All comics by Linkin714

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by Linkin714
8-02-02
Sure is hot in here..
AHH A TALKING CIGARETTE!
AHHH A TALKING JEW!!

 

by Linkin714
8-02-02
Hmm...you look familiar...
Do I know you?
Yeah, I made you my bitch before everything went to hell.

 

by Linkin714
8-02-02
I saw you! I saw you...eating someone elses nuts!
But...but...those were acorns...
But you got them...from him..
Yeah, he gave me some acorns...you know i still loves ya..
LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DOOO! I HATE YOU I HATE YOU!!!!
Dumbass...

 

by Linkin714
8-02-02
What the fuck are YOU staring at?
Ching chong!! SUCKIE SUCKIE!
Ok! Gimme suckie suckie!
Ching chong! 5 dolla or me bite hard! ME BITE HARD!
I get the feeling youre going to bite hard anyway...
No Joe, Me no bite hard, me suck long time....

 

by Linkin714
8-02-02
Afterwards...
Where my 5 dollar bitch?
Oh shit...im broke..
I go get Pimp...you stay right here!
Oh fuck...
You not pay my bitch?!

 

by Linkin714
8-02-02
Afterwards...
Ok joe, me finished, give me 5 dolla!
Oh shit...im broke..
I go get Pimp...you stay right here!
You not pay my bitch?!

 

by Linkin714
8-02-02
well, im fucked.
Yous gonna pay me and mah biznatch doubal fo this shiznit!
I'll pay, ill pay!!!!
Yous betta foo!
Just let me go get my wallet...
Ok fool..yous be back here in 15 minutes or im gonna knife ya!

 

by Linkin714
8-02-02
At his house...
Oh shit..where is it? noo...
HAH! that stupid pimp cant find me now!
WRONG MOVE FOOL!
That's what cha get myah?!

 

by Linkin714
8-02-02
Skanky little asian girl, it's time for you to come to hell...
I give sucky sucky if you let me go...
Fine...
Ok...you get sucky in minute
5 minutes later..
That was horrible..worst sucky ever...TIME TO GO TO HELL!
Meanie liar reaper man! I get po-lice man!

 

by Linkin714
8-02-02
Uh oh, it's the fuzz!
Oink! Oink! I cant wait until i take this bastard to hell too!
Now sir...Is it true that you accepted a blow job from an 8 year old asian girl?
Death gets hosed
Yes...I didnt know she was 8 though..I thought she was 14 atleast...
Well, That's all i need to hear..come with me sir.
A little later...death is still hosed.
I just done got hosed...this sucks.
Enjoy your stay pedoman...

 

by Linkin714
8-02-02
This sucks...stupid 8 year old asian hookers..
Yeah, I hear that!
Who are you and what are you here for?
What do you think?
I think this was a predictable joke...YOU SUCK BRIAN!!

 

by Linkin714
8-02-02
WAHHHH!
Whats the matter little girl?
Kelly Stith said my mouth is ugly...
Nah, that's a purdy mouth youve got there, little asian girl...you could do a lot with that purdy mouth...yes...
I see where this is going, im not that stupid, why dont you try some of the 1st graders?
I tried that...Big Jim's Horsey doesnt fit in the smaller stables, if you know what i mean...and yes, this joke has been done before...

 

by Linkin714
8-02-02
HO HO HO! What's your name...I need to check my list...
Mah name is Veronika, santy claws!
According to my list, youve been a NAUGHTY girl Ms Veronika...let santa give you a couple of lumps of coal to play with...come a little closer...
Alright santy claws! I wanna suck on them lumps of coal...I loooove coal...
Oh god that felt good...thank you ms veronika! Santy will definately mark you as nice for next year...
Y'all come back now, ya hear?

 

by Linkin714
3-08-03
What the hell is this?! YOU'RE BREAKING UP WITH ME?!
Yeah, what of it? My sugar dadday wants me to hookar some more...
I'm gonna do it! I'm gonna do it!
No! Don't do it!
See, and that's the story of why humans are such idiots.
Wow, uncle dogonball, that was incredible!

 

by Linkin714
3-08-03
Would you like to pet my poopie?
I'm sorry, miss, but Big Jim doesn't ride that way, if you catch Big Jim's drift.
I was just talking about my cat, you homophobe!
Whoa. You're one sick freak, you know that? Big Jim doesn't do men, or CATS. Sheesh. That's it, I'm outta here.
Would you like to pet my poopie?
Could this get any worse?

