All comics by Icewing_X

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by Icewing_X
11-09-01
In the battle field of an apocalyptic future, two martial artists meet!
Hi ya.
I can see your underwear.
It's mildly aurosing!
Did you like what you saw?
I think I'm gonna...
A friendship forged!
Here, I'll help you.
And not a moment too soon!

 

by Icewing_X
11-09-01
Deep in the heart of China Town...
Hei ! Can I take a ORDER , friend ?
Uhm, can I sit down first?
Confusion sets in...
No , this a CARRY out , no deliveries !
...
Decision time
But , you get a FREE fortune with EVERIES purchase , okie ? So, what you HALVES ?
Well, I'd certainly like to pork your fried rice!

 

by Icewing_X
11-09-01
Deep in the heart of China Town...
Hei ! Can I take a ORDER , friend ?
Uhm, can I sit down first?
Confusion sets in...
No , this a CARRY out , no deliveries !
...
Decision time
But , you get a FREE fortune with EVERIES purchase , okie ? So, what you HALVES ?
Well, I'd certainly like to pork your fried rice!

 

by Icewing_X
11-09-01
Deep in the heart of China Town...
Hei ! What a your ORDER , friend in hat man - haha ?
Uhm, can I sit down first?
Confusion sets in.
Sorrie , this a CARRY out , no deliveries !
...
Decision time!
You get FREE fortunes with EVERIES purchase , okie ? So ,what you HALVES ?
Well, I'd certainly like to pork your fried rice!

 

by Icewing_X
11-09-01
Isn't that special?
What're you doing, Fido?
Your mom.
Uh oh...
Ha. No, really.
I'm serious. She's my bitch.
Someone's a little emotional.
*sniff* Why do you say such mean things about my mom?
I'd tell you to ask her, but I just gave her my bone...

 

by Icewing_X
11-09-01
Mom's home!
Do these pants make me look fat?
I...
Someone's got crabs!
Son, give me a straight answer!
Do I have to?
The brutal truth...
Do these pants make me look fat, dammit!?
No, mom, your ass does.

 

by Icewing_X
11-09-01
Draining his dragon...
This reminds me of when I tried to trumpet with a little girl.
You mean "thump it"?
How sweet it is.
DIE, CLOWN!
SIZZLE
Bask in the glory, bitch!
Dynamic!
Fuck you.

 

by Icewing_X
11-09-01
Hey-zeus is high
I'm fluffy, the magic Gerbil!
You are such a flamer, dude.
Testies...er...Testy
This coming from YOU?
Shut your ass, carpet muncher!
Hey-zeus is high
I will KILL you with my marching band from HELL!
Yeah, yeah, then you'll bang a trumpet. I've heard this all before. You need to get some help, man.

 

by Icewing_X
11-09-01
They walked alone, two men in different worlds...
Howdy, stranger.
Oh? Hey.
Introductions.
You got a name, friend?
Jimmy Dean.
The funny...
Well, nice t' meetcha, Jimmy. I'm Bubba. Whatcha up to?
Just roasting my sausage. God, it buuurrrns!

 

by Icewing_X
11-09-01
Question 1
Do you like to play hopscotch?
Nope.
Question 2
Do you like to play jump rope?
Nope.
Question 3
Do you like to play with Jacks?
And Bobs. And Bills. And Johnnys. But mostly Dicks.

 

by Icewing_X
11-09-01
Wubing and friend
sigh , pal , I a SICK - haha !
What see's t' bees the problem?
Perhap it just a SOMETHINGS wubing EATED todays ?
Bibbidy bah! Whatchu have?
friend , I haves a TUNA in TAKO - la !
That'd dizoo it, man.

 

by Icewing_X
11-09-01
Little Boy walks into a bar...
Fear me, little boy!
Why?
Because I'm a scary mofo! BooOOOoo!
What could you do to me? Bite off my kneecaps? You look like my sister on a GOOD day.
I hate kids.
Pussy.

 

by Icewing_X
11-09-01
Little Asian girl goes to see her friend...
Jigga.
Who?
Little Asian Girl's friend doesn't like her much any more...
Jigga.
WHAT!?
Little Asian girl is a stupid cracker.
Girl, you best getsta steppin 'fore I bust a cap in yo ass so far it comes out yo' nose and make you look like a Michael Jackson impersonatah!
I'm disconnecting your BET.

