Christopher Greg Killion, 31, was arrested in Tulsa, Okla., and charged with "encouraging a minor child to be in need of supervision" after allegedly leaving his young son in the car while Killion was entertained in a strip club. The boy waited in the car, parked in the rain, for 30 minutes before wandering into the club looking for his dad. Why did the boy, estimated to be 3 or 4 years old, wait that long? Police reports say he told the boy that if he got out of the car, "monsters would eat him."

---
obscenity filter is off

BERLIN (Reuters) - A 53-year-old German woman who was driving her dead mother across country to save on mortuary transportation costs was fined by police for disturbing a dead person's peace.
"You're not allowed to transport dead people in your private car," said Ralf Schomisch, police spokesman in Koblenz, where the car was found after a tip-off from a mortuary.

"The corpse was on the back seat without a seat belt, which in this case didn't really matter. But it was covered up with clothing. It is a misdemeanor."

He said the woman, who was not identified, was charged with violating burial laws and disturbing a dead person's peace. She would face a modest fine, Schomisch said.

The woman had already driven 450 km (280 miles) after picking up the body from a mortuary in the northern city of Bremerhaven. She wanted to bury her mother, who died of natural causes aged 90, in her hometown Daun.

---
obscenity filter is off

That's dead funny.

---
What others say about boorite!

HAYWARD, Calif. - A man who spent five hours naked and stuck in the chimney of his stepmother's home was arrested on suspicion of being under the influence of drugs, police said.

Police say Michael Urbano, 23, locked himself out of the house early Saturday morning and decided to get in on a cable TV wire through the chimney.

But the wire broke and Urbano fell, getting stuck about three-quarters of the way down. He was freed when a firefighter pushed him to safety.

"We get him up, and he's naked as a jaybird," said Hayward police Lt. Gary Branson. "He tells us he took his clothes off because there would be less friction going down the chute. We did find his clothes. So that part checked out."

Authorities were called about 6:15 a.m. Saturday. A neighbor heard "faint, distressing" calls since about 2:30 a.m. and decided to call police.

Police say it probably wasn't a comfortable few hours for Urbano.

"He's not fat," Branson said, "but he used to play football. He's not that little."

---
obscenity filter is off

Chimp Update:

FREETOWN (Reuters) - Armed Sierra Leonean police are hunting up to 20 chimpanzees which killed a local taxi driver and injured three American visitors after they broke out of a wildlife sanctuary, officials said on Tuesday.

The Tacugama Chimpanzee Sanctuary in forested hills outside the Sierra Leonean capital Freetown where the incident happened, has been closed since Sunday's attack by the screaming and excited apes, which mobbed and mauled the four men.

"Some people had turned up at the gate before normal opening time, and before staff could react, they realized somebody was being attacked," the sanctuary's director, Bala Amarasekaran told Reuters.

The animals killed local taxi driver Issa Kanu and bit and mauled three U.S. employees of a construction company helping to build the new U.S. embassy in Freetown.

The three Americans, Gary Morris, Paul Gregory and Donald Ford, were flown to the United States on Monday to receive medical treatment for their injuries.

Amarasekaran said the attack was the first incident of its kind since the sanctuary was set up in 1995 to give shelter to orphaned and abandoned chimpanzees. It is billed as one of Sierra Leone's leading eco-tourism attractions.

Amarasekaran said sanctuary staff and armed police were still trying to round up about 20 of the runaway chimps, including two adult males called "Bruno" and "Philip."

He believes the males may have led the attack on the visitors after more than 30 of the apes managed to break out of their enclosure in the sanctuary.

"We humanize them but we're referring to wild animals here. Some chimps are highly territorial and can attack and kill. They may have seen these people as intruders," he said.

"Maybe the visitors panicked and threw sticks and stones. Chimps mob people. If you try and defend yourself you can get hurt," he added. He advised any humans attacked by chimpanzees to "be submissive, lie on the ground."

