All comics by eljacko

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by eljacko
3-08-08
OH BOY! E-MAIL!
You've got mail.
oh GOD! FIRE FIRE!
SPAM! SPAM! ACTIVATE FIREWALL!
...well fuck...
Oops

 

by eljacko
3-08-08
D-d-dad what do you mean you can't come to my college graduation?
I MEAN YOU'RE FUCKED SON! I HAVE TO PERFORM SURGERY!
But soon!
DAD! YOU MADE IT!
I SURE DID SON!
How'd you do it dad?
I skipped out in the middle of the surgery. The guy sprayed blood all over me.

 

by eljacko
3-10-08
OH HEY BOY! You got a bone?
...Yes...
Are you sad or some shit?
Eh...I DO HAVE A BONE. That makes me happy.
GO FETCH BOY!
I hate you.

 

by eljacko
3-10-08
Tim wouldn't have been there had he known about the Solanum outbreak.
Hey buddy can I have your brain?
Um...no.
Well...why not?
I need it to live.
Tim was very, very stupid as well.
Y'know I'm just gonna take it.
You really shouldn't eat brain with nail in it.

 

by eljacko
3-11-08
In the stinking alley behind Lou Bob Joe's Seafood De-clawing sweatshop...
Hey there!
Oh uh hey.
Are you John Malone?
Erm...SURE!
You owe me $3000.00
On second thought m'name's Bert.

 

by eljacko
3-11-08
Er...What's this shit?
Um...well I created you. My name is Jack.
Am I drunk again?
Hmmm. No I really did create you. I am god to you. Fear me.
AAAAAAAAAAAGH!
Hehe hehe.

 

by eljacko
3-11-08
In the Stripean church...
Would you like to convert to Stripean?
What's that? Hmmmmm?
'Tis the great religion of the man who created us: Jack.
BYEBYE!
They always run. FLY O GREAT LORD!!
Okee-day.

 

by eljacko
3-11-08
Money for the poor sir?
WHAT FRESH HELL IS THIS?!?!
VERRRRRRY FRESH!!
Mmm-hmm
You are now leaving your Dreams
Hmmm? Agh? AAAAAAAAAGH!

 

by eljacko
3-11-08
Halloween...
DING DONG!
???
OH WHAT A CUTE COSTUME! HAVE SOME CANDY!
Why does that always happen on THIS night.

 

by eljacko
3-12-08
When do you think everyone will be here.
Oh...two hours.
What the fuck? What the fuck?
Oh um...I only came here to think.
Why the fuck am I here then?!?
Let me put it this way: I'm going to murder you.

 

Son...
I CAN EXPLAIN!
by eljacko, 3-12-08

 

by eljacko
3-12-08
...What was that?!?
Um...Go back to sleep. Please.
I'm turning on the light.
hello
AAAUAUUUUUULGH!

 

by eljacko
3-12-08
Monday...
Today we bring you a report on today's apocalypse. Time to go live to Simon Morrison.
Well Bob, we are all going to die. What do you think Mr. Nuclear Zombie?
Ahehem.
BRAAAAAAAAAAIIIINS!!!!

 

by eljacko
3-12-08
At the Snooty De Morgue
What's the matter Dexter? Is there a problem?
I just don't think we're right for each other!
What? Why? Why?
Well...for one thing you cost me hundreds in bills...
Anot that...

 

by eljacko
3-12-08
What's the matter monkey?
I'm a small bit space sick.
Here have some sickness pills!
Actually I think they make me sex obsessed.
So? I'm bored. We'll have fun!
Well for one thing you're not a woman...

 

by eljacko
3-12-08
In Hell...
WHO ARE YOU?! How the fuck did I end up HERE?
Well I'm Simon Cowell and you must be a sinner.
But I just...
Well you did murder hundreds of innocent game show contestants.
OH! You mean on my TV show where losing contestants are murdered!
THAT'S THE ONE!

 

by eljacko
3-12-08
So Mr. Bert! Your question is: Who framed Roger Rabbit!?
Um...I didn't really see that movie...
I'm waiting for the a-answer!
Um...Bugs Bunny?
We'll execute the hobo after these messages from our sponser: HeadOn! APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD BITCH!
YOU WRONG BITCH! YOU GONNA DIE!
NO! NO! OH GOD!

