All comics by Roadhouse

Profile

 

by Roadhouse
5-07-01
Hi I'm poq, want to hold hands?
Dear god!! I leave my house for the first time in 5 months and there's some sort of gay pride festival!
w00t w00t!!! ATriarch 4 lyf3!!!!
Fuck! I never shoulda come to LA!!
I FOUND THE CLAMS!! Where's poq?
God you're pathetic Hunter!!! I need another drink...

 

by Roadhouse
5-07-01
Hi, Is this...uhh....3869 Paper St???
Yes!! Pleased to meet you RH, I'm Jaynen!
Come on in, RH. Just finishing up an Atriarch session.
ATRIARCH ALPHA CLIENT v3.00.09
Hey Serafina, wanna cyber with me and RH?!
Sod off....

 

by Roadhouse
5-07-01
Gee Jay, you never mentioned your...erm...condition....
How do you mean?
Well, it's just that you're kinda...how to say..."out of the ordinary".
What, you mean my stunning good looks? Is it the tie? I'm really overdoing it, aren't I?
C'mon, let's get to the convention and grab some food!!
How does chicken sound?

 

by Roadhouse
5-07-01
Well, this place sure sucks ass!
Yeah. You'd think they could have decorated a bit.
KICK ASS!! We R s0 l33t!! E3 rulz!!
Dude! Smedley's here!!! He wants us to come to his room later for pizza and soda!
Fucking christ, I thought it was 18 and older only...
This is just fucking great! I've got the feeling I'm gonna get arrested...

 

by Roadhouse
5-07-01
Why don't you fucking kids leave, lest the janitor should find your bloody corpse in the dumpster later tonight.
Dewd j00 R the sUx!! Why don't you go home to your mommy!
Oh god, must I really?!
You R not kewl!! This is not a game man! I'll tell Abashi to kick you out of here!! He bought E3!
C'mere little boy. I WANT TO FEEL YOU DIE!!!
*AGH!* Help me Smed, I think I pissed myself!!!

 

by Roadhouse
5-07-01
Greetings boys. Welcome to the den of passion!! Get comfotable. Take off your pants if you like...
Wotcha talkin bout Smed?
I just meant...nevermind that boys. Have a drink!!
Sup d00dz?
Swe33t!! Brad's here too!!
Yeah, this is a dream come tr00!

 

by Roadhouse
5-07-01
Den of Inequity
Go ahead fellas, have some more "soda"...
Yeah, and some pizza as well. Extra shrooms!!
Man, this food tastes fucking weird...
SHIT CHRIST!!! They slipped us a mickey!!
Better go lube up my "Fiery Avenger"!!
"Why don't you come with me little boy, on a magic carpet ride..."

 

by Roadhouse
5-07-01
Good god, I'm seein things!!! It's a fucking banshee! ACK!!
Praise Allah!! Death has come to relieve us of this pickle!
Wrong-o buddy. I represent the loss of prepubescent innocense and anal virginity. I've come to moderate the proceedings.
Hope this fucker doesn't bust up our flesh party!
I wanna juggle his balls in my mouth and pack em in my cheeks like a rodent!!

 

by Roadhouse
5-07-01
No, no, no. I'm not here to break up this man-parade. I've just gotta make sure the high standards of the molestor society are kept in tact.
Great! Hope you brought your own K-Y, I'm not sharing again. How do you think I got these genital warts?
So can I still give your man-berries a tongue bath?
Guys, I'm not gay. This is just a job alright. Besides, I don't even have balls.

 

by Roadhouse
5-07-01
Well, now that we've got that settled...why don't one of you boys get over here and "tickle my fancy", if you catch my drift! I need your young love...
I'm so fucking wasted I can't even get it up. Smed, can you hold my legs behind my head while one of these boys gives me a rimjob?
WOAH! Hold up! There'll be none of that here. The molestation rules say you two must force yourselves upon these unwitting juveniles.
Jesus Christ, how am I supposed to do that? I'm as flaccid as blown tire!
We could crush up some Viagra and snort it like that time we got bombed at DragonCon!

