joft  

I am an atheistic anarchist who believes humans evolved from monkeys.

huh?... This is my native land, the tribe's chief outlawed anarchy a year ago because you people were roaming around eating from our garbage cans

I am here in the woods to climb trees and eat poisonous plants in an attempt to evolve into a more complex being

there's a spider on your head

I can kill you because you're weaker than me

Didn't you learn anything about spiders from playing Duke Nukem 2?