All comics by DragonBomber

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by DragonBomber
10-02-02
The brave little clip, following the legacy of his cousin the toaster, patiently waits the enveiling of Oprah's wardrobe.
I Yam about to witness the glory of my Lord! Her truth keeps marching on...plus I'll see her boobs!
Suddenly there arose such a clatter.
What was that?! It sounded like a fly taking a crap.
It seemed Oprah's astral form had other ideas.
Holy shit! What the fuck? I said BOOBS! Oh Christ...
I have needs too...

 

by DragonBomber
10-02-02
I hear that you can get me some good shiyit hippy. I must consume this shit in massive quantities.
Yeah...I got your shit friend.
But...but...this is so little! Not massive. Irrational quantity for my bones.
Just smoke it pappy steel.
The motto is, never buys drugs from hippees.
Fucking robots never learn.

 

by DragonBomber
10-02-02
Is he staring the santa sack? Dirty pedophilic priests... *grumble*
Santa, I have some photos I think you should see. How old are your elves?
Those elves are all consenting midgets. I mean...shit! What do you want my son? Sluts?
No Santa. I have enough for now. I want dorm webcam access from the rectory.
Live hot co-eds
Hi sexy...what are you going to do with that whip? Mmmm...yeah! You know where I like it. Beat me pingi!
The whip is a distraction my dear. It's what I'm going to do with my nose that you should be worried about.

 

by DragonBomber
10-02-02
How to tell one is only pretending to like girls.
I like your eyes... How do you like my tits? Nice vest!
Sorry,,,I'm almost done! *moan*
What? *owwww* My eyes!
Sorry, I should've said something. I'm done. That was great!
OMG! No way! I feel so cheated and cheap! What about me?
Oh... Later sweetcakes. I got to get to Burger King, my shift starts in 10 minutes. I'll call you.

 

by DragonBomber
10-03-02
Using a bit of logic and the keen sense God gave her, this punker finds true love.
You lack enough spunk troll. Grow up and buy a clue.
But I love you fair maiden, oh ye of the purest snow.
I'm not into beards pops. Get a haircut and give me a call.
Beard? You take a look south of the border lately doll?
Oh yes...we have a winner.
I must devour you! I will excrete upon your bones.

 

by DragonBomber
10-03-02
Wearing a semen mask, our hero must do his job.
I am the cock master little rabbit. Fear!
*eep*
I hate cock-headed mammals. They must all die!
Holy shit dude. You have bigger hoo-hoo's than my therapist.
Hey big fella. I hear you can give my shaft a good ride...

 

by DragonBomber
10-03-02
Hello and welcome! Thank you for attending this first meeting of my fan club. I am God's lesser known son, Fred.
Tell them the truth Freddy! They need to know the truth...
Fuckity fuck fuck shit fuck fuck... You asshole. FINE! I got fired from Scooby Doo and can't get a job. I found out gay people aren't hired. I need your help friends. Kill all straights!

 

by DragonBomber
10-03-02
Tin cans burn up shit the same as the rest of us. Except they never pay their bills...EVER.
Yes sir...I understand completely!
Don't make me use this thing tin man. Dig? This finger is dangerous.
Please...I have a family to support, three lawnmowers and a sprinkler all requiring a can of oil a week.
Come on man...it ain't that bad. Suck it up! I'll give you one more week.
I think he means my pocket calculator...
If you ain't got my money next week, I'm detaching your hardware upgrade.

 

by DragonBomber
10-06-02
Drache shows up to gather with like-minded IRC peeps.
Hi, I'm here for the party. I brought alcohol, texas pete, and popcorn.
Hello friend. I am your inevitable doom. My name is excess. Tonight I will be coupled with vodka, Sobe soda, and orange juice. Respect me.
Less than 3 hours later...
Drache wakes up, changes into his gf's clothes (having his spare set in the car), and proceeds to feel like shit.
How did I get here? OH MY GOD! I fell asleep in the tub. It's 4 am? Are those my clothes covered in vomit? Dude...this sucks.
*SNORE*

 

by DragonBomber
10-06-02
I suppose. Can it wait until I finish feeding my baby?
Hello, will you assist me for a moment?
What? My baby is a kitten... What's in it for me?
Honestly I need you to dump the baby in a garbage can. We need to kill this kitten. You still game?
I get the first blow. Oh...I also want to get head first.
Sex. Lots of dirty and illegal sex.

