All comics by revolve

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by revolve
8-26-03
Hey there, whatcha reading?
Oh, nothing much. Just a book on performing voodoo magic.
Uh..
Oh. Did I say "voodoo"? I meant calculus.
Right. I'm gonna go over here now.
Hey, want to see me perform an equation to raise the dead?

 

by revolve
8-26-03
Hey, do we have some of those...things? You know, with the pointy end. You hit them?
Nails?
A short time later
Roofing accident. Don't ask.
What the hell were you doing, hammering nails with your forehead?
Yes.
Y'know, I REALLY need some new friends...

 

by revolve
8-26-03
Bean interviews new friends....with horrible results.
So, why do you think you'd make a good friend?
Because man, you've got to keep it cool man....REAAL COOL.
A short time later.
So..uh, why would you make a good friend?
d00d i 4m t3h l33t h4x0r d00d!!1!!one!11!
Even later...
So why...Damnit Mitten, you're ALREADY my friend.
No I'm not. See my trashcan? That means I'm new!

 

by revolve
8-26-03
So Bean, I was going over the budget and I've realized we have enough money for ninja cabbages, so I added them to this list.
What the....Ninja Cabbages? Budget? What the hell are you talking about?
Don't play coy with me, you know what I'm talking about.
Ok, here's a few things you might not of realized. One: Cabbages CAN'T be ninjas. Two, we don't HAVE a budget. And three, your list there is a blank piece of paper that only says "FREE MUMIA" on it.
Well, I was thinking that we could hire the ninja cabbages with our budget, and free Mumia with them.
Oh Lord, please forgive me for what I am about to do...

 

by revolve
8-26-03
It's Fan Mail Answerin' Time!
Ok, Steve from Musconi asks, "What about them big squid in the ocean?"
Wha...?
...
Oh dear God, we've found someone DUMBER than Mitten.
That's a damn good question.
Well, I was wrong. Mitten is still king of the idiots.

 

by revolve
8-26-03
I just drank a gallon of bleach. Is that good or bad?
Damnit, must you always be this stupid?
Well, you see, the reason I'm this way is to satisfy our reader's interest in my wild antics, not by my own personal judgment. If it were up to me, I would prefer a role in a Shakespearean play.
Wow...That was the most profound thing you've ever said, Mitten. Perhaps you are intelligent, after all.
So I just drank a gallon of bleach. Is that good or bad?
Of course, I've been wrong before.

 

by revolve
8-27-03
Hey, did you know that mice have four paws, but they can't play a jazz solo?
What the...
...?
Grr...
You're trying to kill me with your brain again, aren't you?
One day it will work...

 

by revolve
8-27-03
Bean and Mitten go on vacation to a spot of Mitten's choice.
So, Mitten, this is your idea of a vacation spot?
Oh yeah, it's perfect! Nice weather, pretty girls...What's not to like?
Hmm, well let's see...
I'd like to see you give me one reason why this is a bad spot to vacation.
Oh, here's one. How about the fact that we're IN HELL?!
Hmm...Well yeah, that COULD pose a problem...

 

by revolve
8-27-03
Alright! "Kung-Fu Grasshopper Ninja Hippies From East Texas" is on!
This week's episode of "Kung-Fu Grasshopper Ninja Hippies From East Texas" will be pre-empted, for this message from the president.
Oh no! Damn you, President!
My fellow Americans, our nation is...*bzzt*
..And this is why Mitten shouldn't be left alone to watch TV.
Holy shit, the President is a robot! I hope Cyborg Dinosaur Abe Lincoln can defeat him, armed only with Febreze!
We are having technical difficulties. Please stand by.

 

by revolve
8-27-03
One fine day...
...so that's why I'm never allowed to leave the house without my pants securely fastened on anymore.
Hah, yeah, that's pretty good, but I've got a couple of questions to ask you...
Ok, shoot.
Who the hell are you, and why are you in my house?
Uh...this is MY house...err...from...uh...the future! Yeah, I'm from the future!
...You're not too good at the whole "thinking quickly" aspect of life, are you?

 

by revolve
8-27-03
Hey, Mitten, look what I found!
Ooh, is it an interdimensional portal to the mystical land of Narnia?
...
...
God, why won't you die already?
So should I pack my bags for a trip to Narnia?

 

by revolve
8-27-03
And now, Storytime with Mitten
Once upon a time, in the mystical land of Narnia, reigned a hippie. And he wasn't any ordinary hippie, no sir. He was a NINJA hippie!
He also was a magician, and he fought dragons and zombies and lizards and Rob Reiner. He was very powerful, but also he had a wife, who was secretly a cyborg from the future sent to kill him.
So he fought off his cyborg wife with the help of mecha-zombie Gary Coleman, and peace reigned for all time until the sequal in which the zombie ninja Abraham Lincoln showed up to kick ass!
...if I was a living being, I would seriously be contemplating suicide right now.