Local villagers were keeping their children at home. "We're not letting our children walk on the forest road because these chimpanzees could get hold of them and kill them," Regent Town village elder, Jonathan Harding, told Reuters.

The Tacugama Chimpanzee Sanctuary had nearly 70 apes living in a semi-wild environment in which they had access to fenced enclosures of rainforest as well as large cages where they spent the night.

Amarasekaran said he hoped to reopen the reserve for public visits when security precautions had been tightened.

"Accidents can happen, you can't guarantee that they won't where wild animals are involved," he said.

"You can go into the Maasai Mara (Kenya's most famous game reserve) and be killed by a leopard," he added.

---
obscenity filter is off

That's one monkey of a situation!

Baggage Handlers Have /slight Mishap

MEXICO CITY -- A Varig airlines cargo plane from Brazil sits parked at the Mexico City airport with its nose up in the air after the cargo was unevenly distributed. Brazil's troubled flagship airline, Varig, is reeling under an estimated US$3.3 billion (euro2.7 billion) in debt and is currently in the restructuring phase of bankruptcy proceedings and, last April 12, some 300 Varig employees boarded a chartered jet to Brasilia, the nation's capital, to call on the federal government to bail out the company, which employs 11,000 people. (04/17/06 AP photo)

People who play a computer game about wizards killing each other were outraged when their "virtual funeral" for a fellow player was attacked by a gang of enemy characters.

The game, World of Warcraft, is played by more than 6 million people around the world. And much like the real world, players from one side are required to be the enemy of players on the other side -- it's part of the game's cruel and pointless design. (Gamers are connected to the massive virtual world through the Internet.)

For reasons yet to be explained, a group of players decided to hold a "funeral service" for another player who reportedly died in real life on February 28 ... and they decided to hold it in an open-combat area.

They announced it on a World of Warcraft message board.

A gang of rival players known as "Serenity Now" thought that was a fine way to slaughter a whole lot of enemies with minimal effort.

In a hilarious video that even makes sense to those who have never entered this "Lord of the Rings"-style world of wizards and elves and dragons, the Serenity Now gang raids the solemn lakeside funeral and slaughters dozens and dozens of dimwitted mourners.

But first, an "advance man" goes to the memorial service to check things out. When his marauding horde is just about to reach the funeral, he brutally kills the character representing the girl who reportedly died in real life.

Then the gang makes quick work of all the mourners. Finally, the advance man returns to the virtual corpse of the supposed real-world dead girl. He genuflects and says she liked fishing and snow and playing the combat style of World of Warcraft.

The raid has led to much hand-wringing about player ethics, with many people apparently shocked that a game about wizards killing each other would be used for exactly that purpose.

The funeral raid happened on March 4, and just three days later the brutal video appeared on Google, apparently as a "recruitment video" for the Serenity Now gang.

Even those who found the raid distasteful say it was idiotic for the "funeral' to be held in an open combat zone.

It's not the first time World of Warcraft gamers have taken their hobby a little too seriously. There was outrage last month when a transsexual (in real life) started a club for homosexual players that advertised itself as friendly to such persuasions.

The game company said no, and the whole stupid mess led to 1,000 World of Warcraft employees going to "sensitivity training."

The company recently banned more than 5,000 players and suspended another 10,000 accounts for various virtual crimes.
Goggle Video

---
obscenity filter is off

[B]Kidnappers Realize They Have No Idea What Child Is Worth[/B]
April 26, 2006 |
SAN YSIDRO, CA—The weekend kidnapping of 5-year-old Brendan Adler stalled Tuesday when the two men responsible for his abduction announced that they have no way to gauge the current market value of the boy.

[IMG]http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Kidnappers-Child-C2.article.jpg[/IMG]

Adler last month.
"We've run through a lot of figures, but the truth is we have no idea," said Troy Alan Curtis, the crime's primary planner. "We've been talking about anything from $1,000,000 to $10,000. It's all over the map."

