All comics by Opiate

 

by Opiate
6-13-02
Says here you got an F in Physical Education....
Please God let the apocalypse happen right now so that he doesn't dress up like a priest and get me to play "Hide The Soap" again.
I think I know the perfect punishment....
NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Wow, the world ended and we're the last two survivors!

 

by Opiate
6-13-02
WOW! I've never met a Chinese girl before! .....Hey can you do that LEET speak or whatever it is that you Asians do?
OMFG LOL I'm Korean you bigot.
HEY! You're one of those Vientanemse chicks huh? I heard you people talk in really weird lingo where you make letters out of numbers or something.... Can you show me how?
WTF Don't you white ppl know that if you call Koreans something other than Korean enough you'll spontaneously combust?
MORAL OF THE STORY: Don't call Koreans anything other than Korean because you will spontaneously combust.
Whoa it's one of those CambodiAAAAAAHHHH!!!!
ROFL!!!!!!! '|'0|I_|) `/0|_| 50 kekekekekeke

 

by Opiate
6-13-02
What really happens in the jungle....
POP-POP NIGGA
I'M GONNA FUCK YOU UP
SHIT HERE COMES A HUMAN LET'S BOLT
LETS MEET AT THE GROVE UNDER THE TREE, IM GONNA GET ALL MONKEY CLAW ON YOUR ASS
Yeeeeeah this is a perfect spot for Silky's new brothel! Boss on ma swizzle fo shizzle 'n shit! BALEEDAT!
Shiiiiiit nigga! I can set up mah pole right here and mah closet ova there for all mah leather chaps 'n shit! Let's go buy a fo'teen pound crack rock 'n smoke it up! Choice diggity mah niggity!

 

by Opiate
6-13-02
Whoa you're v. good at balancing etc.
ty, i am a dog.
You should join my circus, etc. I will give you $ and 1337 sauce.
LOL wtf is 1337 sauce, GTFO u gay clown.
The balancing dog simply needed a little more incentive, via the AK-47 of Hector the tempermental kangaroo...
JOIN THE CIRCUS OR SUFFER THE WRATH OF MY AK, etc.
=o lol.....

 

by Opiate
6-13-02
OMG i am rocking out so hard atm.
LIKE A RAINBOW IN THE DAAAAARK! ....wtf?
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
OMFG SHITTY!
I AM THE REAPER OF ALL THOSE THAT WEAR PURPLE SHIRTS WITH CUTOFF SLEEVES.......LOL

 

by Opiate
6-13-02
Damn Monique you got mah money hoe? 'n shit.
Nah Silky, I had ta pay mah rent last Friday so I couldn't bug Chester fo mah hard earned cash, please don't whoop mah ass!
Diggity Smiggity! It's the fuzz! Let's jet, bitch!
Shitty circus!
Ton farndit....I was gonna ask Silkey for a "date" with his prize winning hooker Cinnamon but it looks like we gotta write parking tickets instead.
Shit man lets sniff some airplane glue and try to take our pants off over our heads!

 

by Opiate
6-13-02
....so yeah that's why I think muenster cheese is better than cheddar.
I see......
That rhymed lol.
What rhymed?
Better and cheddar.
Oh, lol.

 

by Opiate
6-14-02
In front of the White House, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen plan their dastardly attack on the President.....
OK Mary Kate, there's the white house. If we can only get inside somehow.....
.....we can seduce the president and make him put Full House back on the air!
Right! Let's go, 1-2-3-BREAK!
Olsen Twins back for justice! NYUP-KICK!
Meanwhile.....in HELL.....
NOW IS THE PERFECT TIME TO UNLEASH THE BOB SAGET DEMONITRON 2000 UPON THE WORLD TO CAUSE PAIN AND SUFFERING TO THE OLSEN TWINS' WAL-MART TEEN FASHION EMPIRE. SAGET 2000, LIST OBJECTIVES.
TO CAPTURE THE OLSEN TWINS' PLANS FOR THE NEWEST TEEN CLOTHING LINE-UP AND BRING THEM TO THE NINTH TEIR OF HELL WHERE BEELZEBUB, MY GOD, WILL MAKE FLORAL HOTPANTS FOR ALL OF THE DEMONIC MINIONS.

 

by Opiate
6-14-02
I'm the first Asian astronaut! Hooray for me!
Holy shit it's an alien!
*gurgle-gurgle-gurgle* GET OFF MY PLANET HOE *gurgle-gurgle* OR I'LL CALL JORGE! *gurgle-gurgle*
TELL JORGE HE'S A DIRTY POOPDICK AND THAT I TOOK A STEAMING SHIT ON HIS MOM'S GRAVE LAST NIGHT!
Oh shit it's on now, sucka!

 

by Opiate
6-14-02
Damn man you smell like a shit covered scrote.
Oh yeah? Well your mother is a whore.
My mother is dead you heartless asshole.
.......
lol....

