Sweatpant Boner by SealClubber4-30-04 spare change? ...the language of substance-free apology that has come into vogue in recent years can serve as a distraction from the far more important question of... time for ice cream
Little Shop of Whore Roars by SealClubber4-30-04 hold my slurpee while i tie my shoe, k? ok. i wonder if he saw the dead hooker in the guest room...
Front Butt by SealClubber5-02-04 how many fingers do you think you could fit up your ass? i dunno. why? because i have a bag of fingers and a curious mind.
Those Aren't Pillows by SealClubber5-02-04 i heard scary noises in my room. can i sleep in here with you tonight? umm... you're not going to try anything funny, are you? that depends... do you consider aggravated homosexual rape funny?
Shirts Don't Iron Themselves, You Know by SealClubber5-04-04 i just read a fascinating article on spousal abuse. do you know what over 30,000 battered women every year have in common? what? they don't fucking listen. shut up, asshole.
Korean Bodega by SealClubber5-08-04 what's wrong? well... remember how my dog went missing? someone just emailed me pics of a dead dog hanging from a lamppost!!! are you sure it was him? i mean, how can you know for sure? actually, the pics ARE kinda dark. maybe you're right, it's probably not him at all. fuck. should've used a flash.
4 B.C. by SealClubber5-20-04 hi there, little girl. hi. wanna come back to my place for some dirty fun? ok. ...and that's the story of the very first christmas. where am i?
Urine Trouble by SealClubber5-22-04 excuse me, officer. i wanted to ask you something, but i'm kind of afraid. go ahead, young lady. the best way to stop crime is for brave citizens like yourself to come forward. ok, but i don't want to get into trouble or anything. i promise you have nothing to be worried about. have you ever kissed your wife while she was sitting on the toilet?
Tour de Pants by SealClubber5-28-04 If we're going to be spending all this time together, we should make an effort to get to know each other. I agree. We can start by sniffing each other's bicycle seats. Good idea. "The LORD will smite you with the boils of Egypt, and with the ulcers and the scurvy and the itch, of which you cannot be healed." - Deuteronomy 28:27
The Battle of New Orleans by SealClubber2-07-05 Hey do you know where my toothbrush is? How should I know? I've been writing chapter 9 of my new spy novel all day. Fuck that guy... ya know? That guy's so full of shit. Of COURSE he took it. I mean, who else would have?! I need water to live.
Office Politics by SealClubber2-07-05 I'm totally gonna march in there today and ask those fuckfaces for a raise! Like I give a shit about some stupid performance review that... ...what the hell is a colored girl doing in here?!