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ivytheplant
Obsessive Comic Disorder

Member Rated:

Categories of Annoying Customers: The Blind by ivytheplant
11-30-04
How much is this?
Well, if you didn't see the 97¢ price listed on the giant sign above the merchandise...
...or you missed the 97¢ price painstakingly placed on each peg hook...
...you might notice that each piece of merchandise is labelled 97¢ on the package itself!

Heard Over The PA Wednesday Evening by ivytheplant
11-30-04
o/^ Zoning, zoning, over the open sea... o/^
Attention customers, if there is a Hugh Jass shopping in the store with us, you have a call on line one!
...
Hugh Jass, you have a call on line one! Thank you!
It's a shame no one ever asks for Prince Albert in a can anymore.
I don't get it.

They Don't Call 'Em "Supercenters" For Nothing by ivytheplant
11-30-04
o/^ Zoning, zoning, over the open sea... o/^
Guess what!? HBA just got in some vibrating massagers shaped like cats!
I didn't know Wal-Mart was branching into adult retail.
...
Nevermind.
I don't get it.

But Was It Conceived There? by ivytheplant
11-30-04
In the women's restroom...
I think my water just broke.
Um...
The contractions are still a bit far apart, but I think I can make it to the hospital.
Please do.
Of course, I spend all my time at Wal-Mart so I might as well have the baby here!
I can hold it.

Categories of Annoying Customers: The Creepy by ivytheplant
11-30-04
Do ya's gots any massagin' oil?
I don't think so...
I need lots of lube! Fast!
Pharmacy department. Ew.
Whipped cream, chocolate syrup, D batteries, and a goldfish.
ARGH!

11-30-04 11:04pm (new)
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ivytheplant
Obsessive Comic Disorder

Member Rated:

The Real Reason For The Season by ivytheplant
12-23-04
Are you ready to go?
Yeah! I got these two things for my daughter for Christmas, but then I found this blanket with angels on it. She loves angels. I think I have just enough. I hope.
That will be $23.13.
Oh. Oh dear. I'm a few dollars short. *sigh* Well, I guess take the blanket back.
Here, this should cover it.
Oh! Bless you! You're my Christmas angel!

The Dark Side Beckons by ivytheplant
12-23-04
So you're the new girl, eh?
Yes.
How wonderful!
Why are you looking at me like that?
Dream sequence...
If you're gonna clean the floor properly, you need to stick your tongue in alcohol, THEN the bleach before scrubbing!
This is what I get for being an Art major.

December 23 In The Garden Center by ivytheplant
12-23-04
Okay! Lets get everything condensed so we can fit the Valentine's Day merchandise in here!
Um...
But isn't it--
Shush! Don't say anything!
Why not?
Because you're too green to be able to handle the answer. Here's a hint: It involves getting ready for Easter.

For The 80th Time... by ivytheplant
12-23-04
Do you have gift tags?
No. We ran out a while ago.
Oh dear, what shall I do?
We still have holiday themed printer labels.
Oh no, that just won't do. Are you sure you don't have any more gift tags?
I know this is a hard concept, but have you considered taping a piece of paper to the gift?

For The 80th Time...Again by ivytheplant
12-23-04
Do you have gift tags?
No. We ran out a while ago.
How can you not have gift tags?
My guess is they've all been sold.
You're supposed to carry everything I could ever want!
Sir, all stores are different. While we carry guns and condoms, we do NOT carry porn, beer, or gift tags. Suck it up.

12-23-04 7:45pm (new)
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boinky33
I'm with stupid ^

Member Rated:

Man what a super duper series of comics. I wish I had responsibilities so I could make comics about them.

And are you going to make 80 of those 80th times comics?

12-23-04 7:49pm (new)
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ivytheplant
Obsessive Comic Disorder

Member Rated:

For The 80th Time...And Again by ivytheplant
12-23-04
Do you have gift tags?
No. We ran out a while ago.
You're kidding.
Yes.
Huh...