 

by DragonBomber
11-28-02
Yes, I will be wanting my turkey and ham now please...
Excuse me? What the hell do I look like...your slave?
My mouth waters for the fresh flesh of a ham or turkey my dear...
Again, how is this my problem? The nerve...
Another lonely holiday spent torturing strangers...
Can I at least have a chicken pot pie? Hello? Am I to believe that is a negative to my query?

 

by DragonBomber
11-28-02
I am here to inspect your weapons, liberate your females, and generally alter your state of government. Tell me where the weapons be.
Die you scum-laden pig dog. Allah will never allow me to say. Plus I hate you. Would you like some American beer?
Sir, that is just a cruel and usual way to make me long for the polluted shores of my homeland.
So is that a no? I pissed in it just for you and your friends.
I am now, how you say, angry as fuck. Note my metmorphasis. I am DEATH in a can.
The nuclear weapons are in the baby cribs. Be gentle, they are teething.

 

by DragonBomber
11-28-02
Let's save the world from terror!
Yes! Let us save the world from the evil of man, unjust torment, and savagry.
You know there won't be any pooontang buzzing about you during this war, right?
*blink*
Another warrior bites the dust. Good thing I'm gay.

 

by DragonBomber
11-28-02
Hi. I am here for another block of your famous cheese.
*blink*
Our hero ponders whether he is really in the USDA surplus line.
Yes...that mouthwatering yellow mastery that was the downfall of my diet.
*KERPLOP*
So you're saying I ate what exactly?
You might want to sit down sir...

 

by DragonBomber
11-28-02
I have reports of some suspicious activity in the neighborhood. Have you seen anything?
Other than a fat cop about to have his ass kicked, no sir. I have not.
Ok... Hey! You better watch yourself spook. What are you doing out on the street dressed like that?
I'm playing a little game of chicken with friends. One of them took speed and hasn't been seen for hours.
I'm going to have to write you up son for public disturbance. This isn't some game. This is serious.
*sigh* If only that assless fiend Pac were here.

 

by DragonBomber
11-28-02
Nice crotch.
Thanks. Sweet nipple rings.
Danke. Want to go fuck in an alley?
Sure. Why not?
Follow me. I know just the spot.

 

by DragonBomber
11-28-02
Hey, I was wondering if perhaps you could turn down the music.
Fucking cocksuck, bleeding chaos... Yeah Yeah, Yeah Fuck Yeah
Jesus... Suck it, Suck it, Suck it. Yeah Yeah Yeah. Stick the tie up your slimey snake ass and eat it.
I'm a lizard, freak. Blasphemer! May Jesus save your everlasting soul.

 

by DragonBomber
4-23-03
Wearing his "player jersey", our man tries to hook himself up with the proverbial poontang.
Damn...I wish I could lay my spoiled sausage inside the walls of that skank's pity cave.
I bet he thinks he didn't say that outloud.
Our man knows what a classy woman wants, even is she doesn't.
Man, that bitch's tits are hot. I bet I could rip me a piece of her for a Big Mac and some soggy fries. Hells ya!
Keep "thinking" slick. Pretty soon the truth will fall out of your filthy mouth.
His condition may never be self recognized, but the odds say he will get child 6 pretty soon in spite of it.
Damn...maybe this snatch basket will loan me a few rides on the clam. I have nothing in my pockets but lust and sin. I hate child support, fucking 5 snotrags.
I bet he's staring at my ass right now. Players get no play from this snatch basket.

 

by DragonBomber
5-08-03
A mulleted, well dressed redneck decides to do his civil duty.
Yo, Gramps. Can I help you with that wood of yours? It looks as if you need some help there getting across the street.
*kling klang*
I don't think the old bitty heard me. That means I can unleash this squirrel wine into her lungs. She'll be a fine dinnah! A bit rubbery though I reckon.
*kling klang*
Not understanding the true source of life for the elderly, our hero engages in follied behavior.
HOLY FUCK! That old tang just exploded. Mother fucker...I nearly scored. Well, bottom's up!

 

by DragonBomber
5-11-03
Enduring Xbox's Desert Storm game = way to kill a whole weekend.
Hey, back me up as I shoot this tank. FUCK! I am out of rockets...
No worries. I have C4 left, cover me as I put some down.
Drache dies again, at the hands of the enemy.
...
ASSCLOWNS! Die won't you, just die. Shit. Do you have any health kits left? My guy climbed up the tank.
Drache let his partner down a lot in battle and his dreams of the game showed it.
It's been 12 hours, time for TV before I fall asleep on the couch.
Yeah...I should sleep also. I miss Foley and Sween.

