All comics by Couky

 

by Couky
3-28-02
SPEEDY STARTS THE DAY WITH A MEETING WITH A BUSINESS ASSOCIATE...
I LIKE 'EM BLONDE
HONKY, I KNOW WHAT YOU LIKE!
BY NOON SPEEDY USUALLY MEETS UP WITH HIS IMAGINARY FRIEND TYLER
PLEASE STOP TORMENTING ME
HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT YOURSELF IF YOU'VE NEVER BEEN IN A FIGHT?
SPEEDY USUALLY ENDS HIS DAY IN A JAIL CELL WITH DAN AND THEIR LOVE-CHILD
DAN, I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE YOU KILLED THAT MANY BLACK PEOPLE.
AH HAH AHHAHAH !

 

by Couky
3-28-02
AW JEEZ I'M SICK OF FRAT PARTIES, NOBODY WANTS TO DO ANYTHING EXCEPT DRINK AND GET SMASHED...
CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! YAAAY!!
*SIGH* MAYBE THE AFTER-LIFE WILL BE DIFFERENT, MAYBE SOMEDAY WHEN I DIE, THERE WILL BE PEOPLE WHO DO THINGS OTHER THAN DRINK CONSTANTLY
WHERES PANTS?
1 YEAR LATER...
HEY, MY NAMES SPEEDY, IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU!
...WANNA GET HIGH?

 

by Couky
3-28-02
TIMMY, I HAD A TERRIBLE DREAM LAST NIGHT!
YOU DID?
I SPENT THE NIGHT MURDERING YOUR FRIEND BILLY WITH A PIECE OF GLASS AND I CRIED THE WHOLE TIME UNTIL I VOMITED! THEN I FED HIM TO MY CAT! I SWORE I'D GET YOU NEXT...
OH MY GOD THAT'S AN AWFUL DREAM!
DREAM? OH YEA I FORGOT TO TELL YOU ABOUT MY DREAM! GOD, I'M A LOUSY CONVERSATIONALIST!

 

by Couky
3-29-02
TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER!.... I SAID...TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER! ARE YOU RETARDED? HELLO? ALRIGHT, JUST POINT TO THE GENERAL DIRECTION OF WHERE YOUR LEADER IS... CAN YOU AT LEAST DO THAT? HELLO???
#%$@ DOUCHE-BAG...

 

by Couky
3-29-02
JACK, THERES A RUMOR GOING AROUND THAT YOU KEEP KILOS OF COCAINE WEDGED IN THAT CAT'S RECTUM. WHY DON'T YOU COME WITH ME. JACK?
JACK? JACK? HEY! JACK?!
DON'T STOP DANCIN'!!!
JACK, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT???
YEEEE-HAAA!!!

 

by Couky
3-29-02
WELL FOLKS, JACK CRACK IS IN PRISON. ALTHOUGH BEING THERE HAS GREATLY CHANGED HIS LIFE...
I'M GONNA KNAW ON THE GUARD'S FACE AND TAKE THE KEY!
HE REALIZES THAT BEING LOCKED UP GIVES HIM TIME TO THINK ABOUT THE THINGS THAT ARE TRULY IMPORTANT....
THATS RIGHT!
YOUNG ASIAN GIRLS!

 

by Couky
3-29-02
THE GRIM SPECTOR OF DEATH! WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?
JACK, YOUR TIME HAS COME... FOLLOW ME...
HEEEY ALRIGHT! THAT SOUNDS GREAT! I JUST GOTTA GRAB SOMETHING REALLY QUICK, I'LL BE RIGHT OUT... I PROMISE
NO JACK WE REALLY SHOULD GET GOING...
5 HOURS LATER...
FUCK.

 

by Couky
3-29-02
WELL JACK, YOU'VE DONE IT AGAIN!
HUH?? DID WHAT??
YOU'VE MURDERED AND SET FIRE TO ANOTHER INNOCENT VICTIM!
OHHH YEA, LOOKIT THAT... I DID DO THAT DIDN'T I?
ARE YOU PROUD OF YOURSELF JACK?
WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR AGREEMENT ABOUT ME SACRIFICING ONE LAST VIRGIN AND YOU STOPPING THE VOICES?