 

by Icewing_X
11-09-01
Once...
HEI !
You cannot surprise me, for I am the Skeleton, forged in the heat of combat through cold steel and lesbian sex! No one can stop the Skeleton, and many have tried!
And then...
wubing not a FIGHT , pal ! he just WANT a COOL figure from MCDONAL , okie ? perhap you get it for wubing ?
You cannot deceive me with your tricks, devil child!
Finally...
wubing make it WORTH a while - haha !
I am not Hugh Jackman! Your clear plastic jacket antics will not seduce me!

 

by Icewing_X
11-09-01
One day at Cferra's house...
PAL ! FRIEND ! LA !
What is up, my dogg? Woof!
wubing just SEED a SCARY - aaaah !
Fool, you are talking the craziness...dogg!
It like a KANGEREEEW on a HIPHO like a RIDE into sunset only stay a PLACE and make a THUMP - haha ! perhap it just cos wubing go into WRONG bathroom and make a STINK - la !
Oh, that must've been my mom and dad's room, brother. Woof!

 

by Icewing_X
11-09-01
It's time...
friend , wubing THINK a time for you LEAN life lessum , okie ?
Word and stuff. PokeMon rules.
STORM a COOL compares to PIKACHEWED like a old lady denture - haha !
Oh, no, you did not, dogg! Woof! I will put my cap in your buttom and bust it like Ash did to Brok in episode 294...twice! Dogg.
sigh , pal ,you just a CRAZY like DARK PHOENIX when she haves the DOT com - la !
If you were on my grill like this one more time, I would take a slice out of your buttom like the pimp I am learning to be by watching reruns of Shaft, dogg! Woof.

 

by Icewing_X
11-09-01
The battle begins...
friend , wubing just a TRYS to give you some AMVIZE , okie ? perhap he just a FRIEND in me like a SING for TOY STORY 2 when a la !
I am not going to stand for this kind of disrespect. I mean...disrespeCK. Yes, that's it because I am the man, brother!
sigh , brother , you LOSED it agains all yours STUFFS a gone with BUGS and other looneys tuna - haha !
Oh, no, you did not! Pikachu, I choose...YOUR MOM!
wubing summon a powerful GUYS of RAIN like a WIND RIDER of cool that a FREE off eBAYs with buy of STORM GLIDER - ZAP !
POW! Dogg, you are going to get it now. Woof! POW!

 

by Icewing_X
11-09-01
ZAP ! you a CRAZY crazy sad sad , pal ! ZAP !
POW! You have confused me with your mama, jigger! POW!
The battle rages for hours. Imaginary blows are exchanged. Names are called. Words are said with no meaning. The fight long and hard, as they get hard and long. And, yet, they stand still!
HAHA - you a FIGHT like GIRLS with NO LEGS and big booty sexuals with pimp hats , okie ? brother , you a SUCK ! ZAP !
Well, you fight like my mother! And, my mother doesn't fight very well at all! POW!
When the dust settles...
u okie , friend ? wubing a sorrie for a RUINS of a house and homeless now , sigh !
I am fine, dogg. I wasn't harmed by your fake lightning and blather. It takes more than words to kick this thug buttom! Let's go get icecream!

 

by Icewing_X
11-09-01
Their journey has been a difficult one. Without bus passes, they had no chance of getting across town by any mode of realistic trasportation, so they had to walk. And, walk they did!
yum , pal ! that a GOOD time like STORM comic without a STICKY page - haha !
Yeah, that icecream sure was a treat, dogg! Woof.
But, when Wubing nearly trips and falls to his doom in front of a stroller...
SIGH !!! pal , wubing almost a DIE and go to HEAVENS to fly like a STORM windrider on CLOUD 69 ! perhap it cos some gum just APPEAR out of nothing and trips me like a WALKER texas ranger - la !
Oh boy! My stomach is hurting. I think I ate too much. I need to get to a bathroom. Yikes, dogg! I'm about to blow chunks of creamy goodness. Woof!
Grasping his stomach and humming the Star Spangled Banner, Cferra attempts to hold back what's inevitable!
oic ! brother , we gets you to some EMERGANCY place FAST , okie ? it a just a matress of TIME before a CONE come up like a STORM gust of winds of artic chill with penguin - haha !
That's right, my brother! Look, in the distance! Could it be...!? Random's house!!

