All comics by Daemon

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by Daemon
5-27-01
Time: 08:43
Hey, lemme run this idea by you, Bob. I was thinking of writing a sitcom...
Yeah? What about?
It's basically two guys who are stuck in a prison together...
Fred...
What?
I wish your brain would haemorrhage.

 

by Daemon
5-27-01
Time: 09:58
Hmmm...
What's that you've got, Fred?
It's a letter from my mum. She says "In this society, who is to say what is wrong or right? Who can judge what punishment is 'fair'. Who..."
Fred...?
Yeah?
I fucked your mum last time she visited you.

 

by Daemon
5-27-01
Time: 12:11
Finally...
...now Fred's out of the room, I can take a dump in peace.
It's just a shame I didn't look before sitting down in the crap-bucket... ewww...

 

by Daemon
5-27-01
Time: 12:13
Nothing like having a peaceful shit...
I'd say I've just shit myself, but I hate to state the obvious.

 

by Daemon
5-27-01
Time: 12:14
We are the Greys. We've come to abduct you and give you a bunch of anal probes.
You realise I've just taken a dump.
Yes. That's why we've come.
You guys are sick.
*chuckles* Yep.

 

by Daemon
5-27-01
Time: 12:16
So, you coming or what?
I think I'll run away instead.
That didn't work out as planned...

 

by Daemon
5-27-01
Time: 12:18
You'll like our spaceship. We use spiked anal probes "for her pleasure".
Doesn't appeal.
Tough shit, skinny boy, you're coming anyway.
I don't like you.

 

by Daemon
5-27-01
Time: 12:22
WooOAOOoaoaaahH...
UUuguuuUUhguhg...
Wheeeeeeeee...
This transporter is something else...
What transporter?
*vomit*

 

by Daemon
5-27-01
Time: 12:30
So... this is your spaceship?
Yeah, you like it?
It sucks.
Hey, whatdya expect on a student loan?

 

by Daemon
5-27-01
Time: 12:31
Wow, it's an amazing view... the stars, the Earth... it's spectacular!
Actually, that's just my computer's screen saver.
Figures.

 

by Daemon
5-27-01
Time: 12:32
So, what's to become of me?
Well, you'll be transported down to the "holding planet" with a bunch of other aliens.
WoooOOaoaAahHh...
Hey, the transporter hasn't started yet.
Sorry.

 

by Daemon
5-27-01
Time: uncertain
The more I use this transporter, the more grateful I am that I'm still in my crap-bucket.
I wonder what strange creatures I'll meet... the marvels I'll be able to recount to grandchildren...
I'm the Blatherclat! I express both happiness and anger by sexual assault.
ohfuck

 

by Daemon
5-27-01
Stardate: Tuesday
So, what are you going to do with your prisoner?
First, I thought I would give him an anal probe...
Hah hah, you said "anal"! You are gay!
I wish your brain would haemorrhage.
*laughs*

 

by Daemon
5-27-01
*sniff* So, basically, my mother never told me she loved me... *sniff*
*sniff* ... *sob*
You know what's great about sharing emotions with a being that expresses both pleasure and displeasure with sexual assault?
*sniff* ... What?
Nothing.

 

by Daemon
5-27-01
Time: 13:24
It's not like Bob to be gone so long...
...especially considering we're both serving life in prison...
...ahh, well, it's a good opportunity to go through his porn stash.

 

by Daemon
5-27-01
Stardate: Just after Lunchtime
Knock knock...
Who's there?
ZkjdhUg the Indominable!
ZkjdhUg the Indominable who?
You can't ask that... ZkjdhUg the Indominable has just killed you! Ha ha ha...
Alien jokes really suck.

 

by Daemon
5-27-01
Time: 15:07
I'm so glad we walked here. The stars look lovely... so inspiring...
Are you going to sexually assault me again?
Yep.
*sigh*

 

by Daemon
5-27-01
Time: 15:08
Y'know, I've been in this crap-bucket for over 2 hours now.
Are you happy there?
No, I'm just scared of what you'll do to me if I get out.

 

by Daemon
5-27-01
Time: 15:09
I wonder if he thinks I'm gay.
So, what do we do now?
I dunno.
I wonder if he thinks I'm gay.

