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by DC
10-16-03
In the begginging....
Yo. I'm DC, and these are the DC diaries.
This is Wix. He's my tall, worrysome friend.
Word. Bo shizzle. Down with the kids.
(Possibly) to be continued...
For reasons unknown, I appear to be a squirrel. Hmm.
I can't remember the last time I ate a squirrel...

 

by DC
10-16-03
Well, Wix, there's a rational explanation for that.
Where's the rest of the bench?
With my total control over this comic, I can support the bench half with my thoughts alone.
So why are you a squirrel?
Silence, lackey.
...

 

by DC
10-17-03
Later that month...
...Are you sure you don't want me to change you back?
No, I'm suprisingly good, thanks.
...You know what? I'm suprised. Why?
I can eat all the squirrels I want and no-one will realise it was me!
Okay, I''l let you change me back!

 

by DC
10-17-03
Time to introduce more people, methinks.
This is my friend, ArchangelUK.
Holy crap, a talking cloud!
We met over the internet as fanfiction writers.
We used to talk a lot on msn, but now DC's gone to University, it's not so easy.
We've met in public, and we're good proof that human cloning is possible.
'We know aaa-
-aaal your secrets!'

 

by DC
10-17-03
WIX! There you are! Listen, I have to warn you!
I'm listening...
I just heard that there's some sort of shapeshifting alien around here that steals people's forms...
To be continued...
...So we have to be careful and stick together, ok?
OK, sure. *Sinister laugh*

 

by DC
10-17-03
Ow, my head....what Am i doing here?
I'll explain that later Wix, but right now, we have to save DC! And possibly the world!
How do you know my name?
BENEVOLENT DICATOR KITTY KNOWS ALL AND SEES ALL!
...
No, seriously, I do.

 

by DC
10-17-03
I don't know if I can trust this dictator...But...she is a cat-girl, so maybe there'll be fan-service...
I'm not sure I like what you're thinking...
Well, I've decided to follow you, you being an anthro and all...
Excellent! Who knows what mortal danger DC could be in?
....So I said, 'You should see the OTHER ONE!' Ha! God, I'm a genius.

 

by DC
10-17-03
Oh no! We're too late! The Earth has been destroyed!
So that's what a spleen looks like.
Wait a second. If the Earth has been destroyed, what are we standing on?
And how are we breathing?
Well, at least I don't have to pay this bill any more.
HELLO.

 

by DC
10-17-03
Wait a minute! This is my Forbidden Planet wish list!
I'LL JUST REAP HIM WHILE HIS BACK IS TURNED...
Not so fast, Alan!
Cloudkitten? Is that you?
What a good boy he is.
Who told you to destroy the world, huh?
It seemed like a good idea at the time, but if you insist, I'll send you back into the past to stop this from happening.

 

by DC
10-17-03
It worked, benevolent dictator! We're back in the past!
Yes indeed! Now, we must go! Dramaticaly, if at all possible!
DC! There you are! Where's the other me?
What do you mean? And why are you in a rubbish bin?
He's got a point, you know.
Is it so wrong to be comfortable on the job?

 

by DC
10-17-03
You! I know you're really a shape shifting alien now!
Well, you can't blame a guy for trying.
So did you find my double?
Yep.
And what happened?
We discussed our differences like rational human beings, and decided both parties were partially to blame. Then I hit him with this.

 

by DC
10-17-03
This is Sel
I don't look like this, you ass.
Ok, fine. THIS is Sel.
This is somehow worse.
Hey, look! I found Pink Lotus Fairy!
I know I was meant to be looking for Sel, but this is just too perfect.

 

by DC
10-21-03
Some of you may be aware that Wix has started another comic.
Letter of consent? I don't recall signing any letter of consent.
For reasons of continuity between the two comics, we broke Wix's legs and soldered him into the bin.
What are you doing? OH GOD, NO!
Thank you for your cooperation.
I think it's a good looks for you.

 

by DC
10-21-03
So, how about it? You wanna buy a CLAMP manga?
Yes. Yes I do.
You know, there are stores you can go for that.
But what would people think of me then?
You live in a bin!
Well, yeah. But I've still got to keep up appearances, you know.

 

by DC
10-22-03
Welcome to McWix! How may I serve you?
Hmm, I don't know. What do you serve?
Mainly Squirrel based foods.
Mainly?
Ok, all of them are squirrel based, with the possible exception of the Squirrelshake.
I see.