 

by Couky
3-29-02
OFFICER STEVENS!
JACK, ONE OF YOUR NEIGHBORS REPORTED THAT SHE HEARD PEOPLE SCREAMING FROM INSIDE YOUR HOUSE
OH REALLY? WELL UH, MAYBE UM... I UH...
DAMN.

 

by Couky
3-29-02
JACK FINDS HIMSELF IN PRISON YET AGAIN. HE NOTICES A STRANGE FIGURE HIDDEN IN A SHADOW
WHOZAT?
JACK STARES IN SHOCK AS THE FIGURE STEPS OUT INTO THE LIGHT. IT WAS...
...DR. CRACK... JACK'S LONG LOST FATHER!!!
JACK!
D-DAD? YOU'RE ALIVE? MOM SAID THAT YOU DIED IN THAT SODA MACHINE MISHAP!

 

by Couky
3-29-02
SPEEDY CHECKS HIS REFLECTION IN THE MIRROR BEFORE HIS BIG BLIND DATE WITH JANE.
DAMN I'M LOOKIN' GOOD! I JUST GOTTA HIDE MY SWEATY PITS!
HE ARRIVES AT THE ADDRESS THAT HIS FRIENDS WROTE OUT FOR HIM AND IS BROUGHT INTO THE HOUSE BY A BEAUTIFUL GIRL.
YOU MUST BE JANE, BUT ENOUGH ABOUT YOU...
NO, JANE IS MY SISTER, SHES IN HER ROOM, GO ON UP!
UPON MEETING THE REAL JANE, SPEEDY IS A BIT SET BACK, BUT HE DOESN'T GET DISCOURAGED.
SO... YOU WANNA DO IT?
WITH YOU? UGH! NO WAY! I SEE ALL THAT GROSS PIT SWEAT YOU ARE TRYING TO COVERING UP! AND ARE YOU DROOLING?

 

by Couky
4-02-02
WELL SON IT LOOKS LIKE WE'RE STUCK IN HERE FOREVER
HAHA, GET REAL DAD, I'VE ESCAPED FROM PRISON MORE TIMES THAN MOM EVER SHOT YOU!
JACK EXPLAINS HIS BRILLIANT PLAN FOR ESCAPE
...AND WHILE I'M DOING THAT, YOU HIT HIM WITH THE TOLIET SEAT UNTIL....
5 MINUTES LATER...
WOW JACK, YOU DID IT!
HEH HEH, YEA, THAT GUARD SCREAMED SO MUCH...

 

by Couky
4-02-02
HERE'S MY HOUSE DAD, COME ON IN!
I USUALLY SLEEP ON THAT PILE OF NEWSPAPERS IN THE CORNER, BUT I'LL LET YOU HAVE IT WHILE YOU'RE STAYING HERE
GEE THANKS SON, WOW, THERE'S A LOTTA BLOOD STAINS ON THE WALL!
YEA, I TRY TO KEEP IT AS MUCH LIKE MY CHILDHOOD BEDROOM AS POSSIBLE
HA! YOU ALWAYS WERE KILLING FOLKS UP THERE, SUCH A TROUBLE MAKER YOU WERE

 

by Couky
4-02-02
WHAT THE??
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
WELL THAT WAS ODD

 

by Couky
4-03-02
...THAT'S RIGHT, IT'S ME, YOUR FRIEND SALLY! ... LET'S HANG OUT!
WE CAN MEET IN THE PARK IN AN HOUR! I'LL BRING MY BARBIES...
SORRY SALLY, MOM WON'T LET ME GO TO THE PARK ANYMORE BECAUSE OF THAT CREEPY GUY WITH THE CAT WHO HANGS OUT THERE AND OFFERS KIDS CANDY...
DAMN.

 

by Couky
4-10-02
DAN, DO YOU EVER WONDER WHAT BABY MIKEY IS GONNA DO WHEN HE GROWS UP?
AHAHAHAH!!!!!
MAYBE HE'LL TURN OUT LIKE ME AND WASTE HIS LIFE DRINKING BEER AFTER BEER...
AH HAH HAHAHHAH!!
...OR MAYBE HE'LL JUST BE LIKE YOU AND REFORM THE NAZI PARTY
ARE YOU GONNA THROW UP?