For The 80th Time...And Yet Again by ivytheplant
12-23-04
Do you have any Christmas cards?
I'm sorry, were all out.
Oh.
Phew!
What about gift tags?
GAH!

For The 80th Time...And Still They Come by ivytheplant
12-23-04
What's that sign on your shirt say? "We're out of gift tags."
Yup.
That reminds me, I need gift tags.
Hang on, I hear the phone.
Okay.
It's for you. Your brain is running away to the Yukon until you stop being a dumbass.

Movies DO Emulate Real Life by ivytheplant
12-23-04
So, how was your day today?
Oh, just the usual. Mindless bodies driven by a single desire to consume the flesh of the living in order to satisfy some insatiable desire.
So, typical day at Wal-Mart, then?
What are you talking about? It's all over the news. Dawn of the dead. Zombie infestation wiping out the human race.
My mistake.
S'alright. Easy one to make. Gotta go load the shotguns.

12-23-04 8:05pm (new)
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ivytheplant
Obsessive Comic Disorder

Member Rated:

The First Time, It's Funny... by ivytheplant
12-24-04
Excuse me, where is your wrapping paper?
Right behind you.
Oh, ha ha. I was right in front of it!
Heh. Yes, yes you were.
Thanks!
o/^ Zoning, zoning, over the open sea...o/^

The Second Time, It's Lame... by ivytheplant
12-24-04
Excuse me, where is your wrapping paper?
Right behind you.
Oh, ha ha. I was right in front of it!
*sigh* Yes, yes you were.
Thanks!
Dumbass.

The Third Time, It'll Kill You... by ivytheplant
12-24-04
Excuse me, where is your wrapping paper?
You don't see it anywhere?
No.
Turn around.
Oh, ha ha. I was right in front of it!
Actually, I just wanted easier access to shove this acrylic angel tree topper up your arse. Dumbass.

12-24-04 8:23pm (new)
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ivytheplant
Obsessive Comic Disorder

Member Rated:

Work Ethic by ivytheplant
1-14-05
o/^ Zoning, zoning, over the open sea...o/^
Hey Ivy, when do you get off?
Every chance I get.
No...I mean...
I stand by my answer.
Gotcha.

1980 Something by ivytheplant
1-14-05
What's going on?
We're throwing books in the trash compactor.
Give me a raise or I'll tell a literary advocate group.
If you want them, you're more than welcome to climb in the compactor and get 'em. I'll even push...I mean, watch.

The Wal-Mart Radio Network: For Family by ivytheplant
1-14-05
o/^ "I'm a girl watcher!" o/^
Don't you just love the Wal-Mart Radio Network?
Not really. It's bland.
o/^ "Yeah I'm a girl watcher!" o/^
They play inoffensive music that everyone can enjoy!
Isn't this song about stalking women?
o/^ "My my my!" o/^
If you just did something with your makeup, I'm sure you'd fit in better.
So you admit that you support serial rapists?

Most Surreal Page Ever by ivytheplant
1-14-05
o/^ "Zonging, zoning, over the open sea!" o/^
Attention Associates! Could I get Bob to Grocery for a lobster unlock?
  !  
I need Bob to Grocery for a lobster unlock! Thank you.
Fantasy Sequence...
Yar! I be needin' tah unlock ye, lobster scum!
You'll never catch me, copper!

1-14-05 8:59am (new)
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ivytheplant
Obsessive Comic Disorder

Member Rated:

Ivy The Not-A-Team-Player vs Flair Boy! by ivytheplant
1-18-05
What the hell are you doing?
I am putting my Wal-Mart flair on my vest!
Why do you need all that crap anyway?
I'm showing my Wal-Mart spirit, of course!
So, can you deflect arrows, or what?
Yes I can, Miss Smartypants!

