CC 241: Drosophilove by kaufman 4-21-04

I have the pleasure of presenting to you the most tragic love story ever written - one so tragic, it makes Romeo and Juliet look like the Three Stooges. You're cute. Want to have dinner with me? Sure, let's do it tomorrow. Being mayflies as they were, they were both long dead before tomorrow came.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC 241: Is Love Worth the Wrist? by MikeyG 4-21-04

Are you ready for another round of lovemaking, my dear?  :)  Aaaah, left hand, I've never met anyone like you before. I hope we can be together forever.  :)  *FAP FAP FAP FAP* *CRACK!*

CC 241: Is Love Worth the Wrist? 2 by MikeyG 4-21-04

Aaaaah! Noooo! I think I broke my left wrist! x x Speak to me, Left Hand! Don't die on me! NOOOOOOOOOOOO! I'm going to have to look for an actual girlfriend now. If I was a righty this wouldn't be a problem.

CC 241: Is Love Worth the Wrist? 3 by MikeyG 4-21-04

Well, here's a pretty girl in the park. I've got nothing to lose. Hi there! I'm Mike, I was just noticing you. Hi, Mike. I'm Rachael. What happened to your wrist? Uh...nothing. I really just want to wrap your face in Saran Wrap and take a shit on it while you give me a reach-around. You've got Tourette's Syndrome, right?

CC 241: Is Love Worth the Wrist? 4 by MikeyG 4-21-04

Uh, no, I was just going straight to the point. I thought chicks liked forwardness and honesty. You were serious? Look, I like to be punched in the twat and called a "Filthy Cumwhore", but that Saran Wrap thing is just too much. Good DAY, sir. Man, I'm no good at this. I'll give it another shot with that blonde over there. How would you like to drink a Roofies cocktail and let me perform a Chicken Soup enema on you?

CC 241: Is Love Worth the Wrist? 5 by MikeyG 4-21-04

I was just wondering if you'd mind duct taping your tits together and letting me run a belt sander over your labia. You sicko! Duct tape? That's so fucking tacky! The next one has GOT to work! Would you mind if I shaved your head, flushed your face down the toilet while I attach diodes to my nuts, zap them, piss on your back, and snort coke off the back of your bald head? You've got coke? Let's go.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

CC 241: Into the depths of an Infatuated mind...(1) by NooniePuuBunny 4-21-04

Oh how I long for someone to love... ...someone caring, who would talk with me, and who is sweet and kind and gentle, a good personality... ...on second thought...I just wanna get laid...

CC 241: Into the depths of an Infatuated mind...(2) by NooniePuuBunny 4-21-04

There is sweet Michael... Oh how he sparkles among the others... He is such an understanding person... and he CHANGES... if there is any flaw in him, it slowly but surely dissappears... This must be what really attracts me to him... ...or it could just be his tight ass...

CC 241: Into the depths of an Infatuated mind...(3) by NooniePuuBunny 4-21-04

Then there's T... Now there's an interesting specimen... Despite all of the dumb things he says and does, he has a certain glow about him... ...and a really nice bulge too...

CC 241: Into the depths of an Infatuated mind...(4) by NooniePuuBunny 4-21-04

Raymond... now he's a colorful guy... He has a kind of psychotic flair about him... And his love of sharp pointy objects and the macob really piques my interest... ...hell...I'd be happy if he decided to show me his knife, if ya know what I mean...

CC 241: Into the depths of an Infatuated mind...(5) by NooniePuuBunny 4-21-04

*sigh* How long will I torture myself like this? I know I cant have any of them... Oh...how I wish that someone would rid me of this awful feeling.... Dude! Your nipples are poking out! Gah! You little slug!!! Don't sneak up on me like that! (fin) Geez... I'm sorry... I really wasn't thinking... uhm...how bout coming with me for a coffee or something to make it up to you... ...such a gentleman... and cute too... skip the coffee, how bout coming to my place?

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I will rate you hard, and unendingly.

CC 241: The Princess Brine I by umfumdisi 4-19-04

ONCE upon a time in a land not so very far away, there lived a young boy named Michael Carmichael. Now Michael was not as pretty as the other boys in the land. He didn't have long, black, curly hair like them. He couldn't dance or sing like the rest of them. Thanks a lot, narrator. And since he didn't fit in with the crowd, he was shunned. Already being treated for shun-o-phobia, Michael decided to stay in his room forever with his only true love... My comic books!

CC 241: The Princess Brine II by umfumdisi 4-19-04

Ah, yes, comic books. Young Michael read them all...The Fantastic Four, Archie & Jughead, Mickey Mouse, Spiderman, Superman, and even Richie Rich! "It's better than being shunned," he thought. Michael read each series voraciously. He took no time to look at advertisements. He wanted action, suspense, and laughs. Oh, Heathcliff, you are one sassy cat! But the events of one day would change his life forever... Hey, Mom, just put the new comics on my bed. I'll be down for dinner soon. Thanks. Son, you better put down Mr. Magoo, I have some bad news...

CC 241: The Princess Brine III by umfumdisi 4-19-04

Michael, I don't know how to tell you this, but Mr. Hooper died. The comic book store had to be shut down and the inventory liquidated to pay for his funeral services. Mikey? So you...DIDN'T...get me any comics? I'm sorry, son. The auction was two days ago, and I just didn't know What will I do? I can't go out there and face all those pretty bastards!