 

by Roadhouse
5-07-01
Holy shit I'm high as a kite, but it seems to be working!!
Yeah, I'm FUCKED UP!!! Maybe it was the Altoids we snorted at DragonCon.
Meanwhile, back at the convention:
So then I said, "If you're gonna rape someone anyway, why not take the fetus?" HAHAHAHA!!!
I find that very offensive and disturbing...asshole!!
Well I've sure got a raging boner!! Let's grab those little fuckers and rape the shit out of em, Brad!!!
No shit. My cock is about to erupt! I'm getting a little light-headed...

 

by Roadhouse
5-07-01
Alright you little whores, time to ride the "balony pony"!!
I'm gonna give you a fucking rim sting!!
Dude!! I told j00 they were fucking mincers!!!
What's that daddy?! I want a pony too!!!
Oh fuck yeah!! I love doin it doggy style!!
Yeah, being gay is pretty sweet! "Doo doo doo....magic carpet ride..."

 

by Roadhouse
5-08-01
Yeah?! Well fuck you bitch!!
Apparently your quest to redeem the fetus as a viable comedic prop isn't going over very well with the general populus.
It really is a shame. Why must there be so much stigma attached to the fetus?! Why can't people find prenatal rape humorous?!
Dunno. Rape can be funny, and foeti are nothing but hilarious! Maybe the raping of a fetus is more than the sum of its parts...
I suppose beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder.
...or in the womb of the victimized.

 

by Roadhouse
5-08-01
Look over there. Poq and Hunter are back.
Sweet jesus, where you fuckers been all day?!
Y'know, here and there...
We had to dispose of some clams real quick...
Then we met Smedley and Brad from EQ! They invited us up to their room for pizza and soda!!
Yeah, those guys sure are zany!! So, wanna hit the streets guys? I hear there's some sort of art festival down town...

 

by Roadhouse
5-08-01
So Jay, what's the plan?!
Dunno. I guess we could check out that art festival Hunter was talkin about...
LA sure is a great place for a bunch of malcontents like us. Everyone is a prospective victim!!
Yeah, this art festival is gonna kick ass!! I saw some interpretive dancers sitting around at the cafe earlier!
Oh lord, I think I see mimes!! Where's my baseball bat when I need it?
Check it out guys...homemade dreamcatchers!!!

 

by Roadhouse
5-08-01
Criminey!!! I knew it, a fucking mime!! I ought to lay you out right here man!
*Stuck in an invisible box*
C'mon man, defend yourself. Speak up!! I'm gonna beat you senseless and piss on your teeth!!!
*Pulls a heavy object with an invisible rope*
That's it motherfucker!! Back to the gutter where your kind belongs!!
Man alive! Enough already!! You haven't even seen me climb the ladder yet. I'm a college student for christ's sake!! I drive a Volvo!

 

by Roadhouse
5-09-01
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST HUNTER!!! This isn't even an art festival. It's a fucking gypsy circus!!
Whatever poq. They've got some kickass pink lemonade!
Sweet jesus, I need to do another line.
I heard that! Toss me a halcyon...
This is bullshit Hunter!! Let's get back to the convention center before the cops come.
I'm not quite dead yet!!

 

by Roadhouse
5-14-01
Entrance to E3
Tickets please!
We showed them to you earlier!! For christ's sake, our tickets have our names on them. Nobody else could even use them!
I'll need to see... Tickets please!
What's that you old lech? Keep leering at me like that and you'll find a nail in that eye!
SWEET FUCKING CHRIST!! My eye!! *convulses* tickets! TICKETS!!!! *hraaaf*
I warned you old man. Now I'm gonna have to piss on your teeth!

 

by Roadhouse
10-03-02
On Sept. 11 2001 tragedy struck our nation...
ugh...
Many firefighters and civilians lost their lives to terrorism that day...
Really? I hadn't heard.
The memory of those brave heroes will live in our minds forever...
yeah, because you won't fucking shut up about it!!!

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