All comics by Sgoast

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by Sgoast
12-13-02
One day, In the depths of Hell
Death, Have you ever questioned the meaning of your own life?
Um, No... Not Really.
I mean, we live down here. Toiling day after day, trying to make other people miserable, while we do nothing to better our own lives. I feel meaningless.
...
Dammit Frank, shut up. Whenever you forget to take your prozac, you always become a philospher.

 

by Sgoast
12-13-02
Frank decides to take a vacation from the repeditiveness of hell.
Hmmm, What are you?
Are you not afraid suburban scum? I am a sorce of evil you can hardly imagine!
I doubt that.
Really!?! You have seen into the eyes of purer evil than I!?!
I work for Disney.
Yikes.

 

by Sgoast
12-13-02
Seriously, people might start to expect something odd if they see you like that. Can't you change forms or something?
Yes, but I have to kill someone for it.
...
...
Uh... Does this mean...
Nah, man. We're tight. Just don't start getting touchy feely, ok?

 

by Sgoast
12-13-02
So, how do you choose who you have to kill?
I usually just randomly choose two people and then flip a coin.
That's it? You do realize you're dealing with a life here. It's not just a throw away object.
It could be alot worse.
I bet you I can jump higher than you... For your soul!

 

by Sgoast
12-13-02
Ok. I'm back. The victim was really squirmy, so it took longer than planned.
I think I'm going to be sick...
Now I shall start the incantation. EMO UTA RECTUM CHALUPA!
Aha! And Now I shall fit in like a normal human being.
...Um...

 

by Sgoast
12-13-02
Many Hours Passed...
Many... Many Hours
Now I will surely fit in, my friend!
That's great, can we go now? And don't touch me.

 

by Sgoast
12-14-02
Somewhere Back In Hell
So where is Frank again?
I came over this morning and knocked on the door, but he wasn't there.
He left a note on his door saying he had gone to a much better place.
So I guess I shouldn't bother calling Jesus, right?
Maybe he went to St. Louis?

 

by Sgoast
12-14-02
After one more convienient change on Frank's part.
The TV is over there, Frank... You can crash here until you find a place to stay. Just don't kill anything, ok?
*click*
TONIGHT ON FOX! WHEN ANIMALS ATTACK BACHELORS 4! RIGHT AFTER "THAT 2000'S SHOW"
These rules are going to be harder to follow than I thought.

 

by Sgoast
12-14-02
*BZZT*
The TV broke?
On Tv...
Frank! Are you there? Please come back to hell with us! We need your experience!
Seriously. These new guys just suck.
And now! Pudding torture!
No! Wait. I like pudding!

 

by Sgoast
12-14-02
If you come back, I promise I'll stop spiking your coffee with drain cleaner!
And I'll beat and rape you less!
"Please Frank! Come back!"
Wow. They must really want me back if they'll take over just this TV to talk to me.
Somewhere across town...
Dammit Ted! Get over here! There's the sickest porn I've ever seen on TV right now!
"If you come back, I'll show you my nipples!"

 

by Sgoast
12-15-02
On the other side of town...
Hey Lizzie! Matthew called about your date tonight while you were in the shower!
Oh good, I've been planning this for months and I don't want anything to go wrong!
Actually he called to cancel...
Oh jesus, whats his excuse this time? His eleventh grandmother died? His apartment was on fire? His fruity ponytail got stuck in the blender again?
So, exactly when did my TV burst into flames?
I think it was after Satan started singing "I'm Too Sexy".

 

by Sgoast
12-16-02
The writer is out of ideas today, due to a nasty stomach flu... So today will be a very special episode written by the suppressed voices in the back of his head!
I am an american stereotype.
I am a middle eastern stereotype.
Let us make sweet sweet love to open the world to global equality.
Yes. Let us do so.
Somewhere in Canada...
"Oh yes! Feel the social doors breaking open! OH! BREAKING!"
And they wonder why we hate Americans.

 

by Sgoast
12-18-02
Somewhere in Wisconsin
Shhh, I have no point here. Just ignore me.
Wow... So presents cost money?
I seriously thought these "whoring myself out for money" days were over...
At least you get money.

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