 

by Linkin714
3-08-03
Hmm...what could possibly be going on here?
Sir, will you watch as I dance for j00 in a homoerotic fashion and make masturbatory gestures?
Hmm, where did that gay matador stripper guy run off to? and who the hell is that?!
Sir, j00 are not watching!
The hell with this shit..
I am Voltrorg! What is your purpose?

 

by Linkin714
3-08-03
Next on Fox! American Idol in 30! But Next, Joe Millionaire!
Hmm...is there anything on tv...
Next on ABC! The bachelorette! At 9:30: The View: Special 3 hour Edition!
OH DEAR GOD!
Goddamn you network tv!

 

by Linkin714
3-08-03
Why am I standing next to the guy who founded wal-mart?
I founded wal-mart! Hyuk!
Damn him...he unleashed a new wave of "acceptable" white trash! I'll make that rube pay!
You ought to come down to the store...We gots lots o stuff. Hyuk.
Did he just speak to me?
Ouch! Hyuk!

 

by Linkin714
3-08-03
So...what qualifies you to be an asian hooker?
Suckie suckie!
I see...
Aside from that, I feel my low self esteem and my stereotypical behavior more than qualify me for selling oral sex to strange men.
I see...now, onto that demonstration...
*SLURP*

 

by Linkin714
3-08-03
DO THE WAVE! YEAH!
I am so embarrassed...
No!
Will you stop acting like an idiot?
Fucking robots...
GO NINERS!

 

by Linkin714
3-08-03
Like, so this cute guy came up to me...and we like flirted for like 3 minutes...he was so like totally dreamy..
STFU n00b.
He like totally asked me out on a date...well it really wasn't a date, it was an invitation to like come over to his house when his parents like weren't home and like fuck his brains out.
STFU FAG.
Like, I'm going to fuck his brains out and stuff. It's going to be so romanti...AHH!
pwned.

 

by Linkin714
3-08-03
LIEK CHING CHONG SKUCKY SKUCKY! ME ROVE J00 RONG TIEM!!!111
Dear god, another sucky sucky asian girl comic...
LIEK CHING CHONG SKUCKY SKUCKY! ME ROVE J00 RONG TIEM!!!111
Does she ever shut up?
LIEK CHING CHONG SKUCKY SKUCKY! ME ROVE J00 RONG TIEM!!!111
What just happened here?

 

by Linkin714
3-08-03
Good evening sir, I'm here on behalf of the Spruce Goose Penis Enlargement Company. You look like just the man that would be interested in one of our FINE penis pumps or enlargement suppliments.
Excuse me, but I may be wrong here, but I think I'm a robot...you're trying to sell a pump for a human wang to a robot.
Robots have penises too, right?
No.
Shit. This always happens to me...I find a nice person, and they don't have a penis.

 

by Linkin714
3-08-03
Why is there a dog on a ball in my living room?
Look at me...I'm a dog on a ball.
What the fuck is this? I ordered a masturbating bear, not a fucking dog on a ball What the hell am I supposed to do for dinner now?
Arf!
Meh, I'll take what I can get.

 

by Linkin714
3-08-03
I am t3h l33t h4x0r!
Um, sir, I don't speak idiotese...
I pwnx0red j00r m0th4r, be0tch.
Excuse me?
fuck1ng n00b l4m3r b30tch

 

by Linkin714
3-08-03
Hello, human girl.
RAPE!!!
Shut your cocktrap, bitch, I'm not here to rape you.
RAPE!!! THIS ROBOT IS TRYING TO RAPEx0R ME!
fucking n00bul4r hum4n g1rl, I pwnx0red j00, b30tch.
Ouch..

 

by Linkin714
3-08-03
Excuse me, but where is the bathroom?
Are you trying to seduce me?
Ahem. No, I'm not.
I think you are. I am so going to report you to your supervisor.
Ok, I admit it. I want to make giant donkey love to your sweet human male anus hole. Happy now?
Yes.

 

by Linkin714
3-08-03
What I wouldn't give for a good old fashioned gorkelbek 8 titted hooker right now...
Oh, really?
Sounds like a deal!
Picard, I shall make you an offer. Your soul for a hooker.
I said Gorkelbek, not Octoskank! DAMN YOU SATAN!
Where am I? Hey there big boy...how's about you and me take a ride on the tentacle train of LOOOOOVE?