Ivy The Not-A-Team-Player vs Flair Boy! 2 by ivytheplant
1-18-05
You know that guy in Office Space...
Yes, I have seen Office Space and it is a very funny movie!
I was just wondering...
I know, I know. You're teasing me, trying to make me look like that guy in the movie, but it won't work, missy!
The Wal-Mart Spirit is strong in this one...
I must go too my post now! Give me a W!

Ivy The Not-A-Team-Player vs Flair Boy! 3 by ivytheplant
1-18-05
So I heard you got into a little tussle with Tyler.
Who?
The cashier with all the flair.
Oh yeah. "Flair Boy." What a freak.
You might want to be careful who you say that too. There are more of them and they outnumber you.
What are they gonna do? Throw a SlimFast button at me?

Ivy The Not-A-Team-Player vs Flair Boy! 4 by ivytheplant
1-18-05
You have been mocking me behind my back.
I do that to everyone who look and/or act stupid.
I am not being stupid! I'm showing true Wal-Mart spirit!
What's the difference?
I find your lack of faith disturbing.
You're right, I shouldn't be so mean. Let's go out to lunch. I know this great place in the junkyard...

Ivy The Not-A-Team-Player vs Flair Boy! 5 by ivytheplant
1-18-05
Yo Flair Boy! Now I can deflect arrows too!
"Pagan and proud," "I see dumb people," Good kitty gone bad!?" That isn't Wal-Mart approved flair!
Actually it's neither approved nor disapproved. Wal-Mart only strongly encourages the use of their own flair.
Does that say "Ninja monkeys are meeting as we speak, plotting my demise!?"
Yes. Yes it does.
AAAIIIEEE!! My Wal-Mart approved flair has been defeated by your cleverly sarcastic non-team playing flair!

1-18-05 12:44pm (new)
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ivytheplant
Obsessive Comic Disorder

Member Rated:

Who Are You? by ivytheplant
1-31-05
o/^ "...Pick up my guitar and play/Just like yesterday/Then I'll get on my knees and pray/We don't get fooled again!..." o/^
Hi, I'm Jorge, your new Store Manager.
Ivy, Garden Center Extrordinaire.
o/^ "Meet the new boss/Same as the old boss..." o/^

Doing My Part by ivytheplant
1-31-05
Oh look, new graffiti. "I'm hot 4 Ur body"?
Those goddamned kids! I'm gonna have to teach them a lesson! *scribbles*
Later...
What the hell is this? "Ur is an ancient Mesopotamian city, not a pronoun contraction. The proper way is to say "you are" or "you're." Learn to spell you little fuckheads! - The Grammar Demon"

1-31-05 8:31am (new)
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ivytheplant
Obsessive Comic Disorder

Member Rated:

Following A Lesser Crowd by ivytheplant
2-07-05
Got a spare roll of printer labels I can borrow?
Sure. It's in my cart, underneath the charcoal.
I thought we weren't supposed to be using carts anymore to transport freight.
Well I wasn't going to use the carts, but then everyone else started using them again so I did too.
If everyone jumped off a bridge, would you?
Yeah, but I would use a different bridge. Cause I'm a rebel.

Inflation by ivytheplant
2-07-05
Ma'am, the label on the shelf says this Easter basket is $76.00.
If the label description matches the description on the basket, then it's the right price.
Well, it seems a bit expensive, but I guess I'll get it.
I assure you, we are striving to lower our prices.
Aren't you going to tell her that label is actually the price for an entire case of baskets?
Are you kidding? I've been waiting all day for that to happen!

My Day At Work (Illustrated By Songs Played Today On The PA) by ivytheplant
2-07-05
1. "Get a Job"
I tried. Look what happened.
Do you have any Egg McMuffins?
2. "I Can't Get No (Satisfaction)"
*sob!*
Boy do I hate seeing a sexually frustrated, underpaid, grown plant cry.
3. "You Don't Own Me"
o/^ "I'm young and I love to be young! I'm free and I love to be free! To live my life the way I want! To say and do whatever I please!" o/^
Ivy, I'd like to see you in the manager's office.