CC 241: The Princess Brine IV by umfumdisi 4-19-04

And as the long winter set in, so did a coldness unto Michael's heart. He tried to cope with the horrible news. He spent days alphabetizing and categorizing his comic books... Then there's Professor X, The Punisher, and Q-Bert. After that, he spent months memorizing his comic books... Then, in DC #361, Jimmy Olsen turns into a HUMAN ATOM BOMB! Finally, there was nothing left to do but read each comic cover to cover--including the ads! Wow, I never knew there were Hostess Fruit Pie smuggling rings.

CC 241: The Princess Brine V by umfumdisi 4-19-04

At last Spring came, and all the pretty boys with their hair danced around and sang ditties about the rebirth of nature. "I like big butts, and I can not lie; you other brothers can't deny... that when a girl walks by with an itty-bitty waist and a round thing in your face, you get sprung!" Yet Michael Carmichael remained in his room. At least he had moved his desk in front of the window on the other side of the room. And as he turned yet another page in yet another comic, the sunshine of spring illuminated an ad he had not fully noticed before... IMAGINE having a whole tumbling, happy circus of live, scampering Sea-Monkeys®!

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Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years

CC 241: The Princess Brine VI by umfumdisi 4-19-04

Watching them "clown around" while they scoot and play provides an endless source of FUN and LAUGHS for you and your entire FAMILY!. Best of ALL, we will show you how to utterly astonish your friends by making your Sea-Monkeys® appear to do tricks and stunts at YOUR COMMAND! We ship your Sea-Monkeys® with a No-Risk FULL MONEY-BACK GUARANTEE that even includes your postage. Fill out the Coupon below and make room for a bowlfull of happiness in your home - Amazing Live SEA-MONKEYS®. Of course, Michael could only hope that this amazing offer was still valid. Well, they do have the MONEY-BACK GUARANTEE. And these SEA-MONKEYS® sound awesome. What could go wrong?

CC 241: The Princess Brine VII by umfumdisi 4-21-04

Six-to-Eight Weeks Later... *Knife, Knife* -- Crap, I mean -- *Knock, Knock, Knock* Hi, I'm Butch from SKiDS. I have a package here for Michael Carmichael. SKiDS? Yeah, Serial Killer Delivery Service. Sign here, please. No problem, and here's a big fat tip to help you forget our address.

CC 241: The Princess Brine VIII by umfumdisi 4-21-04

My package is finally here! Now to get started on those Sea Monkeys®! Step 1: Boil 12 ounces of water and let cool. Pour cooled water into provided aquarium. Empty "Water Purifier" packet into aquarium. Step 1 (cont'd): Stir until dissolved. Put aquarium in well-lit area and leave for 24 to 30 hours??? 24-to-30 Hours Later... Step 2: Now pour "Instant Live Eggs" packet into aquarium. Stir gently for one minute. Eggs will begin to hatch instantly! Hell...I don't see ANYTHING.

CC 241: The Princess Brine IX by umfumdisi 4-21-04

The Next Day... Hey, Ernie, you ever get the feeling we're being watched? Very much so...especially when I'm pleasuring myself. Holy Neptune, that Sea Monkey® is spanking his monkey! The ones at the bottom don't seem as active. I betchya two pints Arsenal will take arse 'n' all in the UEFA this year. You're on, MacFly. Chelsea's gonna bring it, Y'ARGH!

CC 241: The Princess Brine X by umfumdisi 4-21-04

The Day After That One... Good news, Mikey. Mr. Limbaugh over at Discount Drugs is selling comics over-the-counter. I bought you a few dozen. My true love...returns? I'm overcome. And so Michael Carmichael's next few days are spent gloriously thumbing through the latest comics, but it seems as though he has forgotten something... Magneto, you bagnificent mastard ! ...Feeding and Aeration! Hell and abomination, this happens every time. I believe you owe me two pints.

This series turned out much longer and less funny than I anticipated.
Still, I look forward to some crabby criticism.

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Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years

(checking to see if I can post)

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Batman created by Bob Kane

My Girlfriend Died-51 by dcomposed 4-21-04

Who the hell are you?

My Girlfriend Died-52 by dcomposed 4-21-04

I'm dcom. No dcom doesn't have a face.

My Girlfriend Died-53 by dcomposed 4-21-04

I do now, my buddy Jesus healed me in my unexplained absense from stripcreator. Just like he'll heal me after I step off this land mine. I'm gonna get some marshmallows while I'm waiting.

My Girlfriend Died-54 by dcomposed 4-21-04

So where's this Jesus guy? AHA! It's me, Jesus! You've been dead for 2000 years and you still can't think of anything original to say? Shut up!

My Girlfriend Died-55 by dcomposed 4-21-04

So you gonna heal dcom? What is he, my boss?

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Batman created by Bob Kane

My Girlfriend Died-56 by dcomposed 4-21-04

Come on, just do it or the series is gonna have to end. Well the series is called "My Girlfriend Died", and when dcom died so did his right hand. So the series is over. That's enough of that.

My Girlfriend Died-57 by dcomposed 4-21-04

I never said he was my best buddy.

My Girlfriend Died-58 by dcomposed 4-21-04

Where were we? I don't know, lemme check your comics. Will dcom blow up? Will Glaze steal dcom's girl? Will the girl die like the title says she did? Will Dan ever find his mom? All these answers and more, on the next episode of My Girlfriend Died! Same Bat-Time. Same Bat-Channel. Just as I'd suspected, about a million cliffhangers to be concluded in three panels.

My Girlfriend Died-59 by dcomposed 4-21-04

So you wanna take it one quandary at a time? No, you're experienced at completing things quickly (I heard from your girlfriend), you can do it in one comic. Yes, but then the series wouldn't be as long.

My Girlfriend Died-60 by dcomposed 4-21-04

Come on man, I've got places to be. Where? Shut up!