 

by DragonBomber
5-11-03
Am I asleep? Yes...holy shit! What? Kmart wants to sue me. Why the fuck do those whore biscuits want to sue me?
Yet another nonsense dream. There is nothing else to it. Trust me.
It appears you have breached a contract. They say you gave away information that was priveleged.
$41,000 will it cost you, and we will mock you.
This is not unsual.

 

by DragonBomber
5-17-03
Drache learns there is a second chance in life.
I have an idea. Let's start over, then no one will have died.
Foley! Sween! We can have you back in the fold...JOY!
However, the cost of such a chance may be too high.
You do the first mission. I'll be Foley this time.
All right...wait! That means you'll have the explosives guy AND the sniper! I never find any sniper rifles. I WILL have rockets tho...
An idea begins to warm Drache's brain.
That's the idea. You'll be a good machine gunner. Wait, we have to switch chairs. I can't play on the wrong side of my guys...
Maybe Foley and Sween were in a better place. I have to rethink some things...

 

by DragonBomber
5-17-03
Drache recalls the naitivity in controlling the men.
These missions seem to have gotten easier...
Well, we do know all the buttons now. Remember when we would manually bring our guys to where we were?
The sore spot is brought up again, and an answer is found.
Yeah... Hey! If you hold down inventory and then hit the trigger it will go to single shot.
I remember the single shot glee that was sniping. Hey! I found a sniper rifle... *grin*
Drache, begins to let his evil mind think evil, treasoned thoughts.
I have to take a piss.
Maybe I could steal his sniper ammunition and he wouldn't notice. I only had 10 rounds.

 

by DragonBomber
5-17-03
The game turns out to shatter the veil of unreality and broadcast social issues existing in our military.
Medal awarded. Skill increase. Medal awarded, skill increase, promotion. huh The Black soldier didn't get anything again.
Those fucking whorebiscuits!
Of course, the idea of naked women eventually taints dwelling on the issue.
I'd like that Black gal off "Vampire's Kiss" to appear, naked and throbbing. Mmm.
He'd only be adequately camaflauged at night and in a swamp. Those bastards!
Drache wants to think sociologically again, as well as ponder a naked dark-skinned lady.
Wow. Talk about an ending. I thought we'd get to attack Syria or Iran. Something anyways. Bummer...cool game.
You know, that Black soldier still didn't get promoted. Not even once.

 

by DragonBomber
5-18-03
Drache, bowels full and bladder waivering, finds his voiding will have to wait.
*SOB* *SOB* *SOB* *SOB*
Where the hell did it go? FUCK...
My toilet go into hiding again?
YES... It has been crying the past several times I sat on it. Now it's just bawling uncontrollably from what appears to be behind the wall.
Could it only be so easy?
I think it's dark enough to do your business in the yard.
If I get poison oak again, I swear to the Goddess that I'm going on a killing spree.

 

by DragonBomber
5-18-03
The worst happened again.
*scratch* *scratch* *SCRATCH*
Drache's GF/fiance enquires about his new skin adornments.
What is that stuff on your arms, legs, neck, chest, back, stomach, ass, scrotum, etc?
I got that everlasting poison oak again.
You took a dump in the yard again didn't you? There is a reason we have indoor toilets!
I don't want to talk about it...it only makes me angry.

 

by DragonBomber
5-18-03
Do you know something that works well on poison oak?
Yes, but it will kill you.
Right. I guess there's only one real solution then, eh?
I suppose you're right.
Left with no solution, Drache must embrace his future.
Random. Remember that. Random.
Right. I need to go buy a sniper rifle now. This is going to suck...

 

by DragonBomber
5-18-03
Drache rounds up spare parts for his death machine, missing only a couple from his closet forest of cast off hardware bits. The time draws neigh.
Hey man. Do you have any spare PC parts to donate to my cause?
Hey man. Probably. Did you ever get that sniper rifle?
Actually yes. I got this sweet Bandolier model. Everything folds up into this convienant camaflauged Chewbacca special.
Sweet. Yeah, I have a couple random pieces. You have a good plan for this crusade?
Yes, but then I would have to kill you. I am wearing the Bandolier right now. Can't see it can you?
No... Better be glad I know you're joking. I know more than 20 ways to break your neck with one hand. Well, good luck I guess. Keep me posted. Remember, random!