You Break It, We Buy It (What I've Been Dying To Say) by ivytheplant
2-07-05
Ma'am, I'm sorry, but I broke this Valentine's candle. I'll pay for it.
Nah, we don't make you pay for it. We just beat the sweatshop children for making an inferior product.
I think I'll go now.
Have a nice day!

You Break It, We Buy It (What Actually Happened) by ivytheplant
2-07-05
Ma'am, I'm sorry, but I broke this Valentine's candle. I'll pay for it.
Don't worry about it. Actually, you just saved me the trouble. I've been dying to know what it feels like.*
Actually, that's why I opened the jar.
*perk*
*Gooey gel glitter candle with hard blobs of wax shaped like hearts. Looks like Entrail Jam
*poke*
Ewwww! Coooool!

2-07-05 9:11pm (new)
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ivytheplant
Obsessive Comic Disorder

Member Rated:

Things I Shouldn't Tell You by ivytheplant
2-08-05
1. Few cameras actually work. The security calls mean nothing. Merely a simple deterrent. Mostly they cover entrances and registers.
*looks around shiftily*
 ?? 
2. Placing stuff in bags and/or carrying a receipt (no matter how old) with you out the door is an easy way to liberate stuff.
*pulls a store bag from pocket*
!
3. Blue and green vests mean we don't care. Red and burgundy tend to squeal. No-vests (managerks) will incinerate you on the spot.
*steals stuff left and right*
Just as long as he doesn't leave me empty packages (and therefore lots of paperwork), I'll let him go.

The Logic of Corporate Retail by ivytheplant
2-08-05
October...
Take all the merchandise out of the PDQ trays. It saves room in the long run.
'k.
November - January...
o/^ "Stockin' tha floor! Stockin' tha floor!" o/^
February...
What the hell are you doing!? We need the merchandise in the PDQ trays whenever possible!
Of course.

Gonna Get My Ass Fired For Mouthing Off 1 by ivytheplant
2-08-05
Ivy, we have a code 1412 Level 3! I need you all up front to help check!
But if everyone's up front checking, then who will help the customers?
Um...
If I was shopping here and there was no one to help me get some expensive item off the shelf, I would just walk out and go to a competitor.
Look, could you just--
This may come as a shock, but people who work here occasionally go shopping. Quite often in other stores. We know shoddy service when we see it.

Gonna Get My Ass Fired For Mouthing Off 2 by ivytheplant
2-08-05
I need you up there NOW. When a Level 3 is called, you have to go up no matter what!
Fine, fine, but I need to finish what I'm doing.
When I said "now," I really mean now!
So, then should I leave hazardous materials and debris all over the floors, or what?
I give up...
Look, if you want to cause an accident, that's up to you, but don't blame me when some kid breaks their neck.

Gonna Get My Ass Fired For Mouthing Off 3 by ivytheplant
2-08-05
Ivy! Where are you?
I'm inside this Box Fort.
Yes, your Box Fort is the epitome of coolness, but why are you in there?
I'm hiding from Barb, in case she's mad at me for not going up front to check. I feel safe in here.
Well, if you have a moment, I need help moving some shelving.
Sure. Though suddenly my illusion of safety is making me bold. I must confess...I'm madly in love with you!

