All comics by freakmanjoe

Profile

 

by freakmanjoe
8-31-05
...
When's the bus supposed to come?
The free countries all had a nuclear war, creating mass destruction and we're the only ones left in the city and all you can think of is the god damned bus schedule?
...
When the fuck is the bus coming?

 

by freakmanjoe
9-01-05
I don't like the looks of this.
We're not getting any action.
Tell me about it.

 

by freakmanjoe
9-01-05
Halo 2 is fucking awesome!
Indeed.

 

by freakmanjoe
9-01-05
Back in your day, did you ever have video games jesus?
First off, your pronouncing it wrong, and second, No.
Jesus Christ... that sucks. What did you do for entertainment
I used to tell all these crazy stories of things that never happened and tell people to act like the people in my stories.
...
Would you believe that weed was a lot more fun back then?

 

by freakmanjoe
9-01-05
Fuckety fuck, fucking bitch asshole cunt James Broland
What?

 

by freakmanjoe
9-02-05
So, uh...
I know what you're about to say.
so, how'd you get in my room, anyway?
I... Because... Cardinal... Godosaurus...Kelly Ripa...

 

by freakmanjoe
9-02-05
So, uh...
What Tom?
I was wondering, why you're in my room Angie?
Well that's simple, Tom. The same reason Jesus was here. I want to jump your sweet nerdy bones.
This somehow leaves me aroused and disturbed.
By the way, Jesus said you'd have some really good weed, incidentally.

 

by freakmanjoe
9-02-05
uhhh...
Just give me a kiss!
...
How the fuck?
I have magic. I do believe I told you this before. By the way, do you have any shrooms?

 

by freakmanjoe
9-02-05
Why the fuck would I have shrooms?
Because it's a commonly known fact that the nerdiest guy will always have the best drugs. How do you think he got so nerdy?!
Am I right?
You know, you're really not as good a role model as everyone says you are.
Ooh, I really care.

 

by freakmanjoe
9-02-05
You know that I'm an atheist, right?
Oh yeah definitely. I knew you were going to say it, too.
I tend towards the agnostic ideals.
so you want proof that you're real?
No but I am dying for some vodka.

 

by freakmanjoe
9-02-05
Zing!
What? Everyone else can say it but I can't?
It's about comedic timing.
I liked you better when you were a hot college chick.

 

by freakmanjoe
9-02-05
oh, that's it right there!
What the fuck?!
I'm high, I don't know what your fucking problem is
How the hell did this happen?
Do you smell purple? I've got the smell of purple right in my nose.

 

by freakmanjoe
9-02-05
Holy fucking shit dude.
Yeah, this is what it's like to be all high and shit.
I thought it'd be a little different.
Nope... but hey I could easily remedy the prolonging boredom by
HA!

 

by freakmanjoe
9-03-05
After the explosion.
Holy Hell, where am I?
IN OHIO!!!
Seriously?
Oh, hell yeah, man.
...
I'm just fucking with you, you're in hell.

 

by freakmanjoe
9-03-05
In the Diablo!
So why exactly am I in hell?
Because you got high.
But that was Jesus
Yeah, we get a lot of that. I don't really believe it anymore.
But, I was in my room and there was Jesus on the cross, and he asked me if I had any drugs.
I can see why... Fucking geeks.

 

by freakmanjoe
9-03-05
So, what exactly makes this the worst place you can go to?
Well... We all love richard simmons tapes.
Richard Simmons? That's the worst part about it?
And we have a weekly dodgeball contest... THAT YOU CAN NEVER WIN!!!
You're new aren't you?
You could tell?

 

by freakmanjoe
9-03-05
You're really not good at your job.
I'm an intern.
What were you before this?
I was a receptionist
Zing!
Hey, shut the hell up.

 

by freakmanjoe
9-03-05
So, where exactly is hell located?
4212 92nd street, apartment 4
You're kidding right? that's the apartment under mine!
Yeah, we're the ones that always call the cops on your parties.
Well, its been fun, but I think I better go home now.
See you later.

 

by freakmanjoe
9-03-05
I can't believe all this time the underworld was in the apartment under me
What's even more unbelievable is that I've made friends with Jesus and a demon, I came from straight out of hell.
I didn't have any stairs to walk up to get to the top floor apartment, that's gotta be the strangest event so far.

 

by freakmanjoe
9-03-05
well my room is finally empty
Oh god
yeah that's me.

 

by freakmanjoe
9-03-05
Why are you still here?
I was kicked out of the dorm.
I have no place else to go
Fine... Dick.

 

by freakmanjoe
9-04-05
At the independent film festival.
Must hang picture!
Forsooth, you are a ne'ery eyed wench, though lacking in the good spirits
Self infliction of lobotomy
Sir, though I do agree, you must be daft.
beautiful...
That's beautiful? Fucking, take a look at your organ system, and compare the two, you dumb motherfucker. God damn. College students

 

by freakmanjoe
9-08-05
You see, if I computate my theorem of flux...
shut up
Then the compendium of blah will take effect in the blah of blah
shut up shut up shut up
then-
I NEED VODKA!

 

by freakmanjoe
9-16-05
So, I heard on the news a message about intelligent design.
And?
Well, your supposed to be a holy relic what are your thoughts?
Purely bullshit.
What?
Yeah. Man, there was no design. God's just been on acid for a reeeeeeaaally long time.

 

by freakmanjoe
9-16-05
part two of the discussion of intellegent design.
So, your saying that there's a god and he created something because he was on drugs.
No dude, you're not getting it at all.
Then what do you mean?
god created something because he could.
Go on.
Stop fucking interrupting me... Him being on drugs explains why things are so fucked up, man.

 

by freakmanjoe
9-16-05
So, you're saying the darwinian theory is a lie?
Hey, man, I make tables, for all I know the darwinian theory could counterprove my existence.
Or I could just go back in time and personally rip his brains out of his skull before he ever made the theory.
You're a violent person.
This is what happens when I'm sober.

 

by freakmanjoe
9-16-05
So, what about the idea of natural selection?
Are you talking about hurricane Catrina?
Um... Yeah, I'll go with that.
Fucking Moses and his stag parties with the angels always get way too wild and something like this always happens.
You know that the author is going straight to hell, right?
Yeah, like that's breaking news.

 

by freakmanjoe
9-18-05
So, you knew personalities from guys in history right? Did you know hitler?
Oh yeah, the guy was pretty cool. seemed a little on the queerbait side though.
But what about all the killing of the jews?
Yeah see the cross I'm hung on?!
Yes.
The jewish leaders decided my drug related epiphanies on money and raising sheep were a little too practical, had me climb up here and never let me back down. Fuckheads.

 

by freakmanjoe
9-24-05
So are you liberal?
If that means I like lesbian porn then hell yes.
Liberals hate the war and president bush along with it.
Oh yeah, that W guy. He's a fucktard, always asking me what to do.
Did you just say you liked lesbian porn
I HATE FUCKING TEXANS!

 

by freakmanjoe
10-06-05
Hey, aren't you that guy from the independent films i so enjoy?
My name's Hammer, what's yours?
My name's Tom. Where do you get such acting skills, you seem so frail, yet relentless in these films you do.
I like to hammer nails into my head and hang out near crazy people. anything that happens afterward is purely coincidental.
Oh...

 

It's Hammer time!
by freakmanjoe, 10-06-05

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