All comics by hilaritynsuze

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by hilaritynsuze
4-22-08
Hi there, nice to meet you. I'm Suze.
Oh, hey. I'm hilarity.
And together, we are...
...
I hope he figures out that his line is "Hilarity 'n' Suze!"
I dunno, the lamest pun ever?

 

by hilaritynsuze
4-22-08
So, how'd you get a name like 'Hilarity,' anyway?
My parents were optimists. They hoped I'd have a fun personality.
"Were?" Are they dead?
No, they're just not optimists anymore. I cured them of that.
So what are they now? Pessimists?
Nope, professional psychics. Oh, and defendents in a class-action suit.

 

by hilaritynsuze
4-22-08
They're being sued? For what, bad predictions?
Brilliant deduction, Veronica Mars.
Hey, you don't have to be sarcastic.
Actually, I do. I've tried to avoid it, but I can't help myself.
Did you ever think of legally changing your name?
I'd love to, but I can't afford the court costs. Or whatever. Luckily, I can call myself whatever I want online.

 

by hilaritynsuze
4-22-08
So, you spend alot of time online, do you?
You bet! I like it way better than real life.
Well, I prefer real life, but I like the net, too. Wanna be on my flist?
I guess.
Okay, you join mine, and I'll join yours.
Sweet, now my blog's readership will increase 100%

 

by hilaritynsuze
4-22-08
So you've only gotten one person to read your blog before me?
Nope, I was counting myself. You'll be the first reader.
So... how long have you been doing this blog?
Pretty much every day for like five years now.
I wonder if I should be less outgoing...
...Well, you'd better get started, you've got a lot of reading to do.

 

by hilaritynsuze
4-25-08
Author's note: anime is not teh suck.
Hiya, Hilarity. I've just been watching some anime on Toonami Jetstream.
Anime is teh suck.
C'mon, what about "Naruto" and "One Piece"? Everyone likes ninjas and pirates.
Yeah, when they don't have ridiculous super powers.
Don't like super powers? Then I suppose you're not into graphic novels, either.
Well, I like Batman. He can beat any super-powered hero without powers of his own. Plus he's a dark, brooding loner, which I can relate to.

 

by hilaritynsuze
4-25-08
I like Batman for those reasons, too (except for relating to being a brooder, but I do like that about him). But it doesn't stop me from liking heroes with super powers, too.
You know, when we first met, I never would've guessed you were such a geek. That's kinda cool, even if we disagree on some points.
Uh, thanks. Speaking of which, surely you must like Star Wars?
Everyone likes Star Wars, not just geeks. But I'm geek enough to realize the prequels kind of suck.
Um, right. But my point is, aren't Jedi Knights really just samurai with ridiculous super powers?
And light sabers. And blasters. And starfighters. All cool. Plus, their super powers fall into the wuxia genre, so it's classic.

 

by hilaritynsuze
4-25-08
Ah, but samurai are Japanese, and wuxia is Chinese.
And knights are European. There's nothing wrong with blending ideas from different cultures.
Good point. So... how about Star Trek?
Sure, I like the original series, TNG, DS9. Everything after that is crap.
Are you looking forward to Star Trek XI?
With a certain degree of apprehension. Though it should be interesting to see Sylar as Spock.

 

by hilaritynsuze
4-25-08
Aha! So you watch "Heroes"!
*sigh* Yeah, okay. But it at least tries to be more realistic than most comic books. It's evolution. And there's all the conspiracy stuff...
There are comic books that treat super powers seriously, you know. But speaking of conspiracies, how about the new X-Files movie?
Is that actually coming out? Seems like they've been talking about it for years...
July 25. You don't read any entertainment magazines? Or websites?
Some. I'm not obsessive about it, so some things slip through the cracks. Anyway, I would've heard about it sometime before it came out. So what's it about?

 

by hilaritynsuze
4-25-08
Um... details are sketchy, but I think it's a stand-alone story, not terribly related to the mythology.
Well, that's a relief. Still, I'm hoping they make a mythology movie for 2012.
Assuming the world doesn't actually end that year.
Meh, the world doesn't end til December 21. Plenty of time before that for the movie to come out.
Shame to have the end happen right before Christmas.
Hey, if it happened on Boxing Day, no one would have much time to enjoy their presents, anyway.

 

by hilaritynsuze
4-25-08
Heh, yeah, right? Anyway, lots of good movies coming out this summer. Indy 4, Iron Man, Speed Racer, Get Smart, The Dark Knight, Hellboy II, etc.
I guess. I wanna see some of those. Not so much Hellboy or Speed Racer...
I know it's based on anime, but Speed has Christina Ricci. A dark brooding loner such as yourself must like her.
Yeah, sometimes. But... I just... *sigh*
I hope this flick doesn't ruin her for you.
Not if I don't see it, it won't.