 

by DC
10-24-03
Do you have anything that isn't based around squirrels?
Nope.
Yeah, that's what I thought.

 

by DC
10-24-03
I'm dissapointed with you, Wix. You know DC's a squirrel now. This business venture is just sick.
Yeah, I guess you're right. I'll go have a talk with him.
You do that.
So you say you can offer me temporary work in your kitchens?
Oh, yeah. Real temporary.

 

by DC
10-26-03
Wow. I've never seen a storyline go so fast.
Yeah. But weren't there a lot of questions unanswered?
Yep. But no-ones going to ask them.
How come?
They don't want to be be seen being so pedantic and picky.

 

by DC
11-01-03
From all of us here at The DC Diaries, have a happy Halloween.
I think I'll use aspirin next time.
You do that.

 

by DC
11-01-03
Sel, Halloween is over now. You can take the costume of.
I could, yes.
You aren't going to change back into your regular clothes, are you?
Over my cold dead body.

 

by DC
11-01-03
Hey folks. You know, we get a lot of comments about my being stuck in a dustbin. Am I, people ask, the missing link between dustbin and man?
Not so. In fact, to prove that I can move independantly of the the bin, DC pushed me into the docks, where I will obviously have to swim for my life, leaving the bin behind.
Now, if I leave the Trashcan, would I be the Wix you know and love? I have artistic image to consider here.
Get out of my Dwarf's bitchin' fish tank, you.

 

by DC
11-04-03
Hi, I'm Cloud from Final Fantasy Seven. DC told me to meet him here. Where is he?
Miss?
I want to Sex0r you.
Well, I've heard about enough.

 

by DC
11-25-03
DC Stars in...Cliches of net comics! A need-to-know service brought to you out of unholy rage.
Hey, guys! DC here, and today I will be talking about webcomics about gamers, with the help of my friends...
In Reality, many gamers are quieter by nature through years of social outcastery, but on the net, gamers are CRAZY, ZANY PEOPLE WITH THEIR HEADS SO FAR UP THEIR OWN ASSES THEY'VE TURNED INSIDE OUT!
Gaming is a form of escapism that doesn't stop me being a sociable person.
I've been playing a lot of Hitman 2 recently, and apparently felt compelled to go slaughter one of my friends. But don't worry, he'll be back next strip with no injuries!
Which is not to say that all gamers are wonderful people. Just...Gee, guys, you wanna do a comic about gamers, fine. But you don't all have to be these Penny-Arcade stylee stereotypes, do you?
I typically pack the M4, I've got the silencer on there.
Tune in next time for more grief with webcomics, guys and gals!

 

by DC
1-26-04
Hey, Tabthon. What's up?
THE PENGUINS ARE CHASING ME!
What, again?
AS A MIGHTY ROBOT, I DESERVE BETTER!
Penguins again?
Yeee-ep.

 

by DC
1-28-04
ASMODEUS IS STEALING MY ITEMS AGAIN!
Why do you keep letting him do that?
As a Mighty Robot, I feel insecure.
Be fair. You steal his items as well.
But when I do it, it's cute!

 

by DC
1-28-04
Sorry I'm late, Tabathon had items that I felt compelled to steal. Where are the monsters?
...
You've killed them all again, haven't you.
It does sound like something I'd do.

 

by DC
1-28-04
Hey, Tabathon.
Humanoid Greetings, Travesty.
Why the rectangular face?
Asmodeus stole all my items. I am now devoid of any weapons or Meseta.
You're a robot! Why do you need so many Meseta anyway? It isn't like you eat.
One of the Photon Cannons in the Weapons shop has been flirting with me. I'm going to save enough to buy her, and then we shall elope to the forest together, with simple dreams of crushing all humans.

 

by DC
1-28-04
Hey, here comes Travesty.
Oh, yeah. Haven't seen him in a while.
Why is it whenever we split up it seems to be you and me, and those two?
Well, since we're just plain better, we'd just stop them getting experience, and without experience they'll never reach our levels.
So we just stay here and send them off to battle countless hoardes of mutated creatures? Doesn't that seem a tad unfair?
Shut up and drink your beer.

 

by DC
1-28-04
Guys! Tabathon's trying to buy a Photon Cannon to destroy the human race!
Taba-who?
Tabathon! He's trying to buy a...
Who-Athon?
You know, the big robot guy you get all your items from.
Oh, he's a robot? I thought he was some sort of walking vending machine.

 

by DC
2-03-04
TRAP!
Thanks.