 

by Icewing_X
11-09-01
A short time later...
At Random's house...
Whenevah! Whereevah! We'll be togethah!
Our heroes arrive!
friend , wubing AFRAIDS of that noise ! it sound like a CATS in pain from a blending MACHINE wire like a juice man on a INFOMERCIAL - haha !
There's no time to be scared, little buddy! We have to get in there, get me undressed, and let me blow out all that I'm desperately trying to hold in! It might not be pretty. But, it must be done!

 

by Icewing_X
11-13-01
It begins!
Pardon me, do you have any--
No, I don't have any Grey Poupon. Leave me the crap alone.
I wasn't going to ask for that anyway. I was going to...uhm...ask for...er...well, you know...the...
Nuts?
No, you stupid cracker! I've got the biggest nuts in the world. I wanted some damn Grey Poupon.
You'll get over it.

 

by Icewing_X
11-13-01
But, wait, there's more!
You know, we never introduced ourselves...
Go the Hell away.
I'm Bate. Squirrel Bate.
I'm Sweat T. Bahlz.
Ha. Really?
No, you crackwhore. My name's Larz Johnson.

 

by Icewing_X
11-15-01
'S not over yet!
OMG! Aliens are coming to kill me!
Dude, if you're gonna smoke up, at least have the common decency to pass the bong.
I'm serious! They're after me!!
You're on the rag.
Trust No One.
GAAAAAAAAAH!!
Well, I'll be damned.

 

by Icewing_X
11-15-01
Come here, little boy.
Oh my god! Jesus is a pedophile.
No, no! I don't want to taste your sweet, smooth flesh.
... You sure?
Possitive. I just need someone to change my diaper.
I'm so out of here.

 

by Icewing_X
11-15-01
Please! For the love of God, change me!
Um...no.
The power of god compells you!
I'm an atheist.
Fucking dyke.
Crazy homeless people.

 

by Icewing_X
11-15-01
The Modern Retelling
Hello, Mary.
Who're you?
First, a little sweet talking...
I'm God. I've come to you in the form of a robot. I hope you come for me, too.
Well, normally, I ask for dinner first. But, since you're god...
And, then, God got some!
HOOBOY!
Mmmm

 

by Icewing_X
11-15-01
One day, Steph wasn't feeling so hot...
What's that itching I feel?
JESUS CHRIST! Make this unclean feeling stop!!
Maybe I can help. I'm Sexy Fresh. Just rub me on, and the itching will go away.
This is a PG-13 cartoon, ok?
Oooh! Oh! YES! YES! It's gone now. How can I ever repay you?
That was thanks enough, ma'am.

 

by Icewing_X
11-15-01
Caught Red Handed...
Uh...this isn't what it looks like..
So, you're not stealing my magic muffins, you filthy manwhore?
Why, no, I was merely...sampling...their texture...
You are the crappiest liar this side of my white ass.
Who's on the other side?
Hillary Clinton. I keep her locked in my bedroom's closet for those lonely nights after I bake my muffins.

 

by Icewing_X
11-15-01
More Jesus Fun
It's you! It's really you!
You don't say, ol' chap.
It's Harry Potter!
I've read all your books, Harry. I really love you...uhm...I mean, your...uh...that is to say...can I have an autograph?
Sorry, bloke, but I only give those out to little nippers. Pip, pip.
Harry's an anti-American communist bastard.
THEN, DIE, HEATHEN! In the name of all that is Christian and good, I will put an end to your Satanic, wiccan ways!
Bloody--! This is the third time t'day I 'ave been threatened by men in nappies on sticks. America is a sodding wankfest.

 

by Icewing_X
11-16-01
Later that same day...
Hey, man.
Didn't you die last panel?
No, that was my stunt double.
We have stunt doubles?
Yeah, didn't you read the script?
You mean this crap is actually scripted? That's just sad.

 

by Icewing_X
11-16-01
Ever wonder what squirrels chirp about?
I like big nuts, and I cannot lie. Some other rodents can't deny. When a tree walks in with an itty, bitty trunk and some round stuff on its junk, you get sprung!
Congrats. You are the most pathetic animal I've ever met.
No, me neither.
What? Nuts are the best thing ever.
Clearly, you've never had sex.
...
Loser.

 

by Icewing_X
11-17-01
Marketing is a bitch.
Yo!
G'day, mate.
Um, you ok, man?
Blimey! I'm all roit. I jus' got bit by a little nippah.
When the Hell did you become Australian?
When I went down under with your mom.