 

by hilaritynsuze
4-25-08
Anyway. It's Friday night. I gotta get offline soon to watch Sci-Fi Channel.
Ah, Doctor Who and Battlestar Galactica. One is better than the original, the other is worse.
Yeah? So in your estimation, which is which?
I think I shall leave you in the dark for now. I like to be enigmatic sometimes.
He'll post about it in his blog I bet, so no need to worry. I'll find out soon enough. Not that his opinion will affect mine, anyway...
Muahahahaha! This is gonna drive her nuts... until I post the answer in my blog....

 

by hilaritynsuze
4-28-08
Ring!
Hello? Oh, hi. What? Oh, that's terrible... I'm so sorry for your loss. Yes, thanks for letting me know...
Well, that was the mother of my best friend growing up. Apparently he just died.
Oh, man, I'm sorry. Were you still close?
Actually, we hadn't spoken much in years. Except for a bit of business we had in common... We'd really grown apart.
Hmmm. So what happened to make you stop talking to each other?

 

by hilaritynsuze
4-28-08
Well, it goes back to the reason we were friends in the first place. And in a funny way, it also ties in to why we still had any contact at all.
Do tell.
See, we both had unusual names, so we thought we should stick together. The same sort of unusual names; we'd call them "adjective-based nouns. " Or simply... personality trait descriptions.
I guess those are good ways of describing "Hilarity."
Yeah. Actually, I should say our parents knew each other, so of course we first met through them.
Which reminds me, I was kind of wondering why... you know, your friend's mom wouldn't just call your mom, to pass the message on to you. Instead of calling you herself...

 

by hilaritynsuze
4-28-08
Yeah, I'm getting to that. For the moment, suffice to say, my friend's mom knew my parents and I aren't exactly on the best of terms right now.
Oh? How's that?
Remember when I said my parents were defendents in a class action suit, stemming from their inaccurate predictions as psychics?
Don't tell me...
Yep, I'm one of the plaintiffs. In fact my old friend and I were two of the first to get the whole ball rolling on the lawsuit.
So I guess that's the common business you were talking about...

 

by hilaritynsuze
4-28-08
Right you are. Well, some of their earliest predictions involved the naming of my friend and I. His parents trusted them to come up with a name for their kid...
Wait, are your friend's parents involved in the lawsuit, as well?
No, they kind of blame themselves for trusting psychics, anyway. Besides, they never took it that seriously. It was just a bit of fun, as far as they were concerned.
So they're still friends with your parents?
More or less. I don't think they're as close as they used to be, but they see each other now and then.
Okay. Anyway, you said this all related to why you and your friend weren't talking anymore?

 

by hilaritynsuze
4-28-08
Yes. As you have no doubt ascertained, I am not exactly a hilarious person.
Hey, don't sell yourself short.
What am I, a stock? I only sell long, anyway. Pa-dum-pum!
...On second thought...
Anyway, the point isn't that I'm not funny, it's that I'm often kind of gloomy. A pessimist. Very sort of Eeyore-ish...
Yeah, I get it. I take it your friend's name turned out to be equally inappropriate to his personality?

 

by hilaritynsuze
4-28-08
Exactly. You see, when he grew up, he became something of a sexist and a womanizer. Very uncouth.
So, naturally, you had no interest in hanging out with someone like that.
Right. You know, I'm not the most polite or sociable person, but I try not to be rude. I try to respect everyone equally. I may never get a date, but at least I don't disrespect women.
So... I guess that personality is the opposite of his name, hence the lawsuit. So what exactly is his name, anyway?
Was, you mean. His name... was "Chivalry."
Oh, right, sorry. Was. Because he... ugh! *facepalm* ...Chivalry is dead.

 

by hilaritynsuze
4-29-08
Speaking of death, I was recently contemplating suicide. For the 10,000th time.
I don't think that's fit subject matter for a comic strip.
*sigh* This is why I never open up to people.

 

by hilaritynsuze
5-01-08
Hey Hilarity, wanna go see Iron Man tomorrow night? He has no super powers, so he's kinda like Batman, right? That means you can't hate him, right?
Well, I can dislike his womanizing.
You know, sometimes I wonder... I mean, you basically seem like a nice guy, treat women with respect and all, but you never date...
Well, I do have social anxiety and depression, you know. Plus I'm kind of a geek.
Well, that makes things more difficult, I understand. But you're not that shy. I mean, you manage to talk to me alright...
I'm not shy. "Shy" people are just embarrassed by the thought of physical intimacy. I can talk to girls because I know I'm never going to have sex.

