All comics by coolison

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by coolison
4-25-01
So then I says to him "Fuck you Bob...I'm sick of your crap and you can get your pussy somewhere else from now on."
You go girl!
Yeah...who needs that fucking jerk anyways...
Not you that's for sure....
Meanwhile at Bobs...
So then she says "Fuck you Bob...I'm sick of your crap and you can get your pussy somewhere else from now on."
That's cold man...

 

by coolison
4-25-01
When I grow up I'm going to be a pilot!
And I'm gonna be an astronaut!
30 years later...
Give me a pull on that asshole..

 

by coolison
4-25-01
Hey kid..got any nuts? Do ya? Do ya huh? I love nuts. They're great. They make me say yuuuummmmyyy!!!!!
Yessirree bob..Nuts are the greastest...bread is pretty good too, but nuts are the absolutliest bestest food ever. Did I mention that I love them? Yup I do and....
Thank God for pyrokinesis...
Aeeeiiieeee!!

 

by coolison
4-25-01
I wash my hands. The water is cold. With the towel I dry.
Then I murder my family. They all die.

 

by coolison
4-25-01
Hi. We're here to talk to you tonight about an embarrassing subject.
That's right.
Vaginal itch....something all of us women have experienced at one time or another.
That's right.
But we're not sure because we don't have vaginas.
That's right.

 

by coolison
4-25-01
I think we should stop having cyber sex.
Why? Is it so wrong? The two of us...a romantic night...why stop a good thing?
Because my keys are all stuck together.

 

by coolison
4-25-01
The year 2001
Open the pod bay door HAL.
I'm sorry Dave, I can't do that.
Fucking Windows...

 

by coolison
4-25-01
Dick
Heads
Dick
heads!

 

by coolison
4-25-01
I reckon you have about thirty seconds to give up varmit space alien. 30..29...28...
Be ready on my mark Scotty...
3....2...1....times up...I ah...I reckon. I mean it now dag gum it.
ENERGIZE!!!
What in tarnation??

 

by coolison
4-26-01
At the zoo...
Do you think elephants and humans can have meaningful relationships?
No.
Do you think elephants and humans can have meaningful relationships?
No.
Do you think elephants and humans can have meaningful relationships?
Ooooh yes! Definitely!!

 

by coolison
4-26-01
Space Cowboy calls his partner for advice....
Pardner...There's this bomb up here that's bigger than the teats of a cow that hasn't been milked in a year...what in tarnation should I do?
Back on earth...
You need to defuse it by removing the detonator. This can be accessed by removing the cowling, finding the ground wire, and then shunting it so it taps into the positive 12 volt side of the circuit.
Kudos to max...
What the fuck are you talking about?

 

by coolison
4-26-01
When last we saw Space Cowboy, he was attempting to decipher his partners instructions to defuse the bomb...
Cowling? Wire? What in tarnation was he talking about?
An urgent communication from Earth...
Round or square...hmmm...
Just hit the big yellow button on the panel numbnuts! That will materialize the bomb out into space.
The wrong choice...
Hellfire...round.

 

by coolison
4-26-01
Mr. President...the latest polls show your favoribility ratings at an all time high.
Well slap me and call me Nancy...that's fer sure a sure sight better than that Clinton fellers.
92% of the public also thinks that Clinton was getting more pussy as President than you...
I do alright for a married man..if ya know what I mean.
But then again, look who Clinton was married to.
Hoo wee dang straight! That lady must have hit every branch falling out of the ugly tree...

 

by coolison
4-26-01
While attempting to teleport a bomb from his spaceship, Space Cowboy has accidently transported himself into the cold depths of space...
It's harder to breath out here than trying to put a cat in paper bag...
The friction of his re-entry into the atmosphere begins to heat things up...
And it's getting hotter than a skillet in a prairie fire...
Will Space Cowboy survive his fiery plunge? Tune in...
Yeeeee haaaaaawwwww!!!

 

by coolison
4-26-01
Mourning the loss of his partner, Space Cowboy, Egbert The Cowboy contemplates his options...
That a-hole lost a 32 million dollar hydrogen fueled, RAM engine equipped space craft..
A noise from the sky above...
....weeeeeeeeeeee...
What the???
A joyful reunion...
Now where in Sam Hill am I??
Turn around numbnuts...

 

by coolison
4-27-01
Having survived his fiery plunge through the earths atmosphere, Space Cowboy is reunited with Egbert the Cowboy...
Egbert! If I told you what happened to me you would think I was loco.
You're not loco...but I do believe your grasp of technology is feeble.
What the fuck are you talking about?
Nothing. But we do have to get you back on your spaceship before the bomb detonates...quick, to the transporter!
At the transporter...
What in tarnation is this contraption?
For the love of God just step into the machine....

 

by coolison
4-27-01
Transported back to the ship by Egbert, Space Cowboy listens more carefully to Egberts instructions over subspace radio
Waaahooo!!! I'm back on the flying contraption Egbert! Now how do I get rid of this bomb thing?
This time, push the big yellow ROUND button on the panel.
It's more scarce than a cat in a dog fight!
I assume that's cowboy talk for saying you were successful.
Meanwhile, on a certain alien ship...
AIIIIIEEEEE!! Run for you lives! Space Cowboy has bombed our vessel!!

 

by coolison
4-27-01
Feet For Ears...
Shit for brains...

 

by coolison
4-27-01
Arrgh...(hop)..arrgh...(hop)
Arrgh...(hop)..arrgh...(hop)
Arrgh...(hop)..arrgh...(hop)...next time I book a tour of New York, I'm taking a fricking bus...arrgh...(hop)

 

by coolison
8-21-01
The Lone Ranger and Tonto are in a bar, having a beer, when a cowboy walks in and says "Whose big white horse is that out there?
The Lone Ranger says "That's my horse." The cowboy says, "Well you better tend to it, he looks about ready to die of heat stroke."
They go out there and sure enough, the horse is panting away. The Lone Ranger says "Hey Tonto...run around Silver, the breeze you create will cool him down.
Tonto says "Okay Kemosabe" and starts running around Silver. The Lone Ranger goes back into the bar to finish his drink.
A few minutes later, another cowboy comes in and says "Hey, whose white horse is that outside. The Lone Ranger says "It's mine...what's wrong now??"
"Nothing", says the cowboy, "but you left your Injun running."

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