 

by Opiate
6-14-02
Jorge, I'm going to cook you and put you in my stir fry.
I don't think you can catch me.
Why not?
Because I'm on a ball and you're not.
Dude your shirt is gay.
Heh.....yeah.

 

by Opiate
6-14-02
We should break out of jail becuase this place sucks and I need my hemorrhoid cream.
Dude you left your hemorrhoid cream at home? That sucks ass.....anyway I think I have an idea.
After a few minutes of whispering.....
Shit bitch let's do it!
K, brb.
Excuse me, but where is the little girl's room? I need to use some "feminine products" if you know what i mean....
.......you have a saddle, lol.

 

by Opiate
6-14-02
OK Sanchez, we got out of jail thanks to that stupid guard.....it's time to party.
But wait you need some sort of disguise, those traffic cops over there know we're at large.
You're probably right.....I'll meet you at the Four Seasons Hotel at 9 PM with some hookers!
K, ttyl.
Five minutes later, as Ponchi is walking down the street......
SANCHEZ I'M BACK! AND I BROUGHT A HOOKER! She does this new thing called "present sex"......sounds pretty wild.
Hi all.

 

by Opiate
6-14-02
Hello, Petra the Promiscuous Prostitute, might I ask for your services?
Why certainly, Opiate the Omnipotent Overlord, let us venture to my underground lair where I will feed you grapes and massage your feet.
This is your underground lair?
Yeh, I couldn't afford anything other than this shitty hotel room....
HUSH WOMAN! LET US FORNICATE, FOR I AM RIPE WITH PASSION, AS YOU ARE RIPE WITH SEVERAL VENEREAL DISEASES!
Oh, Opiate! I have so longed for your throbbing rock-hard phallus, glistening with sweat, dripping all over my naked body! TAKE ME NOW YOU STEAMING HEAP OF MAN-SEX.

 

by Opiate
6-14-02
Hey Bobo, I've got the hottest hooker at my place, she TOTALLY puts out.....you should go stick it in her butt, etc.
NOICE OPIATE!!!! I'm on it....
Holy Jesus-fuck I'm excited....I hope she's black...............and does anal..........oh God I hope she does anal.........
Dammit it's just Petra. How often do you get around you silly hooker? You mustv'e given me like 30 freebies last night.
Oh I was just trying to gank Opiate's quaaludes.....he didn't tell me I was supposed to stick around and take it from you again.......eh whatever go ahead and put it in my butt.

 

by Opiate
6-14-02
Hmmm...I think I might go to Petra's to get MAD play, plus I get Frequent Fucker Miles if i walk....
Damn Opiate you're a horny motherfucker. Hey, you notice how Petra's never taken it in anywhere other than the mouth or ass? I wonder how nasty her vag really is.....
PREPARE FOR THE FUCKING OF A LIFETIME, WENCH.
OK, but theres something I need to get off my chest. Close your eyes while I slip into something a little more comfortable......
DAMMIT! FOILED AGAIN!
HAHA! IT IS I, RECURY, YOU HAVE BEEN PUMPING MY BUTTOCKS FOR THE PAST SEVERAL WEEKS, PETRA DOESN'T EVEN LIVE IN THE UNITED STATES! HAHAHA!

 

by Opiate
6-14-02
Oh, hello Travis. How are you this fine afternoon?
Fine, Glenn. Jello dart! Rolex's Dental Floss of Prismacolor Kiwi Moonshine!
Say, why do you always speak in complete, unintelligible gibberish?
Triangle babies! Albino road runner skipping on Mars with a pickled banana pepper in his face! You eat mokey bars and shit lottery tickets you imperialistic gila monster of the Bavarian Illuminati!
Poot!
I think I'm gonna rip a pattented "Stinger McFly" fart on this fool....

 

by Opiate
6-14-02

 

by Opiate
6-16-02
lololol OK now touch mine....
ROFL!!! OK now touch mine.....
LMAO!!!! OK now touch mine.....

 

by Opiate
6-16-02
u killed my brother. u r fuct.
shut up dog before i throw loose change at ur ball and pop it.
booya.

 

by Opiate
6-26-02
Ummmm hi, Opiate, I was wondering if you might wanna go out on a date with me, or something, 'n stuff.....
ONLY IF WE CAN GET HELLA DRUNK
OMG IM NOT WEARING ANY PANTS!
WTF I feel so stupid, I could've sworn I put pants on today.....
Nor am I......

 

by Opiate
1-03-03
baby i cant believe you got me my diamond broach....imma fuck the shit outta you.
ite
ok honey turn around lemme show you what im all about boi
ite
muahahahahahahaha!
ite

 

by Opiate
1-03-03
i swear to god if you dont stop this im leaving
go ahead and leave i dont care
you dont mean that....
yes i do antoine....screw this im going out with my friends and youre not invited
FRANCIS NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

 

by Opiate
3-23-04
jesus christ i have to rip the most gigantic fart....
poot!
oh fuck i think i pooed a little

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