 

by hilaritynsuze
5-01-08
Hmmm, I never thought about it like that. But still... you don't know you're never going to have sex...
Well, I suppose you're right. if there's one thing I've learned from my parents, it's that nobody can predict the future. ...At least no one in my family...
Anyway, I guess you've answered what I was wondering about, even though I didn't get around to asking...
I suppose you were wondering if I was gay. I imagine alot of people wonder that.
So people have asked you that before?
I didn't say "I get that alot," I said "I imagine" that alot. Did I mention another of my psychological problems is paranoia?

 

by hilaritynsuze
5-01-08
Oh. Well... Sorry. Anyway, are you saying you don't want to go to the movie? It's not like it'd be a date, or anything...
Oh, I know. No one would ask me out on a date, I know that.
Oh, that's just another psychological hang-up. You're self-aware, so you should know it's not true.
Well, maybe. But I'm 32 years old, and no one's ever asked me out so far.
Holy crap, you're 32? You look so much younger!
Yeah, I get that alot. ...See how I didn't say "I imagine" this time?

 

by hilaritynsuze
5-01-08
...And I suppose you'd never ask anyone out, yourself.
Hell no. I suppose I'm backwards in that I don't want to date before falling in love, whereas most people fall in love after they start dating.
So, have you ever been in love?
Nope. That's another thing, people may call the one they love "one in a million" or "the only one for me," but in reality, there are probably lots of people they could love.
For me, there's probably not more than one in a billion girls who would be right for me. Seriously. Well, maybe one in 100 million, or something.
And for someone with social anxiety, who hardly talks to anyone, those odds are even worse than they would be for the average person.

 

by hilaritynsuze
5-01-08
So... about that movie? You keep dodging the question. In or out?
Eh, might as well, I can DVR my shows.
Yeah, I'm doing that, too. So, this should be fun. And then Saturday morning, I'm going to the comic shop. You do know it's Free Comic Book Day, right?
Yeah, I know. I suppose you want me to go with you to that, too?
Sure, why not? Just a couple of friends, hanging out, doing friend stuff...
Well, I guess that means I'll DVR my cartoons, as well. ...Anyway, I'll have to meet you there. Cuz I draw the line at slumber parties, buddy.

 

by hilaritynsuze
5-01-08
So, what cartoons do you watch on Saturday mornings?
Well, there's the Spectacular Spider-Man, for one...
A comic book hero with super powers? I'm shocked!
Hey, he got bitten by a radioactive spider. Unassailable scientific explanation for his powers.
Uh-huh. Say, I've been told I look like Gwen Stacy...
I can see that, I guess. ...But I'm an MJ man, myself, Tiger.

 

by hilaritynsuze
5-01-08
So, what say after the comic shop, we stop by either one of our places and watch DVR'd shows we've missed?
Sounds okay. But don't you have any other friends you want to hang out with?
Oh, sure, lots. But most of them aren't comic strip characters, so that's something you and I have in common.
Wow, you sure love breaking the fourth wall, don't you?
Actually, I think demolition in general is pretty neat. Muahahahaha!
Man, maybe the naysayers were right, and comic books do corrupt innocent young minds...

 

by hilaritynsuze
5-02-08
Doorbell rings.
Hey, watcha watchin'?
Oh, it was just on, I wasn't really watching. I think it was some financial planners or something, talking about helping people decide whether they can afford to go on a cruise.
Heh. The way I see it, anyone who can possibly afford a cruise probably isn't someone who ever really has to worry about money in the first place. So what's to decide?
I dunno, I often find myself struggling with a similar decision: Can I really afford to download an mp3 from Amazon right now?

 

by hilaritynsuze
5-06-08
Why do you look so distraught, my son?
Because I can't afford anti-depressants.
You shouldn't rely on such things. Rather, give your burden to God, and he'll give you the strength to deal with things. You'll become much happier.
Really? He'll cure my depression? My social anxiety? My paranoia? My et cetera?
Oh, absolutely! Why, I've counseled many people who were dealing with these issues. It must work, because after they try it out, I never see them again. Shame, but still...
Um... are you sure anyone has ever seen them again?