The inability of Curtis and partner Steve Rodriguez to arrive at a realistic ransom figure has stymied the otherwise smooth kidnapping, which began Saturday morning when the pair snatched Adler from a local park and drove him to their abandoned-warehouse hideout. Yet four days later, the kidnappers say they are no closer to an accurate estimate of how much a boy in Adler's age and condition can fetch in the often confusing, constantly changing abductee marketplace.

Curtis also worried that the lost time has cost the kidnappers critical leverage in demanding a ransom "worth the effort."

"The price window is closing," Curtis said. "Steve thinks it could be good to keep the family waiting, but for all we know, they might think the kid is dead already."

He added: "It's the not knowing that's hardest for us."

"We probably should've given them a ballpark figure and just bargained from there," Curtis said. "Look at where we are now."

Shortly after bringing Adler to their safehouse, the two realized that though they had elaborate plans for collecting the ransom—including a fake public mailbox and two decoy briefcases—they had not determined a specific price.

In "a moment of panic," they briefly considered sending the family a "Reply-To" note, asking them how much they would be willing to pay. But the two ultimately decided that, no matter how carefully they phrased the question, the risk that the family would lowball them was too great.

Both men admitted that they never discussed a value before the kidnapping, assuming that the price was "a foregone conclusion."

"When it came to the amount of money we wanted, I guess we both thought, 'a lot,'" said Rodriguez, whose deep telephone voice made him the natural choice to be the liaison with the family. "Not knowing anything about him, I would say the kid is worth 50 or 60 grand. After casing his family's swanky home, though, that almost feels like it'd be a steal for them. I'd hate to find out later in the papers that they would've paid up to half a million."

"On the other hand, we wind up looking like we didn't do our homework if we go high and it turns out the family doesn't have that kind of money," Rodriguez said. "It's a real balancing act."

The two first-time kidnappers said they were "frustrated with the whole process," and would possibly have been able to come up with a more straightforward amount if they had abducted the Adler family's 3-year-old daughter, Amity.

[IMG]http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Kidnappers-Realize-C.article.jpg[/IMG]

Rodriguez and Curtis outside their hideout just after a trip to the store to buy Gummi Bears for Adler.
Said Rodriguez: "You wonder, is a girl worth more than a boy? Is younger better? But it's pointless to second-guess the decision we made."

"If we had thought to scuff him up a bit and send pictures, I bet we would have been able to name our price," Curtis said. "But some say roughing them up lowers the value. See, I just don't know."

At one point, according to the kidnappers, they removed the boy's gag and blindfold to ask him what he thought his parents would pay to get him back alive.

"That was no help at all," Curtis said. "He cried for a long time, and it took a while just to get him to speak coherently." After giving Adler some crackers and letting him watch TV, they posed the question again, and the boy estimated his own worth at "$100 million bazillion."

Curtis blamed the lack of any reliable source to consult for their failure to make an informed estimate. "There's no kidnappers' price guide, the Internet is filled with bad information, and Blockbuster is missing their copy of the Mel Gibson movie Ransom," Curtis said. "We feel a little bit like we're on our own here."

After spending more than $700 on gas, food, rope, folding chairs, and other supplies, the duo decided to factor those costs into a final figure and "work from there."

"Things like juice boxes add up pretty quickly," Curtis said. "Then there's the possible long-term upkeep to consider, which is a scenario we do not want to get into. In short, we're stuck."

Despite the complications, Curtis and Rodriguez are still hoping to come up with a workable number before too long and hope they do not have to resort to slaying the child.

"At this point, we're just looking to recoup our losses and get compensated for our time and energy," Rodriguez said. "We've put a lot into this. Killing the kid would feel like throwing that all away."

That has to be fake. Please tell me that's fake. I will have to go on a killing rampage if people that stupid really exist.

---
It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

u must be dumb hcroyal yes it is fake

---
whats up i am sebra 139

quote:

---

People who play a computer game about wizards killing each other were outraged when their "virtual funeral" for a fellow player was attacked by a gang of enemy characters.