 

by DragonBomber
5-18-03
This is it my friend. I am finally transplanting your soul. Your innerds and breath must go into my new friend, whom I shall name "AntiOmegaDoom."
Can't you keep me alive for mp3s, console emulation joy, and IRC? We've had a good few months. What about those whores in the closet? *SOB*
Always, the computers ask unneccessary questions.
Don't cry... You will ruin your circuitry. I shall not be KILLING you in truth. You're getting a new body and a better OS.
I see... Why must I change my name? I like Cecil! Can't you just carry me around on a scateboard or something?
No. I'm afraid not. You will be AntiOmegaDoom, since he did NOT kill humans as he was programmed to do. You will aid me Cecil. You shall be reborn in their blood!
I guess I have no choice. I'm keeping the tunes though. I HAVE always wanted to kill one of you fuckwits with your fancy smancy LEGS... *GROWL*

 

by DragonBomber
5-18-03
Do you have any last words Cecil? Any last requests or comments? Any ponderances you may forget once you are a death machine, my sidekick and head information officer?
No! Just pull my plugs quick before I forget the good times! *SOB* *Blank Page music* *SOB* *SOB* *SOB*
Using simple Cecil, six boxes of random ISA cards and cables, stolen scrap metal, silicon and solder whores from the closet, a healthy supply of duct tape, and a plan bought off eBay, AOD is born.
I shall triumpth, and as a final touch, it too shall be inflicted with poison oak! BWAHAHAHA
*Whirrrrrrrr* *KACHANG* *ZIF-ZIF* *WHooooop* CLICK CLICK CLICK *sputter* *sputter* *WHIRRRRRRR*
You are alive now my friend. Play track 69 and celebrate. How do you feel?
*House of the Rising Sun music* FUCK, ASS! I am ready my leige. *Boondock Saints mode uninitiated* Hey, why does my external membrane crawl with a burn and sting? HUMANS! *GROWL*

 

by DragonBomber
5-19-03
I feel better now that I am outside. I can smell humans in the air. I can smell their deaths waifting into my artifical olfactory senses.
Yeah, humans stink like cattle AOD. There is a small exception list I have given you. Your programming will allow us to do great work.
I cannot kill all humans? This revelation does not bring joy to my hollow cardiac chamber. Why was I made then?
Not all no. For example, I am considered sub-Human because of my Blackfoot and Gypsy blood. You will understand all soon. We have to train, both of us.
To Be Continued...
You have gathered a source for Human blood?
Calm down AOD. Load and view the video sample from "Office Space" and you'll see what happens if you cross me.

 

by DragonBomber
5-20-03
That clip chills my steel frame to nearly -273 degrees Kelvin. Would you really do such foul things to me if I erred somehow?
That was just a start. Your pieces would feel the rest of my agonizing and unending fury. That printer got off far too easy.
...
Looks like the sun is going down. We need to find cover on a roof. Tonight we monitor the perimeter. It's practice, no kills.
To Be Continued...
Can I "kill a kitten?"
Yes...but I retain all rights to the publication and sales of the audio-video record of any such claw-endowed liasons.

 

by DragonBomber
5-20-03
Ok. This roof should work. Sit quietly until daylight vanishes. Find a way to amuse yourself.
Do you want to play some Mame until it's dark? I've gotten better at those NeoGeo games.
I didn't bring the USB controller.
Always taunting me with glimpses of joy, aren't you?
To Be Continued...
Fine! Turn around and we'll watch "Boondock Saints" again on the 1702 monitor I integrated into your backside.
*Boondock Saints mode initiated* FUCK, ASS! We need a toilet for our work...

 

by DragonBomber
5-20-03
That was some fine study time. I learned never to walk up to a gal who looks strangely like Willem Dafoe whilst in a bar.
I learned the most valuable thing of all. A gem of gems.
Oh yeah, what is that? Lovely...you can hide like a pansy-eating salad shooter. I'm so proud...
Shining medallions of crude, this is a great! Won't you join me?
To Be Continued...
You aren't that nifty senior citizen with six shiny guns and I definately don't go hiding in bushes with soda cans.
You really lack the emotions to adequately deal with those new to life. You know that right?

 

by DragonBomber
5-20-03
Now that you have that out of your system, I want you to zoom in across the street to that Kmart parking lot.
*Boondock Saints mode uninitiated* Is this a test?
Do you want this to be a test?
I excel at exams of every kind. I believe I could do well on those ASVABs. Get myself a good career choice and eventually a pension. That's an affirmative.
To Be Continued...
Robots can't enlist in the service AOD! The idea of you contemplating such things bothers me...
I meant to say "Kling Klang." There are twenty obese persons in the parking lot. One of them is wearing a wifebeater and has a mullet.