 

by hilaritynsuze
5-06-08
Why, what do you mean?
Well, you know... if they were suffering from depression and all that... maybe they, like, killed themselves, or something...
Nonsense! ...I mean, maybe if they didn't fully give themselves over to God's love and support...
Because... I've tried religion. Gave it a fair shake. It didn't help. Nothing against it, I'm just saying maybe it won't cure chemical imbalances, or psychological disorders, or anything...
All is within God's power. There is no rock so large he cannot lift it.
Can he create a rock so large he cannot lift it?

 

by hilaritynsuze
5-06-08
Ha ha ha, I've heard that paradox before.
And...?
And what?
Dude, it's not a rhetorical question.

 

by hilaritynsuze
5-06-08
Well, I can tell you this much: the chicken definitely came first, because God created it that way, ha ha ha. Seriously.
*sigh* Okay, let's forget philosophical jokes. The fact remains that I have real problems I have to deal with on a daily basis.
Okay. I take it one problem is money, since you said you can't afford anti-depressants. Do you have a job?
Yeah, but once I pay for necessities like rent, food, utilities, cable TV and internet, beer, I'm lucky if I have $10 or $20 spending money left each week. I can't even afford a car, let alone gas.
I'm sure some of the things you consider "necessities" really aren't. What if you gave up cable and the internet?
Dude, don't take this the wrong way, I mean I don't worship the internet or anything... but it'd still be sort of like asking you to give up God. Or, you know, a layperson to give up sex.

 

by hilaritynsuze
5-06-08
It's interesting that you equate the internet with sex...
Well, you know, I don't seek out porn, or anything...
Sure, but I know the internet: porn seeks you out.
True that. But I mostly ignore it, it doesn't really interest me.
That's good.
Yeah, if I was gonna look at porn, I'd much rather see it on TV...

 

by hilaritynsuze
5-06-08
You really shouldn't look at pornography in any medium. It degrades yourself, the "actors," and the act itself, which should only be done by two people who are in love and married.
I was just kidding. Sort of. I really don't like porn, because it reminds me I'm never going to have sex.
Abstinence is another good way to go.
But it implies a choice. I wouldn't want to have sex without being in love, but I can't even get a relationship started, because of my social anxiety. So... not really a choice for me, per se.
I have trouble believing your anxiety is that bad. You're talking to me alright. Or is the problem just with women? By the way, you're not...?
I'm not gay! ...But no, the problem is with anyone... I can't talk much unless it's a subject I'm comfortable with. Such as how much I hate myself and life in general.

 

by hilaritynsuze
5-06-08
Getting back to giving up the internet... I assume you find it easier to talk to people online than in real life?
Pretty near infinitely easier. I almost feel like a normal person online. Not quite, but almost. Much more comfortable...
I still think you'd do well to learn to interact with people in real life...
Yeah, I'd like to learn that, too. Right after I finish learning to speak Russian, play the cello, and do... particle physics... stuff....
Social interaction is much easier than those things.
No, it's much harder! And you're totally missing the point!

 

by hilaritynsuze
5-06-08
The point being, I suppose, that unlike those things you mentioned, it's not something that can be learned. Kind of like how you think God can't fix it.
Right. But dude, I'm not saying he can't, just that he won't. He's not a genie, he has his own plans.
And don't you think those plans might be a bit more important than your own?
Hey, I'm not interested in running the universe, I just want to get through the occasional day without thinking about killing myself.
Fair enough. Now, do you think you could get through the day without alcohol? It'd be healthier, plus save you money.
I get through plenty of days without alcohol. Even the occasional night. But to give it up entirely? I'm afraid I don't have the strength.

 

by hilaritynsuze
5-06-08
God could give you the strength, if you let him. It's okay if your own will power is insufficient to the task...
Dude, I have incredible will power. If I can't spare much of it to give up things like beer, it's just because it's mostly used up by the not killing myself.
These suicidal thoughts are not only sinful, but also unnecessary, my son. God loves you and wants you to be happy.
...
...WELL HE'S GOT A PRETTY FUCKING STRANGE WAY OF SHOWING IT!!!

 

by hilaritynsuze
5-06-08
Later...
OMG, I can't believe you got slapped by a priest! ...So what'd you do next?
I turned the other cheek.
I bet he found that amusing.
You'd think, but no. ...Actually, he slapped that one, too.
Well, you really shouldn't have sworn at him like that. Still, I wonder if he even appreciates the irony of his action.
The hell of it is, I ain't even Catholic...

 

by hilaritynsuze
5-14-08
Hilarity walks up, carrying a cup of tea...
Man, I am so feeling this chamomile right now.
Oh really?
Yeah, it seems to have considerably reduced my thoughts of suicide for the moment. I wonder if anyone's looked into using it as an antidepressant?
Dunno, but I'm glad to hear-
...and as quickly as he had appeared, he turned and left...
Well, that was random...