 

by revolve
8-28-03
Hey Bean, guess what I just did!
Please God, don't let him say anything involving airplane glue and any part of his anatomy...
I glued my nostrils shut! Isn't that cool?
....That's it, I'm going to kill him now..
Well, I'm going over here now to look at shiny things. Bye!
That's right....keep walking....

 

by revolve
8-28-03
Ok so one time I was walking home and I saw this robot, and he was like "hey dude" and I was like "sup" and he was like "nothing much" and then I was like LOOK OUT A SECRET MONKEY!!
..."And so the robot was like "Oh No!" and the secret monkey was like "Muwahaha!"
Oh No!
Muwahaha!
So yeah where did I leave my shoes?
To all of our dear readers: I apologize for Mitten's horrendous idiocy. And Mitten, I'm going to nail you to the bed so you can't leave the house anymore.

 

by revolve
8-28-03
HOLY CRAP I'M NAILED TO A BOARD ON THE MOON!
...
Well, I think using Jesus to promote xmike.com is like winning a raffle ticket to Hell.
I Love www.xmike.com

 

by revolve
8-28-03
#&#^* #&*%#$ (%^^!!!
Hey Charles, what's wrong? Anything I can help with?
This damn computer crashed again. And no, I doubt you can help Mitten, seeing as how you need thirty-five minutes to tie your shoelaces.
...You know, my doggy likes cheese.
...The irony is, if I killed him, I'D be the one arrested.
He also likes to play fetch!

 

by revolve
8-29-03
Hmm...You know, if I ever won the lottery, I would give half of it to charity, and invest the other half. What would you do, Mitten?
Hmm..well, I haven't given it much thought...But if I won the lottery....
...I'd buy a monkey....AND GOLD PLATE THE SUCKA!
Mitten, your brain is calling you. It says it doesn't miss you, it's doing fine on it's own.
Ask him if he can send me some money for bail. I accidentally kind of burned down three acres of a state park the other day...

 

by revolve
8-30-03
Hey Mitten, have you seen my....uh...Mitten?
Oh, sweet sorrow! How you strike at my heart with furious vengance! How lost I feel inside, without you by my side!
Hey Mitten, have you seen my....uh...Mitten?
Oh, sweet sorrow! How you strike at my heart with furious vengance! How lost I feel inside, without you by my side!
Hey Mitten, have you seen my....uh...Mitten?
Oh, sweet sorrow! How you strike at my heart with furious vengance! How lost I feel inside, without you by my side!

 

by revolve
8-30-03
Hey, Cthulhu, what's up witchu, homes??
'Sup G, I just be chizzillin like a fizzieweezie up in hurr.
Oh fa sho playa, I hurr ya. I'm 'bout to bust outta hurr and mack on some of dem fly honiez, yo. Wanna help me peep tha scene?
Aight yo, lemme get some pantz on first, I can't be goin out lookin like a straight busta.
Seriously, that's what happened. I'm not joking.
Shut up and die already.

 

by revolve
8-30-03
You know Bean, you're my best friend. Why, I would take a bullet for you.
Well, that's great Mitten, but I wouldn't take a bullet for you. In fact, I would GIVE a bullet to you.
Not even in the leg?
No. You're not getting it. I'm trying to say, I'd shoo...
What about in the...
No. I said I would SHOOT you, not SAVE you.

 

by revolve
8-31-03
This Comic Brought to You By Those Crackheads Known as Revolve and Djskitzo
Y'know, I was thinking....
Oh dear God, no....
If muffins are made from wheat, then why doesn't the sparrow like my muffins?
Because that wasn't a muffin, you dolt. That was a rock. Oh, and that wasn't a sparrow, that was a car windshield.
So that explains why I got my ass kicked by that Frenchman then.
Shut up you whore!

 

by revolve
9-01-03
I'm going to become a pirate!
That's nice, Mitten. Is this like the time you said you were going to become a caterpillar, too?
Some Time Later...
Yarr matey, I be a pirate of the seven seas! KEEL-HAUL AND SWAP THE POOP DECKS!....Hehe, I said poop...
So, you want to play "Whose Got The Bigger Sword", eh Mitten?
Hey, that's not a sword, that's an axe! You're cheating!
Axe, sword...No difference, I can hurt you badly with either one.

 

by revolve
9-01-03
And now, a story by Mitten
Ok so like there were these two robots, Bill and Frank, and they were nice, but they also hated CHEEEESE!
So anyway, one day Bill and Frank were walking when suddenly, they had a discussion!
Hey, Frank, if society is merely the consequences of interaction with others in a controlled enviroment, then why is it so hard to change society's outlook upon things that are "new" and "foreign"?
I don't know, Bill. Perhaps it is an innate tendancy to find a standard, and stick with it, no matter what new innovations arise.
And then they got turned into scrap metal and died. The End!
God damnit, why don't you ever SHUT THE HELL UP?!?!?!?

