All comics by J_Mattson

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by J_Mattson
1-23-03
Hi kids, Welcome to Jasons Fun-Time! I answer your tough questions.
What is your question, Josh?
Is it wrong to disobey Shotgun Sandy?
Well, of course not. There is only one small thing....
Oh man, thats great. I was worried that there would be some kind of severe punishment from God or something...
That is right children. Obey, or be condemmed to enternal hellfire and/or damnation! Thats it for me, Priest Houle! Tune in next time!
YOU WILL BURN IN HELL FOR NOT LISTENING TO SHOTGUN. OBEY, HEATHEN!
Ahhhh!

 

by J_Mattson
1-23-03
I hang out a lot at the Oselands. I suspect it has unhealthy effects on me. So i chronicled a weekend there. Saturday morning, 11:30 AM-
What the hell in I doing in this trash can?
You know the rules....You fall asleep, you get dumpstered.
Did I mention their obsession with fire?
Erik-In the future, point the hair spray AWAY from me...and you forgot the kerosene.
Me + Hammer=Graveyard.
All in all, a fun time.
I hate you.
You should have seen the look on your face when I pushed you in front of a car, dude.

 

by J_Mattson
1-24-03
A menace is invading our streets...our radios...our kids minds. Thats right, Dash! Kids on the street are ruining their lives! Here is one right now..
I wanna be a High School Football Hero!
Hey kid. Try some Dash?
No Johnny! Don't Take it!
Everyones Doing it!
Well, Ok. How bad can it be?
*Sigh* Another one lost to the emo hype. Please be responsible, and just say 'No.'
Must...Scream....Infedelities!!!
Ahahah...Little does this kid know now he is bonded to the cult for life!

 

by J_Mattson
1-24-03
Dubya holds a secret meeting on the White House lawn.
Guess what, Cheney. My plan worked.
Plan? What Plan?
Dubya holds a secret meeting on the White House lawn.
While keeping the American public with my 'tax cuts', I swung the American fleet around the Pacific. I'm going to bomb the hell out of the Japanese to pay them back for Pearl Harbor.
Great Diplomat, and now a Military Genius. Dubya, you might be the greatest person to ever live.
Dubya holds a secret meeting on the White House lawn.
America is a sinking ship and I plan to loot it as much as I can before the public catches on to my plans.
Heil America!

 

by J_Mattson
1-27-03
You know this will happen someday.
"And so I must say, the good ol' US of A are doing juuust fine. Once we suck that oil out of Alaska, we will have the money to start another war. And you know what that means...
President Bush! We have a national emergency!
"Less American freedoms, less of what is really happening in the world, less truth, less countries where Americans are safe, and most of all- What is it, Cheney?
England is protesting the war! We must fix this before the American people start to think!
Seriously. I'm not kidding.
There is only one thing we can do. Get the speechwriters to work on my 'England is part of the Axis of Evil' speech.
Ill get right on it!

 

by J_Mattson
1-28-03
Nuke system generously provided by Microsoft.
What? We have a anti-Bushite talking in .... Brainerd, MN? Well, Nuke it!
Right away, President Bush.
Uh-oh, Josh. Looks like Bush found the Brower Bomb. We'd better take cover.
Huh? Why would we do th- Oh, Christ.
Whew. That was close.
Looks like G.W. is running his nuke system on XP. No wonder they missed.

 

by J_Mattson
1-29-03
PRETZEL WAGON! PRETZEL WAGON!
WAIT! Remember, Mr. President?
Ah, yes. Those pretzel terrorists almost got me one time. Bomb it.
I'll be honest: The idea tank was a little low today.
Right away, sir.
We'll show them that they can't pander their salty delights on our turf.

 

by J_Mattson
1-31-03
Maybe I should lay off the Pennywise.. Nah.
You know how Buddhist monks light themselves on fire to protest stuff?
Yeah...
To protest the war on Iraq we are gonna wear Bush masks and throw rotten fruit at Republicans.
Nice...What will that accomplish?
Nothing, really. But I'm thinking that it is gonna be tons of fun.
Why don't we just wave signs and give people the finger like we usually do?

 

by J_Mattson
2-05-03
I haven't really done any work on the Brower Bomb, so I thought I'd take you through how we get our ideas.
Chris got the Gaskart started, but he can't control it.
Stuff like this happens pretty much daily.
*SCREEECHHHH* 'Jesus Christ! I'm heading towards those prickly bushes on the edge of that cliff!'
Well, I'd better get the gauze and the bactine.
I hope he got a picture of that.

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