 

by Linkin714
3-08-03
I'd like to take the time to introduce you to Pete, the piss powered robot.
Good evening everyone. I am Pete, the piss powered robot.
My creator says that I'm his most worthless creation. I was dismayed when I heard that, so I killed him with my ultra powerful Urine Laser.
I'd like to take the time to introduce you to Pete, the piss powered robot.
I'd also like to warn everyone that I'm prone to bouts of 1337 speak, as you humans call it.
Why me? This guy smells terrible.

 

by Linkin714
3-08-03
Hello there human child. I am Pete, The Urine Powered Robot. I am unit code X-1. At your Service.
Dear god, you smell like piss.
What is thy bidding, master?
For you to take a fucking shower, you pissbucket.
NO! INSOLENT n00b! I sh4ll pnwx0r j00r pathetic hum4n rac3!
What the hell are you talking abo....AHH!

 

by Linkin714
3-08-03
Greetings, Insolent Demon. What is your purpose?
Are you speaking to me, you idiotic bucket of piss and bolts?
Did you just address me as a bucket of piss and bolts, you n00b?
Yeah, what of it, bitch?
I just pwned j00r ass, l4m3r.

 

by Linkin714
3-08-03
Wow, this guy sucks at making comics. Pete the Urine Powered Robot? What the hell was he thinking?
Probably that Piss powered robots are funny, n00b.
Oh shit..
Fucking insolent human n00b, you shall pay!
f33l t3h wr4th of p3t3, t3h 1337 r0b0t!

 

by Linkin714
3-08-03
Look at me. I'm green. I'm also wearing Short Shorts. I'm hung like a horse.
Look, you aren't special. I have feet for ears, goddamn it.
I'm a masturbating dog on a ball, Yep. I'm also talking to you. I'm also hung like an elephant.
I am grateful to be allowed to speak to you, master.
Insolent n00b! DO NOT SPEAK TO T3h MASTURBATING DOG ON A BALL!1111
Greetings almighty masturbating dogonball! *sobs*

 

by Linkin714
3-09-03
liek ching chong sukkie suckkie! I HAVE NO DIGNITY!
Look at me! ACKH! I'm wearin a kilt!
Meanwhile, Elsewhere...
This is the worst survivor yet. Who's idea was it to stick a diseased prostitute and a guy in a kilt in the middle of the desert?
Back at survivor: random place...
Wow, ur liek so hotx0r.
FOR t3h KONFEDURASY!~

 

by Linkin714
3-09-03
*starts music*
*masturbates fervently*
Are you...*gasp* MASTURBATING?! That is horribly inappropriate. I'm leaving. Humph.
*masturbates fervently*
'Ey. I like your style.
*masturbates fervently*
Wow, that so turns me on.

 

by Linkin714
3-09-03
Greetings, severed floating human head.
AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Excuse me, severed floating human head, but do you know where the labratory is?
AHHHHH! Are you coming on to MEEEEEEEEE?!
1d10t1c n00b! I sh411 t34ch j00 s0m3 m4nn3rz, b30tch!
AHH!

 

by Linkin714
3-24-03
Yo, I am so Azn Phresh!
Dude, you're an astrofag.
Liek, that is the kewlest evar.
Aven, you're an astrofag too.
Arf. I'm a dog on a ball. Yep, I'm masturbating too.
:-D:-D:-D:-D:-D:-D

 

by Linkin714
3-25-03
There's this one principle at my school and he tried to assrape me...oh, and imjesusandgod, bitch.
Dude, gobo, you suck. *WARN/BLOCK*
I'm like sooo depressed. Don't hate me because I'm an ex-mod.
Dude, you're an asshole. Eat shit, fag.
Liek, omg, I love oral after anal! I smell and I have saggy tits and I'm liek only 17!
:-D:-D:-D:-D:-D:-D

 

by Linkin714
3-25-03
Muh name's Lota...I poke a lot of smot. I like Lota. I like the bible. Jesus is our one and only savior. I'm stupid.
Are you always this stupid?
Yuh. I liek jesus and chikens. I smell funnay and I cnt' tpye fro sthi. R u as dum as me?
No, and thank god. *WARN/BLOCK* What an astrofag.
I'm quite arrogant, even though I'm probably the ugliest human being in the state of arizona. I also have this girlfriend who looks like a horse. She's nasty. Care to pet my poopie?
Eww, No. *WARN/BLOCK* Jesus, OLDB sure is an ugly motherfucker. Hey OLDB, kill yourself!