 

by revolve
9-01-03
HA JEEZY IS ON A SPACESHIP!
Shut up you whore!
OMG NOW THEY'RE IN THE DESERT
...
Dude, who are you talking to?
OMG HOW STRANGE?!?!?!?!
SHUT UP YOU WHORE!!!!
Ok, I can tell SOMEONE's crabby...

 

by revolve
9-02-03
And now, the ultimate showdown: Pirate Mitten versus Grand Funk Napoleon Superstar
Yarr matey, I be swabbin the poop-decks with ye, matey!
Yo foo, you bes' be steppin 'fo I buss caps in yo cracka-ass cracka ass.
Yarr, I fear ye not, I am a scurvy sea dog! Yarr, I will keel-haul ye!
Sucka, don't make me smack yo ass around like my ho Loquinita, cuz I'll make you my white-bread cracka man-bitch, foo.
Some time later
...Um...so are we supposed to fight now or what?
I don't know, I think we're supposed to act stereotypical a bit more, until we offend the African-American and Pirate-American population.

 

by revolve
9-03-03
You know, Bean...I really love robots!
I don't. There is no point to robots, at least not at the current stage of technology.
HELLO MITTEN I AM ROBOT JESUS. I WILL SET YOU ON FIRE NOW.
What the....on fi....AHHH!!! AHH IT BURNS IT BURNS!
AHHH! BEAN, HELP ME!!!
Y'know, I think I love robots now, Mitten.

 

by revolve
9-03-03
Hey Bean, what's up?
Nothing much Mitten. You know, quite a few people like us and our wacky adventures.
...
...
Why?
You got me there, buddy.

 

by revolve
9-03-03
Mitten has decided to live life "To the extreme!"
Wait, so let me get this right...You're going to take everything "To the extreme!"?
That's right, Bean. I'm tired of being boring old Mitten. From now on, call me King Pongo, Lord of the Extreme!
So, you're going to re-shingle the roof, oh lord of awesomeness?
Extremeness. And yes, but it won't be simple reshingling. Oh, it will be reshingling, TO THE EXTREME!
Some time later
Ahh, I see you've suffered a major head wound, oh duke of coolness.
Not just any head wound. A head wound, TO THE EXTREME.........Can you take me to the hospital now?

 

by revolve
9-04-03
Moo
Moo
Mooooooooo
Mooooooooooo Mooo Moooooo
I can't be funny all the time, now can I?
Mooooooooo Moooo Mooooo Moo
Moooooooooo

 

by revolve
9-09-03
Hey Mitten, I was reading in here that-
YOU KNOW I BE ROCKIN ICE!
...
...
And you wonder why I try to leave the house as much as possible.
I thought it was because of the fact that I put a dead fish under your mattress.

 

by revolve
9-10-03
Hey Mitten, do you want to get a pizza?
Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger
Err....Mitten?
Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger
*%#^ it, I'm going by myself.
Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger MUSHROOM! Mushroom Mushroom Mushroom Mushroom Mushroom...

 

by revolve
9-19-03
Hey, what's up Gabe?
Uh..nothing much?
I found a beetle in my sock drawer today. Man it was ODD!!!
Wow, awesome. Really.
I ate it, you know.
Do I even KNOW you?

 

by revolve
9-22-03
Hey Charles, what's up?
LOL NOT 2 MUCH? WHATS ^ W/ U?
Whaa...?
ROFL A/S/L?
DAMN YOU INTERNET SPEAK!
LOLOLOL Y HELO THAR!?!11?!one!?!?1

 

by revolve
9-24-03
Wow, I found my birth certificate!
Wow, you were born? I could have sworn some twisted mad scientist invented you to destroy human intellect, wherever you went.
Well, probably. But ahh, my childhood was great.
Mine was also great. Actually, my life was excellent, until I moved in with you.
Shall I tell you of the story of my life?
Actually I'd prefer you didn't. But you will anyway...

 

by revolve
9-24-03
Life was excellent, even though the town we lived in was impoverished...In fact, we were so poor, we couldn't afford vowels in our town's name.
Wow, this surely is the life of kings. Well, King of the Mole People at least.
Woah man, nice trash can! Is that the new ES-Z model?
...
...
Yes, life was excellent in Zzqjkby
So...
Hey man, wanna buy some dirt?

 

by revolve
9-24-03
Yes, life in Zzqjkby was great. We even had religious figures visit from time to time
Hey, it's Jeezy! How's it going?
SHUT UP YOU WHORE!
Hey man, that's not really that nice.
I'm sorry. FALL DOWN A WELL AND SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST, WHORE!
That's better...Hey waitaminute....
Sorry. I have Tourettes. EAT A BABY SEAL WITH A SIDE OF FRIES, WHORE!