 

by DC
2-03-04
Hey, you know Tabathon? I think he's trying to destroy all life on Pioneer 2 or something.
You don't sound so sure.
Well, Travesty told me. I think. He was touching my leg at the time, and I sort of ran away.
Um, Asmo?
'Eeeey.
Damn.

 

by DC
2-03-04
Hey, Tabathon. Don't destroy the human race, okay?
What makes you think you can stop a Mighty Robot such as I?
Let me rephrase that. Do what I say or Hio and I are going to microwave your head.
Fair enough. Can't blame a Mighty Robot for trying.

 

by DC
2-03-04
Hiotomi! I just saw my Evil Twin!
You are your evil twin.
Well now I'm just plain confused.

 

by DC
2-05-04
Morning, Asmo. What are you doing up this early?
I woke up and Travesty was looking at me whilst I was sleeping again. Sometimes I wonder why I live here.
*Yawn* Morning, guys. You're up early, Asmo. The bathroom's free, right?
...
And then I remember.

 

by DC
2-05-04
Man, this sucks!
And not in the good way like I do. Why won't anyone believe me about my evil twin?
People are stoopid.
Yeah.

 

by DC
2-05-04
Oh, this is just great. What are you doing here? I thought you were on Pioneer 1.
I was.
But I thought everyone from Pioneer 1 died!
Yeah, they all died, right enough. They died real good.
See, this is why nobody sends you Christmas cards anymore.

 

by DC
2-05-04
Well, time to go to work.
Hang on. I bought a new costume with my Meseta, let me try it on.
Well? What do you think?
I think that I'm going to remember this as the day Asmo forgot to shut the door when he changed.
Actually, I think Travesty was trying to pick the lock last night.

 

by DC
2-05-04
Come on, admit it, you were waiting to become a Ranger for years. I bet you trained every day or something.
Actually, no. In fact, I remember a time only a few years ago when...
RAAAAAAAAGH!
Dude, just, like, chill.
That's a lie, isn't it.
Pretty much, yeah.

 

by DC
2-06-04
Dooby dooby doo...
Hey, you! Make with the plotline!
And if I refuse?
Ah.
You got that right. I'm desperate for EXP.

 

by DC
2-06-04
So what now?
You stay here, evil twin! I'm going to go kill stuff till I level up so I can kick your ass.
Who are you supposed to be?
I'm Travesty's slightly less evil twin.
...Suddenly it all makes sense...

 

by DC
5-04-04
Hey there.

 

by DC
5-04-04
So what happened to your evil twin in the end?
Who knows? Perhaps he's still out there somewhere, plotting his unspecified revenge...
Everything is well all over the place.

 

by DC
5-19-04
OK...According to Jobpredictor.com, your Ideal Job is a Proffesional Tramp.
You know, if you laugh, I can break you like a twig.
It's a risk I'm willing to take.

 

by DC
5-19-04
What about me?
Movie Star.
Porn?
It isn't specific, but I really hope not.
To the Pornmobile!
Well, I suppose scaring me off it for life is one way to keep me innocent.

 

by DC
5-20-04
Gidieon! What brings you here?
I'm your representative in court.
You have a legal degree?
No. But I do have a big sword. That tends to dispense justice some.
...Good?
GIDEION ANKH, ACTION LAWYER!

 

by DC
5-20-04
So what are you in for this time?
Cruelty to animals.
I'm as suprised as you are.

 

by DC
5-20-04
So, how is this going to work?
Well, I have a cunning defense planned focusing mainly on your Hunter's registration. However, I got distracted and forgot it.
That was foolish.
Well, maybe. But I beat up a demon in human form on the way here, so we'll just smuggle you out in their clothes.
I don't believe that actually worked.
Well, not to blow my own trumpet, but I am the most fabulously incredible action lawyer in the history of anything ever.

 

by DC
7-17-04
The end of a whirlwind year of University...
I passed!
As did I!
So did I!
He's back.
To the bunker!

 

by DC
7-17-04
You know, school uniforms originted in 20th century Denmark.
Sure they did.
Big boy.
Are you coming on to me?
Count yourself greatful I have such high standards. Let's go.

 

by DC
7-17-04
Meanwhile, down at the waterin' hole...
I sense a powerful disturbance in the ether, like every soul ever crying out in fear and despair.
I wonder what the cause could be...
That was fantastic! And that bit where you...
I agree. Let's do it again.
I choose not to dwell on that.
Wise choice.

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