All comics by SqueakMaan

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by SqueakMaan
7-08-05
So you're saying I'm not a real Boy?
That's right. You are in fact a horrible abomination against nature, God, and humanity itself.
Why would you make me.
Well, I was drunk, saw a lawnmower, one thing led to another. You know how it is.
So why did you tell me i was a real boy.
Because I hate you.

 

by SqueakMaan
7-08-05
Cha cha cha... ha ha ha
Hmm, does anybody else hear someone saying Jiffy jiffy jiffy puff puff puff.
Wait, what? No, it doesn't sound like that does it.
Yeah, dude didn't you know. They put that in the Friday the 13th movies to get advertisement money
Wait, so I've been basing my scary noises on a Jiffy puff commercial. I don't know if I'll ever be able to kill again.
Yes!

 

by SqueakMaan
7-08-05
Just a walking down the street singing do ah diddy dum diddy do.
That's right, keep singing, soon you'll be nothing but a greasy red smear on the sidewalk. Crap, I said that out loud didn't I?
Hey, wait a sec, I thought you could never kill again.
Snopes
Just a walking down the street singing Do ah diddy dum diddy do.

 

by SqueakMaan
7-08-05
Hey there sweet momma.
Hmm.
Whoah, uh sorry, must of had you confused with someone hot.
Hey, Just because a woman isn't pretty doesn't mean she isn't a good person on the inside.
HAHAHAHAH, women... people. Oh that's hilarious
What's one more dead body?

 

by SqueakMaan
7-08-05
Hey there sweet thang. I lost my number, can i have your panties?
Only if you were the last man on Earth.
Last man on Earth, eh.
So, I think you owe me something. Ohh yeah.
Well, he IS the last man on Earth.

 

by SqueakMaan
7-08-05
Ooooh, light bad. Light very bad. Hangover, bad.
Jesus, why am I dressed like a clown. What exactly did i do last night?
baah
On second thought, maybe i'm better off not knowing.

 

by SqueakMaan
7-08-05
Whoo, come on guys Just one more round one more round. I'm buying.
Two hours later
Thatsh right :hic: artifical turf is so much gooder thans the reeeal thang. I thinksh I'ma gon call iiit a night.
Come on, one more drink won't hurt. I'm buying.
three hours later
I like yous, you'rrrre not likesh other women. You take mees sherioushly.
baaah?

 

by SqueakMaan
7-08-05
Alright. I'm just gonna pretend whatever happened last night didn't happen. I mean what's the worst i could have done?
Yep, this is the address.
Mr. Papalockovich this is the police come out with your hands up! We have the house surrounded!
:gulp:

 

by SqueakMaan
7-08-05
One week later
I can't believe they made stay in the clown costume.
:whimper: I'm just gonna go back to my cell.
You eyeballing me boy.
I like clowns. Why don't you come over here and sit by me. You gotta perty mouth clown boy.
Uh maybe I'll go hang out with the serial killers.

 

by SqueakMaan
7-08-05
Meat is murder. Meat is Murder.
Come on man, join us. Help us stop the slaughter of innocent animals to feed the human masses.
Well, actually I'm here to protest vegetarians.
Say what.
Our Ancestors scratched and clawed their to the top of the food chain, I think it's insulting not to appreciate that. Come on. Don't you think if a hamburger could eat you it would.

 

by SqueakMaan
7-08-05
Wow this scenery is great!
Yeah reminds me of where i grew up.
I'm gonna pretend the donkey behind me did not just speak.
Well, that's gonna be difficult, seeing as how i'm doing it again.
This is all just a hallucination. There is no pink talking donkey behind me. I've obviously gone completely mad.
God, I love fucking with the tourists.

 

by SqueakMaan
7-08-05
I should probably just go ahead and invite myself to the new neighbors.
Ahhh, Oh dear God in Heaven, someone help me!?
On second though they sound busy.
Why won't anybody help me? Please HELP ME!
YEah, I should just come back tomorrow.

 

by SqueakMaan
7-08-05
Alright, I guess we should just get this probing over with.
For the last time miserable human, i have no desire to probe you.
Are you sure? I bet I look reeeaaal interesting on the inside. It wouldn't even take that long.
No. No probing. Got it.
Alright, Alright. I was just trying to do you as favor, cause I mean, the other aliens aren't gonna think you're cool if you don't probe me.
What? How could you possibly know, have you ever met another alien... Ya know what never mind. I was gonna let you live, but not anymore. Congratulations, now you're gonna die.

 

by SqueakMaan
7-08-05
Good, Good. Now put in the other nails.
Well, okay. But only because you're the smartest fish I know.
That's right. I'm a smart fish, now put the nails in your head!
Are you sure this will protect me from drowning? I'm feeling a little woozy.
That's just the healing power of the nails kicking in. Or perhaps the blood leaking out of your head.
Hey that's a neat fish. It's eyes on weird little bar things. Looks kinda like a hammer. I wonder if he'll be friends with me?

 

by SqueakMaan
7-08-05
Hmm, how'd i get here? One minute I was happily hammering nails into my brain and now I wind up here.
I wonder if those two things are related somehow?
Ten seconds later
Nope, putting nails in my headdefinitely isn't solving the problem.

 

by SqueakMaan
7-08-05
Hmm, does this whip make my butt look fat?
Man, that is one fat penguin butt.
Hey, you there. Does this whip make my butt look fat?
Don't say yes, don't say yes.
No. your butt is just fat. Good job me, I didn't say yes.

 

by SqueakMaan
7-11-05
Is that the next door neighbor?
Yep.
Do my eyes deceive me or is he having an all vegetarian barbecue??
He is.
That's just not normal.
Tell me about it.

 

by SqueakMaan
7-11-05
Hey, it was a random layout.
I'm here to set the record straight.
baah.
Some people would have you believe that all I do is go around cornholing everything I see. That's just not true
baah?
I ask permission first. Isn't that right mister goat. You want me to cornhole you, well okay, if you insist.
baah!

 

by SqueakMaan
7-11-05
Hey, you the one who knocked on my door?
Yes. I'm with Jesus Christ and the latter day saints.
Sometimes in the course of human events it is necessary to commit a little of the ultr-violence.
I'm sorry, sir. What did you say?
Why do they always run?

 

by SqueakMaan
7-11-05
Hey there baby, got an apple for teacher?
You're disgusting.
Aw, come on now. I'm not that bad. Gimme a chance.
There is nothing you could say that would convince me that you aren't slime.
1 hour later
So, whattya think of me now?
I think you should try not to scream so much.

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