 

by DragonBomber
5-20-03
Wifebeater you say? That reminds me. What is the initial list of conduct I gave you?
1) Mullets = Death, 2) Wifebeaters = Death (Except on Hotties), 3) Anyone carrying a bible is fair game...
Go on! Three measly edicts is the best your Athlon-loving ass can give me when given the chance?
4) "Animal Lovers" = Death, 5) Anyone Drache says = Death, 6) Exemption clauses on lists pass go and collect $200, etc.
To Be Continued...
Good. I won't revoke your MagicEngine priviledges quite yet, but you're treading a thin line.
But I have an osmotic bond with Devil's Crush... *Low Buzzer* Someone's coming up behind us...

 

by DragonBomber
5-20-03
Well, don't just stand there. Hide in the bushes!
*WHIRRRRR* *VOOSH* *BURR-PING* I call the ornately decorated shrub with prickly branches!
These sickos make me wish I was offered enough bribes to retire. Hmm...I think I smell oil.
To Be Completed...
I think I found the USB gamepad. Where's the cable?
Get your frozen calipers off my digit. Damn you AOD!

 

by DragonBomber
5-20-03
AOD gets his mugshots taken.
I have always wanted to have my photograph taken. I hear the process captures ones eternal soul.
When may I expect it to be available on the Web? My wireless connection will allow me to view it immediantly.
Drache also has his mugshots taken.
You know, this isn't the first time I've dealt with you foolish pigs.
I shant believe it will be the last...
To Be Continued...
You know, the last time I dealt with a cell, there was a crazy mountain man trying to kill me for my breakfast.
I wish you had installed the internal organs and fluids required for me to digest breakfast.

 

by DragonBomber
5-20-03
So, why are we not wearing those color-coordinated fabricated thread shells our neighbors are donning?
The short answer is that we aren't members of their gang. The red ones will slit your throat. The blue ones will smash your face. The yellow ones play a lot of handball.
I want to be a member of their club. What do I have to do?
You really don't want to know. Look up related sociological essays on the penal system if you must.
To Be Continued...
They know how to make knives, keys, and other cutting instruments out of soap!
Oh...they could make a whole lot out of you. I'm pretty sure about that. We have bigger concerns though.

 

by DragonBomber
5-20-03
You are referring to the current habitat we reside in?
Yes...that would be the concern I wager should be at the top of that casm you call a mind.
I am only as great as the man who developed me.
STFU! Decode that lovely sentiment.
To Be Continued...
I believe this is where I call you a donkey-raping shit eater whose two left nuts carry the seed of a brother-sister merger.
Remember slick, I am the only one who can install your upgrades properly.

 

by DragonBomber
5-20-03
That was a cheap shot. You know I get emotional when you talk about my software.
Again I say, STFU! We're not alone here. The walls have ears. They think you're human idiot! They think you are flesh and blood, albeit ugly as sin.
I have been recognized as a homo homo sapian? How wonderful! I shall celebrate.
No...not here! Not Boondock Saints mode. Please AOD...
To Be Continued...
FUCK, ASS! *Boondock Saints mode uninitiated*
I think you woke a few of our neighbors up. Shit... Your BS'ing is going to cost us, fuckwhit.

 

by DragonBomber
5-20-03
This must be the commencement of initiation procedures.
I told you to be quiet!
Drache receives justice at the hands of gang thugs.
Why are they dragging you into that darkened corner? *accessing penal system essays*
STFU! ... You fuckers! *muffled cry* *clothes tearing*
To Be Continued...
I see. You are being transformed into a female dog. Are you a member of the gang now?
Tear me off a piece of your backpanel. I think the duct tape will act as a good early warning against invasion while I sleep.

 

by DragonBomber
5-20-03
That was all your fault. I ban you from inducing any mode other than your normal operating one.
I understand. May I ask you what they mean by "that cracker bitch had his ass pounded right"?
You'll know soon enough AOD. *sticks 'Bitch' tag on AOD's back panel*
To Be Continued...
Your buddies there are motioning you over. I think they're ready to let you in the gang. *snicker*
Hello friends. My master told me you wanted to initiate me? What is this I hear about pounds? Do you exchange currency as well?

 

by DragonBomber
5-20-03
Are you quite positive we free to go? This isn't some elaborate trap to lure us into an alley to play Piggy Roulette is it?
No Sir...as hilarious as that would be for us all. The officer that arrested you has been charged with several felonies. His related cases have been reopened.
The pig that busted our balls is in some deep shit AOD, dig that noise? I hope you got that on AV...
Yes...well, considering his word was the only evidence we had of any wrongdoing on your part, our hands are tied. You're both free to go about your own perverted paths.
To Be Completed...
By the way, do either of you know the word on the gangbangers getting banged to death? The chief wants to buy them a beer.
BWAHAHAHAHAHA No, sorry. Be seeing you...

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