[Click to view comic: 'Gonna Get My Ass Fired For Mouthing Off 4']

2-08-05 9:10pm (new)
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ivytheplant
Obsessive Comic Disorder

Member Rated:

That Pesky Other Shoe Meets The Grand Canyon by ivytheplant
2-10-05
Look, I really don't mind working for Wal-Mart. It's not the best job in the world, but it's also not the worst. People think that my soul is in jeopardy, but that's hardly the case.
(After all, I don't work at a payday loan place). Though there are a few things about Wal-Mart that bother me. Not all that nonsense about the Wal-Mart "culture" and "family." That's easy to ignore.
Even the management doesn't really bother me, for I know that all over the world, there are asshole managers who wouldn't know good business practices if it chomped them on the butt.
What really bothers me is that we have to use our employee discount card every time we buy something, even a pack of gum or even when we won't get a discount.
Since the card has a magnetic strip and is tied into the home computer, this leads me to believe they are tracking all my purchases.
Which means I'm going to have to find someplace else to buy my supplies for the Doomsday Device. And that sucks, cause Wal-Mart really does have the lowest prices on interocitors.

Kaufman, You Magnificent Bastard by ivytheplant
2-11-05
"Oh boowite! It's twue! It's twue!"
*snerk* HAHAHAHA!
Later...
Ivy, you've been giggling all day. Share the joke!
Okay, but it's an inside joke so you won't get it.
Young lady, stop laughing right now! Wal-Mart doesn't approve of off-color jokes!
Then I've got a great one for you about a fellow from Nantucket.

And The Non-Sequitur Of The Day Award Goes To... by ivytheplant
2-22-05
So, looks like we have nothing to do for a couple hours.
That's because our awesomeness is so great we finished it all early. I'm going to make a mess and then clean it up.
How can people be against stem cell research? I just can't understand them!
...
It's not like we're pulling two year-olds off the playground and saying "Sorry, kid, we need your stem cells!" Fucking morons!
I love you...

The Few, The Proud, The Sane Managers by ivytheplant
2-22-05
Hey, how goes the fun in toys?
Well, I'm getting there. That's about it.
"Attention associates! I have a 1412 Level One! I need all floor associates and members of management to the front to help check!"
Oy vey.
God damnit! This is why I can never get any fucking thing done! I spend all day on one little fucking project they told me to do...
...And I can't even finish it because they keep calling a fucking bogus Level one! Well screw 'em! I'm not going!
Amen. Over my dead body, etc etc. By the way, did I tell you that I love you?

3-01-05 3:37pm (new)
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ivytheplant
Obsessive Comic Disorder

Member Rated:

Meet The New Boss 1 by ivytheplant
2-26-05
We need efficiency! I'm whipping this lazy store into shape!
Yes sir!
Before I forget, tell all the employees they can't use shopping carts to move their freight. Those are for customers only.
So, what should I tell them when they ask what should be used?
They'll have to either carry boxes one by one from the pallet to the shelf or use one of five rocket carts that seem never to be available.
Of course.

Meet The New Boss 2 by ivytheplant
2-26-05
We need efficiency! I'm whipping this lazy store into shape!
Yes sir!
Before I forget, find a few employees who can babysit my son during their shift on Saturday.
Okay...

Meet The New Boss 3 by ivytheplant
2-26-05
Give me that thingie.
Look, kid, I need this to do my job. The one your dad is paying me to do.
Dad said I'm the store manager today. Give it here.
Goddamnit.
I've just been bested by a child.
Now you know how I felt when you took my equipment from me this morning. Excuse me while I go laugh at your misery.

Meet The New Boss 4 by ivytheplant
2-26-05
Hey, it's starting to look like a garden center in here!
Um, thanks?
Did I just hear him right?
Yup, it's "starting" to look like a garden center.
I guess all those plants we've been carrying all year were just a hobby.
Sure fooled me.

Meet The New Boss 5 by ivytheplant
2-26-05
The garden center is going to start getting really busy now. Hire two more people and transfer the ICS manager to garden.
Yes sir! Overcoverage during slow shifts is a good thing, sir!
Oh yeah, get rid of everyone in the furniture department. Tell the nerds in electronics they're responsible for it now.
Can nerds repeatedly lift 70 lbs?

