Dammit! The girls asking complicated questions. How the hell do I exaplin this one. Can't take the pressure any more...... feel... like.. I'm... going... to... explode...
So, I guess I should introduce myself... Well, my name is Jane. I don't actually look much like this - but I have ginger hair, a fringe and like to wear knee high socks.
Some things you should know about me: I try to be kind and patient, but really I'm neurotic and angry. I'll be nice to you until we get close - then I'm a bitch. Also, I'm really into music.
And If I can't tell what you're meant to be within 10 seconds of meeting you, then you're just not trying hard enough.
After a couple of hours Jesus is getting bored. He was expecting a big send off, or at least a couple of beers with his buddies.
BORED! I can't believe none of my mates have turned up to see me - tight bastards!
Suddenly, he spots a lone figure on the horizon. His spirits lift as he spots his best mate 'Comedy Dave'.
Ayyy, it's my main man, come to see me off! I'm sure he'll cheer me up.
Alright J, how's it HANGING?! Hehehe!! Well, you always were a bit of a PIN-UP! Ahhhahahaha!! "Always look on the bright side of life", eh? You having that one?! Hehehehe!!
After telling 'Comedy Dave' where to go, Jesus soon becomes bored once again. This is his moment of glory! Where are all the well-wishers and adoring fans?!
Twats, the lot of 'em! I swear, when I tell my Dad about this he's gonna be laying down some serious 'natural disasters'. That'll teach the lazy, ungrateful shits.
But what's this???
Oi! Police dude! Are you my comedy stripper? Underneath that uniform are you a buff blonde in a bikini? Wooop! Come on then - get yer tits out, get yer tits out, GET YER TITS OUT FOR THE LADS!
Sir, I can assure you, I am no such thing. I've come here to investigate reports of illegal chariot racing down that there hill.
Ooh-err!
Although... I've always been a fan of yours Mr Christ... If there was anything I could do to make your last few hours a bit more, errm, 'comfortable'... you know you only have to ask.
Right now I just don't care. Now show me how you work that truncheon, baby! Yeahhhh!
Oh hello there Jane - oh yes, Gabby's fine, just fine. Well, must be off - got a Parish meeting at Edna's. Lord have Mercy! Haha.
derr derr derrrrrrrr!
KIM! You're back!
That's right Jane. Back for good. I heard about Chris' brain tumour and decided to fly home. I'm going to pretend to be sorry for my evil crimes and hopefully he'll write me into his will. Hehehe!