bungling. You're fired!
But, I don't have any other marketable skills!
That's not what I meant.
Oh.

 

by voidweller
9-25-02
Oooo, yeah! Look at the size of those puppies!
I heard you! You're watching my porn tapes in here!
Nooooo,. . . I'm watching Animal Planet. . .
Oh, . . . sorry.
. . .but that's because I didn't know about the porn. Gimme.

 

by voidweller
5-21-03
But, Jason.... I, I love you!
Sorry, baby. The J-Dog gots to be movin' on. I'm like the wind baby.
But, but... I'm pregnant!
Oh! Oh, well that's a completely diff...
He better be getting me a ring.

 

by voidweller
5-22-03
Just a cool cat, looking for a good time on the town. Yeah, baby, you like it freaky don't you?
Want me to take this nasty thing off?
Ohhh yeah, the J-Master needs a piece!
Hold on, just a second...
So, ... you aren't gonna do me, are you?
Depends on your definition.

 

by voidweller
8-23-03
How the Hell did we end up a 30,000 feet?
You're the brains of this operation.
I was just tinkering with the toaster...
That wasn't a toaster. It was a Harrier engine.
No way! If it was a Harrier Engine we would have been blown to 30,000 feet!
Not to quick on the pick-up, is he, folks?

 

by voidweller
5-29-07
Look, I told you. You only get three wishes.
But, I saved your life!
No, you refrained from killing me. And I rewarded you handsomely.
Well, if there's no more wishes... whats to stop me from killing you now?
Hello? I'm Magic.
Oh.

 

by voidweller
5-29-07
That is just disgusting.
You're telling me. I've danced in the entrails of sinners and even I'm about to lose my lunch.
Well.
Yes.
Pancakes?
I'll get the syrup.

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