All comics by THELEFTISTCONSPIRACY

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............................
Listen, you fuck. I know you're gay.
MY DEAR FRIENDS X-MAS IS A TIME OF SHARING GOOD WILL AND BROKEN CONDOMS. SHAAAAAEERR11111111
Stephen King spoke to me. I was fapping yesterday and my nipple fell off. I was fapping to Pet Cemetery, fuck yeah
Lun! Lun! Veddy fahst!
OMG MAH REGS CANNOT MOVE PLOPELY JOO GOOK!1

 

FIRST RULE ABOUT FIGHT CLUB: DOnn"T GIVE FELLATIO ON THE TARP OUR LANDLORD SETS OUT
THELE ISH NU TARP
VEDDY FAHST, FOR ZHEE WANG ISH LAHLLRGe.
SECOND RULE ABOUT RUSH LIMB--FIGHT clUB: BOMBING THE PRESIDENT'S HOUSE WILL ANGER THE TRAILER PARK RESIDENTS
THAT IS SO CLICHE, DAMN
AGGH FUCK THE SUN, FUCK IT! FUCK THE CLINTON HOUSEHOLD, TOO
THIRD RULE ABOUT FIGHT CLUB: THERE IS NO FIGHT CLUB

 

SATAN MAKES A DEAL
SO, IN YOUR PACKAGE YOU OFFER BASIC CABLE AND AN ILLEGAL FILTER TO EXPANDED CABLE AND THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL'S INCEST CORNER?
Uhh..yes.
Satan realizes the folly in his plans
OH GAWD SHE HAZ A TWIN
WHERE IS ZEE LICE
AND THUS, THE WORLD OF GAMING DESTROYS NEVIN'S HOUSE, FRIENDS, WORLD, AND LIFE. GAMES: GAMES ARE FOR FOOLS
LeftistLeftistLeftist

 

Hi.
Um..hi?
You've noticed now that I'm naked from the waist down.
This won't end well.
Notice anything odd? A missing appendage? An extra one? A dying bear cub inserted in a comprimising and what appears to be infected orifice?

 

Sweet Jesus! It's the king of biting innocent rodents' heads off!
Buy the shirts. They're made of crack cocaine.
Wait, why are you in my room?

 

I'M TELLING YOU, JESUS. THIS MATRIX SHIT IS SOME CRAZY SHIT.
..
IT'S JUST LIKE SPEED, MAN. SPEED AND CRANK. SPEED AND CRANK MIXED WITH A BACARDI. A BACRARDI WITH RUM.
UNZIP YOUR PANTS TO EXPERIENCE TRUE ENLIGHTENMENT!
Jesus isn't home today.

 

Thursday, October 2nd, 7:42 PM, Hell, AK.
Contrary to popular belief, the vacuous demon you've seen in Haugen-san's previous comics was NOT Satan.
Hey, kids! It's me, Jesus!
So, you know. Stay away from drugs.. uhh.. don't impregnate ocelots until they're legal..
Hey, kids! It's me, Jesus!

 

Limbaugh goes out for a burger.
You fucking suck at chess.
Sir, this is a restaurant, and I was not HIRED to take your CONSTANT HARASSMENT. It's funny how EVERY DAY you come in saying the SAME GOD DAMNED THING.
Limbaugh goes for a stroll.
You fucking suck at policing.
They pay me in ecstasy.
Limbaugh stays up past curfew.
You fucking suck at Microsoft.
OH HO HO!

 

Arnold Schwarzenegger is interviewed after his recent victory.
How very profound! I choked on a pretzel once myself. Oh, and Laurie says we can see Harry Potter later. Wanna come?
Wednesday shall be zee groping dayee!
Back in Austria..
"Many people in the world - and in America - now know where Styria is."

 

Hey, it's recent in-for-a-week-out-forever pop culture icon, Nevin!
Nevin..! Oh God, Nevin! I'm too high to perform tonight!
Well, I have to kill myself due to this.
Drugs support America.
Wow! Suicide isn't the American way!
Fuck you. I always end up doing this in my comics. And what the fuck do you know, you pot head?

 

PolyvinylEllip (1:56:14 PM): FUN ON THE RITZ
Ryan, make a new comic.
Not only a mother, an enforcer of negro rights and anti-marijuana, though it does nothing
Ryan, make a new comic.
Here's your new comic, fucking sailor
Yes, I know you can see his crotch. Stop bitching
There is "none" under the "none" subgroup!!!!
*Suck suck*

 

I found these pills on the playground the other day. Take one. But not the red one. It's mine.
*Takes the red one and drinks it.*
AHH WTF YOUR MIRROR SI GAY!!!
Yeah, that's what happens when you eat the red one.
WOW THE MATRICKS IS AWESOME

 

Neo finds Nevin's mom shopping in the Matrix's K-Mart. But in the Matrix, K-Mart is Target. WTF
..I know kung fu.
That's lovely.
PolyvinylEllip (2:01:36 PM): CAPSLOCK MKES ME HIHG
LET ME TAKE YOUR SHOPPING BAGS SO THE AGENTS DONT CONFISCATE YOU
Lynn hops on the bandwagon
Hello, this is Morpheus. I seem to have lost my car keys. Did I by chance leave them in your family room?
Oh well. *Suck Suck*

 

Teh Matricks lost another Nevin..
Breaking news: Eqypt Bans 'God' From Theatres
Why the fuck are you here? I banned you and black listed you for raiding my cupboard of all the Gardetos.
Why the fuck is 'God' banned?
My newspaper is full of Nazis. They disagreed with me.
That still doesn't explain why the fuck you're-- wait. We're out of aerosol, okay?
He was always my favorite actor.
TEH MATRICKS HAS U
Yeah, it has you up the ass.

 

Welcome to the Matrox, Mr. Haugen. Pretty fucking amazing, isn't it?
Matrox? What the hell?
Yeah, the Wachowskis stopped selling narcotics, so the budget's pretty low. The Matrix: Gratuitousness well redeem them both, though.
That's because it is.
It smells like hemp in here.

 

BADOOM BADOOM BADOOM BADOOM BADOOM
BADOOM BADOOM BADOOM BADOOM BADOOM
That was pretty fucking pointless.
Wait, what happened? I saw some squids. I know I did.

 

Just tell them you got stoned. They'll understand.
Hm..
I'm gonna go advertise capitalism.
Hey. I got stoned.
Awesome.
Nevin
Heroin.
I'm pretending this beer bottle is your wrinkly phallus.

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