3-01-05 3:38pm (new)
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ivytheplant
Obsessive Comic Disorder

Member Rated:

Meet Our Greeters 1 by ivytheplant
3-01-05
This is Daniel.
*creepy stare that's almost, but not quite ogling*
  ?  
He's a short, Spanish kid with some interesting ideas about himself.
*creepier smile that's almost, but not quite betraying kinky sex thoughts, accentuated by cheesy mustache*
  !  
Really interesting.
I am really a Transsylvanian warlock. I hab amassing powerss.
Note to self: Avoid this exit.

Meet Our Greeters 2 by ivytheplant
3-01-05
This is [name forgotten].
Hello! *waves*
She's a redhead with a lazy eye.
Sigh.
Who has a reaction time worse than a startled quadriplegic.
Hello!

Meet Our Greeters 3 by ivytheplant
3-01-05
This is Marilyn
Morning!
Good morning!
She hates the cold and loves Wal-Mart with all her being.
Afternoon!
Have a nice day!
I have worked almost every shift and have not once seen her leave.
Middle of...the...night?
Welcome to Wal-Mart!

Meet Our Greeters 4 by ivytheplant
3-01-05
More about Marilyn.
Hey, I just need a couple carts.
Do you want to learn sign language?
She likes to talk. A lot. She can ramble on about anything.
Well, I--
Take this paper and learn. This means "hello." Did you hear about that dead body they found in New York?
But is unable to form coherent transitions.
I need to--
I'm really looking forward to summer. It's too cold. You should put on a jacket. Wasps are bad.

Meet Our Greeters 5 by ivytheplant
3-01-05
This is the Door Nazi.
Great, I just HAD to leave this exit.
You must prove yourself worthy to pass!
She takes everything way too seriously.
Look, I just have a box of Kleenex.
Empty all your bags you thieving scum!
Thankfully, there's more than one exit.
Happy now? Let me go you psychotic bitch!
You didn't swipe your discount card! You did not save! Go back and do it right or I'll eat your children's children's children's children!

3-01-05 4:13pm (new)
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fuzzyman
Alpha Geek

Member Rated:

Sweet.

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

3-03-05 9:49am (new)
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ivytheplant
Obsessive Comic Disorder

Member Rated:

Whoa, you mean someone is actually reading these?

And on that note...

New Coworker, More Problems 1 by ivytheplant
3-04-05
Is it me, or is the Garden Center a lot more peaceful today than the past week?
It does seem that way, despite the inventory going on.
I wonder what's different?
Well, the boss is here so that's not it.
I got it: it's Keith's day off.
So that's why I was productive today!

New Coworker, More Problems 2 by ivytheplant
3-04-05
8AM:
Uhoh, I can feel my productivity slipping...
Hey, Kaaat. Do ya need any help or somethin'?
11AM:
Finally, I have a project to keep me plenty busy until lunch. As long as no one bothers me...
Hey, Kaaat. Ya look like you need some help there. Let me move these boxes over here for ya.
1PM:
Just one more hour til lunch. Please let me have some peace and quiet...
Hey, Kaaat. What'cha doin'? Kat? Kat?? Hey Kat?

New Coworker, More Problems 3 by ivytheplant
3-04-05
Almost done with this project and I can reward myself with a break. Woohoo!
Hey, Kaaat. Ya look like ya need some help there.
GAH! No! I don't need help! I'm fine, okay! Go find something else to do. Lord knows we have plenty!
Hey Kaaat, I'm gonna go put these on the endcap for ya, okay?
No! They don't go there! Stop moving things! And stop saying my name! You're corrupting it's elegant simplicity and making me be annoyed of my own name!
Hey Kaaat, I think we can fit those pots over there so I'm gonna go move them there, okay Kat?

New Coworker, More Problems 4 by ivytheplant
3-04-05
If there is a god, He will keep me hidden.
What are you doing under that box?
I'm hiding from Keith. He keeps taking over all my projects and doing them all wrong so I get in trouble and have to do them over again.
Speak for yourself. He just ruined a whole day's work for me too.
"Hey, Kaaat..."
For the love of Anything! Just kill him, please!?
Normally I'd say "What's in it for me?" but this will be a pleasure.