 

by eljacko
3-12-08
At the great executive office...
I'm looking for Mister Johannesburg
Down the hall buddy.
I have an appointment with you sir.
Eh?
THE APPOINTMENT SIR.
I don't remember making an appointment with Colonel Sanders!

 

by eljacko
3-12-08
At the Stripean Church...
Mother Magdaline do you think I'm, a sinner of evil?
Oh yes dear.
Why?
You're a horrible child of course!
I'm going to choke you with a belt.
You shall be damned to hell.

 

by eljacko
3-12-08
TIME TO WALK INTO TRAFFIC!
SPLAT!
Eh?
Hmm. Must've been the wind.

 

by eljacko
3-12-08
In Hell...
HI THERE!
Oh hey I bet you must be Casey!
Heaven is hotter than I expected.
Oh no this is hell. I hear you killed a nun. Quite the sin.
I'm going to choke you with a belt.
Try me. I shal torture you evilly.

 

by eljacko
3-12-08
At the Happy Barn...
Oh hey there.
Welcome to Happy Barn! Can I take your order?
What do I want?
Hmm.
I just can't decide.
How about some drugs?

 

by eljacko
3-12-08
Watcha drawin' Kenny?
You'll see.
Hmm.
Alright! I'm done!
Not a bad likeness huh? Eh? Eh?

 

by eljacko
3-12-08
In the Robofactory...
Hello Babe-bot.
Greetings Man-bot. Why did you call me to the old high school hangout?
Look we need to talk.
About what?
Well...I love you babe-bot.
OH NO! If you talk about love to me my head asplode. I saw that Simpsons episode.

 

by eljacko
3-12-08
In fatty's bar...
What's wrong Mandroid?
Hot-bot broke up with me! Activate mechanical sobbing voice!
Are you saying she's single?
Er...yes...
Well she's not single for long! I FEEL LUCKY TODAY!
What kind of friend are you?

 

by eljacko
3-12-08
At the great executive office...
Ah. Hello Marc.
Hey Elliot. What do you want?
You must suffer for what you did to me. I WAS EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH FOR TEN YEARS. And now you stole that from me.
Um...sorry?
Please, please fire Elliot.
Dear god...

 

by eljacko
3-12-08
In the great executive office...
I feel awful Bobby. I'm so behind. It's not easy to be an executive.
Aw don't beat yourself up Mr. Johannesburg. I'm sure it's not that bad buddy!
LOOM AT IT DAMMIT! I was passed out in bed for days after the initial shock.
Um...wow.
My wife left me last night you know.
Why am I not surprised?

 

by eljacko
3-13-08
At Fatty's bar...
I feel awful. I've gone through it all...anvils...cliff tips breaking off...AND STILL NO ROADRUNNER FOR DINNER!
Aw don't beat yourself up Wile E.
Oh but it's true! I'm useless I was never loved!
I love you bud! You're my best friend!
You really mean it Zigg-AAAAAAAGH!
Sucker.

 

by eljacko
3-15-08
At the Slapland Elementary School...
Remember me Marc?
GAH! ELLIOT!!
Brilliant deduction Holmes. After you got me fired I came here. I teach your daughter's class now.
GOOD GOD! NO! NO! PLEASE OH SWEET BABUH JESUS NO!!
So...where were we? Ah yes...
I wonder if he's wearing a cup...

 

by eljacko
3-15-08
In Hell...
Ha! Check! Any last words satan?
Damn you to he...wait...that's not right...DAMN YOU TO A WORSE CIRCLE OF HELL!
That was a good game. No hard feelings? Let's go get some fire cream.
Actually I meant that Simon. Go away. I hate you.

 

by eljacko
3-15-08
At the Slapland Elementary School...
Alright. Elliot James you are under arrest for the murder of Marc Ellway.
BUT I DIDN'T KILL HIM! I JUST BEAT HIM UP!
Actually he's telling the truth. I am in extreme pain and I can no longer see in color but I'm not dead.
Shut up Ellway.