---

Dateline: China— The government has banned its citizens from burning paper models of condoms, luxury houses, karaoke hostesses and other “vulgar” items when paying respects at the graves of their ancestors. Many Chinese people traditionally burn paper money and other items as a sacrificial rite to honor deceased relatives, but recent economic development has brought with it a rise in more capitalistic offerings to the afterlife. Anxious to curtail such modern twists on ancient superstitions, authorities in China have drafted new funeral and interment regulations that include fining citizens who burn “vulgar” offerings, the Beijing News reported last week. “The burning of luxury villas, sedan cars, mistresses and other messy sacrificial items ... will be investigated and punished,” the paper quoted Dou Yupei, deputy secretary of the Ministry of Civil Affairs, as saying. In the last two years, officials have discovered people burning paper versions of the male virility drug Viagra, extramarital mistresses and even “Supergirls”--dolls modeled after winning contestants of Chinese television’s hugely popular “American Idol” clone, “Mongolian Cow Sour Milk Supergirl.” “The tomb-sweepers’ feelings are understandable,” said Dou. “But burning these messy things--not only is it mired in feudal superstition, but it just appears low and vulgar.”

---
obscenity filter is off

Dateline: Croatia— A man found the skeleton of a Nazi soldier while sifting through a bag of soil for his new garden. Bruno Marincic bought the soil from construction workers who had helped build a nearby highway. Marincic, from Rupe, was spreading it on his garden when he spotted the remains. Local historians said metal identification tags found with the remains showed the soldier was a member of the Nazi army’s 188 th division, which fought in the area under the command of General Ludwig Kibler. Local authorities have contacted the German Embassy in Zagreb about the find.

---
obscenity filter is off

Dateline: Hungary— Construction workers who drank their way to the bottom of a huge barrel of rum while renovating a house got a nasty surprise when a pickled corpse tumbled out of the empty barrel, a police magazine website reported. According to online magazine www.zsaru.hu, builders in Szeged in the south of Hungary tried to move the barrel after they had drained it, but found it was surprisingly heavy. Dumping out the remaining contents revealed the long-dead body of a naked man. The website said the body had been shipped in the rum barrel from Jamaica 20 years ago by the dead man’s wife in order to avoid the cost and paperwork of an official return. The wife had since passed away. According to the website, workers said the rum in the 300-liter barrel had a “special taste,” so they even decanted a few bottles of the liquor to take home.

---
obscenity filter is off

i loathe paris hilton

LOS ANGELES - Paris Hilton unveiled her new video game on Thursday, but inexplicably called it by the wrong name as she greeted throngs of fans and photographers.

Wearing a green minidress and red platform pumps, Hilton made a brief appearance at the Electronic Entertainment Expo to promote "Paris Hilton's Jewel Jam."

"Sorry I'm late," the heiress said. "I'm really excited to have my new video game, 'Diamondquest.' Thank you all for coming, and you can download the game," she said.

After Hilton arrived, men in business suits jockeyed for space with reporters and computer geeks as she sat at a table posing for photographers while signing autographs.

Her game, which can be played on a cell phone, will be available this summer. Video game maker Gameloft will produce a series of video games with Hilton.

The expo at the Los Angeles Convention Center showcases the latest innovations in the video game industry.

---
obscenity filter is off

1. Now I know what to expect in the 7th circle of Hell.

2. Just when you thought the world couldn't get any lamer.

3. Where's she jamming those jewels and when can we expect the video to be leaked on the internet?

quote:

---

i loathe paris hilton

---

This isn't that weird, but it makes me wonder why cancer is being turned into a fashion trend.

http://msn.foxsports.com/mlb/story/5594322?GT1=8192

this really isn't weird i guess, but very fucking lame just the same.
i've noticed kids comin into the club lately wearing nintendo controllers for belts. i was hoping this was just a local fad, but then i realized cleveland hasn't come up with anything on its own for so long, that they must be copying it from someone else.

i might have to start strangling them to discourage this idiotic trend.