 

by revolve
9-24-03
However, life was not all peaches and tuna cans...For you see, I had some...problems...
Please forgive me, oh friend of mine
*whistling
Err...uhh....
Hey dog, whats up man? Why you got a knife?
Err...well....uh...you see...HEY LOOK A BUNNY!
We aren't ALL as stupid as you, Mitten

 

by revolve
9-24-03
Of course, they don't take too kindly to attempted murder...
For your attempted murder of our belioved citizen, I banish you from Zzqjkby
Crap. Where will I go now?
So I walked and walked and walked...until.....
Hey, who are yoiu?
Hail citizen! I am the Ninja Cigarette! Perhaps thou whilst join me in my quest for glory and honor?
And after many successful missions with the Ninja Cigarette, I ended up here. The end!
God, I actually feel DUMBER for listening to you.

 

by revolve
9-26-03
Well Folks, this is the end. No more Bean and Mitten
Since there's really no demand, nor fans, of us, our creator decided to stop producing Bean and Mitten Comics
Yes, it's a shame really. Some people thought we were pretty witty.
Yes, well, you don't just make comics for "a few people", you make them for the masses.
You're absolutely right, Mitten.
To those who actually read these: Thank you.
Well it's been fun, and hey, maybe we might come back.
Don't hold your breath though.

 

by revolve
10-02-03
This comic requires A Japanese charset to be viewed correctly.
Hmm...Oh man I am so lost
??????? ?????? (Hello, How are you?)
Oh hey, can you direct me to Yokohama Square?
????, ???????????????????????? ?????. (I'm sorry, I don't speak english well. Can you repeat?
Stupid yammering foreigners
???yammering ??? (Stupid Yammering Foreigners)

 

by revolve
10-04-03
Hey, Mack, what's up?
Woah, holy crap! It's Mitten! Man I thought you were just a comic strip character.
I am. But only in GLORIFIED PANTS!
Woah..You truely ARE as stupid as I thought.
I like to eat stuff I find on the bottom of my shoes.
God I hope this works...

 

by revolve
10-07-03
That looks like quite a painful wound, Mitten
Yeah. Oh man, it's gonna scar too.
Hmm..Well, you know chicks dig scars...
Oh yeah? Well chicks also dig monkeys, and you don't see me planting a monkey tree, do you?
Wha...a monk....tr....uhh....Damnit Mitten, shut up and die.
Yeah, I thought so! Now where do we keep the anti-scarring stuff. You know, that "Hydrochloric Acid" or whatever it was you offered me.

 

by revolve
11-15-03
BEAN! BEAN! I GOT THE BEST IDEA!
Oh goodie. Another brain-paralyzing idea
I'm going to become a superhero by the name of "Super Butter Dog!"
...
What?
What the hell is wrong with you? Seriously, were you not hugged enough as a child?

 

by revolve
12-21-03
And that's why my pants are green!
...
...
...
Bean? You ali-..
Shut the fuck up. Just, shut up and die.

 

by revolve
12-21-03
Mitten can't make it to today's strip!
And why is that, little robot Billy?
Um...well....don't hurt me...um..
.....Uh, just tell me why Mitten can't make it to this strip.
I pushed him down a flight of stairs...
THERE IS A GOD, AND HE IS GREAT!!

 

by revolve
12-21-03
You know, I've been thinking...
Mitten's mom has got it going on!
Why thanks, sweetie. You're hot yourself!
....ew?

 

by revolve
1-26-04
...And that's how I know that two plus two is Thomas Jefferson.
...
...
*evil smile*
...Are you going to eat my brain?
I prefer food with more mass then that.

 

by revolve
1-27-04
Today's letter is from Pat McRoch, of Milodanglers, IL
Ooh, we have a letter from a...uh...I can't pronounce this name
Well, spell it out, Mitten.
Uhh..Mo...Moha....Mohaqu...
Oh let me see that letter..
I don't know what it says, I don't speak Latin.
You retard, the guy's name is Pat!

 

by revolve
1-27-04
I want you all to meet someone close to me...My Mexican cousin, Lopez!
'EY HOMES, WHATSUP WITCHU, ESSA?!
Hey Lopez, how are you?
I CUTCHU, VATO. I CUTCHU DEEP, MANG.
Oh Lopez, you're so wacky!

 

by revolve
1-27-04
Mitten decides to watch a little boob tube.
"Now folks, baiting a hook is perhaps the hardest part of fishing. But I have an expertise in this field"
"I am a self-proclaimed master of baiting fish hooks. In fact, you might call me a Master Baiter"
Hehe, he said "fish"
"Wait..master bai...Oh **** you guys, I'm quitting!"

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