 

by Couky
4-19-02
KOSTA SEEKS ADVICE FROM HIS FRIENDS:
JOE, DO YOU THINK I'LL EVER FIND THE RIGHT MAN?
AW MAN, I'M JOOOE.
(TSK!) IS THATS ALL YOU EVER SAY! (SIGH) I'M GOING TO GO ASK SOMEBODY WHO CAN ACTUALLY HOLD A REAL CONVERSATION!
AW MAN, I'M JOOOE.
ERIKA, DO YOU THINK I'LL EVER FIND THE RIGHT MAN?
EEEEEEEEEEEEE-AWWWWWW!!!!!!!

 

by Couky
4-19-02
...HONK!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! ABBY DOOBY SKEEBA HO LA BIPPIDY BAPPEN SPOO!!!!!
SHEESH... I HATE IT WHEN JUSTIN TRIES TO HAVE "CONVERSATIONS" WITH ME... MAYBE IF I SAY SOMETHING MEAN HE'LL GO AWAY!
IIIIIIIIIIIIIII'M JUSTIN!!!! SKEEBEN DOOBEN ABBY DABBA DEEBEN DIPPLE-DOOSH!!!! HA HA HA!!!!!
I FUCKING HATE YOU, GARSH-DARNIT!
....I'M WEARING A BLUE SHIRT!!
SHEESH...

 

by Couky
4-30-02
DAN I'M CONCERNED ABOUT YOUR DRUG USE
AHAHA!!!
EVERYTIME I SEE YOU, YOU'RE STONED OUT OF YOUR MIND AND SCREAMING THINGS THAT MAKE NO SENSE!
...
DAN, GET OFF THE FLOOR
AHAHA!!! STOP THE SAVED BY THE BELL NIGHTMARES!!!

 

by Couky
5-01-02
*SQUAWK!* GAH GAH GAH, HI JEANNETTE
HI SKIPPY! WHAT ARE YOU UP TO?
GAH, NOT MUCH, I'VE JUST BEEN MAKING OUT WITH GUYS ALOT, YA KNOW, THE USUAL
OH, THATS INTERESTING... SAY SKIPPY... I NEVER NOTICED THAT YOU WERE SOME KIND OF A BIRD BEFORE
GAH, YOU NEVER DID?
BUT SINCE YOU ARE... COULD YOU LAY ME SIX EGGS?

 

by Couky
5-06-02
CRACK? CRACK? YOU WANNA BUY SOME CRACK?
CRACK?
YA KNOW, CRACK... GETCHA HIGH!
I DON'T UNDERSTAND....
....JACK ARE YOU ALRIGHT?
HAHA, I'M JUST KIDDING, MIKE.... I'LL TAKE THE USUAL...AS MUCH AS I CAN POSSIBLY CRAM INTO THE CAT'S ASS

 

by Couky
5-06-02
SOMETIMES I WONDER IF MY EXISTENCE HAS ANY MEANING...
HOW DO YOU MEAN?
WELL, I MEAN... DOES ANYTHING THAT WE DO ACTUALLY MATTER? DO WE EVER REALLY END UP CHANGING ANYTHING IN THE UNIVERSE?
WOW, THAT'S DEEP... I THINK THAT I KNOW WHAT WILL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER...
THIS IS FUN... I DO FEEL BETTER...
MAKE SURE TO SHOOT THEM IN THE GENITALS... IT CAUSES THEM TO FEEL CRIPPLING PAIN BEFORE THEY DIE

 

by Couky
6-14-02
RUFUS WITH HIS FRIENDS:
DAN YOU'RE SUCH A FAG
AHAHAHA SHUT UP AHAHAHA!!
....SERIOUSLY SPEEDY, WHY ARE YOU SUCH A FAG?
::DROOL:: YOU WILL NEVER HAVE A WOMAN EVER!
RUFUS IN THE NOT-TOO-DISTANT FUTURE:
SATAN, YOU'RE SUCH A FAG
DUDE... YOU DATED ASHLEY RANDEL

 

by Couky
6-14-02
WHILE IN HELL, RUFUS MEETS HIS EXACT DOUBLE
I HATE FAGS!
OH MY GOD! I HATE FAGS TOO!
.... SO THEN I MADE HER CRY! HAHAHAHAHA!!
HAHA! ONE TIME I TOLD THIS KID THAT HE SUCKED AND.....
I THOUGHT THIS EXACT DOUBLE THING WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A FORM OF TORMENT TO SHOW PEOPLE JUST HOW HORRIBLE THEY TRULY ARE??
I QUIT