New Coworker, More Problems 5 by ivytheplant
3-04-05
Jorge doesn't like me. That's why he demoted me from manager. But that's okay, I like the work here and don't mind staying, right Kat?
NNNOOOO!!!!!
Well, back to work. Hey, Kaaat, looks like ya need help moving those boxes, there.
!$^&*@#?@#&*#@!!
If you truly are a benevolent ruler, you will incinerate that obnoxious clod on the spot.
Let me go ask what Mr. Sam would do and I'll get back to you.

3-04-05 2:02pm (new)
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Scyess
Official Traveling Menstrual

Member Rated:


I always read these... some of the best on the site. So good, in fact, that nothing I write here will augment them in any way, so I keep quiet.

---
"Old" is the old new.

3-04-05 4:35pm (new)
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fuzzyman
Alpha Geek

Member Rated:

Pardon the intrusion.

Ode to Ivy by fuzzyman
3-04-05
Another stupid day in the Wal-Mart garden center. Please let me get through this day with no wierdos.
RRAARR!!! TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU NOW!
Cornholees are in Notions, aisle five.
OH, SORRY. THANKS.
Freak.
Excuse me, do you think this sprinkler head would fit up my ass?

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

3-04-05 8:19pm (new)
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ivytheplant
Obsessive Comic Disorder

Member Rated:

Intrusion pardoned, of course. Mucho funny!

Life In The Garden Center: The Nemesis 1 by ivytheplant
3-04-05
Simple clerks shouldn't have a nemesis.
o/^ "Zonging, zonging, over the open sea..." o/^
There's nothing I do (at work) that should possibly make me such a target.
o/^ "Something something la da da dee dee..." o/^
And yet, one exists...
So, you gonna help me or what?
GAH!

Life In The Garden Center: The Nemesis 2 by ivytheplant
3-05-05
I wish you had seeds out in January.
Actually we did. Middle of January. That rack right over there.
Yeah, but you don't ever have anything good. It's just the same crap everyplace else has.
Well if you're looking for something a generic discount store doesn't carry, I suggest Richter's. They have just about anything you could want.
Oh I won't use them. I don't like the way they mail their plants.
Gasp! My nemesis, Whiny Impossible To Please Who Just Wants To Complain Woman! We meet again!

Life In The Garden Center: The Nemesis 3 by ivytheplant
3-05-05
My nemesis, Whiny Impossible To Please Who Just Wants To Complain Woman
I won't use Richter's. I don't like the way they ship plants.
They have some of the best methods of protecting plants during shipment than any other place. Certainly much better than us.
Well, they don't carry seeds.
They have seeds for every plant they sell. Some plants you can only get as seeds.
But they don't have bulk seeds. This place in Missouri, where I used to live, had bins of seeds you could get by the pound.
I bet if you bothered to ask someone rather than make assumptions, you could probably get whatever the fuck you wanted from Richter's. Whiny bitch.

Life In The Garden Center: The Nemesis 4 by ivytheplant
3-05-05
My nemesis, Whiny Impossible To Please Who Just Wants To Complain Woman
I wish Wal-Mart carried seeds by the pound. You never have what I need.
We cater to individual gardeners. Not farms.
If I had a nursery, I wouldn't shop here because you don't have anything.
I guess it helps that the nurseries are the ones that send us our houseplants, rather than vise versa.
You need more watercress. I had to buy every package because you don't sell seeds by the pound.
Have you noticed that this is Wyoming? Watercress doesn't exactly grow too well here, without an expensive special setup. Dumb bitch.

Life In The Garden Center: The Nemesis 5 by ivytheplant
3-05-05
My nemesis, Whiny Impossible To Please Who Just Wants To Complain Woman
I guess I'll go then since you never have what I need.
It's about damn time. Whiny bitch.
o/^ "You can run away/but you can't escape/all these wicked games..." o/^
A week later...
I wish you carried orangutan skulls. You never have what I need.
Mother#$%&*@!!