 

by Daemon
5-27-01
Stardate: ERROR
Why are you still carrying that raygun?
In case you try anything funny.
I wonder if he thinks I'm gay.

 

by Daemon
5-27-01
Time: 16:55
Hey, here's Ralf. He's a friend of mine.
Hi.
Nice to meet you, Ralf.
What?! I can't hear you, I've got feet instead of ears!
*sigh*

 

by Daemon
5-27-01
Right, it's time to transport that human back up and begin the anal probes.
Damnit, I got Ralf again...
What?!

 

by Daemon
5-27-01
Time: 19:22
It's really lonely here without Bob. And it'll be bed-time soon.
He won't be here to tell me a bed-time story. Still, I might as well make the best of the situation.
I'll burn his porn.

 

by Daemon
5-27-01
Time: 19:22
I've got the strangest feeling...
Share.
It feels kinda like my life-time's worth of porn is being burned...

 

by Daemon
10-05-04
Oh dear...
I'm in so much trouble over molesting that altar boy.
*sigh* I should have realised Christianity was not for me. I should have become Jewish, then I'd be a rabbi.
They get to touch little boys legitimately, and even chop bits off!

 

by Daemon
10-05-04
Alright, boy, I'm here ta arrest you, over th' stuff with that poor altar kid.
Oooh, goody... are you going to use handcuffs?
Hey, I'm on to you! That pleasant smile ain't foolin' no-one no more!
Oh, this?
No, this happened when I was enjoying a moment of gentle flatulence. Sadly, by definition, the wind changed...

 

by Daemon
10-05-04
Listen, father, before I haul yer butt in ta jail, can you answer me one question?
Of course, my son.
What does it say on that altar-thingy over there?
"Do this in rememberence..."
No, the bit under that. In the small writing.
Oh. "If you can read this, you're too holy."

 

by Daemon
10-12-04
Killborg's Garfield My Way
Oh, Garfield... I love you!
I love you too, Jon!
Let us spend just one night together, in the gentle clasp of each other's arms...
*swoon*
Daemon's take on Killborg's Garfield My Way
Well... time to rape the cat again.
Meeeow?

 

by Daemon
10-12-04
I know my comics are sometimes questionable, to the point of offending a few people. But if Stripcreator had ever been subject to censorship, it wouldn't be the familiar place it is...
For only five dollah, I clean your car mister.
It's not a euphemism.
So I says, "Well, them rotor turbines ain't gonna generate gravitons by themselves!"
A reasonable supposition.
RAAARRR! TOBOR WILL ENTER MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU!

 

by Daemon
10-14-04
Mild-mannered archeo-geologist Danny Punyman is exploring some caves in Greece...
Hmmmm...
Well, these ancient statuettes and urns probably aren't worth much...
But I expect I'll get something on eBay for this talking pillar of flame...
Place your hand on me, Danny...

 

by Daemon
10-14-04
You know, I don't usually trust talking flames...
Go on, Danny... place your hand on me...
...But I've got a good feeling about you!
Your destiny awaits!
WOooOoo... limbs... weakening... eyes... blurring... plot development... imminent!

 

by Daemon
10-14-04
Whuh... where am I?
Danny! This is the voice of God! You are...
a fag!
Stop it, you're spoiling it!
God...?
C'mon, just shut up, and let me do the talking.
Heh heh, alright.
We'll mess with him later...
Anyway, as we were... um, as *I* was saying, you are the Chosen One! You have been chosen for a great destiny!

 

by Daemon
10-14-04
God... are you a schizophrenic?
What?! No! Of course not!
I have multiple personality disorder. You're a schizophrenic, 'cos you're hearing voices in your head.
Oh. Yet, strangely, I don't feel that reassured.
Heh heh... good one!
Thanks.

 

by Daemon
10-14-04
So.. why *am* I here?
You are to become a super hero!
With the power of Justice itself at your command!
I shall call myself, Super Justice JUSTICE Man!
Heh heh heh... yeah you do that.

 

by Daemon
10-14-04
At the Daemon Awards for Stripcreator Originality
On this auspicious occasion, there can truly be no greater honour for me...
...than to be able to give the first award to a very good friend of mine... Killborg!
He takes home the Award for Most Original Spelling.
I feel like the luckiest girl in the worls.

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