---
Kill Whitey.

AMSTERDAM, Netherlands - Bears killed and ate a monkey in a Dutch zoo in front of horrified visitors, witnesses and the zoo said Monday. In the incident Sunday at the Beekse Bergen Safari Park, several Sloth bears chased the Barbary macaque into an electric fence, where it was stunned.

It recovered and fled onto a wooden structure, where one bear pursued and mauled it to death.

The park confirmed the killing in a statement, saying: "In an area where Sloth bears, great apes and Barbary macaques have coexisted peacefully for a long time, the harmony was temporarily disturbed during opening hours on Sunday."

"Of course the habitats here in the safari park are arranged in such a way that one animal almost never kills another, but they are and remain wild animals," it said.

Witness Marco Berelds posted a detailed report on the incident, including photos, on a Dutch Web site. He said one Sloth bear tried unsuccessfully to shake the monkey loose after it took refuge on the structure, built of crossing horizontal and vertical poles.

Ignoring attempts by keepers to distract it, the bear climbed onto a horizontal pole, and, standing stretched on two legs, "used its sharp canines to pull the macaque, which was shrieking and resisting, from its perch."

The bear then brought the animal to a concrete den, where three bears ate it.

The zoo said it "usually wasn't possible" for keepers to intervene when an animal killed another.

The park plans now to move the Barbary macaques — which are large monkeys but often inaccurately called "Barbary Apes" — to another part of the park, it said.

---
obscenity filter is off

VILNIUS, Lithuania - Lithuanian police were so astonished when they pulled over a truck driver and his breathalyzer test registered 18 times the legal alcohol limit, they thought their testing device must be broken. It wasn't.
Police said Tuesday 41-year-old Vidmantas Sungaila registered 7.27 grams per liter of alcohol in his blood repeatedly on different devices when he was pulled over for driving his truck down the center of a two-lane highway 60 miles from the capital, Vilnius on Saturday.

Lithuania's legal limit is 0.4 grams per liter.

"This guy should have been lying dead, but he was still driving. It must be an unofficial national record," Saulius Skvernelis, the director of the national police traffic control service, told the AP. "He was of high spirits and grinning the whole time he was questioned."

Medical experts say anything above 3.5 grams per liter of alcohol in the blood is lethal for most people.

"A person this intoxicated should be in an intensive care unit, not behind the wheel," said Tautvydas Zikaras, head of the dependence illness center in the country's second-largest city, Kaunas. Zikaras said he had never heard or read of someone being so drunk.

Sungaila, who was slapped with a 3,000 litas ($1,110) fine and the loss of his license for up to three years, told police he had been drinking the night before and tried to freshen up by downing a pint of beer for breakfast.

Lithuania has one of the worst road safety records in the European Union. Last year, 760 people died in traffic accidents in this country of 3.5 million residents. Most were alcohol-related

---
obscenity filter is off

What a man!

This isn't so much weird as a WTF?!! story.

A young Virginia couple was arrested by Baltimore police when they asked for directions to the interstate.

---
It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

Dateline: Scotland— Volunteers cleaning up the peak of Britain’s highest mountain were puzzled last week to come across a full-sized piano, abandoned near the 4,418-foot summit. The piano was recovered last weekend by 15 volunteers from the John Muir Trust, a conservation charity that owns the Scottish peak known as Ben Nevis. “It’s a 4,000-foot mountain. It’s very steep. It’s rough ground. ... To get a piano up there is pretty good going,” Nigel Hawkins, director of the John Muir Trust told AFP . He said it appeared to be an upright piano, with its cast-iron frame and strings intact. Unfortunately for music lovers, the keyboard was missing. The charity has put out a public appeal to find out how the piano went up the mountain and why. The only clue as to the instrument’s origin was an empty cookie wrapper found underneath it with a “best-before” date of December 1986. Some 120,000 people climb Ben Nevis every year.

---
obscenity filter is off