 

by hilaritynsuze
5-18-08
Why are all the comics mostly about you? Just because you have emotional problems or whatever... you're not the only important person...
Well, it's not because you're a girl, if that's what you're getting at.
I wasn't. I was just trying to get you to make another "breaking the fourth wall" comment.
I'm not sure anyone even knows what that means. Anyway, there has to be more to you than that.
Who can tell? My character hasn't been explored that much yet...
The series really isn't that old. You should have your turns now and again. Hmmm. Maybe I'll think of something pithy to say on the next page...

 

by hilaritynsuze
5-18-08
I've never been entirely clear on what "pithy" means, exactly.
Neither have I. But who cares? Words are our bitches, they can mean whatever we want them to.
Okay. I'd say something pithy now, but I'm tired of that line of dialog.
You know, the reason I don't like anime that much is because our author was trying to make me different from himself. But now I seem alot like him...
Why did you say that? Seems a non-sequitur.
I dunno, maybe because our author is drunk... He cares not for segue!

 

by hilaritynsuze
5-18-08
You're the one being all fourth wall breaky, now...
Are you as turned on as I am?
I dunno, how turned on are you, exactly?
Not at all. I'm never turned on. Ever. At all. Ever.
Well, I am sometimes. You know, not when talking with you, but... Anyway, I guess I'm equally as turned on as you right now, then.
Yeah. I hate sitcom cliches. And I hate our author when he's drunk...

 

by hilaritynsuze
5-18-08
I suppose your earlier point was that this comic is starting to become a way for our author to express his feelings with you as his proxy?
Pithy, proxy. Both start with P. I'm a friend of P.
...Someone should take away your mp3 player.
Maybe just take the p. Then it would be an m3 player.
M2 was cooler before it became MTV2.
Danae is my favorite character in the comic strip "Non Sequitur." Oh, before he hits "save" I should also say I love Jancee Dunn. What the hell ever happened to her, I don't watch the channel anymore?

 

by hilaritynsuze
5-18-08
Our author watches Subterranean. Sort of. You know, that 60-minute-long "120 Minutes" rip-off.
Shut up.
His beer starting to disagree with our author?
Maybe. He should go to bed.
The quality of the strip is starting to dissolve. If that's possible.
The hell does "dissolve" mean?

 

by hilaritynsuze
5-19-08
I wish I could go to bed. But we're both stuck here till he decides to quit for the night.
The hell are we even doing here together at this hour?
What?
The hell.
...He better hate himself in the morning for this.
Not to worry, he already hates himself 24/7.

 

by hilaritynsuze
5-19-08
I once experimented with bisexuality.
Really? Is that canon now that you said it?
Fuck if I know. Go to bed already, author!
Or, you know, not...

 

by hilaritynsuze
5-19-08
You do realize, he was thinking of having us say nothing at all in this strip.
Yeah. ...But time is immaterial, anyway.
He put that thought in your head because it's after 2am and he's conflicted about whether to go to bed or not.
But at least I'm pretty sure he's decided against having the last can of Natty Ice in the fridge...

 

by hilaritynsuze
5-19-08
Yep.
Yep.
Uh-huh.
...Did he have plans for where this was headed when he started out?
Maybe. But also he was dreadfully depressed.
Beer is a fickle mistress. But hey, she's the only action he's ever gonna get...

 

by hilaritynsuze
5-19-08
I really feel sorry for you. Being his comical proxy, you're just as virginal as he is.
And just as drunk. Mwa!
You remind me sort of of Pauly Shore.
Fuck you.
...I wonder when Avatar: The Last Airbender will ever come back on?
Wow, now we're both our author's proxies...

 

by hilaritynsuze
5-19-08
You know, I'm pretty sure I didn't. Experiment. That is. With the bisexuality.
Can the actual author of something write fanon?
Why the hell not?
No reason I know of.
"Of which I know."
That's it. When he starts resorting to dangling preposition correction, there's no denying it's time for bed...

 

by hilaritynsuze
5-22-08
Gah, you tricked me!
Hmmm, I guess you're right. But it's too late anyway, the strip is already done.
True, but if you add two negatives, you still get a negative.
Um... well, if you're against anime, and you dislike most comics, that's two negatives. Multiply two negatives, and you get a positive!
What part of "anime is teh suck" makes you think I'd be interested in manga?
Hey, I've got a fun idea! Let's do this strip right-to-left, manga style!

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