All comics by lennier

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by lennier
11-14-03
I'm not stupid.
I'm big boned.

 

by lennier
11-14-03
Only agree to an alcohol test if you haven't been drinking.
And only agree if the officer involved isnt trying to pass off his penis as a breathalyzer.

 

by lennier
11-14-03
Mmm. Moving.
Drinking beer on your own porch... Nothing quite like it.
especially while you watch termites eat off the railing and your water heater belch and spew 50 gallons of rusty hot water all over your nice white carpet.

 

by lennier
11-14-03
I got an email about "Dirty Strippers!"
Awesome! My wife got one about penis enlargement.
I also got one about "Lactating Lasses."
i could bust her walls apart with my enormous pole! If only I opened that email! Why am I passing up such fantastic opportunities?!

 

by lennier
11-14-03
You likes to impress all the girlies.
Oh yah!
That studly astronomy knowledge just knocks 'em out.
I learned that, and I was able to stop using chloroform.

 

by lennier
11-14-03
By the power of Greyskull!
I... Have...
A BONER!

 

by lennier
11-16-03
I never was any good at handling office politics. I got conned into taking the minutes at the dean's meeting today.
I went to photocopy them, and the bitch before me managed to fuck up the copier.
I got to show off my Mad Copier Skillz by fixing the paper jam with a pair of tweezers.
You needed tweezers?

 

by lennier
11-16-03
Mad Scientist fashion tip #80923/B
Remember kids:
a teflon coated miniskirt is not appropriate apparel for handling strong acids.

 

by lennier
11-16-03
Hey rabbai, I have a question for you.
Go ahead, child.
A guy i'm dating told me that semen was kosher. I think he's trying to pull a fast one. Is it actually kosher?
Only if it's gathered during ritual slaughter.

 

by lennier
11-16-03
The problem, you see, with America, is stupidity.
Now i'm not saying that there should be a capital punishment for stupidity...
...but why don't we just take the warning labels off everything, and let the problem solve itself?

 

by lennier
11-17-03
Can we go over to your house to watch Harry Potter? Our tv is too small.
I always have to squint to look at it.
You always have to squint! You're Chinese!

 

by lennier
11-18-03
need to strengthen my hands. I can't open this olive jar.
Well, you're a woman now. Get used to not being able to do things a man can do.
!!$#
So, I should just throw it at your head to open it then?

 

by lennier
11-18-03
My keyboard is so full of crap, I should clean it out.
later that day...
I guess I shouldn't have put it in the washing machine.
It's probably "Dry Clean Only."

 

by lennier
11-22-03
Fuck! A low of 35 tomorrow!
Fuck! I need to buy some diskettes!
Fuck! I HATE P-chem!
Fuck! I'm working Saturday, Sunday and Thanksgiving!
Fuck! My shirt has a hole in it.

 

by lennier
11-25-03
I went to a Chinese resturant today.
My fortune cookie said, "Success comes from perserverance, and hard work."
On the back of my fortune, were lottery numbers.

 

by lennier
11-25-03
so i was lying in my bed and my DUAL ATHLON 2GHZ SERVER was keeping me awake with its 5 SUPER HIGH THROUGHPUT FANS so i went downstairs...
and played a SPECIAL SUPER BETA VERSION OF QUAKE 3 (FOR WHICH I AM A BETA TESTER) on my PLEXIGLASS-COVERED TRANSPARENT TOWER WITH FIVE INTEL PENTIUM 4'S RUNNING A CUSTOMIZED VERSION OF LINUX.
So I didn't get much sleep last night.
Wow. I only got laid last night.

 

by lennier
11-26-03
You can say what you want about Ronald Regan, but i'm convinced he was smarter than George W. Bush
hmm.
He probably still is.

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