 

by Couky
6-14-02
AT A HOUSE PARTY IN LYNNFIELD...
DAN, I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT PEOPLE HAVE AGAINST DRINKING
AAHAHAH!!!!
I MEAN, EVERYBODY SAYS IT MAKES PEOPLE DO AND SAY THINGS THAT THEY NEVER WOULD NORMALLY, WHICH ISN'T TRUE!
AAHAHHAAH!!! DON'T THROW UP!
MEANWHILE...
C'MON AMBER... JUST HOLD MY HAND...
UM.... NO

 

by Couky
8-06-02
JOSEPH ME BOY, HOW GOOD TO SEE YOU!
FATHER, I'D LIKE TO KNOW WHAT IT TAKES TO BECOME A PRIEST...
OH, TIS A LONG AND HARD JOUNREY...TAKES YEARS OF STUDYING... NOW TELL ME SON, WHAT BRINGS YOU TO THIS PRISON?
....WELL, I KINDA RAPED A FEW LITTLE BOYS...
WELL THEN LAD, YOU'RE HALFWAY TO BEING A PRIEST ALREADY!
I'M A PRETTY GIRL.....

 

by Couky
11-04-02
WELCOME TO "LATE AS HELL" WITH OUR HOST RUFUS AND HIS SIDEKICK DAN!
...SO THEN I LAUGHED AT HER BECAUSE SHE WAS FAT!!
AH AHAHAAH!!!
MAN, I SURE DO LOVE TO MAKE FUN OF ANYBODY WHO IS DIFFERENT THAN ME, NOW LETS BRING OUT OUR FIRST GUEST!
AH!!! AHAH!!!
MEANWHILE BACKSTAGE...
OH GEEZ, MAYBE I SHOULD RECONSIDER DOING THIS SHOW...
YA... ME TOO....

 

by Couky
11-04-02
WOAH, A GHOST!
OOOO! LEAVE THIS PLACE!
WHAT? HOWCOME??
IT IS AN EVIL PLACE! OOOOO!
AN EVIL PLACE! SPIRIT, SPARE ME!!!
HEH HEH, I TOLD YOU THIS SHIT WAS STRONG.

 

by Couky
11-04-02
NO SUSAN! DON'T GO!
I'M SORRY JACK, BUT IT'S OVER.
BUT WHY??? I THOUGHT THAT EVERYTHING WAS GOING SO WELL!
IT'S JUST THAT, WELL, YOU DO SOME THINGS THAT I REALLY DON'T LIKE SOMETIMES.
IS IT BECAUSE I PUT A GUN TO YOUR HEAD AND MADE YOU GO DOWN ON ME WHILE I WAS ON THE TOLIET??
WELL HONESTLY IT WAS ROMANTIC UNTIL YOU USED MY HAIR AS TOLIET PAPER.... GOOD BYE JACK.

 

by Couky
7-18-04
SOMEWHERE IN SPACE
HOW DO YOU SUPPOSE COMMANDER ZIGNOR IS DOING ON HIS MISSION TO EARTH?
I'M SURE HE HAS ALREADY ENSLAVED THE ENTIRE HUMAN RACE BY NOW
YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT, HE IS THE MOST INTELLEGENT AND TRUSTED OF ALL OF US
HE IS TRUELY A WISE LEADER
MEANWHILE ON EARTH...
YOU HEARD ME EARTHLING! I SAID TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER!
?

 

by Couky
7-21-04
DEEP SPACE
WE RECIEVED A MESSAGE FROM THE COMMANDER! HE SAID THAT HE IS CURRENTLY NEGOTIATING WITH THE HIGHEST LEVELS OF GOVERNMENT!
EXCELLENT! WHEN DOES HE PLAN TO BEGIN THE SUPRISE ATTACK?
UHH,HE KEPT SAYING HE'D DO IT TOMORROW. AND THEN HE STARTED LAUGHING ALOT.
...I SEE
SOMEWHERE ON EARTH
WOOOAH HAHA.... LOOKIT THE STARS....
HAHA YEAH STARS.... HEY MAN I TOLD YOU THIS WAS SOME STRONG SHIT!

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