3-05-05 1:05pm (new)
quote : comics : pm : info


fuzzyman
Alpha Geek

Member Rated:


Strangely enough, that was my 666th comic.

And it was about Wal-Mart.

And Tobor.

Coincidence?

I think not.

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

3-05-05 5:59pm (new)
quote : comics : pm : info


MikeyG
Shoots the shit and often misses

Member Rated:

Usually I just check the thread or your comics and see what you've been up to, smile, nod my head at the aptitude of the comics and occasionally laugh out loud.

So I, too, hardly feel the need to comment on an institution that is so obviously autonomous, self-perpetuating, and never less than good.

---
The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

3-05-05 11:41pm (new)
quote : comics : pm : info


attitudechicka
is never bored.

Member Rated:

I went down to my favorite department store
Seems like just the other day
I was standin' back in sporting goods
When I heard a voice softly say
"Do you know where I could find a hammer
And a pair of ladies leather gloves?"
And when I spun around and our eyes met
Was when we fell in love.

I met her at Walmart
She thought I was real smart
As I walked her down the isle
She looked at me and smiled
And said "You're a good shopper!"
I met her at Walmart
Now she's my sweetheart
No matter what you're lookin' for
You can find it at the superstore.

Everynight we'd go to the store
That has the everyday low price
We'd walk and talk holding hands
In a shopper's paradise
And then we'd spot the perfect item
At a price they were rollin' back
We'd buy it fast then rush right home
It was an aphrodisiac.

Second Refrain:
We did it at Walmart
She thought I was real smart
As I walked her down the isle
She looked at me and smiled
And said "You're a good shopper!"
We did it at Walmart
Now she's my sweetheart
No matter what you're lookin' for
You can find it at the superstore.
There were lots of smiley faces
With a song on wedding day
And right before the ceremony
We bought our rings at the jewelry display
And as the preacher pronounced us man and wife
And I turned to kiss my bride
A voice rang out "Newly weds, your new tires are on
And your truck's parked right outside!"

Third Refrain:
We got married at Walmart
She thought I was real smart
As I walked her down the isle
She looked at me and smiled
And said "You're a good shopper!"
We got married at Walmart
Now we're forever sweethearts
No matter what you're lookin' for
You can find it at the superstore.

No matter what you're lookin' for you can find it at the superstore! We had our wedding reception over in the garden department. They were rollin' back the prices on bouquets, and we got a great deal on
garter back in Ladies Apparel! And rice was even on sale! We got our pictures made in one hour, and McDonald's catered the event....you know finger foods and all. And gifts, ah man, pots and pans and toasters; heck, we got a case of WD40 and a singin' Billy Bass! We honeymooned in every Walmart parking lot from Texas to California. You know, they got great customer service. I wonder if I can return her if things don't work out? I wouldn't need a receipt. Huh...well that's something to think about. I do know one thing, no matter what you're lookin' for you can find it at the superstore!

---
Mediocrity at its most average.

3-12-05 7:17am (new)
quote : comics : pm : info


not_Scyess
not laughing with you

Member Rated:

4-08-05 9:50pm (new)
quote : comics : pm : info


MikeyG
Shoots the shit and often misses

Member Rated:

I must have clicked through every subsequent link in every subsequent article, and it didn't change the fact that I hope everyone who wokrs for Wal-Mart (ESPECIALLY Ivy) finds a better job and Wal-Marts burn to the ground worldwide.

---
The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

4-08-05 11:52pm (new)
quote : comics : pm : info


not_Scyess
not laughing with you

Member Rated:

I happen to like Wal-Mart. It's the cheapest by far.

---
peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

4-09-05 12:04pm (new)
quote : comics : pm : info

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