All comics by poison

 

by poison
6-13-02
It's from Debbie, she says she can't forget Johnny...
Poor bastard, they've been going out for 20 years now...
It's no use, I can't live without her...
No, no, it say's "don't forget the johnies..."

 

by poison
6-16-02
AS THE MARS PROBE SURVEYS THE LANDSCAPE, BEAMING THESE INCREDIBLE PICTURES LIVE BACK TO EARTH...
...WE CAN SEE FOR THE FIRST TIME THE BARREN, INHOSPITABLE CONDITIONS, SURELY INCAPABLE OF SUSTAINING LIFE...
...ER, WE SEEM TO BE GETTING SOME INTERFERENCE HERE, ERM, NOW BRINGING YOU BACK LIVE TO THE BIG BROTHER HOUSE...

 

by poison
6-16-02
The government is spying on me, I know it...they've got agents inside the TV...
ok, I'll see if I can see him through the back of this one while you check the front...
he's clearly mad as a chimney, there's no way there's electricity in a cave...?
right you are...

 

by poison
6-17-02
HEAVEN, LATE AFTERNOON...
Oh man, I feel like a pig shat in my head... how long have I been asleep? what time is it?
All I remember is there was loads of water left over after the flood, and that no good son of mine went and turned it all into Kestrel Super Strength...
Who's been running things? did I miss the apocalypse?
Hey guy, chill, it's not a problem...

 

by poison
6-17-02
Got to hand it to Satan, he's got the Earth primed for Armageddon... now, just a click of the fingers and I can get back to bed...
hang on a second, was that right hand, forefinger, thumb, or right hand, thumb, forefinger...?
Do you realise you just created another universe and 6 million new lifeforms?
Oh fuck, not again...

 

by poison
6-17-02
Hey, Satan, would you mind just, like, checking all the life was removed from the universe...? I'd do it myself, just I'm a bit cunted, like...
Well, yeah OK, but I want some souls for this, good ones too, none of those Royals you fobbed me off with last month... weren't worth the gin they were soaked in...
Hey Death, you get all that life cleared out of the universe?
You kiddin me? 's more than my job's worth mate. And anyway, I couldn't possibly do 'em before next Tuesday...
...not with the assessors comin' round on Friday, and there's only a bladdy plague over in Alpha Centauri...

 

by poison
6-17-02
Listen mate... you get all the life cleared out by tomorrow, or you're a dead man.
What kind of an empty threat is that?
I'm DEATH! I'm the non-living, non-breathing personification of 'dead'. There is nothing you can do that would make me more dead.
Well, I'll have your pointy stick then... I bet you like your pointy stick...
No, not my stick, I love my stick...

 

by poison
6-17-02
THE NEXT DAY...
Well, did you get all the life cleared out of the universe, LIKE YOU PROMISED?
Um, pretty much, yeah...
What do you mean, 'pretty much'?
Well, I kept a few back, just for my own amusement you understand, I hope God won't mind...
Oh, fuck no, everyone needs a hobby.
Groovy.

 

by poison
6-21-02
Back in Heaven...
That's all the life got rid of then?
Well, you know what nature's like, there's always some lifeform popping up out of nowhere...
What? Nature? I thought it was only me that could do that?
Hey, you just got to fart and there's a dozen new dimensions all teeming with life...
Oh, um, I er... I think I've shit myself.
Oh for the love of... I'll call Death...

 

by poison
3-23-03
Hey Mr Bush, I appreciate you, like, comin' out here to talk to us...
...but, like, don't you think it would be worthwhile trying some diplomacy, y'know, if it'll like, save some lives, yeah?
I have banana.

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