All comics by scatmaster

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by scatmaster
3-03-04
Ice Cream Man vs. East Indian: Part 1
ICE CREAM ICE CREAM
Yes please sir I would like that flavor in blueberry. The Rocket Pop.
... ... ... ...um, the Rocket Pops don't come in blueberry. We actually don't carry blueberry at all. We never have.
SIR I WOULD LIKE IT IN BLUEBERRY MY COUSIN CAME IN YESTERDAY AND SAID YOU RAN OUT OF ROCKET POPS AND WERE SUBSTITUTING BLUEBERRY
GOD DAMNIT
I WANT RAINCHECK ON BLUEBERRY

 

by scatmaster
3-03-04
Ice Cream Man vs. East Indian: Part 2
ICE CREAM ICE CR- ...oh shit.
Hello I was in here the other day and got a raincheck on an item and I would like to pick it up.
uh, this flavor is discontinued... Wait, this is from Baskin Robbins, and it's from LAST YEAR.
So you have it?
Look, sir...
I WILL BE OVER HERE WHILE YOU FIND IT

 

by scatmaster
3-03-04
Ice Cream Man vs. East Indian: Part 3
Sir, I'm sorry, but we do not accept competitor's coupons.
I was in here yesterday my cousin said that you honored it where is your manager
Sir, I'm sorry, but we cannot accept this coupon, it's just a photocopy of an expired Ben & Jerry's coupon, and it says that it's only good at Kroger.
I SHOP HERE ALL THE TIME AND YOU HAVE HONORED COMPETITOR'S COUPONS BEFORE WHAT IS THE NUMBER TO YOUR CORPORATE OFFICE
We don't have a corporate office... OH FINE WHATEVER JUST DO IT
I also have this coupon I drew while you were talking

 

by scatmaster
3-07-04
A Demographic of sorts.
Sir, that was some mighty fine customer service. Why, I used to be president of a major company, and if I still worked there, I'd have you be supervisor in customer service!
I (TIC) REVIEWED THAT CAMERA ON MY WEBSITE (TIC) THAT AS OF 1/19/2004 CONTAINS 4187 FILES WITH (TIC) 2981 PHOTOS AND 8209 HYPERLINKED PAGES OF (TIC) INFORMATION.
Thanks for pandering to my astoundingly fat ass. By the way, I have here a little invention that sells for $20, and I can get them for you for only $5! It's amazing, don't you think?
I KNOW YOU'RE HELPING A CUSTOMER BUT I AM GOING TO STAND BEHIND YOU WHILE MAKING SIGHING NOISES AND DRUM MY FINGERS AND WHEN I GET YOUR ATTENTION I PLAN ON WASTING EVERY FUCKING MINUTE I CAN.
I AM WHEEZING THROUGH MY TRAECHEOTOMY AND COUGHING SO THAT YOU CAN SEE INTO MY THROAT IN AN EFFORT TO FRIGHTEN YOUR INNER CHILD.
I SEE IT IS WORKING.

 

by scatmaster
4-18-04
Worst gay couple ever
I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I wonder if you can use the uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh cards? Digital cards. Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh camera cards in this to print uh-uh-uh-uh-uh print photos
I'M WITH HIM. ARE THESE FREE? I'M WITH HIM. THESE CATALOGUES ARE FREE, RIGHT? I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE. I'M WITH HIM.
Uh, can we pay with uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh an estate check?
MY DAD IS AN ACCOUNTANT. I THOUGHT I'D SEND THIS CATALOGUE TO HIM. HE LIVES IN DUBLIN, OHIO.
Ten minutes later...
JESUS CHRIST
Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh it's an estate check.

 

by scatmaster
9-30-04
Revenge of East Indian Man
What the hell was I doing? ...oh yeah, nothing.
HELLO DO YOU HAVE FREE PHONE FOR ME?!!!
...the hell?
DO YOU HAVE REBATE PHONE FOR ME THAT IS FREE?
true story. All I could think of was, "What?"
...uh, no?
OKAY THANK YOU (leaves)

 

by scatmaster
10-25-04
9:06am
DO YOU HAVE PINNACLE
no, sorry.
10:47am
Don't you guys carry Pinnacle?
NO.
11:22am
DO YOU CARRY THIS SOFTWARE YOU HAVE PROBABLY NEVER HEARD OF IT IS CALLED PINNACLE IT IS FOR MAKING-
NO GODDAMNIT WE DON'T SUPPORT YOUR AMATURE PORN ENDEAVORS

 

by scatmaster
10-25-04
Phone calls pt 1
DO YOU HAVE THE NUMBER FOR DAZZLE? D..A..Z..Z..L..E..? THE CARD READER? DAZZLE? FOR CAMERA CARDS?
Okay, here are two numbers... Ready? Good. 1-800-
HOND ON A SECOND. 1... 8... 0...0...
555-4545
Continue for five minutes or until ears bleed.
WAIT 55..WHAT?
1... 8... 0... 0...

 

by scatmaster
10-25-04
Phone calls pt 2
HELLO MAY I HAVE THE NUMBER FOR DAZZLE? D... A... Z... Z... L... E...? FOR DIGITAL CARDS?
Sir, did you call about ten minutes ago? Because I gave you both the numbers I had.
YES I MISSPLACED THEM
You missplaced them in ten minutes?
YES.
WHY ME?

 

by scatmaster
7-17-07
Do you like catfish?

 

by scatmaster
7-18-07
The first two noises happened in quick succession
*door slams open*
AAAAAAAHHHHHH
*pause*
UUUUUUHHHHHHH *flush*
*ZZZZZIIPP* AAAAAAAAAHHHHH
*door slams open*

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