 

by Linkin714
3-26-03
Like, I talk down to everyone and stuff. I mod the clan forums and humor..the only reason i got this job and all my friends is that i have a big gaping vagina stuck between my legs. That and I'm loose
Fagmo Funzip >:O
Greetings, earthling. I am from the planet bjx! I am bjx! I do nothing for about 8 months and try to save face with rest of my fagmo crew by randomly giving dag a warning! I'm such a piece of shit!
You're right, you are a piece of shit. No go sit down and be quiet, astrofag. Otherwise, I'll unleash the efton on you, cuntzip.
Uh...I'm so drunk...Hey look, an expensive card! Let's eat it! Oh, if i see anything remotely clan like in your thread dag, I'm gonna be a savage tunacunt and give you all warnings, after i delete it.
Dude, you suck ass. You used to be cool, but now you're more fagmo funzipish than rob...if that's possible. Go molest some lorenzos, you asscanister licking blodwurmple.

 

by Linkin714
9-18-03
Ugh. Who in the fuck decided to make me, the great Iron Azn Fist, a GIRL?!
Dude. There's no Azn boy, so you gotta take what you can get. Would you rather be a little cracker kid?
Yes, I would rather be a cracker. Goddamn dog on ball...grumble grumble.
Fine, don't say I didn't warn you.
Pwnt.
OH MY GOD! WHAT THE FUCK?! YOU TURNED ME INTO BLOD, YOU SON OF A BITCH DOG ON A BALL!!!! I'M SO GOING TO IAF YOUR ASS!
But your Iron Azn Fist is gone, Tangsyde. You wished it away along with your Azn-Phreshness. All you have now is this gay cat that likes to lick balls.

 

by Linkin714
9-18-03
Alright, Dog on Ball, We settle this through traditional AZN style.
So be it. IT HAS BEGUN!
MORTAL KOMBAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Mwhaha. You can never defeat my might testicle licking cat!
Wrong again, bitch. watch my shao-lin style kung fu!!!1
So What happened next? I gotta know!
Fuck If I know, I ran out of quarters.

 

by Linkin714
1-07-04
Highroller
I R SO SMRT!1 Y IZ 1 + 1 = 2? LIEK OMFG IM SO SMRT!!1TWO I R JEENEEUS!!!!!1
I don't think so, shithook fuckthistle.
Johnny_Blaze
Woe is me. I'm taking ANOTHER break...I won't tell you why or for how long, just please, pity me.
Please, kill yourself and do everyone a favor, you fat little smurf.
Laqnuts
DONT YOU JUDGE ME JUST BECAUSE I SHOOT UP IN THE ALLEY WITH A RUSTY NEEDLE I FOUND IN A USED UP TAMPON!!!! YOU CANT TELL ME WHAT TO DO!
You said it, not me. Just don't ask for sympathy when you die in that same alley because that tampon was infested with AIDS and Syphallis.

 

by Linkin714
2-12-04
HARK! YE OF FAIR DAG! I am Faydh, Netherskiver! Care to adventure to yon dungeon?
Hail, Ye of Faghat-ness! I decline ye offer of homosexual sex, for it is not my thing. Tryeth Highroller.
I am the great and wise Sageis, the elementalist! Have you any queries about my hat or my fagness?
Yes, why weren't you aborted?
Hey Hey! I'm Steve, you can call me Plenty_Purple or Alyssa, though. I work for the FBI posing as a gross 17 year old girl to entrap fat hindu pervs...
Oh, that explains your interest in Senthil. Keep up the good work.

 

by Linkin714
2-12-04
Hi Hi! I'm Loki! Everyone loves me! Do you love me? I hope you love me...please..love me..*sobs*
Derek, the game is over. Just get banned already. Sheesh.
I AM THE GREAT AND MYSTERIOUS RAA! BOW BEFORE YOUR NEW OVERLORD! RAA!
Uhh, who? And you know, that would sound much more intimidating if you'd put down the Mt. Dew and D&D Book when you say that...
Help me, please...DPC is after me...he wants my maggot filled asshole again...please..help me....I beg you...
Look, Deb, you're on your own.

 

by Linkin714
8-11-04
HALLO I EM TEH PLASTIK!
Where did I put my "SHOULD HAVE BEEN ABORTED" stamp?
HOWDY YA'LL! COMMENCE TO JIGGLIN'!
I'm not really sure who you are, generic mtgnews female.
Please, someone validate my theories! I MUST BE RECOGNIZED FOR DEBATING NON-ISSUES ON A MAGIC WEBSITE!
Uh, no. You're just about on the same level as that loser, Plastik. Sorry, Hippie liberal douche.

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