 

by Icewing_X
11-20-01
Still at Random's door...
pal ! wubing a GO see a POTTERY plant in a BIG SCREAMS cos he a BROOM RIDER too a CHEAPS for vaccums , okie ?
Wow, I want to see that, too, but I think I'm about to crap my pants. So, I'll catch it later!
With his Asian friend gone, Cferra was free to ring the doorbell.
I want some....DINGDONG
Heheh, what a funny ring. Hey, anyone in there? I'm about to burst!
Finally! The door swings open to reveal...
Sorry, I was just waxing my pubic hair. How can I help you?
Random! Thank god! I need to use your potty!

 

by Icewing_X
11-23-01
In other news...
In a recent interview with PopImage, writer Mark Millar revealed that Ultimate Juggernaut is not only Xavier's half brother, but also his son!
The author went on to say that 'Ultimate Juggs' enjoys having anal sex with Australian Pigmee goats.
Hop on!
Knew I just had to get you drunk first...
Update: Eric Moreels has been smiling for the past seventy-two hours.
I'm only this big!

 

by Icewing_X
11-27-01
In movie news...
I just heard the most awful news, man. They're making a sequel to Spy Kids...and Tombraider. Good god!
Could be worse.
How could it be WORSE?! Clueless: The TV Series? Oh, wait, too late. Aladdin 3? Been done. A Crow live action series? Shyeeah...
Legally Blonde: The Animated Series.
... You win.
Always.

 

by Icewing_X
12-01-01
Sorry for the Delay...
Any new strips?
No.
You suck.
But not for free.
Whore.
Damn skippy.

 

by Icewing_X
12-01-01
A boy and His Squirrel
Know what we need to address?
Do tell.
Wrestling.
Uh, why?
It's the stupidest thing on Earth! It's gayer than a Village People concert in Soho! Bad acting, lame plots, fat men in spandex, face action, anal sex...
So, you're a wrestler?

 

by Icewing_X
12-01-01
Yep, another
Can I ask you something?
If it'll get you to shut up faster...
Can vegetarians be gay? I mean, they can't eat meat, so...
Ask your boyfriend.
You think he'd know?
...

 

by Icewing_X
12-02-01
A new take on an old favorite
Spider-Mom, Spider-Mom. Acts like...a ticking bomb!
Takes the prick, any size! Yeah, she's yours...to sodomize!
Look out! The incredible Spider-Mom.
Cleans your house. Makes you rise. Cuz she's got...ghetto thighs!
Watch out! Here comes...
SPIDER-MOM!

 

by Icewing_X
12-02-01
Hei , pals ! wubing HEARS ! sigh , wubing just SEED a best MOTION pick of her in CINNABON ! it called HAIRY MONSTER about a boy wizard who a FLY on a MAGICS the gathering , okie ?
wow ! you go SEES it now - haha ! this a COOL put a X-MENS to shames , sad sad . perhap it cos of special EFFX like a GIANT in a bathroom make a little girl a PEE ! haha ! oic , wubing not a CRAZY !
And, now a word from our sponsor...
Hi. I know what you're thinking. "Is that Jesus?" Well, yes, it is! I'm here to tell you about a brand-spankin' new product from the people you made KY Jelly famous.
Tired of getting ass raped by your cell mate, Big Vinnie the ManBitch, in prison, but not sure you can live without that full-bowel feeling?
Money back guaranteed. Void where prohibited.
Ha, aren't we all? Well, have we got a product for you!
Just strap on The Brown Baby Boy (patent pending), and you'll be set for life! No more sweaty hands on your shoulders or pot belly rubbing up against your back! Just you and this machine all night!

 

by Icewing_X
12-02-01
Hei , pals ! wubing HEARS ! sigh , wubing just SEED a best MOTION pick of her in CINNABON ! it called HAIRY MONSTER about a boy wizard who a FLY on a MAGICS the gathering , okie ?
wow ! you go SEES it now - haha ! this a COOL put a X-MENS to shames , sad sad . perhap it cos of special EFFX like a GIANT in a bathroom make a little girl a PEE ! haha ! oic , wubing not a CRAZY !
And, now a word from our sponsor...
Hi. I know what you're thinking. "Is that Jesus?" Well, yes, it is! I'm here to tell you about a brand-spankin' new product from the people you made KY Jelly famous.
Tired of getting ass raped by your cell mate, Big Vinnie the ManBitch, in prison, but not sure you can live without that full-bowel feeling?
Money back guaranteed. Void where prohibited.
Ha, aren't we all? Well, have we got a product for you!
Just strap on The Brown Baby Boy (patent pending), and you'll be set for life! No more sweaty hands on your shoulders or pot belly rubbing up against your back! Just you and this machine all night!