 

At the city graveyard...
I'll never forget Marc Elway and all that he contributed to my fair office building. He will be missed.
I'M STILL ALIVE! DEAR GOD I'M STILL ALIVE!
by eljacko, 3-24-08

 

by eljacko
3-25-08
At Channel Three News...
In recent news local man Marc Elway was killed by Elliot...um...OK I forget his last name.
Recent events say that Elliot Whatsisface is on death row to be put in the Electric Iron Maiden.
Waitaminute! We've got a shoutout from one Mr. Elway he says "DEAR GOD I'M STILL ALIVE! WHY CAN'T YOU ACCAPT IT!?!?"

 

by eljacko
3-25-08
At the Great Executive Office...
I'm here about the job application.
There is no opening. Those fuckers finally accepted that I was still alive.
I'm sure there's something I can do!
Give me a minute.
GO GET 'IM BOY!!!

 

by eljacko
3-31-08
At the Great Executive Office...
You look awful!!!
I was drunk all last night. I have a hangover.
WHOA!
I don't feel so hot.
That's funny! I never knew you had a tatoo of a rapist on your arm.
That wasn't there before...

 

by eljacko
3-31-08
At the Stripwood jail...
Fuck you
Alright, alright so there was a mix up and you didn't kill Marc Elway. You don't need to be rude.
Well I still hate you so I'm going to step back unknowing of what's behind me to make a point about not wanting to be near you.
NO! NO! YOU'LL BE STEPPING ONTO THE...
moments later
Power grid...

 

by eljacko
4-01-08
At the Stripwood Stadium...
I hate my job
I only get paid in slop and have to deal with those shitty blankets!
Oh shit here we go again!
Toro! Toro!

 

by eljacko
4-01-08
At the great executive office...
And that's how I changed my name from Jason to Jay.
Wow!
I think there was more...
OH GOD NO!
Are you insinuating that my story is uninteresting?
NO! NO!

 

by eljacko
4-01-08
In the dreams of Alec Johannesburg...
Wait...I thought you were dead!!
It's a comic. It needs no continuity.
In Alec Johannesburg's House...
That was a profoundly disturbing dream!
Whatevah honey. Hurry up I'm on the clock.

 

by eljacko
6-16-08
At the Great Executive Office
What the FUCK are you doing.
Practicing my tit grabbing.
You're a sick fuck you know that?
Meh...

 

by eljacko
6-16-08
At the Stripwood Mall...
HEY DEATH!!
Sorry Jim this is a business visit.
SKYAAAAAAAGGGHHH!
In Hell...
Aw shit

 

by eljacko
9-03-08
At the great Executive office...
Hey Death.
Are you prepared to die.
Are YOU prepared to die?
Hmm...WAIT WHAT!?
Heh hehe heh.

 

Meanwhile at the Great Executive Office...
Well?
Yeah, OK you got the job.
by eljacko, 4-10-09

 

by eljacko
4-10-09
At the Great Executive Office...
So anyway contrary to what you might have heard, Elway doesn't have the authority to hire you i.e. you don't actually work here.
What are you getting at?
In tonights news, local executive Mr. Johannesburg was found beaten and bleeding in his own office.
CRAP THEY'RE ONTO ME!!

 

by eljacko
12-22-09
eljacko's personal crisis continues...
And so I looked at all of my old comics and realized that I've never made a good comic! Ever!
Mhm. Fascinating.
It's true, honest. All of my comics so far have been riddled with idiocy, pointless babble, unecesarry cursing and religiously hurtful references to Simon Cowell!
Yeah that's really great. Listen, I'm playing World of Warcraft, could you leave?
You know, for someone that I created you're not very good at listening to me when I need you to.
DING! LEVEL 63!

 

by eljacko
12-22-09
Some more of eljacko's personal crisis (even though you don't care)...
So I've decided to rededicate myself to making comics that are GOOD. And if that fails, switch to Pixton.
...Yeeeah. Um, listen. Not that this isn't terribly interesting or anything but who are you and how did you get in here?
I'm eljacko. I used the door.
You have no HANDS.
...What are you implying?
You know I didn't HAVE to work in this damn comic anyway. They had a perfectly good position in the REAL webcomics but no! I had to help out the little guy!

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