 

by Icewing_X
12-03-01
And, another...
Put your piece into her slot...
Make the right selection...
But, be quick...
Before she gets off...
Pop! Goes...
ERECTION!

 

by Icewing_X
12-03-01
Yes, more!
DUDE! SWEET!
Oh, God...
Did you know they're made of real cheese...even though they look like fishies?
Actually, those damn crackers don't look anything like real fish.
Well, sooorry, Jaques Custou. I didn't know you were a fucking marine biologist! You know what? Screw You!
Wish you wouldn't.

 

by Icewing_X
12-03-01
Max is my bitch.
That last strip sucked.
Yeah, but only because you were in it.
I'm serious! We can do better.
What? Do you want us to lose our jobs, so Wubing can start ranting nonsense and Cferra can get buttpluged by that anal whore, Random?
Yeah, actually, we need a break.
Well, ok, then.

 

by Icewing_X
12-03-01
Inside Random's House, not to be confused with Random House since that'd be, you know, copyright infringement which is kind of frowned upon...
Is that your toilet? It looks kind of like a...
Miniture Empire State Building on top of a waterfall? Yeah, that's it, alright!
Thanks!
Wow, look at that tubby ass! Oh, boy, I may need to go sit down...
HURK! BLUG! FLIPPZ! GLAACK!
It's sure getting a lot of use, too, but not nearly as much as it will be!

 

by Icewing_X
12-03-01
Moments later...
Jeez, man, sorry about the mess. I got some rancid Rocky Road or som'in'.
It's fine. I'll have one of my male servants lick...er..clean it up. No trouble.
You sure, dawg? Woof! I'll clean it or whatever. Just say the word.
'Or whatever,' eh? Say, have you ever soaked your tushy in a bowl of Kool-Aid?
The nefarious plot revealed...well, kinda...
No, why?
Oh, you haven't lived, then! C'mon, it's delicious!

 

by Icewing_X
12-08-01
Twas the night before Christmas in the ghetto...
Ho, Ho, HO! Which ho want to sit on Santa Dawg's lap?
Hi, Santa!
HOT DIGGITY! You just want Santa Dawg axed for for Chrimmus! C'mon ovah he'e, baybay, sit down on my lap. Don't mind them bumps; that just my costume.
Golly, I dunno, Santa. I'm a little old to be sitting on laps.
Stupid white crackah bitch! How 'bouts you just give Santa Dawg one o' them lap dances, then?

 

by Icewing_X
12-08-01
And all through the heezy...
Ummm, I don't think I know how to do that, Santa.
Girrrl, you just gotta shake that junk in yo' trunk ovah this way!
Like this, Santa?
Daaaamn right! Now, show me yo' sweet red spot, baybay!
But, my nose isn't red. I haven't been outside that long...
Who be talkin' 'bout yo' nose, biatch? Show me da goodness!

 

by Icewing_X
12-08-01
Not a creature was cappin'...
Wow, this is kinda fun, Santa! Maybe I'll do it for a living.
Oh! Oh, sweet Jeebus! Oh, baybay!
You ok, Santa? You look like you're about to puke.
Oh, Santa Dawg be illin' as always. Just back dat train up some, so I can get me a better view of yo' goods, little crackah ho.
Ok, Santa. Does this mean I get on the 'Nice' list?
No, baybay, you be REAL naughty tonight. The mo' naughty yo' ass be, the biggah, bettah, and wettah the present be that Santa Dawg give you, sweets.

 

by Icewing_X
12-08-01
And, all the women were damn easy...
How's this view?
OH, GOOD LAWD! SWEET BABY JESUS!
You didn't like it, Santa? Sorry, I'll try better next time.
No, dat was the highlight o' my day! Santa Dawg ain't seen no nappy cherry since bangin' Monquisha, the newest o' my Elf whores. Damn, she gots a nice booty. Not nice as yo's, though, sistah!
Well, I better get going, Santa! Gotta wake up early to open my presents and all, you know. Hope that third leg that you just grew helps you tonight.
Oh, it be real helpful in givin' hoes they presents, trust me. Santa Dawg give you an ext'a special treat tonight cuz I know where yo' ass be sleepin', and I know what makes yo' awake, aight, chil'?

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